Learning Along The Way

A Handful of Hope for (forced) Homeschooling Parents

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It’s time for a reset of focus for this blog. I’ve been quiet here for a long time in part because I’ve been discerning why I have not been writing about learning. The lightbulb went on for me yesterday; realizing I have knowledge and resources that parents who find themselves homeschooling their children for the first time, and not by choice, might want and need.

The reset now is to focus on learning. All learning, not just spiritual learning. Life in the time of COVID-19 causes many to be together at home with short notice. That has caused stress for many families; how are we going to get through this? We can be grateful for the internet for access to resources. There are so many great sites to find activities to “keep your kids busy”.

I am offering a different angle: learning together with your children.

Here’s the thing: many of you are products of the public school system. I am too. I am also a veteran public school teacher so I know what I’m talking about here. Teachers are amazing at what they do! Limited supplies to share with 20-35 students in elementary classrooms; mandatory curriculum to align with standardized tests that don’t pay attention to the real learning needs of the real students they see in their classrooms; additional required responsibilities beyond teaching and preparing to teach without additional pay; these issues and more exist across this country. And now they are adapting all their lessons to be delivered remotely and overseen by parents who are not used to spending this much time with their own children. YIKES!!!

How can we make the most of these circumstances? Here’s a handful of hope, 5 tips to try:

  1. Plan something to look forward to when the required schoolwork is completed. By completed I mean to your child’s teacher’s standards, not just finished.
  2. Give a 5 minute break for every 25 minutes of focused work. This is called the pomodoro method. It keeps everyone motivated to get tasks done in a timely, non-dawdling manner. For the youngest of the school age children, I suggest adapting it to 20 minutes with a 10 minute break; this aligns with their developmental readiness to focus.
  3. Use at least one of the breaks to do something silly like trying to get a spoon to stick to the end of your nose, or learning how to blow bubbles with bubble gum or something fun or silly you remember from your own childhood and want to pass on to your littles.
  4. Get outside as often as possible. Look outside if the weather doesn’t permit going outside. There is brain science behind this need.
  5. Plan your days into Five Ds: discipleship studies; discipline studies; discretionary studies; down time; and dinner time. I adapted the work of Sally Clarkson author of Educating the Wholehearted Child which was a seminal construct for me when I found myself homeschooling our then eight year old way back in 1997. Ancient history I know. Somethings don’t change; they are adapted.

If you like this info, subscribe to my weekly digest of articles. You’ll get one email a week with links to all the content.

If you’re already subscribed and this reset is not the content you want, please share it with someone who might want it before you exercise your right to unsubscribe.

These are unprecedented times; I realize you have grown to expect certain types of posts here and I value and appreciate your support. I want to assure you I will be writing about faith as well as other things as I continue learning along the Way. Consider riding this out with me.

What Changes When You’re Brave?

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I’ve been reflecting on this question: What Changes When You’re Brave, Lisa?

I’m wondering if there is a monumental shift of focus? 

Do you go out and do courageous acts like this?

 

Photo by Sammie Vasquez on Unsplash

Or this?

Photo by Leio McLaren (@leiomclaren) on Unsplash

Although I think these images demonstrate two women being brave in big ways, I don’t think these are the only ways people change when they’re being brave. We change in ways that often go unseen.

We change inside. To be brave means we need courage. The latin root of courage is cor which is heart.

(photo by Lisa Lewis)

Courage is an act of heart. Being brave means we have an internal shift away from staying stuck in fear of _____________ and a movement toward demonstrating the strength of heart that it takes to be brave.

Where can we find strength of heart?

But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

As I’ve considered what’s been shifting for me through reading Annie F. Downs’ 100 Days to Brave,

what stands out are the ways God is helping me be more honest with myself, seeing areas that still need changing, without diminishing the challenge that change brings, or without disregarding the work I’ve put in so far. His grace toward me, toward you is never ending. I am so thankful.

Did you know that she has started another 100 Days to Brave Facebook group? Check it out!

But even with reading her great devotional for the past 98 days, what keeps me from bravely doing the next right thing on any given day? At any given moment? 

I’ve narrowed it down to one of two things: fear of failure and/or expectations. The fear of failure keeps me from trying to make a change. Expectations are just loaded with potential landmines to step in; they usually look like disappointing myself or someone else by not being good enough.

I’ve been putting into practice some coaching techniques I know; testing them out on myself to see if they will be helpful for others. And guess what? They’re working!

Like anything we do that is new, the first time we try the new thing, we may meet with resistance; either from inside or outside ourself. Either way, the resistance to change is where we need to apply courage to push through the resistance.

Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash

Because the focus of my coaching is helping women connect the dots of work, life and faith, I see the need for tools to help us apply what we may already know. We still allow resistance to hold us back from connecting the dots and seeing the Way to live wholeheartedly. This can be what changes when we’re brave. Facing the resistance and pushing through to the other side.

Years ago when I was considering the name for this website, it struck me that all of life is about learning. But wholehearted living is learning to live along the Way, with a capital W. The question for me centers on how do I live a regular life keeping my eyes on Jesus? How did He live His earthly life? And now that the Helper has taken up residence in me, how am I to live as I continue learning along the Way?

With this question in mind, I’ve been putting together a course, a series of lessons with activities focusing on learning to let go of expectations and fears and learning to lean in toward the unique path Jesus has for each of us.

Lots of people develop courses and put them up for sale. I’d like to do that too eventually. But first, I’d like to run a Beta test group and I want to offer the course free to you, my dear readers.

Free. 

What have you got to lose?

This course will be six weeks in length. There aren’t grades. But like anything, you will get out of the course what you put into it. But I do want your feedback. I value suggestions. I want to know if you think there needs to be more or less material in different topics that we’ll encounter. Or if you think of something fun to add to what is already in place. That’s what a beta tester does. Gets great stuff for free and then gets to give their opinions and helpful input.

Will you help me?

All you need to do is respond to this post by Friday, Jan. 11.

You’ve given me your email already. I won’t be talking about the course here weekly, you’ll receive the material in a separate email.

The start date will be next Monday, Jan. 14.

So, who’s in?

#letgoleanin

 

When is an End Also a Beginning?

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Since October 1 of this year, I have been reading 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs.

When I began the book I thought it would be a walk in the park. I consider myself brave; I’ve faced hard things like all of us. Honestly, I didn’t think working through the devotional would require much of me. But in this simple, straightforward devotional, her writing has challenged and encouraged me to stretch and grow in a way I wasn’t expecting.

Right about the end of November, I began the section Brave Enough to Persevere. At Day 60, the very first verse Annie referenced was one I have spoken to others and to myself countless times:

“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” John 16:33

I love this reminder. When life feels hard or out of control or full of uncertainty I like to remind myself that Jesus has overcome the world. None of what any of us face is unknown to Him nor is any of it out of His control. (It still can feel like it to me, but Truth wins over my feelings every time.)

The next eight days it seemed that Annie kept poking at deeper, harder, more painful places than I had thought I’d be facing, again. And yet, I kept seeing the theme here: like Annie, I’m a 7 on the Enneagram and I do my best to gloss over pain, to reframe it so that it’s tolerable. I have gone around the same mulberry bush too many times to count. Then she started a new section:

Brave Enough to Pursue Healing.

Ouch.

If I am going to finish Annie’s book I am going to have to choose to be brave and face deep wounds for real, not just acknowledging their existence, but actually seeking God’s healing for my whole self.

Back into counseling I went, armed with more courage than I ever thought possible. Thank you Jesus! Shame and disregard were twin themes that I didn’t know had trapped my mind behind bars and yet in two different sessions each one was brought to the Light and seen for what it was, a Lie I had chosen to believe because of repeated stories I told myself. Enough of that trash!

Not only counseling but I am also working with a coach whose specialty is body trauma. I have a new book to read called The Body Keeps Score. And I have my one word for 2019:

God is making all things new. We are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. I’m partnering with Holy Spirit to finish the healing work God began in me almost 38 years ago when He opened the eyes of my heart to my need of Him and His love for me.

So reading 100 Days to Brave has been one of the best things I could have started near the end of the year. I know some of you have been reading it too. I’d love to hear how God has been at work in your mind and heart through this devotional.

If you choose one word to frame your year, I’d love to know. Share here or comment on Instagram. I’d love to know how I can pray for your year.

There are new things stirring for me in this coming year; the end of this book will be the beginning of my new series. I’ll begin sharing it the first full week of 2019 so stay tuned!

In the meantime, Happy New Year!

Why It’s Been Scary Being Silent

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It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve posted here. It’s been a little scary being silent here. I run the risk of offending or you losing interest in my offerings. Although I’ve been writing for school, I’ve also been dabbling with old word patterns, ways of expression I set aside when evaluators lost appreciation for my words.

Here is a sample:

There’s been a quiet settling in my soul

like the hush of snowfall

I’m not certain what is coming

but I know what I’m letting go

productivity equaling my value

driven action to meet others’ expectations

busy-ness to fill the solitude 

 

 

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

 

Holy Days filled with room

Room for baking with dimpled hands and eager ideas

Room for listening, reading, laughing

Room for building

train tracks, towers and relationships

Making room for Holy hush

My hope for you in the next 15 days is a heart full of awareness of those around you and the bravery to make room. Perhaps to face the loss of those who are no longer around your table or the hurt of fractured relationship. We are still on the 100 Days to Brave journey. Whatever it may be, I pray you will face the days with courage.

Which Answer Needs Your Bravery Most?

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This week has posed three different scenarios that required three different answers. A Yes. A No. A Wait.

Which answer needs your bravery most?

Sometimes saying Yes to an opportunity puts me in an internal cyclone of anxiety: what if they don’t like me? What if I don’t speak in a way that aligns with their expectations? What if?

There’s a great response for that ‘What if’ set of questions that quiets the cyclone for me.

God knows what they need. I know God. He cares for me and them. It will be just as it needs to be. I can say a brave Yes trusting God with the details.

Just so you know, I didn’t come into the world with these anxiety settling statements wired into me. On the contrary, I seem to be wired to panic first and settle down second. Ask my sons. On second thought, don’t. You’ll hear more about me than you might care to know! But as I have been learning along the Way, I look at Jesus and His model for facing challenges. There’s no panic. He drew aside to be alone with the Father. He knew His purpose was to glorify the Father in all that He did. No matter what. 

So your brave Yes can follow that same pattern. Look to Jesus. 

What about No? Do you fear saying No to someone or some opportunity means you’ll be missing out? Or offending? Or disappointing someone? 

Photo by Andy Tootell on Unsplash

 

I’ve struggled with saying No, fearing repercussions for my answer. That’s a bit scary if you’ve experienced repercussions in the past that frame how you respond. I have and it’s not fun. Here’s the thing: Jesus didn’t meet everyone’s needs. He didn’t heal everyone. He didn’t dine with everyone. Jesus made choices and some of His answers were No. Gleaning wisdom from Jesus means learning from Him along the Way. Learning when to say Yes and when to say No. I can say a brave No trusting God with the potential for repercussions. 

And what about saying Wait? When your life seems like a Yes is the right answer but you don’t have a clear sense of a green light to move forward; do you say Yes because of circumstances? Or No because you’re not clear? What keeps us from saying I need to wait? I can only speak for me but I’ve said Yes when I knew I was supposed to wait. The biggest example of not saying Wait was pretty regrettable in hind sight.

Photo by Xu Haiwei on Unsplash

I was 26 and engaged to a great Christian guy. He loved Jesus, led Bible studies in his home, had been a summer intern for his home church. When he asked me to marry him in December, I was thrilled! He had even asked my Dad’s permission to marry me. We were meeting with a young pastor and his wife for our pre-marital counseling; during a time of study and prayer with her, I clearly knew I was to push the pause button on wedding planning. I shared with her what I believed. She affirmed my impression. It wasn’t No I’m not supposed to marry him. It was wait. 

I didn’t. I feared my mother’s wrath over all the planning and expense that had already been incurred. Now it was April. The wedding date was July 2. The dress was purchased, fitted and in alteration process. The venue secured. The guest list accounted for. The invitations chosen and at the printers to be able to be addressed and mailed by the 6 week prior appropriate Miss Manners time frame. If I said we need to wait, I also feared what my fiancé would say or think or do. What if he backed out altogether? What would that look like? 

Do you hear my fear of others more than my fear of God?

I will never know what God had in store for following that clear prompting. I do know that our marriage was not the God-centered one I anticipated. We both had family of origin issues to grow away from; we couldn’t learn new ways on our own. He wasn’t a fan of counseling, so we struggled. Each church we tried didn’t measure up to expectations so we didn’t have community. We were married 4 years and decided it must be time to start a family. During my pregnancy he developed a relationship with a co-worker which grew past friendship. When I was four and a half months pregnant, he left our marriage. 

Broken is an understatement. Devastated is closer. 

One compromise of values does not have to ruin a life. But one upon another upon another changes the original course. The question ‘How did we get here?’ is a common response when life altering circumstances present themselves.

I’ve learned to be brave and say Wait since then. I haven’t always done that perfectly either even after such life altering circumstances. But God.

My two favorite words in Scripture. But God. They are paired in lots of places. Here are just a few:

But God will never forget the needy; the hope of the afflicted will never perish. (Ps. 9:18)

but God has surely listened and has heard my prayer. (Ps.66:19)

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Ps. 73:26

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

Jesus didn’t say Yes to everyone’s need, but He did die for everyone.  

but God raised him from the dead on the third day and caused him to be seen. (Acts 10:40)

You and I can learn to say a brave Yes or a brave No. We can even learn to say a brave Wait. We can learn to let go of fears and expectations as we learn to trust the One who holds this all together. He is worth the risk you face. He is faithful.

 

Why is Being Brave Such a Challenge?

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Fifty days have passed since I started this journey. When I considered doing this I honestly thought: 100 Days to Brave would be a cake walk for me; I’ve had to learn to be brave through so many hardships already, how hard could it be?

Like a lot of things I’ve walked through, I continue to be surprised by things that catch my breath and not always in a good way at first.

Why is being brave such a challenge?

My Hubster told our little boys “you can’t be brave unless you face fear.” I thought that was a beautiful thing to say to teach them to be strong men. He did a great job. They are both strong & brave men; living their lives in new cities with new circumstances; contributing to the world in the roles they fill. I’m a proud & blessed Momma. But their brave challenges have not been my brave challenges. I have my own and honestly they’re not easy for me to walk through.

Annie’s book is pressing in on relationships and how they call us to be brave. Like Annie, I’m an Enneagram 7 who doesn’t like pain, who likes to reframe hard things to minimize the pain, distracting myself from hurt, and often walking away from discomfort without leaning into the painful communication that working through hard things requires.

I know that might surprise you since I write about growing and changing and letting go of expectations; learning along the Way to lean into the yoke that Jesus has uniquely fit for each of us. Yet I am challenged.

It’s hard to let go of hurt and cast my cares on Jesus. Why? Because when I’ve been hurt, I want  others to know, to experience at least a piece of the pain I feel. It’s not rational. It’s emotional. Those are two different parts of me. Learning to bring them together to one cohesive unit within me is the challenge and I choose to be brave. 

Five years have passed since we left the part of California I had lived for 29 years. Five years is long enough to have gotten involved in a new community, made new friends and moved forward in life. It’s more than a little embarrassing to recognize I’ve been like Lot’s wife looking over my shoulder instead of keeping my face forward. The move was hard and painful for me. It seemed some of the people I had spent so much life with simply forgot me.  In the trying to move forward, I was also mourning what was no longer; there was a still small voice whispering “worship”. I turned to Spotify to a Hillsong Worship playlist I’ve listened to countless times. Comforting. Familiar. Yet this time I heard with new ears:

In the crushing, in the pressing, You are making New Wine.

In the soil I now surrender, you are breaking new ground.

So I yield to you into Your careful hand and I trust You I don’t need to understand.

Make me a vessel, make me an offering, make me whatever You want me to be.

I came here with nothing but all You have given me; Jesus bring New Wine out of me.

Tears flowed. It is not easy for me to let go of something. And I can be unpleasant in the process. Ask my Husbter. Poor man. He’s a saint. These words from Hillsong could not be more personal. I felt Holy Spirit telling me the crushing, the pressing was for my good, but most of all that God would be seen in me as others watched me navigate these waters. He would receive the glory in my choice to let go of disappointment.

Cuz where there is new wine there is new power; 

there is new freedom and the kingdom is here 

I lay down my old flames to carry your new fire today.

You see in every letting go we have a choice: to cling to hurt, to let bitterness take hold or to hold out open hands, fingers spread so that what’s in them falls through like water pouring over our fingers, washing them so that nothing of selfish thoughts are left, only an openness to what God has ahead.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

It’s a laying down of the old ways, the ‘old flames’ to carry the new fire we are being offered. He won’t force us. It’s His offering to us out of what He has already done.

This my dear friend is why being brave is such a challenge. We only see what we know. Sometimes we think that is all there is. And if we don’t get what we thought we needed or deserved, then we are disappointed. There’s nothing wrong with disappointments. Its what we do with the disappointments that makes the difference. Do we re-hash them, making them stronger in our minds, in the emotional place where disappointment can turn to resentment then into bitterness? Or is there a different, better Way?

Let go, lean in. It’s more than my hashtag. It is a gracious invitation from the One who has walked the path of truly letting go; who offers the invitation to learn from Him, who offers us rest for our souls.

Make me a vessel, make me an offering. 

Jesus bring new wine out of me.

I know this place. It can feel lonely. But here’s the thing: you are never truly alone if you’ve claimed the offering Jesus made on your behalf; Holy Spirit walks within you giving you what you NEED.  But even then, sometimes we need another to bear witness to this hard part of our journey. As I coach others in spiritual formation, I have been given the privilege of holding open the Sacred Space of listening, the seeking of God’s wisdom together and the gift of presence. It’s a beautiful process.

If you’re walking through a challenging time and want to learn to walk more closely with the One who loves you well, message me.

Where there is New Wine there is new freedom. And the Kingdom is here.

Don’t we want that?

Enjoy listening to New Wine

How Do You Cope When Your Heart is Heavy?

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News that causes you to gasp.

Skies that are acrid with smoke. Possessions, homes, pets, LIVES lost.

Text messages and phone calls that shift the earth off its known axis; from where I sit anyway. Cancer.

All three things happened Friday. My heart sank like a rock into water. Heavy for all the hard things.

How do you cope when your heart is heavy?

Circumstances like these may be our training ground; seeing the hurts of others and feeling the weight of their losses can cause a desire to respond, to help in some way. What if we don’t know what’s the best thing to do?

Pray.

I know there is at least one person reading this whose response to that suggestion was something like:” that’s not doing anything. What am I supposed to DO?” How do I know that? Because that was me.

I’d hear a person who had been a Christ-follower longer than me tell a group of women to pray and because of where I was in my faith journey, I didn’t think that was as important as getting out and gathering donations or making meals or whatever physical thing seemed like the best next thing to do.

Don’t get me wrong: physical actions are often the thing that praying can lead to. But doing doesn’t shift your heavy heart. 

Doing without praying distracts your heart. Doing alone won’t lift your heart.

Only God can lift your/my heavy heart. Talking to Him, telling Him what is weighing your heart down is exactly the place to begin.

It is a brave step to admit your heart is heavy. I’ve tried to go about my regular life without acknowledging the weightiness. I am cranky, grumpy and not nice to be around. Often when I’ve distracted myself from what’s weighing down my heart, it’s still bugging me but the reality isn’t uppermost in my mind so I can’t explain why I’m out of sorts, which only makes it all worse.

Let’s be brave, admit hard things weigh down our hearts and ask God to help us. We can look to His Word for passages of encouragement. Peter encourages us to cast all our cares upon Him because He cares for us. The Psalms say He is the lifter of my head; that He is a shield about me; that He is a strong tower that I may run into to.

My favorite passage?

Come to Me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

Full disclosure: I’m a cry-er. God has wired me with empathy as my number one strength. I feel deeply, so when I pray I am often weeping over the cares of others. But when I am done praying, my soul is unburdened. I’ve given those cares to the Only One who can truly do anything useful. Sometimes He invites me to take an action, like write a card, send a text, give resources. Sometimes He simply gives me rest for my soul.

What’s Keeping Your Head Down, Girlfriend?

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Saturday I created a writer’s retreat for myself.

The Hubster was in Chicago visiting our son, so instead of being Eeyore and saying ‘Woe is me I am all alone” I planned to use the day for writing and reading.

I went to the store ahead of time, got some healthy and not so healthy snacks, veggies for soup, and came home for the weekend.

Intentional alone time to be quiet, to listen, and to capture the thoughts that percolated to the top.

I have to say it was a successful day!

But like so many things I do, I was focused with my head down, and I almost missed this:

I was stunned that I had been so consumed with what I was doing, my head down, focused on what I thought was most important at the time, that this almost escaped my view.

So I watched. He got my attention.

It was a glorious sunset. God painted the sky and I watched the colors shift with the changing light.

My perspective remained the same; He shifted the world as if to remind me that what I can see is not all there is.

I wonder, what else might I be missing when my head is down, focused on what I deem important in the moment? When daily routines require attention, do I miss the wave of a neighbor while I sweep? Or the flutter of a butterfly around the flowers?

There have been times when I’ve been “too busy” to reach out to a friend when the Spirit prompts me, only later to learn she was grieving and feeling alone at the time when I didn’t lift my head from my work.

This begs the question: Whose time is it anyway? My time? My way? My work?

I sigh, realizing I missed an opportunity to be God’s gift of encouragement to another.

I share this to help us both remember our time isn’t really ours; time is gift God gives us to steward for His glory and others’ good.

Teach us to number our days that we might present to You a heart of wisdom. 

Daily we have opportunities to be about the Father’s business. There is a lot of need for good to be done. But the question is, are we doing instead of being? Are we so focused on the work that we forget the relational components?

I know there are seasons when quiet moments to simply be still are few and far between. I know it can feel like the noise from all the needs is making you feel under so much pressure that your ears might bleed. I’ve been in that place. But God. My two favorite words in scripture. But God invites us to be still and know that He is God. We are not.

If we listen to the invitation, take the risk and press pause, tune our ears to His voice of love, acceptance, Presence, we just might be renewed. We just might be filled up to be poured out for the good of others. We can’t keep pouring out without being filled up again.

What’s keeping your head down, girlfriend?

Does lifting your head sound impossible? Do you see only obstacles instead of opportunities? Do you need options?

I’m a trained listener, a person who journeys with others who need and want a guide as they learn along the Way.

Curious to know more? I’d love to hear from you.

 

Are You Too Busy to Count?

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I’ve been reading 100 Days to Brave and sharing some of my reflections here, but I’m curious for those who have been reading along too:

Are you too busy leaning in to being brave to count where we are?

Just this week we’ve achieved 31 days; I know this because we started October 1 and Wednesday is October 31, Halloween. We’re a third of the way to unlocking our most courageous selves!

Just two quick questions for you to reflect upon;

What area(s) of your life have you seen that you’re already brave?

 

What is keeping you from taking a brave step in an area that you know you need to lean into?

 

 If you want to let me know I’d love to hear your answers!

If this is your first time dropping by, welcome!

I’d love to have you join in the community to receive encouragement and have some laughs (sometimes) but most of all to consider how your story and my story connect to God’s story!

Who Does God Say You Are?

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In 100 Days to Brave Annie F. Downs shared a story of a friend who was newly employed at a bank. Her first day was filled with the task of counting money.

Why? To learn to know the real thing. Once you handle the real thing you can tell counterfeit from real.

We need to know what is True about us in order to live a brave life.

How do we know what is True?

We have a guide book with lots of loving encouragement and promises. Truth to know and live out.

I received this beautiful card last year at a retreat I attended in the redwoods of California. Being in that place is a big enough reminder of God’s goodness yet this takeaway has reminded me of God’s love and care on many occasions in the year since.

This list is from ONE place in scripture: Ephesians 1.

Annie mentioned several more places to be reminded. If you are curious, start mining the Word to find the nuggets you need for your own reminding of God’s love for you, of His faithfulness to you, of His provision of courage you need to live a brave life.

Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved…

Follow Me…

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