Learning Along The Way

Learning to Let Go

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If you’ve been stopping by for any length of time you know I have the habit of facing hard things. I don’t do that because I am masochistic. I truly believe that God calls each of us to change. I also know how much easier it is to simply live life on auto pilot without really engaging in the process of change.

As a Christ follower you can call change by several names: becoming more Christ-like. Sanctification. Transformation. Dying to self. Learning to Let Go. John the Baptist said it this way: “I must decrease that He might increase.”

I started this post in May. I am finishing it in August. I have experienced the lessons of letting go quite a lot in these 3 months. Our youngest graduated from high school and then took a 3.5 week tour through Europe with a friend; we rented out our home of 15 years; we have moved 3 times so far since June; we deposited our son in his dorm 3000 miles from home; we will be leaving our church community of 18 years and moving again 2 times before the end of September. I mention all this so you know I have some ‘cred’ when I tell you what I’ve learned in the process.

You can take Jesus at His Word. When He said ” I am with you always” He means always.

He showed Himself trustworthy years ago when I didn’t know what trust was supposed to look like. He showed Himself faithful to me when I ignored Him. Jesus has lovingly restored me after my denials just as He did with Peter.

He walked with me through the heartache of letting go: of loved ones when they passed from this life; of the home where we raised our sons; of the sons as they moved on to their next season of life with us as cheerleaders from a long distance; of familiar places, sights, sounds and smells; of my daily routine, just to name a few. So thankful Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever.

The most amazing thing happens when I open my clenched fingers to let something or someone go: Jesus is there to take my hand in His. While my fingers have been squeezed tight around a relationship or a thing or my way I haven’t been fully able to cling to Him. The stuff has gotten in the way of a closer walk with Jesus.

Now I want you to know that just because He has asked me to let go in so many ways does not mean that is how He will work in your life. I do know God wants our whole hearted devotion and if there is something or someone that has a higher priority in your time and attention than God does, He may ask you to let go so you can receive a greater thing: a closer, deeper relationship with Him.

He is my constant. He asked me to let go of things that I held dear in little ways as I’ve walked with Him. Serving others instead of myself; giving away items that I treasure; keeping my mouth shut when I want to say ‘I know better’; I learned to let go first of little things before He called me to these big things this year. Because I have gotten to know Jesus well and because He has been Who He says He is, it is easier to let go. Jesus wants to be your constant too. He loves you so much. Will you let go and let Him in?

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Of Change & Learning

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A great question and ponderous statement were posed to me the other day, one through a book and the other a tweet. Both are thoughts that have run through my head recently but now spoken, I see the opportunity to share reflections for others’ benefit.

 

The ponderous statement comes from the book “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God” by Lysa TerKeurst. At the end of chapter 3 she encourages the reader to respond to this statement: “Soon, saying yes to God will no longer be a discipline of your heart but rather the delight of your life.”

 

The great tweet question was sent out by Trisha Goyer asking: “How have you seen God’s renewing work in your life, and in your family, in the last year?”

 

My response to both Lysa and Trisha comes in the discipline of writing, not just thinking. Jeff Goins encourages in The Writers Manifesto: “It’s time to begin”.

 

Some events are milestones and some seem ordinary. Milestones are like the peaks of mountains; visible from great distance. Ordinary events, well, they’re ordinary. As crazy as our culture is we discard the ordinary and seek after mountaintop experiences.

 

I could list the mountaintop, milestone events of this past year for our family: two graduations, a wedding, job changes, moves, starting college. A full year in anyone’s life. Yet it’s not the milestones that have renewed me. I have learned to delight in the ordinary because that is where I live and meet with God.

 

My website and coaching business name express my view of life: learning along the Way. The ordinary events of life, moments really, are the stuff of holy wonder. A hummingbird hovering above nectar-filled flowers; a heart shaped rock on a sandy shore. The laughter of sons now grown. The sweet memory of little boy giggles (why can’t I see the keyboard right now?)

 

God is in both the milestone and ordinary events showing Himself in a variety of ways. I have learned acknowledging His Presence makes all circumstances extra-ordinary. In the day to day of laundry, grocery shopping, meal prep, yard work, working outside the home, family and friend relationships, and whatever else is in a day, hitting the pause button to say Thank You has been the take away of this year.

 

In fact, I will be so bold to say taking time to give thanks to God is His will for those who name His name.

 

There are many wonderful authors who are writing boldly, pointing to The Way, but one in particular has been used by God to transform and renew my mind this year, Ann Voskamp.  Her chronicles at aholyexperience.com consistently bring me to practical awareness of the hushed life with God moments that are every where. If you aren’t reading her writing you are missing out.

 

This year of saying Yes to God and His transforming work has brought big change in me and in our family: our moving out of our home and into destinations unknown to us has been a huge area of trusting Him moment by moment. I couldn’t have done any of this without the strong, solid foundation of knowing God through His Word and the testimonies of His children. That foundation has been built over decades of learning new choices and ways of being along the Way.

 

God is faithful. He is at work both in the world and in me to bring about His purposes. Do you know Him? Do you partner with the Creator for others’ good and His glory? If you do, please share what He’s up to in your part of the world. If you’re not sure about your answers, email me and let’s converse!

Spooner's Cove

Of Journals and Journeys

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This is the cover of my latest journal.  True confession: I am a journal junkie.  I love the varieties of textures, covers, and styles of spines; the lined, unlined, or graphed papers.  I like them small enough to travel well or book size for the year’s life progress.  I use journals to record thoughts and gather quotes; to write out my prayers and reflections on what God is showing me in His Word.  I have a journal to count gifts and a journal to keep work notes.  I have been journaling since I was a teen, but there’s not a diary format among the ones I have saved.  They chronicle the testament of the faithfulness of a good God who loves well and has been working through the circumstances of my life for my good and His glory.  My journals are one of the ways I measure change.

I recently took my dozen saved journals down from the shelf and packed them away in preparation for this part of life’s journey we’re on. It was good to see those covers again, knowing the season of life each one represents, and knowing the season is in the process of changing yet again.

This new journal has a specific purpose.  It’s my journal of reflections for an online Bible study I have joined.  I’ve never done this.  22,000 women have signed up to Say Yes to God through Proverbs 31 ministries.  I am privileged to be taking part in the study; to be reading this book at this time.  The cover of my journal is perfectly suited. Listen to this quote from the book What Happens When Women Say Yes to God:

“Outside our comfort zone is where we experience the true awesomeness of God.”

I can testify to the truth of that statement.

When I have my hands open and palms up, not clenched around the thing or attitude or “the way we have always done this” or (fill in the blank), then I’m able to receive what God has in mind.

Our comfort zone keeps us insulated from experiencing the awesomeness of God.

We had a stirring that God wanted us to make some changes in our life as this season of full time parenting came to a close.  We listened to the prayer requests of some young professional women and realized God wanted us to be part of His answer for them.  How awesome is that?  To be used by God in the lives of others?

We rented our home of 15 years before we had a place to move.  We trusted God with the next step.  He provided in the form of a temporary landing spot while a family traveled around the country this summer. 

We prayed for a new career move for my dear hubs. He applied; we waited. He interviewed; we waited.  My go to statement for this season has been: “What is unknown to us is not unknown to God.” We have been an anomaly to our friends; why we would pull up roots without a place to go or a plan or a clue has been beyond them.  It’s been beyond me too at times!  Which is why I’m calling this our Abraham Summer.

God called Abram from Haran (in modern day Turkey) to “Go forth from your country, And from your relatives And from your father’s house, To the land which I will show you;” and Abram went.  Out into the desert, on foot or on camel.  Over 400 miles.  We don’t see him asking questions.  He packed up his belongings and headed out to the land I will show you.  That’s faith. And that’s trust.  We don’t have much record of the development of Abram’s faith in God to that point; we know later that Abraham’s faith was reckoned as righteousness.

Trusting God as I move outside my comfort zone has been very challenging and yet very stabilizing in the midst of a lot of work and chaos that comes with sorting and cleaning and shedding stuff.  Those who walk with me have seen and shared my tears.  It is scary stepping out into unknown territory, leaving what is familiar to accept the Whatever of the future.

Lysa TerKeurst says the whole of Scriptural commands can be summed up in six words: Whatever God says do, do it.

Radical obedience.  That was what Abram, who God later called Abraham, did.  Why should we be any different?

The family of our temporary digs will be home in 4 days.  We will be off on the next part of the journey by then. 

Stay tuned.  There are more reflections from the road that will be forthcoming.

What has God called you to do that you’re hesitant to do?  What is one step of obedience you can take today?

How Do You Measure Change?

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A week ago I was in a different state. Not state of mind, although that is true too, but state in this country. All the way across the country from where I live. A day of flights, layovers and missed shuttle later and I was in a hotel with over 700 women gathering for what turned out to be an amazing 3 day conference:  She Speaks.  There were fabulous speakers, Lysa TerKeurst, Michael Hyatt, Holley Gerth, to give you an idea, and so much learning that I am still processing it all a week later!

Which brings me to the question, How do you measure change?  How do you recognize when something is different when it seems change happens subtly?

The change you’re experiencing may come in seconds like a set of waves at the edge of the ocean.

You may be caught off guard, the change comes and you get wet since you weren’t paying attention.

Or change may happen so slowly that you’re not sure what’s different, you just know something is.

Keep an eye on the shape of this creek…

There is a difference of a week between these two shots. Intense power redirected the path of this creek that leads into the vastness of the ocean. In.one.week.

The week before the creek was winding its way to its goal. Now it is a straighter path.

A week ago I was eager. Now I am reflective. I am full of learning and now slowly processing the impact of change.

How do you measure change? How do you know it’s happened?

Hezekiah on his sick bed cried out to God for more time on this earth; God heard and answered through the prophet Isaiah that Hezekiah would have 15 more years of life.  How was that change measured?  The shadow of the sun went back up the stairs 10 steps. (read the story here)

The change was measurable.  It was recorded for us to read.

How are your changes measured? Through your memory only? Or do you record change for reflection, for your family, for the future generations to look back on?

How are you capturing the changes in your life?

New Life from…Pond Scum?

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Ever had one of those days when you long to be involved in something more, something grand, and instead your day is filled with laundry, or diapers, or emails? I have come to the realization that the something more is at hand, always.

“It has always seemed to me. ever since early childhood, amid all the commonplaces of life, I was very near to a kingdom of ideal beauty. Between it and me hung only a thin veil. I could never draw it quite aside, but sometimes a wind fluttered it and I caught a glimpse of the enchanting realms beyond-only a glimpse-but those glimpses have always made life worthwhile.”(Anne of Green Gables, L.M. Montgomery)

This quote from one of my all time favorite book series says it perfectly.  This morning was one of those glimpses for me. This may not look like much of a glimpse of ideal beauty; it’s pond scum!  But look closely and you may just be able to see the joy that I glimpsed…Those tiny green dots are evidence of hope.  It’s not gross.  With the proper perspective one may see…New life from the pond scum.

Some days I feel like pond scum.  I have been irritable, impatient, demanding my own way and generally no fun to be with.  Slimy and gross. And yet, the One who has redeemed my soul from the pit chooses to work through my scum to bring new life.  And while He does so He abundantly blesses beyond all we can think or imagine. In fact, if you look closely at the photo on the lower left side there are two, yes TWO, heart shaped rocks just sitting there for us to see.  Love gifts just laying around for those who have eyes to see.  For us to glimpse the enchanting realms beyond.

God loves us, people!  He gave up everything to come here, become like us and then pay for our souls with His own life.  How great the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure…

I gladly offer my pond scummy self up to Him to bring forth new life for His glory and others good.

How about you?

So Much Life Happens

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Some seasons of life feel like they drag on.  Remember how long summer vacation was when you were a kid?  It’s still the same length of time between school ending and starting again but as an adult it flies by now.

Perhaps you’re looking forward to a big event like your wedding.  The waiting can seem endless.

As a Mom living in the diaper stage, potty training can’t come soon enough!  Or some of you are anxiously awaiting your kids start of school so you can have time to yourself again.

Just know that it all flies by and then…memories.

SO much Life happens in relatively short periods of time that you can forget to slow down and reflect.  Appreciate.  Rejoice.

I am so thankful for photographs that capture moments and stimulate memories.  I slowed down this morning to look back at the happenings in the lives of our family in this past year.

College graduation.

2 1/2 months later, a wedding.

Senior Portrait for the final year of high school.

Blink!

The Senior year has come to an end and his Tennis coach is thanking him for a great 3 years as his team manager.

Where did that time go?

Then that celebration day came.too.quickly.

And then off on the adventure of this 18 year life time…Europe for 3 1/2 weeks.

Envy is a sin.  I need forgiveness.

What I need daily is what you need.  Time to reflect. To take stock. To say Thank You.I come here twice a week for just those things. Solitude. Listening. Reflection.

The result for me is Peace.

I am grateful for the life that happened this past year.  Joy and sadness blended together. Real life. Fast and fleeting.

I am grateful for photos that remind me. Friends that walked with me. Family that supports me.

And most of all my Lord Who loves me perfectly.

Whirlwind of Self-imposed Change

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I’ve been promising to tell you what is happening in the lives of our family but each time I start to write something else changes!  Words have been hard to bring out of me; lots are floating around inside like a baby in utero tumbling and growing, waiting to be born.

The theme: Change

Here are some images and accompanying thoughts…

All this is in storage.

Not getting exercise going up and down these 15 times a day.

This is not my view daily.

I don’t sit outside, looking at and listening to this either.

 

 

And this sweet guy needs a new forever home.

 

We’re on an adventure of stepping out of our comfort zone and into what is unknown to us but totally known to God.  He knows the plans He has for us, He declares, plans for welfare and not calamity to give us a future and a hope!  This is big time Trust with a capital T.

More to come I promise!  And not in a month from now either…

In the meantime, if you think of me, us, please thank God for His guiding and directing!

Breaking the Silence

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I want to begin with an apology.  I’m sorry I haven’t written.  I’m sure you’ve wondered what’s been going on and why you haven’t heard from me.  Well, like most lives, mine got full and something had to be set – aside for a time.  I unfortunately chose my writing.  But there has been so much going on to write about that I have to get started again!

A significant season has come to an end in my life.  It wasn’t sudden; I saw the signs of the change coming.  But it has ended. I exhale and realize that all I focused my life on for 25 years has shifted.  The season of parenting has come to an end. *sniff*

No one has died; but my two chicks have grown to adults and have flown from the nest. And that is how it should be.  But there is a temptation to sadness in looking back over their childhood and youthful years and remembering all the hurts or left undones.  I don’t know about you but I must choose to see all the goods and well dones too.  My tendencies are toward the not enough rather than good enough. 

But as I look at the men I have had the distinct privilege of raising the only thing I do see is the goodness of God.  He loves well.  He has grown these little boys into strong, capable, compassionate men in spite of my meddling in His work.  I am left with the knowledge that God built them to be who they are; my dear husband and I were the stewards, the caretakers of them for a time.  Now we have given them back.  We still have opportunity to influence through prayer and the giving of occasional sought out advice but they are done being parented.

So now what do I do with myself?

Ideas?  I have some but I’d love to hear yours!

On this Memorial Day

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We stop today to thank those who have served our country, served each of us, and have paid with the ultimate price: their life.

Our freedom has never been free.  It comes at a high cost.

Whether we think about the sacrifices on a national, history – wide level or more personally, on an individual life level, there have been many lives suddenly cut short because of war.

I never think of Memorial Day only at a National level.

This is a real family photo: my mother and her brother at Christmas 1956. He was a senior at USMA at West Point; she a newlywed of three months.  All of life ahead with many joys yet to be experienced.  And sorrows.

Life is like that here. Joys and sorrows mingle; peace is fragile and fleeting.

Vietnam.

Our lives were changed because of that war.

Lives are changed by war.

Memorial Day is intended for us to pause, reflect upon and acknowledge the very real sacrifices that have been made for our benefit.

I was 10 when my uncle was killed in Vietnam; he left a young wife with two young children alone. His family forever changed; his extended family as well. The day he was buried, my 5th grade class recited the Gettysburg Address at the school assembly. An activity that impacted me deeply.

“It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom…”

But the truth is, there is no lasting freedom, no lasting peace on this earth.  True freedom and lasting peace can only be found in and through the Prince of Peace. The world is in an eternal conflict that will one day result in destruction that is unimaginable.

I am bent toward happy thoughts.  Like imagining my mom and her brother enjoying eternity in the Presence of their Savior.  I like to imagine that.  Like thanking God for all those who were willing to serve this country with their very life.  Today we have choices.  We won’t always have choices. You might be of the mind like Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With the Wind: ” I won’t think about that today; I’ll think about that tomorrow!”  Funny thing is: tomorrow never comes.  There is only today. Have you responded to the Call to “Come Follow Me?”

“…choose for yourselves today whom you will serve…as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

 

Be Transformed!

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Romans 12:1-2 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

 

What is the one thing that keeps you from stepping out toward the big dream you have?

What if that one thing was removed from your path?  Would you step forward?  Or would you find one more thing that’s keeping you from taking that step?

 

As I have listened to women talk about their dreams of what is still ahead in life there is often a sadness; a focus on “if only”.  Sometimes that ‘if only’ is tied to an event in the past.  Sometimes that ‘if only’ is attached to an expected outcome.  Both are rocks in the path that cause them to stumble.

 

We do not live in the past.  We do not know the future.  We live in the gift of this moment; the present.

 

The events of our past may legitimately be terrible experiences.  We may have scars to prove it.  If we stay focused on the ‘if only’ we are clinging to a false sense of reality and denying the sovereignty of God.  Boom.  That’s harsh but true.  How do we let go of the past?

 

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

 

I’m not saying pretend that bad things didn’t or won’t happen.  I’m saying put the true bad things in the Hands of the One who saw and has the power to redeem.  And then LET GO.

 

Clinging to the past keeps us from having open hands to the present.

 

What if your issue is looking ahead and anticipating the bad things, the stumbling blocks that could be or might be in your path?  The opposite side of hanging on to the past is worry about the unknowns of the future.  What do you do if you’re plagued with worry?

 

The answer is still the same: Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

 

Renewal comes from God.  His Word is life, truth, light to our path.  Get in It.

 

Well-intentioned, faithful women (I include me in this) have stumbled again and again in similar ways.  What keeps us from simply being renewed? From simply doing the work of verse memory? From living out what we say we believe?  From trust that God will come through?

 

Mindset. 

 

It’s the familiar path your thoughts take when you are faced with something new.

 

Stop for a minute and think about how you talk to yourself (either aloud or in your head)

 

Are you loving and encouraging in the face of mistakes or unknowns?  Or are your words harsh, critical and demeaning?  Do you say things to yourself you would NEVER say to a friend or a child?  If your mindset is a negative one, you set yourself up for discouragement and setbacks time and again.

 

The work of changing your mindset needs external support.  Talking out your dreams and aspirations and facing the real or perceived rocks in your path can help you in the work of transformation.  That’s what I do.  As a Christian Life Coach my role in my clients’ lives is to listen and ask questions; questions that help each client clarify what is their next step to take.  I have the distinct privilege of sitting with a woman, prayerfully listening for God’s wisdom for that woman and asking the question that causes them to ponder below the surface of the everyday.

 

“Knowing what is right is like deep water in the heart; a wise person draws from the well within.” (Proverbs 20:5 The Message)

 

Let go of the past.  Look forward with joyful anticipation.  Live in the present.

 

Sound too good to be true?  Let’s talk.

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