Learning Along The Way

What 10 Essentials Will Reduce Your Stress Level?

By

Is it possible to pare down your daily preparation to only 10 essentials?

Do you believe that 10 Essential items will reduce stress?

Not only is it possible, it happens. Read on. My list and rationale may intrigue you.

School is starting again in the US. How does that affect you? Are you a parent breathing a sigh of relief? Thankful for the teachers taking the baton of your children’s education; keeping them busy for 6.5 hours Monday – Friday until next June?

box of crayons

(photo: Rebecca Pierce via http://unsplash)

Or are you someone who is inconvenienced by traffic in your neighborhood with  parents dropping off or picking up at school?

children looking at phone

(photo: Sarah Gundersen via http://unsplash)

Praying for those professionals who commit their careers to educating the littles and impacting the future is an essential. They need prayers of many. I know. I was one of them.

I still frame my year with August as the beginning, gearing up with new routines, readying for a new schedule and habits. How about you? What are you looking forward to as the present season of summer wanes and autumn comes upon us? How are you preparing for the next part of your journey?

A photo by Samantha Sophia. unsplash.com/photos/NaWKMlp3tVs

(photo: Samantha Sophia via http://unsplash)

Preparation comes in big and little ways. When our boys were little we had a “launch pad” for each of them near the front door; their place for backpacks filled with completed homework, their sharing item and lunch. It was the easy way for them to learn to prepare for the day.

By the time they were in middle school they had developed the personal habit of planning ahead. Being in Scouts helped a lot, too.

This is the official list of 10 Essentials to Be Prepared as a Boy Scout. Maybe you haven’t heard of this list before; our home had two Scouts and a Scoutmaster so the 10 Essentials became a natural way to pack for any trip, short or long. Their many weekend trips shaped great habits of preparing for their journeys.

Map and Compass

Sun Protection

Extra Clothing

Flashlight

First-Aid Kit

Matches and Fire-starters

Pocketknife

Trail Food

Filled Water Bottle

Rain Gear

You may not be packing to go on a hike every day, but I believe there are 10 Essentials that will help us be prepared daily for what comes our way. I submit that preparation reduces stress levels.

I created my 10 essentials list by counting physical and spiritual items. These may already be a part of your daily preparation list. Perhaps you have others.

Here’s my list:

Lighting a 3 wick candle and saying good morning to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

Time in silence with God

Coffee with half and half

Reading a one page devotional (Jesus Calling or My Utmost for His Highest or both)

Praying for my husband, my family, and my day ( a good time to pray for those teachers!)

Lip Gloss for my Smile

Wallet & Keys

Sunglasses

Water bottle

Phone

The first 5 items on my list can take as little as 15 minutes in the morning and up to an hour if I have the time. The time I invest packing the first 5 items impacts the rest of my day. All day. The second 5 items might feel like obvious inclusions, yet daily I hear people say: “I don’t have my id”, or “where are my sunglasses?”,  or “I forgot my phone in the car”. Those items seem to elude their daily packing.

Having all 10 items reduces my stress. No matter what else happens, taking time early to remind myself of God’s Presence and sovereignty helps me throughout the day.

The final item on my 10 Essentials list may induce stress but that’s a different story! We’ve become a connected culture and a phone is a part of how life works now.

What items are on your daily essentials list? How do you reduce stress daily?

3 Ways Perseverance Trumps Perfectionism

By

Life lessons unfold while watching plants grow.  I don’t mean literally watching all the time. I have a life outside of the garden! But seriously, there’s wisdom we can glean. I’ve witnessed how perseverance trumps perfection.

In the spring, on a whim I threw some sunflower seeds in the ground shortly after we moved into our latest rental. I say latest because I’ve begun to realize all things are temporary and some things shorter than others. So I might as well try to make a garden grow. Somehow gardening gives me hope.

Seven of the seeds sprouted. They fought their way through the not so great soil managing to take root. When they were about 3 feet tall I noticed their leaves had some holes in them. A farm girl I know told me to get some bone meal and put it around the base of the plants; it would deter the bugs that were evidently enjoying the tasty leaves. Being a dutiful learner I bought said bone meal, sprinkled it around and kept an eye out for the bugs.

I pictured tiny bugs being thwarted from their diabolical plant eating plan. Instead? I witnessed a surprising pest: a goldfinch! Who knew? Sunflower leaves are dessert for them.

IMG_9317

These birds tried to destroy the sunflowers. So many leaves were chewed up I thought for sure the plants would die. They looked shredded and unsightly. I tried wire mesh to encircle the plants but I couldn’t keep the birds away.

Then out of nowhere a feral mama cat and her three kittens began visiting our quiet, secluded backyard.

They circled around our yard twice a day. I think the beautiful bird feeders with 20 or so finches consuming birdseed got the mama cat interested in our yard. The kitties watching birds began to protect the sunflowers from getting picked and pecked. Better pest control than I could have planned!

While the wild cats have been growing, so have the sunflowers. The early leaves that appeared to certify the demise of the plants were left behind and new strong leaves unfolded as the plants grew taller.

IMG_9324

I had considered saving more precious California water to let the shredded sunflowers die. Instead, when new leaves sprouted I kept watering, waiting to see what might happen with this gardening experiment.

IMG_9321

This isn’t my first foray into sunflower growth. In our longtime home I grew sunflowers and learned some lessons there too. But these sunflowers? I learned 3 important lessons that may help you, too.

1.) Growth takes shape over time with intention. Don’t give up when you don’t get the immediate result or it doesn’t look like you expected.

2.) Play the part you have been given. We’re not meant to make perfect things or be perfect people. The way something (or someone) looks at first may not be the way it looks when finished.

3.) Do the work and leave the results in God’s capable hands. So often we start something and have an expectation of how it’s going to turn out, don’t see the immediate results and then give up in frustration or disappointment. What if what our role is simply to start, persevere in doing the work and then Trust?

IMG_9366 2

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

I’ve been watching these grow 5 months. That’s a very short time in light of eternity. But in our fast paced nano second results driven culture 5 months is FOR.EVER. I’m recognizing how vital time, intention, work, perseverance and especially trust really are for all aspects of life, but especially in letting go of the old dysfunction of perfectionism.

IMG_9361

Perseverance trumps perfectionism. Every time.

Perfectionism Keeps Us From Jesus

By

I had something gently pointed out to me three different ways between yesterday and this morning.

All three were foundational and revealing.

Perfectionism keeps me from Jesus.

Yesterday demonstrated what a piece of work I am. Fault finding, critical, irritable about everything. Wanting to have things go the way it should go. And at the time I didn’t mind sharing all my angst with the entire world; most closely noticed by the Hubster and our collegiate son. Not fun for anyone.

Perfectionism is the outer shell trying to appear to have life all together. All the while the inner world is filled with insecurity, uncertainty, and sometimes shame. Perfectionism is me trying to fix myself, control my circumstances and rely on my own understanding.

image-9

Before the end of my emotionally chaotic day the Spirit whispered to me; inviting me to confess my failed attempts at keeping myself together while my toxic feelings leaked out. I took Him up on that invitation, pressing the RESET button for the remainder of the evening after a tearful confession of my internal struggles that impacted the external.

This morning I read Jesus Calling and it reminded me not to try to present my cleaned up self to Jesus; “wounds that I shut away from the Light of My Love will fester and become wormy…they can split off and develop lives of their own…”

Then I also read My Utmost for His Highest entry for today.

‘If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish—His purpose is the process itself.”

The foundation is Jesus. He is here with me and there with you all.the.time. The foundational truth is based in His one invitation:

Come to Me.

That’s it. In the turmoil of unresolved issues that foment emotional upheaval we can find rest for our souls. Click To Tweet

I don’t have to try to fix me or my circumstances. Neither do you.

Whatever you are facing, the Perfect Invitation awaits your response.

Come to Me.

Your circumstances are not likely to change. I know, bummer.

But here’s the miracle: you are offered the opportunity to be changed from within by the Presence of God Himself. That’s what spiritual formation is like. Choosing to say yes to Jesus’s invitation to come to Him, quiet your mind, heart and soul and be at rest in His Presence. The coming to Jesus results in His peace that passes all understanding. This peace is a result of letting go of our idea of how things should be and leaning into the yoke that helps keep us in step and keep company with Jesus.

Relax. He’s got this. His purpose is the process itself.

*Sigh*

Where have you seen perfectionism get in the way of relationship with Jesus and others?

Eating Ice Cream Isn’t Sabotaging a Diet

By

We’ve all had them. A day where one unplanned event after another piles on top the over full calendar items already weighing heavy. Juggling it all is improbable at best and sure to cause a stress melt down at worst.

I had one of those today. A little surprising since my day was full only with a few home things like laundry and grocery shopping with writing projects to be my focus. I like to plan little breaks in writing so getting up to move a load of laundry through allows my brain space to ponder.

Idyllic really. No one at home but me, time and space to accomplish these few tasks to bless my husband, as well as our son and niece who are here for the summer.

There were competing forces at work wanting to prevent me from being an effective, gracious Christ-follower. There were several attempts to bring down the stress hammer in effort to shatter my composure. But God.

You know that’s really all we have on our to-do list right? Let go of our need to control. Lean in to the easy yoke of Jesus.

My yoke is easy and my burden is light.

In the middle of all the competing forces the Spirit whispered Truth; reminders of the deep, quiet place in my soul to be still and know that I was invited to retreat to at any given moment.

Including the stressful ones.

I don’t always choose wisely. I want to. I want to be God’s woman in my circumstances. All.the.Time.

However my perfectionistic tendencies have kept me from taking the Spirit up on that sweetly whispered invitation on too many occasions to count. But today?

Today I chose to be still within trusting His wisdom while the waves crashed on the surface.

We make our plans, but God directs our steps.

The stories of Peter and Jesus, their friendship and Jesus’s gentle, yet firm interactions with Peter have always spoken to me. I’m of Peter’s temperament. Quick to speak, slow to listen and quick to become angry. Maybe James had Peter in mind when he penned the opposite verse:

Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Peter was quick to act before thinking things through. Just like his reaction to seeing Jesus walking on the water in the middle of the night on a stormy sea. Based on the way Peter was portrayed in all the other recorded interactions my guess is he took exactly one nano second to say ‘If it’s you Lord tell me to come.’ I like to think of Jesus with a ‘I know how this is going to turn out yet I want to give Peter the chance’ tone in His response:

“Come.”

You may know how the story turns out, but there is a detail that bears a pause for reflection. Between Peter’s stepping out of the boat and floundering in fear: He kept his eyes on Jesus. The moment Peter looked around at his crazy circumstances and remembered he was defying the known laws of the universe, he started to sink.

As long as he focused on Jesus he walked above his circumstances.  

Peter was still out of the boat, walking on the water toward Jesus. Peter was above his certain death circumstances. The water was whipping and splashing on his cloak. His feet were wet. The wind was still blowing.

As long as he focused on Jesus he walked above his circumstances.

I know this detail is important. There are other places in scripture that tell us to fix our eyes on Jesus. To fix or focus is a way of demonstrating faith and trust. That’s why Jesus asked Peter

‘why did you doubt?’

When I was going through my day with so many reasons to look around at my crazy circumstances in stress and fear that was my choice point. Do I trust the whispered invitation of the Spirit to go deep with Him or do I doubt His Presence or ability and trust myself instead; trying to wrestle my way through the stress and make things turn out the way I planned?

Sounds like an obvious choice right?

Part of peeling off perfectionism is taking the risk to not pretend to be in control.

Part of peeling off perfectionism is making a different choice: to trust God and not myself. Click To Tweet

So that’s what I made effort to do at every new layer that was added today; all the unplanned items that needed immediate priority while still making other prior commitments work. I would have had a meltdown if I’d been operating in my own strength. But listening to the whisper, paying attention and choosing to let go of control & lean into the easy yoke made my day so much better.

In fact, when the obligations were done, My Father and I celebrated by having my favorite treat since childhood.IMG_9295

It wasn’t sabotaging a diet to eat this ice cream. It was a celebration of trust!

Perfectionism is prevalent. You and I can learn to peel it off and choose differently.

Keep an eye out for my e-course launching in August. There will be opportunity to gather with others who are in the same place; desiring to be free of the false perfect way. We’ll celebrate the small victories like mine today. Not always with ice cream, but celebrate we will!

Please share your ‘wins’ in peeling off perfectionism: here or on the Learning Along the Way Facebook page. You never know who needs your encouragement!

 

Being Selfish Doesn’t Work

By

 

There have been dark times for me in the past 9 years. Loss and the accompanying grief were not easy companions. Their presence was disorienting.

As a result, I’ve been stuck in the slough of despond.

 

Being stuck is a place that a coach can speak into a client’s life. Listening to the favorites, the desires and perhaps forgotten dreams all make for excellent material to construct action steps; steps forward away from being stuck.

Now in the messy middle of sorting through what is important to carry forward and what is not, I’ve learned some things about myself that shine light on the dark places.

SO what I am learning along the Way is that being selfish doesn’t work.

I’ve selfishly hidden in pain; hidden from others who would be generous with encouragement if they only knew. That’s the dark side of me.

On the Light side I’ve been wired for change. I’m a learner and activator with a large dose of restorative, with empathy and relator thrown in. I’m an ENFJ and my DISC profile is I/D. My Enneagram result is 3 =The Achiever or The Performer. I’m an inventory junky!

What difference does all of this information make in day to day life?

All these details helped me get to know how God has wired me. I’ve spent the past 9 years wrestling with the brokenness or downsides of life, looking to Him to heal the places where I’ve worked to cover the internal wounds. He has done His work. I am more fully who He has made me to be.

So now I’m writing and reading my way forward. So many great books! I’m currently looking at a classical work, John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress; a work of allegory written at a time of imprisonment for Bunyan and a much used tool of explication of the Bible.

Screen Shot 2016-07-22 at 6.44.41 PM

It’s valuable to see our story within the Greater Story. Click To Tweet

Why? Because we each have a part to play. An important part to play. When we step into the yoke with Jesus and He bears the weight, we step forward and lean in to keep in step with Him. Our part is to follow along the furrows He chooses for us to plow; the relationships He brings our way, the lives He desires us to impact for Kingdom building, simply by being who we are: God’s man or woman in the circumstances where we currently find ourselves.

Being present to our life circumstances and not looking to the sides of the furrows or off at the green grass not quite in our reach is part of our great work. It is a simple life. We’re the ones who over complicate things.

God has given us Himself, His Spirit and power to live out this life which He has provided. He loves us with a never ending love, He forgives us time and again as we gaze longingly at other things instead of fixing our gaze upon the Only One Who loves us perfectly.

Important Reminders.

Whatever is true, whatever is noble,whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

He sings over us.

He is our shield and defender.

He is our provider and protector. 

I speak Truth to myself to bring my gaze back to Center; back to the One Who loves me best.

Loss was my experience. I recognize each of us experience hard companions differently. When I bear witness to another’s loss now, I am quick to empathize where before I knew none.

What about you? How have you gotten back on track after being disoriented? You might speak light into someone’s dark place by sharing what God has brought you through.

Being selfish doesn’t work.

I’d love to hear what you’ve learned!

Why I’m Not Fooling Around Anymore

By

Confession is good for the soul. I heard that somewhere.

Here it is: I’m not good at forgiveness. I say that but to clarify I mean forgiveness is not something I can do on my own.   There are people who have done horrible things to me that I have forgiven. I don’t harbor ill will or bitterness toward them. That forgiveness was not easy but it is complete. Thank you, Jesus for working it out in me.

So what am I confessing then? I am terrible at forgiving the little things. I make myself into a martyr who sacrifices so much for so many with so little recognition or thanks.

Ridiculous. 

And you know who suffers most? My husband. The one who has sacrificed so much to make my life, our family’s life, pleasant in so many ways. The one who is Jesus with skin on to me and for me. And my thanks?

Being a nitpicking perfectionist who is never satisfied with anything.

Always more to be done. Always can be done better. My way.

Sheesh.

Well I’m not fooling around anymore.

I’m breaking up with perfectionism.

And unforgiveness.

The result of unforgiveness is a hard heart, a heart that is filled with bitterness, toxic to allowing the life and love of Jesus to flow through me.  My unforgiveness is not more powerful than Christ. But my turning to my own way is like drawing the blackout curtains toward the sunlight. The Light still exists and is more powerful; I’ve chosen to block it with my self-focused ways.

I can’t hold my husband captive with unforgiveness and expect to have a love-filled marriage. Click To Tweet

He is not a puppet with me pulling the strings.

Forgiveness breaks the hard shell of a hard heart like a hammer to a walnut.

And I’ve known for a long time that I am a nutcase.

But to get to the point of recognizing my nutty behavior, I begged God to do some serious surgery in my festering heart.

First confession

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Then repentance

Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

Then Hope

And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Then reminder

Forget the former things;

    do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

    and streams in the wasteland.

Tomorrow is our 25th wedding anniversary. And true to our whole lives together, we are doing things differently than others who have achieved this milestone: we’re simply going out to dinner.

It’s like how life was when we were first married. Simple.

IMG_9238

We got married behind a bookstore by a justice of the peace because neither of us were walking in a life of faith. Our sons like to say we were married by a shaman because the JoP was a woman and it was a garden behind a New Age Bookstore. No matter. God is in the business of redemption and second chances. A lot of life has transpired in 25 years. Fun. Laughter. Love. Loss. Wounds. Change. Growth. Repeat.

IMG_5474

Forgiveness. Keeping short accounts with each other and with God. Being quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry.

By God’s grace and the Spirit’s equipping I will not live with an unforgiving heart any longer.

It’s like when we were first married. Only MUCH BETTER!

It’s a Swing and a Miss

By

IMG_8390

The All Star break is over. Whew. This girl is a gamer. Or a poser. I can talk just enough baseball to stay in a conversation. I know the number of players on the field and what positions they play depending on where they stand. Don’t ask me to score the game or tell you what type of pitch was just thrown.

It’s a game and it’s fun to watch and fun to play. You may not be a baseball fan so I’ll try to keep the analogies to a minimum. I can’t pass on this one though.

Conversations in developing relationships between genders often result in a swing and a miss.

The Hubster and I’ve been married 25 years this coming Wednesday. From the lens of the world this is a huge accomplishment. From the lens of a perfectionist it’s evidence of not always getting your way and giving in for the sake of the relationship.

Don’t get me wrong: the Hubster lives up to his nickname’s definition.

Urban Dictionary: Hubster–Nickname derived from hubby however it marks a significant difference from it. This is a man that is not only a husband to a woman but he is a companion. Someone that loves his wife completely and utterly. He understands her in every situation and makes any and all the effort to make her happy. He is truly a best friend, he is that one person whom she finds comfort in and can tell anything to. Not only does he pertain to all these qualities but he is also kind, sweet, loving, and a completely honest person. He is a one of a kind man that all girls want to have, but when he chooses that one girl for him, it is all he can think about. He is truly the best husband a woman can have.

In the 25 years of me giving in for the sake of relationship, the Hubster has had more personal sacrifice to deal with than I am happy to admit. I literally laughed out loud when I heard these humorous and yet pointed tidbits from a text our son received. This long-winded commentary came from one of his college housemates in reference to the struggles of a relationship from a male perspective. With his permission here are his whimsical words (which may give you more insight to the male mind).

“I have to clean the house, bathe regularly, control myself, watch tv with other people, share a bed, buy food and watch other people eat it, look presentable, talk to a woman, not get enough sleep, deal with other people’s questions, deal with it at work, lie about my feelings, be nice to her friends and family, come up with date ideas, deal with an endless stream of questions about my day and what I’m thinking about and probably some more stuff I don’t want to deal with.”

My perfectionist self laughs but there’s also a part of me saying

Although my inner voice may be asserting I’m NOT bossy, I make effort to temper my skills with humor.

The genders come at communication with differing perspectives, expectations and agendas.

Relationship 101.

We can’t change another person. We can only CHOOSE to become a better person. This is where give and take comes in. But a relationship isn’t a baseball game where we keep score or the stats are recorded. In fact, quite the opposite. We need to learn to let stuff go.

The struggle for perfectionists, like me, is placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others. The Hubster has worked tirelessly for a quarter of a century to teach me two words:

Oh Well.

These aren’t words of resignation. They’re words of grace. “Don’t be so hard on me. Don’t be so hard on others. And don’t be so hard on you.”

This is a significant part of becoming a “better person”; choosing to give grace instead of criticism. Choosing to show grace and simply enjoy one another’s company without keeping score.

How different might a developing relationship be if there were no hidden agendas or unwritten rules & expectations getting in the way of simply being yourself, of being who God has made you?

Perhaps if we choose to let go of expectations and lean in toward one another, we might experience a greater sense of being a partner, a member of a team.

How have you seen this idea play out in your relationship experience?

Peeling off Perfectionism

By

I can’t even tell you how creepy this disease is. I have a vague memory of a scene in a children’s movie where the black goo of evil gets all over the bad guy and suffocates him. This suffocating image expresses  this pervasive covering of perfectionism for me.

I’ve been numb to it for years. I believed perfectionism was someone else’s issue not mine. But the truth is because of shame I have lived with this mindset of perfectionism for as long as I can remember.

Good news!

IMG_7138

(quote credit: Christine Caine)

I’m peeling off the layers of perfectionism. It’s messy. And I will make mistakes. It’s painful to look at the gaps in my way of doing life that used to be covered over by this lie I believed.

But Jesus said all things are possible to him who believes. So my response is I do believe, help me in my unbelief.

This means being honest and talking through the hard places of change; moving toward growth and being willing to do things without having my act all together.

YIKES!!

This vulnerability feels a little like the emperor’s new clothes except where the Emperor thought he had a lovely outfit, I know I’m going to be exposed. (Fortunately for all, this is just a metaphor!)

I choose to be brave and take a tentative step forward in my one creative life.

My heart is ready to risk.  It’s been hidden away, self-protected, falsely secure.

For years I’ve read verses that tell me Truth about who God sees me to be. But I have been like the person the apostle James describes who sees their face in a mirror but then forgets what they look like when they turn away from the mirror.

In other words, I haven’t lived out the words of life and truth. I’ve chosen to stay stuck, allowing the enemy of all that is good and true to hold me captive in an imaginary cell of my own acceptance.

What about you? I know I am not alone in this unfortunate trap. I’ve learned just enough about how to get out and away from the slime of perfectionism that I can hold my hand out to you and say

let’s go this way together!

Here’s what I want to do. Let’s get a group together of those who are willing to drop the facade, who are willing to engage with what we’re all learning along the Way.

I’m starting a podcast at the beginning of August where I’ll share quotes, facts, resources, challenges and connection points.  I will also be launching an e-course (available on my website) focusing on letting go and leaning in. There will be a spiritual component to the activities in the course because I believe strongly that we are all on a spiritual journey while we are here on this planet. Where we are journeying is the important question.  We’ll talk about that too.

In the meantime, let me know either here or on the Learning Along the Way Facebook page that you want to peel off perfectionism too.

Let’s do this!

Bearing Up Under the Weight

By

My heart is heavy for many families.

Right now the news is filled with reports of gun violence—again.

Our nation’s collective memory is short when it comes to gun violence. Columbine. 1999.  Wait—Kent State. 1970. Wait—John F. Kennedy. 1963 Wait—Abraham Lincoln. 1865.

Guns kill. That’s what they’re made for. Animals. People.

Do we remember which is which anymore?

A mere month ago 49 people were killed in Orlando. 49 families lost someone they loved.

The parents of the children gunned down at Sandy Hook Elementary are still grieving their loss. You may have forgotten how long ago (or recent) that horrific event took place. (2012) None of them have forgotten.

Now in a mere 48 hours 7 more people have senselessly been gunned down. Execution style or sniper. Does it really matter?

My heart is heavy for the families. I know what it feels like to lose someone in a moment at the end of the barrel of a gun.

My Dad turned his own gun on himself in 2008, shattering our family and his body simultaneously.

Is it the gun’s fault? Hardly. It’s an inanimate object. A gun becomes a weapon when wielded toward a target; whether animal or person.

We argue for rights. The arguments are heated. The answers, the solutions are vague, uncertain. Perhaps we have come too far down this path for a peaceful resolution. Perhaps we are not done with hearing another report of shots fired, of lives lost, of families shattered.

How do we bear up under the weight of all this loss? How do we have a civilized conversation about guns in light of all this violence? What about deeper issues of mental health or hopelessness or racial and religious divides?

Our country is assailed by gun violence. If someone lives different or looks different or believes a different doctrine than someone with a gun there is a chance they’ll be gunned down.

Are you kidding me? When will all this madness end?

We are broken. Individually. Brokenness is the human condition. Collectively we are apparently spinning out of control. How does one person bear up under the weight?

There is One Person waiting to hear from each of us.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

(James 4:8)

In this world you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world.

(John 16:33)

Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.

(Matthew 11:28-29)

When Jesus saw his friends grieving the loss of their brother, He didn’t lecture. He wept. Then He prayed.

A good model for how to bear up under the weight of grief. Not platitudes. Practical.

IMG_6505

Prayer is my chance to bring my heavy heart to the only One who can shoulder this heavy weight. Looking at Jesus and how He was present in His friends’ grief, silent and empathetic without platitudes or promises, helps me to know how I may bear up under this heavy weight of grief.

Jesus is not the poster boy for the NRA or the Republican Party. Or ANY party.

He is God.

Draw near to Him.

Be the Change You Want to See

By

Not too long ago there were two boys living in our house.

IMG_7434

In a blink of an eye they’re both men living lives of purpose making a difference in their part of the world.

IMG_5362

Time feels relative right?

Our parenting style grew as they did: from teaching & correction, to guidance, to launch & let go. My own upbringing was rough; I purposed to do this parenting thing with intention, hoping for better results. Many voices influenced our thinking but this one stands out:

 

IMG_9096

Mahatma Ghandi: a man of peace. He advocated political and societal change. Ghandi didn’t have the same faith practice I do, but no matter. He believed humanity could change and live respectfully in peace.

That may sound grandiose or fall flat to your ears. I get it. Perhaps your life is hard in this season and you can barely rub two coins together. Or maybe you’re fighting a physical battle that takes all your focus and energy to stay upright. Changing the world is not on your radar now or maybe ever.

Is being responsible for changing the world really what Ghandi meant? Did he want all people to become social activists? What if his thought was for personal, internal change? For you and me to simply be people of integrity, who show kindness to everyone, who care for those less able to care for themselves? Perhaps his words are a call to simple living right where we are, regardless of our means or motivation to change the world?

Each of our sons went through a season of living outside their integrity. We watched and prayed but did not pry. We didn’t lecture or wag our fingers. We knew they would come back to themselves…eventually. Watching and waiting aren’t easy skills in parenting; they’re skills that belong to the Father. We trusted our sons to the Father’s heart for them. In the waiting we grew to love and trust God more. We also grew to love and pray for our sons in deeper ways as well.

We trusted these young men to come back to center in their own time because we trusted God and knew they developed appreciation for Ghandi’s words, thanks to the influence of their great AP English teacher, Eldra Avery. Living outside their integrity wouldn’t allow them to be the change they wanted to see in the world.

 

Be the change you want to see in the world. Mahatma Ghandi Click To Tweet

Change begins with one. For me, change was my parenting. We made conscious decisions that steered our family in a different direction than the one I was raised in. Others might not catch what you’re doing. It doesn’t matter. That you live out the change you want to bring to your part of the world is the important point.

I call this let go and lean in. Let go of the broken ways and lean in to the Arms waiting to hold and help you grow and change. In that leaning you just might learn more about your part here.

What change will you be?

 

Follow Me…

Categories