Learning Along The Way

Why is Being Brave Such a Challenge?

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Fifty days have passed since I started this journey. When I considered doing this I honestly thought: 100 Days to Brave would be a cake walk for me; I’ve had to learn to be brave through so many hardships already, how hard could it be?

Like a lot of things I’ve walked through, I continue to be surprised by things that catch my breath and not always in a good way at first.

Why is being brave such a challenge?

My Hubster told our little boys “you can’t be brave unless you face fear.” I thought that was a beautiful thing to say to teach them to be strong men. He did a great job. They are both strong & brave men; living their lives in new cities with new circumstances; contributing to the world in the roles they fill. I’m a proud & blessed Momma. But their brave challenges have not been my brave challenges. I have my own and honestly they’re not easy for me to walk through.

Annie’s book is pressing in on relationships and how they call us to be brave. Like Annie, I’m an Enneagram 7 who doesn’t like pain, who likes to reframe hard things to minimize the pain, distracting myself from hurt, and often walking away from discomfort without leaning into the painful communication that working through hard things requires.

I know that might surprise you since I write about growing and changing and letting go of expectations; learning along the Way to lean into the yoke that Jesus has uniquely fit for each of us. Yet I am challenged.

It’s hard to let go of hurt and cast my cares on Jesus. Why? Because when I’ve been hurt, I want  others to know, to experience at least a piece of the pain I feel. It’s not rational. It’s emotional. Those are two different parts of me. Learning to bring them together to one cohesive unit within me is the challenge and I choose to be brave. 

Five years have passed since we left the part of California I had lived for 29 years. Five years is long enough to have gotten involved in a new community, made new friends and moved forward in life. It’s more than a little embarrassing to recognize I’ve been like Lot’s wife looking over my shoulder instead of keeping my face forward. The move was hard and painful for me. It seemed some of the people I had spent so much life with simply forgot me.  In the trying to move forward, I was also mourning what was no longer; there was a still small voice whispering “worship”. I turned to Spotify to a Hillsong Worship playlist I’ve listened to countless times. Comforting. Familiar. Yet this time I heard with new ears:

In the crushing, in the pressing, You are making New Wine.

In the soil I now surrender, you are breaking new ground.

So I yield to you into Your careful hand and I trust You I don’t need to understand.

Make me a vessel, make me an offering, make me whatever You want me to be.

I came here with nothing but all You have given me; Jesus bring New Wine out of me.

Tears flowed. It is not easy for me to let go of something. And I can be unpleasant in the process. Ask my Husbter. Poor man. He’s a saint. These words from Hillsong could not be more personal. I felt Holy Spirit telling me the crushing, the pressing was for my good, but most of all that God would be seen in me as others watched me navigate these waters. He would receive the glory in my choice to let go of disappointment.

Cuz where there is new wine there is new power; 

there is new freedom and the kingdom is here 

I lay down my old flames to carry your new fire today.

You see in every letting go we have a choice: to cling to hurt, to let bitterness take hold or to hold out open hands, fingers spread so that what’s in them falls through like water pouring over our fingers, washing them so that nothing of selfish thoughts are left, only an openness to what God has ahead.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

It’s a laying down of the old ways, the ‘old flames’ to carry the new fire we are being offered. He won’t force us. It’s His offering to us out of what He has already done.

This my dear friend is why being brave is such a challenge. We only see what we know. Sometimes we think that is all there is. And if we don’t get what we thought we needed or deserved, then we are disappointed. There’s nothing wrong with disappointments. Its what we do with the disappointments that makes the difference. Do we re-hash them, making them stronger in our minds, in the emotional place where disappointment can turn to resentment then into bitterness? Or is there a different, better Way?

Let go, lean in. It’s more than my hashtag. It is a gracious invitation from the One who has walked the path of truly letting go; who offers the invitation to learn from Him, who offers us rest for our souls.

Make me a vessel, make me an offering. 

Jesus bring new wine out of me.

I know this place. It can feel lonely. But here’s the thing: you are never truly alone if you’ve claimed the offering Jesus made on your behalf; Holy Spirit walks within you giving you what you NEED.  But even then, sometimes we need another to bear witness to this hard part of our journey. As I coach others in spiritual formation, I have been given the privilege of holding open the Sacred Space of listening, the seeking of God’s wisdom together and the gift of presence. It’s a beautiful process.

If you’re walking through a challenging time and want to learn to walk more closely with the One who loves you well, message me.

Where there is New Wine there is new freedom. And the Kingdom is here.

Don’t we want that?

Enjoy listening to New Wine

Learning to Brave the Church

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I’ve been reading 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs since October 1. I mentioned I was going to do this and invited any of you who wanted to learn to be brave alongside me to read along and I’d post my thoughts periodically. Today I’m learning to be brave in this life with God in His Church.

Today is Day 46. Her topic is being brave to engage in your local church.

I have much to say about life in a local church; much that I’ve read in scripture as well as have experienced. Annie said something that resonates with me:

“Brave people are willing to stay plugged in, even when things get hard.”

I haven’t been in a church yet where relationships weren’t hard. People. People can be hard. I know. I’m one of them.

Here’s the thing: each of us has a list of expectations of how circumstances “should” play out; how relationships “should” work; if I behave a certain way, like sharing my heart, you’re “supposed to” take care of my heart and not talk about me to other people as a “prayer request”. If I invest my time in developing our friendship, you “should” reciprocate. If you don’t meet my expectations, I’m hurt and disappointed.

Any of this sound familiar? It’s painfully familiar to me. Learning to see my expectations for what they are: potential for disappointments when they go unmet; potential for heartbreaks when I’ve risked developing relationship that turned out to be only surface kindness and not actual heart connection, has been a big part of my journey of learning along the Way. 

Jesus didn’t come to fulfill my expectations for how my life is supposed to play out (life according to Lisa). He came to redeem my broken thinking and acting; to renew my mind that I may more fully show Him to the world as I navigate risking relationships in a new church community. He came that we might have life and have it abundantly.

Abundant life isn’t lived in isolation. We don’t attend church to check a box and say we’ve accomplished the Jesus points for the week. If you and I are truly following Christ, we ARE the Church, a significant part of the Body of Christ who has been designed as God’s workmanship to do good works that were determined before the beginning of time. We are God’s poetry. 

A poem doesn’t have to behave a certain way to be appreciated. A poem is a work of creative art as it is. In a book of poetry, each one is valuable and unique; one might tell a story, one might paint a picture. In any case, a poem is valuable simply by being. 

So are you. No doing necessary to be loved by God. No doing to earn favor from God or others. Just be you.

So how do we learn to deal with learning to be a creative work of our loving Creator God who has value in simply being and still learn to interact with all those other poems in the same book we call Church?

We learn to be brave.

It’s brave to risk letting go of expectations that others interact with me in a prescribed way and lean in to the Way God has made me, allowing each of them to be who God has made them to be.

Here’s another part of this beautiful book of poetry: God has given us guidance in three forms: His Word, the model of His Son Jesus and Himself in the Person of Holy Spirit who indwells those who claim the Name of Jesus.

If we look at the guidance God has provided for navigating this life, we see in His Word He has provided encouragement, patterns to follow and even how to handle conflict as His followers. That’s amazing!

The second form of guidance is looking at Jesus. He lived his 30+ years dealing with conflict. How did He handle it? Get into the Word to find out. Was He free from conflict? Hardly! Yet He shows us how to be kind in the face of criticism, how to draw good boundaries, how to care for your soul. We have a beautiful Guide. Do we look to Him?

 

The third form of guidance is, in my humble opinion, the most extravagant form of guidance: God Himself has set up residence inside us! Wait, what? The God who spoke all this Creation into being, who hovered and protected before the Creation began, the God who raised Jesus from the dead, has chosen to live in you?! In me?! 

How can we not be brave?

Life with people is challenging. But God in His infinite wisdom (and divine sense of humor) designed that we would learn to live life in community to show Him to the world.

Church is how that is best done. 

So yes, there are disappointments when we have expectations of how people are “supposed to” behave. Guess what? Our expectations may even line up with the guidance God’s Word gives us and yet a real group of people may not live out the expectations as they’re conveyed. How do we deal with that?

Give our heart hurts to God. He tells us to cast ALL our Cares upon Him because He cares for us.

It’s kind of like He knew we wouldn’t get it right and would need guidance in how to deal with hurt too. Hmmm.

Learning along the Way is just that: living life, coming up against something that either does or doesn’t line up with what we knew at that point and then recognizing we need help to grow further. One of the places to get help is found in authentic community with other Christ-followers who are willing to risk being brave to live out what they are learning along the Way.

I’m telling you what I’m learning, and inviting you to learn along with me. A virtual community of sorts.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about investing in relationships even when they’re hard and hurtful. God has a lot to say about how to live this life with Him. Let’s learn along the Way together!

Are You Too Busy to Count?

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I’ve been reading 100 Days to Brave and sharing some of my reflections here, but I’m curious for those who have been reading along too:

Are you too busy leaning in to being brave to count where we are?

Just this week we’ve achieved 31 days; I know this because we started October 1 and Wednesday is October 31, Halloween. We’re a third of the way to unlocking our most courageous selves!

Just two quick questions for you to reflect upon;

What area(s) of your life have you seen that you’re already brave?

 

What is keeping you from taking a brave step in an area that you know you need to lean into?

 

 If you want to let me know I’d love to hear your answers!

If this is your first time dropping by, welcome!

I’d love to have you join in the community to receive encouragement and have some laughs (sometimes) but most of all to consider how your story and my story connect to God’s story!

Do You Have a Dream that Died?

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I didn’t write last week. I had the chance to be present with these sweet faces.

I hope you weren’t too disappointed you didn’t hear from me on Monday.

I’ve still been reading Annie F. Downs devotional 100 Days to Brave. It’s been good and it’s been challenging.

But honestly, I got derailed on Day 28 when Annie titled the entry “Mourn Dreams that Have Died”.

I got derailed and it’s been hard to get back on track. She asked “What dead dream do you need to mourn?”

I’ve had dreams die. And when they did, I thought I was supposed to just acknowledge the loss as an ‘Oh Well that didn’t turn out as I hoped’ kind of way, trusting it wasn’t God’s plan for me. I read Annie’s words as if I had written them in my journal and she copied them into her devotional. 

To recognize it is ok to mourn the death of a dream, like the death of someone dear, was revolutionary. I have told myself hard things like “Don’t be a baby! Things don’t always work the way you want them to. Grow up!”

And while those are true statements, Annie was inviting me into a space of mourning, a space of acknowledging my loss and disappointment before I moved on. And she tells me that is a brave thing to do.

This derailed my train of thoughts generally moving on toward the future. I spent some ‘think time’ combined with some ‘feel time’ admitting I had suffered a loss; was hurt and disappointed by the death of a dream.

My dream of having a forever home for our family died when we moved away for my husband’s work. We lived in a beautiful house for 15 years: the place where our kids grew up and would eventually bring friends home from college; someday that special someone; then grandkids and family holidays with lots of traditions in a Hallmark cards kind of way. That dream died and I didn’t do well in mourning the loss.

I’m not sure why it’s hard to admit; maybe because I tell myself I’m not supposed to be disappointed with God’s plan. That kind of story doesn’t line up with people whose stories are in scripture. Abraham and Sarah were disappointed with God’s timing; Jonah was disappointed with God’s call to go to Nineveh, Job was disappointed with the circumstances of his life (death of his children, loss of his wealth should have been enough, but boils, too?) Even Jesus begged God for a different way out of the Garden. 

It’s okay to be disappointed. It’s not okay to make your own way out or succumb to bitterness when your way didn’t work. I’ve struggled these past five years because I haven’t honestly mourned the death of that dream of a forever home.

And Jesus? Well He asked for another way if possible, but if not, He wanted God’s way most of all. He struggled in extreme agony over what He knew lay ahead, yet He chose to trust God’s plan.

It can be the same for us. We can be disappointed and can mourn the loss of our dreams. Mourning gives space to be honest with ourselves and most of all with God.

I loved what Annie said at the end of her entry

“But when you look them (the dreams) in the face, head-on, and let them go, you will see how God’s plan for your life, although different from what you expected, is a beautiful story of its own that you never could have dreamed up for yourself.”

Have you had a dream that died? Have you made time to mourn it’s death?

Who Does God Say You Are?

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In 100 Days to Brave Annie F. Downs shared a story of a friend who was newly employed at a bank. Her first day was filled with the task of counting money.

Why? To learn to know the real thing. Once you handle the real thing you can tell counterfeit from real.

We need to know what is True about us in order to live a brave life.

How do we know what is True?

We have a guide book with lots of loving encouragement and promises. Truth to know and live out.

I received this beautiful card last year at a retreat I attended in the redwoods of California. Being in that place is a big enough reminder of God’s goodness yet this takeaway has reminded me of God’s love and care on many occasions in the year since.

This list is from ONE place in scripture: Ephesians 1.

Annie mentioned several more places to be reminded. If you are curious, start mining the Word to find the nuggets you need for your own reminding of God’s love for you, of His faithfulness to you, of His provision of courage you need to live a brave life.

Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved…

Being Brave in the Little Things

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It’s Monday evening and this is what I’m up to:

(shout out to iBloom planner)

I struggle with structure. Don’t get me wrong, I like a certain amount of structure. It creates the frame around my days. But sometimes I feel too constrained by structure so I reject it; I act as if I don’t have limits of time or energy or focus and just do what I feel like doing. I go back and forth from detailed planning to simply having appointments on the calendar. I like to tell people I am a recovering Type A personality.

Anybody else?

  I lived rigidly structured for quite a few years of my life. I took it upon myself to be the organizer within our family; somebody had to bring order out of chaos! But I learned along the Way that rigidity isn’t actually a  life style that leaves room for God’s plans. I began to be challenged in my rigidity when I read the book Life Management for Busy Women by Elizabeth George. 

I read the book the year it was published, 2002. Both our sons were school age: Matt was 14 and a freshman in high school and Mark was 7 and in second grade. I was a full time SAHM, not homeschooling either of them at that point, and so, in an effort to establish my worth, (I didn’t believe I had inherent worth at that time; more on that brave change later) I created an action plan for my life that was scheduled down to the minute; filled with good things like teaching Bible study, volunteering at both schools, helping with AWANA at church, making meals for new moms & for end of life needs, leading children’s worship on Sunday mornings, early morning walks for exercise and prayer with a different friend each morning of the week. In those days I was getting 6 – 7 hours of sleep in order to fit it all in. If anything unusual happened, like an invitation for a spontaneous coffee with a friend or anything else out of the ordinary (which of course wasn’t on the schedule), I might be known to have a meltdown. Can you say hair trigger emotion? My poor family! I have no idea how they still speak to me! 

The book had lots of practical ideas to help people create structure in their lives; which I didn’t need help with. There was one mind blowing take away that has stuck with me: the principle of “leaving room for God”. Her point was, if we are so committed to our plans, our schedules, we often say ‘no’ or ‘I don’t have time’ when an out of the ordinary opportunity comes. 

Sometimes it’s in the unplanned, off the schedule opportunities where God wants us to be His hands and feet in the world. If our lives are too full, too scheduled, we don’t have time for God’s Plan B for our day. Click To Tweet

It took several big, brave steps in my life before I made the shift from my rigid, over scheduled plan to leaving room in my days for God’s plan. I have learned that being brave in the little things, like not over scheduling my day, saying no to too many commitments, and leaving time margin between one thing and the next has given me courage to say Yes to God’s plan for my day. 

How do you handle the need for structure? Is the whole idea overwhelming? Or do you have so much structure you don’t have time for spontaneous, out of the ordinary events? Let’s share how we are brave in the little things like bringing order out of chaos. We need to hear how others are brave because it encourages us to be brave, too.

How Do We Learn to Speak Truth to Lies?

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There’s a joke told among musicians and performers who aspired to the stage of the world renown venue Carnegie Hall:

“ How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, Practice, Practice.”

This is no joke when we consider how we learn to speak Truth to lies.

We must know what the Truth is. And then we practice, practice, practice.

In today’s entry in 100 Days to Brave, Annie recounts Jesus’ 40 Days in the wilderness and the temptations by the enemy. You may know this portion of scripture: Jesus is tempted three different times by Satan and in each temptation, of body, of power and of worship, Jesus speaks Truth to the lies presented Him.

Simple enough right? 

Know what the Truth is. Speak Truth to the lies we hear whispered in our ears. Repeat.

But wait! How do we know the Truth? 

This reminds me of what I was doing last weekend. Encouraging a group of women to search the scriptures to know if what they heard me saying to them was true. Like the people of Berea who were commended by Dr. Luke in Acts 17, we are to be “Berean” in the way we handle God’s Word. When Paul had to flee Thessalonica, he, Timothy and Silas came to the town of Berea and began teaching in the synagogue. The people of Berea began searching the scriptures to see if what they heard was True.

As Christ-followers it is our personal responsibility to know what scripture says. There are any number of teachers running around saying partial truths and claiming it is all truth. How do we know who to believe?

Search the scriptures. 

Where do you start? What tools are most helpful? What voices do you listen to? Isn’t there someone who can do all the work for me, so I can just do the things I want to do? What difference does it make anyway?

You may ask any of those questions. I’ve asked all of them at least one time in my faith walk. Asking questions is one of the best ways to learn! If someone tells you to stop asking questions, I’ll just say that person is either annoyed that you’re asking questions, or they’re trying to control you. Sorry that they’re annoyed. Don’t stop asking questions!

In this post-modern era, there are many people who choose to believe many different things about the Bible. I’m not a Bible scholar. I’m a Christ-follower who wants to learn from Jesus. For me to learn from Jesus, I need to read the Bible. So I do. A little every day. I read it a lot when I’m studying and preparing to encourage women from the Word.

A good place to start is to read the recount of Jesus’ life and ministry found in one of the first four books in what is called the New Testament. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John are the names of the gospels. Pick one and start reading a little every day.

If you use your smart phone, YouVersion is an app that has many versions of the Bible and also has a lot of Bible reading plans if that is something you’d like to do.

this is the image you’ll find in your App Store

What tools are the best ones out there? I now use online resources to study. I used to have physical copies of Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance, Treasury of Scripture Knowledge, Matthew Henry’s Commentary, and a copy of Nelson’s Bible Dictionary, but when we moved I donated a ton of books, hoping they would be a blessing to someone else. Blue Letter Bible is one of my favorite online resources for study and word origin references.

Bible reading and study isn’t something to offload. Here’s why: your soul is wired for connection with the One Who created you. Getting out into Creation and reading His Word are two tried and proven methods for learning what is True and being able to connect your soul with God.

How do all these things tie into being brave? Glad you asked!

It takes courage to realize you have a need. In this case the need is know the Truth. 

It takes courage to take a step to meet that need.

It takes courage to carve out the time to meet that need.

It takes courage to guard that time as a priority.

It takes courage to ask the questions of God; what do I need today? How can I grow more Christ-like?

It takes courage to begin to hide God’s Word in your heart. (Scripture memory is work people)

It takes courage to speak God’s Word to the lies that we hear whispered in our thoughts by the enemy of our soul.

Those are seven ways that learning what Truth is has impact on being brave.

Annie wisely suggests we combat lies with Truth through prayer. I’ll leave you with hers:

God, tell me the truth of who I am. I’m listening. I want to be free from the lies—do that for me. Rescue me. Bring truth like a waterfall.

What Inspires Courage in You?

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Happy First Friday in October!

I love autumn or fall, whichever you prefer to call it. The colors change, even in California. Certainly not as gloriously as other parts of the world but the crisping of the air, the change of the season inspires me.

I’m not sure why, but this time of year seems to carry me forward into doing new things instead of slowing down like the plants are doing as the temperature cools.

This fall, the new thing I am doing is recognizing the little ways I choose to be brave. I want to pay attention to the feelings of uncertainty, of fear, and instead of allowing those feelings to shape my thoughts and actions, I am choosing to take a brave step to deal with the issue at hand.

I’ve been reading 100 Days to Brave, by Annie F. Downs, her devotional published last October. Daily she talks about what brave is and invites the reader along on the journey to unlock your most courageous self. 

Today she spoke of courage. I love that word.  I am a word-nerd. True story: when I was a freshman in college, in my first semester, in the fall of 1975, I would go to the Library and read the Oxford English Dictionary of Word Origins. Maybe it felt safe to hang out where people were, even if I didn’t know them; a 17 year old kid who knew no one created a sense of belonging in the library. That is a story for another time.

I hung out in the library reading the OED of Word Origins not once or twice, but weekly for a couple of months. Not because I had a course requirement; I fell in love with knowing where words come from and a bit about how they came into being.

Courage is one of those words. Why did it stir in me a desire to stand up straight, square my shoulders and take a stand? There is a reason. It’s an awesome word!

The origin of courage is latin, the root is cor and it means heart. 

When you take courage, you are receiving strength of heart, of purpose, of meaning. 

 

Courage is similar to brave not only in meaning but also because we don’t think of ourselves as having courage or being brave in little ways. But somedays it takes courage to simply do the next thing. 

We need to be reminded. We need to be willing to ask God for courage and then to take a small step of courage to be strengthened to do the next thing. 

One step leads to the next. After a few courageous steps you may realize you’re stronger than you know. 

What’s most important is that we take that brave first step.

Why? to What? Asking Different Questions Matters

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I’m a curious person by nature. I remember getting in trouble for asking, “Why?” 

I still ask a lot of questions. How about you? See? Another question!

Now I get to ask questions in my work. As a coach, I listen, ask questions of my clients, and help them discover their next action step in work, life & faith. It’s the best career for a curious person.

So here’s my question for you: What was a recent brave thing you did?

Was it getting out of bed this morning to face a daunting to do list? Was it dealing with a difficult person at work? Or facing the fact that your parent is declining quicker than anyone was ready for?

Being brave doesn’t just mean dealing with BIG struggles. Being brave can come in quiet ways, too.

My most recent brave thing happened today.

Today is my birthday. You might think, ‘How did you have to be brave on your birthday?’ It starts with a memory.

When I was little I used to announce a countdown to my birthday, beginning two months ahead of the big day! I wanted to make sure EVERYONE knew my birthday was coming and just how old I was going to be. My Mom would make whatever flavor of birthday cake I wanted, even if I wanted two flavors. One year, my 9th birthday, she made a layer cake with one layer of chocolate and one layer of banana cake with whipped cream and fresh banana slices in between with chocolate frosting all around. That was amazing, and obviously memorable. 

I suspect she went out of her way that year because we had just moved to a new part of town and I was in a new school. My birthday comes only a month into the school year and as a new student, I hadn’t made friends to ask to a party. Sad. So my Mom went out of her way to make our family time special.

Even as I write this I’m tearing up because I realize how the past 11 birthdays have not been the same since my Mom & Dad died. I guess I try to be brave and cover over the sadness so I’m not a downer, but in reality, I miss them. 

We had a crazy, complicated, and dysfunctional family. But it was my family. I’ve supported the livelihoods of several counselors through the years (other brave stories) as I’ve worked through family of origin stuff, but they were still my family, and in spite of the crazy, I love them.

My brave act today was smiling through the sadness. 

I’m so fortunate to have a wonderful husband who took the day off so we could drive to the coast and walk on the beach. I am so fortunate to have two amazing sons who both called to wish me a Happy Birthday. I am so fortunate to have loving cousins who sent me cards and SO MANY LOVING FRIENDS who mailed cards, texted, or commented on social media, sharing loving thoughts. Such a great birthday!

I still ask the questions of God though.

Why?

Why did they have to die so young? Why was life so complicated? Why so much pain?

All the questions of a curious person.

I saw this planter at the retreat center I visited last weekend.

It’s on a beautiful prayer path with a sign post that poses a new Way to be brave:

Instead of asking Why in the face of pain, move to asking, What? 

What do you want to do through this situation? What can I learn? What can bring you glory in these hard circumstances?

Being brave may be a private act of trust; looking to God in spite of the sadness we face and placing our hope in the One who redeems all things, which includes our sadness.

What brave act have you experienced or witnessed? As Annie says in her book, 100 Days to Brave

When we see brave out in the world, it inspires us.

Share what inspires you. It just may help someone else to be brave, too.

What Comes to Mind When You Hear the Word Brave?

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What comes to mind when you hear the word Brave?

I’m working my way through 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs. In today’s entry she encourages readers to journal about two or three incidents in your life that might be labeled brave.

I recently watched the Disney movie Brave with my 3 year old granddaughter, who also has curly red hair like the main character Merida.

We watched Merida be brave in several ways. She wanted to learn activities traditionally belonging to men like archery. She rode a horse. She fought for her family. None of these brave acts were the same. She was brave in big and little ways.

What about you? Does your definition of brave leave room for little acts of bravery or only big ones?

Sometimes being brave means admitting I have needs. Asking for help was deemed a sign of weakness, a ‘less than’ statement growing up. One of my early memories of having a need was coming into the house after I had fallen down skinning my knees to the point of bleeding (again) and having my mom tell me that the Bactine and bandaids were in the bathroom. I was seven. Now mind you I was a rough and tumble kid. She was probably tired of my superficial wounds. But her response stuck with me.

Childhood memories can become story starters for the way we look at things as an adult. Being brave is admitting the story we're telling ourselves may not be accurate. Click To Tweet

The story I told myself about my depression was not an encouraging one. My inner critic was a nonstop voice of self-recrimination looping through my thoughts. “What’s wrong with you?” was on an infinite loop in my head. I had a hard time focusing. A hard time finding joy. A hard time admitting I needed help.

I’ve been reading 100 Days to Brave. Today Annie wrote of her move from Georgia to Nashville, TN. She shared how hard the move was. A line from the page really resonated with me

I never felt brave. But day after day, I just did the next thing, took the next step, said the next yes.

I used to think that moving was a great adventure, that it was an opportunity to learn new things, meet new friends and have more fun. That was until we moved from our home of 15 years, emptying our nest and relocating all in a couple of months. I had no idea how hard it would be to make a new start in a new area. Nothing was familiar. Finding a grocery store became a chore; finding my way around became more than I wanted to face most days, so I slipped, ever so slowly, down the slope into depression.

It took several months before I admitted I needed help. Thankful for the internet I found a Christian counselor who has helped me work through my depression and other areas of emotional need that I had hidden away.

Maybe that’s you, suffering in silence. Maybe your brave act is to admit you have a need, to tell someone. That is no small act of bravery.

One of my favorite sayings is ‘Awareness is the first step to change’.

Remember what Annie said:

I never felt brave. But day after day, I just did the next thing, took the next step, said the next yes.

She also encourages her readers to think back on your life and journal about two or three moments you or someone else might label brave.

You’re more than welcome to tell me. No one sees the comments until I first read them, so if you want to share, but don’t want your comment posted, you can tell me and it won’t be.

Be brave my friend.

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