I’ve been spending a lot of time lately pondering this idea of transformation. I had the privilege of sharing with a Biola student ministry team at their retreat this past weekend and this was the retreat focus. If you read my post yesterday then you know the very real struggle that is going on in me right now. In this real life, how does transformation look? How does it really happen?
Real issues like job loss and all the unknowns, or having your words and actions misunderstood, or hearing the whisperings of past failures and poor choices battling for mental attention are all examples of the proving ground for transformation.
You see, I’m finally learning that it’s a process. Change of any kind does not happen with one decision. Change is a process. Change is hard, but change is good. For the longest time I thought that if I decided to change, made effort to change then any normal person would be able to “just do it” like the Nike tag line says. The fact that rarely has that worked for me has been an internal battleground of shame and blame: “what’s wrong with you Lisa?” “Why can’t you just do _______?”
Anyone else have this internal battle? Well it’s a narrative I have told myself for years. I’m finally seeing the fruit of the seeds of transformation. I now stand up to this false narrative and say NO! I have learned a new narrative, the true narrative, in light of the Kingdom of God. He loves me as I am, fearful, messy and broken and the God of All simply wants me to run to Him with my skinned knees, bruised heart and hurt feelings and crawl up in His lap to let Him comfort me.
Recognizing the simplicity of just being in His Presence, taking my 24/7 time, pushing the pause button and being with Him, acknowledging Him during the day in the middle of crazy thoughts, is a process of transformation too. Even writing this has been like a sigh; an exhale of tension that is replaced with a slower more peaceful breath.
What have you learned in your transformation process? Please share with us. We need true community that is willing to be authentic. Not sure what I’m talking about? Let me know that too! It’s all a process!
Lisa,
I can so relate to this idea of transformation. After having two daughters get married 6 months apart last year, a third daughter starting her senior year and then welcoming two new son-in-laws and now a new grandson has been at times overwhelming…not to mention leaving my job so I could try to balance my life more.(I’m subbing). Our church has also been going through huge changes where many have experienced hurt, fatigue, and just plain spiritual burn out. Satan is alive and well and seeking to destroy us. I am encouraged by your imagery of sitting in Jesus lap and just letting him carry the burdens and comfort me.
I don’t know what God has planned in this next part of my life, but I know he loves me more than I could ever possibly know or understand. Life is a journey. I’m so glad I have family and friends to share it with and a God who seeks me out every day and knows my name! Amen!