I have been silent. Hours of time spent by myself in silence.
What used to be something I filled with too many things now is actually a comfort to me. I have been learning to let go and to wait in ways I have never before had opportunity.
There is loss and longing that I face. I don’t deny.
It’s our first Christmas out of our home of 15 years. Our college son flew in from his out of state U and then in a whirlwind hour and a half was out the door driving to our former town. To see friends. To work the holidays where his summer job offered time. Beautiful to have work. And friends to welcome him in.
He is facing the changes in his own way. It’s not his home anymore. Our home where the Hubster and I live will always have a place for our children to stay when they come, but the childhood home? That’s gone.
He sent me this picture yesterdayHis kitty, who lives with our neighbors now. If you look closely you can see his hand in the reflection. She was inside. He couldn’t hold her. She would lie in his arms like a baby. I ache.
I have been reading a lot in this season. Wonderful books. Encouraging. Deepening. Challenging books. A Million Little Ways by Emily P Freeman in which she helps us see. A Confident Heart by Renee Swope in which she helps us look at ourselves through the lens of Truth. Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey (more on that later!). I have also been reading an Advent devotional called Emmanuel published by She Reads Truth.
I am reminded that this is not my home, that I am a sojourner here, not just here but HERE. I am living between the 1st and 2nd. Jesus’ Birth the first Advent of Jesus. The looking forward to His 2nd return as King. How am I doing?
All of these writings have given me encouragement, comfort and a sense of being understood. I am the poeima of God, made to live the art that is my life. I no longer need live in the shadows of the past. I am gifted to serve the community in unique ways.
This too early out of bed morning I began Jeff Goins latest book The In-Between: Embracing the Tension Between Now and the Next Big Thing. And right there in the introduction was a gem for this day: “The challenge is what we do with these times, how we use–or waste–our waiting. The slower times contain a wealth of wisdom for us to tap into, but only when we recognize them.”
How am I doing? I am learning. To believe what is true. To be honest when it hurts. To be open to possibilities. To give grace to those around me who are also living life in the open. In between the now and not yet.
There is JOY in this place. So many people and circumstances for which to be thankful. Change is hard but change is good. Only God is constant.