What is it about Mother’s Day that was always so painful?
My mother didn’t “get” me.
I wasn’t easy.
I talked a lot.
And then was broken.
Through my brokenness I needed.
She had nothing to give.
Her own brokenness had been pushed away and put away, never to be fully faced but always to be lived out of; embittered, angry, and impatient with anyone who asked of her more than what she was willing to offer.
That was me.
Empty, needy and hurting I wanted her…
comfort, understanding, time, presence.
A skinned knee—“Bactine and Band Aids are in the cupboard”
A hurt and misunderstood heart—“Life’s not fair, get over it.”
A listening ear—“I don’t have time to listen to your whining!”
What a child sees and hears may not be all of the reality that is being lived out. Children lack the skills to see beyond the responses; but the words bore deep into the forming soul.
As I seek deep healing from the One who gave it all, I look back and see her differently:
A wounded heart that had not sought the Master’s touch to heal
A broken girl trying to achieve acceptance in the world
A neglected woman working to earn favor in the workplace
A mother of two broken children: frustrated, without resources, believing lies
As I come to this Mother’s Day, I come with renewed perspective.
I give thanks for the dark graces of my childhood
To see them as scars, no longer wounds.
To rejoice in the fellowship of His sufferings, knowing full well that all I walked through He walked with me, although unknown to me at the time.
He touches the places of the deep bore-holes and peace enters in.
I am loved as I am.
I am seen for Whose I am.
I am accepted because He was forsaken.
Because I am learning to see my life through the redeeming work of the Cross, I am able to say what is and truly forgive. How can I not when I have been forgiven all?
She is gone 6 years now. I wish I knew then what I know now. I would take a do-over pass if offered.
I would love to show her grace. I would love to say I’m sorry for all her pain and sorrow. But I can’t.
Don’t let the past dictate your present. Let it go. Forgive.
Receive the gift, the grace given