Learning Along The Way

Rest for Your Soul

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rest for your soul

I shared this photo yesterday with the women of Alameda MOPS. I was privileged to bring them a few words of encouragement for a very busy season; early motherhood.

Preparing to share about Embracing Rest meant I needed to slow down in my own life and make space for spiritual rest and renewal.

Learning to know when to work hard and when to let up and rest is a big part of living in tandem with God.

When Jesus commissioned his 12 disciples to go out and teach, He also went out to teach. Jesus invited all who heard to come to Him;

“Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

The yoke is meant for close connection and for training. It is also how a stronger helps the weaker to accomplish the task. When oxen were yoked together they were paired by strength; a weaker one was put in the yoke alongside a stronger, more experienced ox.

I like how Eugene Peterson says it in The Message: “Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with Me and work with Me–watch how I do it. learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Jesus knows how physically and spiritually tired we can be. And He offers us a different Way.

If we keep company with Him, we’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

And we will find rest for our souls.

Living in Tandem Isn’t Flashy

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It’s Day 21 of #write31days and I feel a bit like I’m on a long distance bike ride.  It’s not always cute like this picture; it’s just what you do. Just keep pedaling.

It’s rather like living in tandem.

Oswald Chambers wrote of Living in Tandem too. He often wrote about discipleship and discipline.  Being a learner and demonstrating what you’ve learned. He phrased it this way:

“We do not need the grace of God to withstand crises—human nature and pride are sufficient for us to face the stress and strain magnificently.

But it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours of every day as a saint, going through drudgery, and living an ordinary, unnoticed, and ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus.”

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I’ve read and re-read this book. My thoughts and way of living have been shaped by Oswald’s devotional thoughts. Can you see how many times I’ve been impacted by these particular words?

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We can all be good at starting something. But it’s been said that the life of a Christ follower is more like a marathon than a sprint. Eugene Peterson wrote a book whose title also speaks to Living in Tandem:  A Long Obedience in the Same Direction. His writing encouraged me years ago to recognize that the change I desired to see in myself is promised but not on my timeline. Change comes by God and in His timing; which is always perfect but outside our 24/7 time frame!

Life is so very daily you see. We sometimes lose perspective. If we’re doing this all in our own strength we are likely to also lose heart along with perspective.

Learning to live in tandem with the One who made you takes time and perseverance.  When the following words first stood out to me it was 1998.

“We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people—and this is not learned in five minutes.”

God is Present and is willing to give you strength to keep moving forward through this day and toward His heart. It’s not flashy but it’s more than enough.

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From where does our help come? It comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. 

A Change in Perception

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As a life coach I’ve had the privilege of learning about the power of perception. Our minds are amazing creations. So complex, so creative, so essential, so powerful.

As we perceive something, (see, interpret, etc.) our perception influences our way of thinking. If we form a thought once there is an imprint. But if we repeat that thought our brain creates a pathway of connection. And the more we think that thought the stronger the pathway. This forms our mindset.

A mindset frames how we respond to any situation in which we find ourselves.  The amazing thing is we don’t even realize we’re responding from this place because our brain chooses the reinforced pathways. It’s like taking the easy, familiar way home. You just do it without thinking.

You’ve heard of fixating on something right? It’s all you can think about?  The thing you’re fixating upon and the way you’re thinking about it (positive or negative) is also a way of reinforcing your thought pattern, your mindset. Or if you attended school at some point in your life, you had to memorize some list of facts. Math facts or grammar rules or state capitols. To memorize is the process of creating those reinforced pathways in our brain.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It’s in that place we are strengthening our mind set about any number of things: a person, an attitude toward something like broccoli or more widespread like social mores. If something has been hard, or traumatic what we tell ourselves about the experience is also part of establishing our mindset.

Now here’s the best part of all this great scientific neurological information: God’s Word already speaks to this! What?! Yes indeed.

In Paul’s letter to the Romans he contrasts what we focus our minds upon in this way: 8:5-6

“For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.”

In the margin of my Bible I wrote the question What is my mindset?

If you struggle like I do to think rightly about yourself, God’s Word speaks to this too!

“Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

I can’t fully capture in words the freedom that has come to me and continues to unfold because of stopping the crazy thinking I heard and holding each statement up against that list.

Like what you ask? A thing I heard a lot growing up: “This is all your fault!” What I have told myself: “I am is not good enough”. So I developed a warped mindset about myself and have lived out of perfectionism and performance for approval for decades. Decades. And in the places I haven’t achieved my desired result? I tell myself things I would NEVER speak toward another human being. I know I’m not alone.

When I catch myself going down that familiar mental abuse path, I am quicker now to put up a Stop Sign on my thought path and hold up that thought to the list:

Is this true?

Is this a noble thought?

Is this accurate?

Is this a pure thought? Would I be comfortable sharing it with the world on social media?

Is this a lovely way to view myself? Or someone else?

Is this an admirable character trait?

Is this excellent or worthy of praise?

I don’t have to go through the entire list to see that my negative self talk doesn’t line up. I want to think God’s thoughts for others, but as Jesus rightly said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.”

If I leave my perception of myself as it has been, then I am out of line with God’s thoughts about me and others. This awareness has come slowly and so is the internal change. But it’s so much better now than when I first started on this path of living in tandem.

The power of Christ within His followers is life giving. We can change the way we think, the way we respond. I know this is true because God has done great things re-tooling my mindset over the years of looking into His Word, of asking for His help and healing, of being “transformed by the renewing of my mind.” (Romans 12:2)

If you find yourself responding to a new circumstance in a way you don’t want to that’s the place to plant a Stop Sign for your brain. You can create a new pathway to think.

Think on these things…

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When Enthusiasm is AWOL

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I’d love to think everyone deals with all the same issues that keep me from gaining ground and persevering. But our culture shows us so many examples of beautiful, fit, perfectly tanned & made up people that I feel like I’m the only one who battles with myself.

I’m a great starter.  I gather the needed materials, enthusiasm and spunk and dive in regardless of how impossible something is. My creative activity shelves are great examples. As is my collection of modes of exercise gear. I own lots of great cookbooks along with the appropriate tools to accomplish a variety of culinary delights. I own all the necessary tools to keep my nails healthy and colorful.

None of these things are life changing but I tend to speak of what isn’t instead of embracing what is. If I only focus on the half empty instead of the half full I get bogged down by my perception.

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So how do I deal with myself when my enthusiasm is AWOL (Absent without official leave)?

Well what I know doesn’t motivate me is adding shame onto my distracted behavior. That only serves to suck me down into a vortex of spinning emotionally and nothing gets done.  Not even something fun because I am overcome with guilt because of the shame I heap on myself for not staying the course!  Yuck!

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I captured this from a recent Costco magazine; they featured the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I highly recommend it.  I’ve read two of her four books and am currently reading her most recent Rising Strong which is all about how to get back up from a fall when you’ve dared greatly. I have lots of experience with the falls; embracing my way of doing life and celebrating what is is a little more of a challenge.

Learning who I really am instead of trying to fit into how other people think I should be has been the unfolding adventure of my life.  Embracing who I am and how I work as a catalyst, a starter gives me the freedom to do things with the bursts of enthusiasm that overtake me on regular occasions but not daily.  Being ok with the fact I start and then do something else and then circle back around to what I started earlier is hard when I tell myself negative statements about that distracted work flow.

Many years ago, after lamenting this way I do life, a dear friend shared a terrific book with me that really inspired me to lean into my roles of wife, mother and influencer of lives. The author became one of my favorites as she consistently pointed to God’s Word and spoke of both discipline and grace. Elisabeth Elliot is now rejoicing moment by moment in Jesus’s Presence. I will be eternally grateful for the wisdom she shared. The book I reference is The Shaping of a Christian Family. Nestled within the book is this poem that has encouraged me again and again:

From an old English parsonage down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the doors the quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration: “DOE THE NEXTE THYNGE.”

Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, and guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, doe the nexte thynge.

Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all results, doe the nexte thynge

Looking for Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering, be thy demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
Then, as He beckons thee, doe the nexte thynge.

When I have found myself slipping into the downward internal critic heyday, I am able to stop myself and simply say Do The Next Thing. My enthusiasm sneaks back in when I’ve relaxed and reminded myself of the truth that I’m not in this alone. I have a great high priest who is well acquainted with me and loves me just the same.

Isn’t that a way to put a muzzle on the internal critic? That makes me enthusiastic just thinking about it!

Friday Funday!

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As far back as I can remember, Friday has been a day full of excited anticipation.  School days were coming to an end for the week.  When I was a student and later a teacher, Fridays held a lightness to them; the weekend was beginning. Assemblies that got us out of our regular routines were held on Fridays.  If at all possible, field trips were planned for Fridays. Class parties were scheduled for Friday afternoons. Adults look forward to the break in routine as much as children. And so it is Friday.

 

My morning view

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This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

How do you express gladness? For me, my great expression of gladness is in appreciation of God’s handiwork.

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Icelandic poppies in Canada in July

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Beach walking in August; see the black dot just beyond the break on the left? It’s a seal. The birds and seals were enjoying the harvest of a school of fish apparently.

Here is another way you might express gladness…

The Hubster is a percussionist and will express musical gladness wherever he finds sounds he enjoys.

 

We are planning a bike ride for early Saturday morning so a late night out is off the table for our Friday Funday.

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Oh give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever.

 

What about you? How will you celebrate this day?

When Relationships Hit a Rough Patch

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Do you like to daydream? I do. I developed a very active daydream imagination when I was a child living in chaos. It was my favorite way of ‘going away’ in my head.

Wouldn’t it be great if we lived in an ideal world where there was no conflict of any kind?

Unfortunately we don’t. Yet. But in the mean time we have to navigate the twists and turns and bumps that conflict brings along the way.  Sometimes that’s easier than others.

It’s easy when we don’t have to interact with conflict up close and personal.  We can pretend conflict doesn’t exist since there is some distance between us. Or maybe we pretend the person we have the conflict with doesn’t exist?

Distance is an insulator.  It can give us emotional space and time to process how we think or feel.  Of course pretending that conflict doesn’t exist is not a healthy, healing way of dealing with conflict long term. But it can work as a temporary fix.  A little Queen of Egypt behavior is in all of us at one time or another. You’ve heard that saying?

She’s like the Queen of Egypt—she lives in D-Nile.

Too much denial will eventual lead to zero relationship.  A conflict without resolution becomes a place for bitterness. And when we’re full of bitterness it leaks out of us and we’re no fun to be around.  I wish I was telling you all this from my notes in a class I took. Unfortunately not. I know that of which I speak. Changing my way of dealing with conflict has been challenging at best and grueling at worst.  So if I can encourage you to keep short accounts and not let a root of bitterness take hold that many might be defiled then I will hold up a road sign that says: DON”T GO THIS WAY!!

Learning new habits can be fun but there is a letting go of another way of behaving that also has to happen; especially in relationship communication.

Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

I know this verse by heart. And like most of the verses I memorized as a younger Christ follower, I committed it to memory because I needed to learn to apply what it said.  You see, I had it backwards. Completely. Backwards.

Healthy communication is healthy because there isn’t any name calling, critical tone, sassy attitude, or negativity of any kind. I didn’t know how to do that. In any relationship.

Can you say HOT MESS?

Yeah. That was me. But God…

Learning to deal with communication differently has taken my lifetime. I’m what might be called a slow learner. At least a reluctant, stubborn learner. Thankfully the old habits rarely rear their ugly, hurtful heads now.

Good communication is possible. But you have to be willing to make changes in your own way of doing things to find a comfortable common way of communicating that works for both parties.  This takes time, effort and practice. Just like riding a tandem bike.

Learning to communicate peacefully and effectively is a skill that can be acquired but it’s also evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. The word ‘fruit’ is singular in this verse which means you don’t separate out one to focus on; they are altogether a Way God evidences Himself to those we come in contact with. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control are all together being formed in His children by the work of the Holy Spirit.

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Isn’t this a cute pillow?  I found it one day when I wasn’t looking for a pillow…I’m sure you know how that goes. It sits on our bed, a daily reminder of the fact that we continue to learn to live in tandem.

What’s Around the Corner?

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Don’t we often want to know what’s around the corner in life?  I think that’s why we make plans. We have something to look forward!

I’ve been planning blog posts instead of writing them. I’ve done lots of composing in my head but not so much here on the blog. Why? Well in part, I’ve allowed myself to focus too much on circumstances instead of the One who holds it altogether.

In Proverbs we read: the heart of man plans his way but the Lord establishes his steps.

I’m excited to share how the Lord has been establishing my steps. I’m going to share a blog series here for the 31 days of October. 12048699_10205045476232296_665763118_n

 

I’ll be joining over 1000 other writers who’ll be sharing their passions on their blogs.  So many categories, so much fun, so much learning and so much encouragement!

There will be live links to the Write 31 Days curator page where all the bloggers will share their individual link buttons.  I really hope you will consider visiting some bloggers you haven’t come across before.  There are amazing writers with some really interesting series topics that I think many of you will enjoy.

It all begins in only 11 days!!!

 

Learning to Celebrate the Daily

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I am easily distracted these days.  Interestingly, the distractions come from within; the thoughts of what needs to be accomplished mix with the memories of what was and is no longer. These distractions have hindered me from actions that I love, like writing. But I’m happy to say I’ve been coming back to center and learning to celebrate the everyday moments of life thanks to a new book.

I recently read the fantastic new book Simply Tuesday by Emily P Freeman.  It’s available today! The tagline for this book really called to me: Small-Moment Living in a Fast Moving World. I had been living the SLO life for 30 years until two years ago. Now living in the fast-paced, change-oriented, bigger, faster, better society of the Silicon Valley is like “drinking from a fire hose” as our pastor puts it.  Simply Tuesday is a call to notice, to appreciate the ordinary moments of the day and that is opposite living from this world’s expectations. What a beautiful thing because our souls are not meant for speed. A soul is meant for depth, for slow, for connection.

Emily shares her story of learning to embrace ‘small’. She puts into words what my own soul has yearned for; being okay with “right where I am” instead of pushing for more, for notice, for good, better, best. In the chapter “Effort & Outcomes” Emily’s words stopped my striving, never-good- enough heart & mind right in their Energizer Bunny tracks.  “I don’t see Jesus calling me to excellence. I do see Him calling me to Himself. And sometimes, on the kingdom of earth, moving close to Jesus looks like failure and embarrassment.”

I have pushed and resisted, fought and argued and demanded that my life be “good, better, best, never let it rest until your good is better and your better best.”  Being transplanted from the comfort and familiarity of my former life was painful to say the least.  I have not been able to gain the traction I’ve thought I’ve needed to be “successful” in this new arena. The revolutionary thought that simply being aware and available to the movement of Christ in my day truly stopped my whirling internal dialogue. It was as if someone picked up the arm of the record player and turned the swirling machine off.

Simply Tuesday is seeping down into my soul.  This book, Emily’s voice, is counter-cultural in this area where I live. But Emily lives and writes in Greensboro, NC and her words come from a place of knowing how extended beyond peace we often live. Simply Tuesday is inviting me to sit on a bench and notice where Jesus is moving in my day.  It’s inviting me to learn to celebrate the daily; the everyday moments that make up my everyday, ordinary life. Learning to celebrate that this life is a gift from God moment by moment.

Learning to be present to His abiding Presence.  Learning to be thankful for little things like a bird on a bird feeder or the smell of freshly brewed coffee is reminding me of the true beauty that makes up every day.  Learning that time is non-renewable and therefore sacred.

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This bench is at the park near our latest place of residence.  (notice I didn’t call it home? I’m not there yet.) I often see people seated here looking out at the children, the athletes, the trees. This morning I thought of the gift Simply Tuesday is to me and prayed that it would be so for many, many more. I really want to encourage you to get your own copy and gather with others who are seeking connection like I am.  They’re all around us; Tuesday people as Emily calls us.

Listen in to Emily chat briefly about her book here.  Then go to Amazon and pick up your own copy (and maybe a few for your Tuesday people?).  I’d love to know what you’re learning to celebrate!

A Couple Dozen Reasons

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Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter and SnapChat didn’t exist 24 years ago. Neither did the internet for that matter.  And frankly, I’m glad.  My life to that point had been a series of fender benders, speeding tickets and finally a train wreck; all of them culminating at this day, our wedding day. July 20, 1991.

Colin was not to blame for any of those earlier events. In fact he turned out to be the Knight in Shining Armor sent by the King of the realm unbeknownst to this Ragamuffin.  The Wise King knew exactly what it would take to win back this bruised, broken and unlikely heroine.  Because He causes all things to work together for our good, this is a tale of redemption and healing; a story we all want to have woven into our own lives.

One doesn’t expect a story to end well that has a rough beginning. Many tales that begin badly end worse. But God has had a different plan for me that I often couldn’t see or hang on to.  Yet He continues to persevere in working ALL of my life’s circumstances for His good purposes.  IMG_6655I certainly don’t deserve His mercy. But because of Who God is, mercy and grace is what He has poured out on me. On us. Three kids became a family 24 years ago today. In homemade clothes, with the help of family and friends, we began simply. Making a commitment we didn’t really understand but have remained faithful to. Raising not one, but eventually two sons, both now men. Good men. God’s abundant grace poured down.

Two cats, three dogs and one goldfish were all members of our family. There were the two rats, two anoles and one snake that had their stays but they weren’t really an integral part of the family. Raising people and animals gives one a perspective of the importance and difficulty of sacrifice; a small inkling of what God has done for each one of us.

Letting go of old hurts, choosing the path of forgiveness over bitterness have been gentle nudges from God through Colin and our sons.  It seems time and again, I’ve been the one to need the most shaping, the most re-working on an emotional and spiritual level; the loves of my life have been some of God’s shaping tools. Reading and studying His Word, growing up together, learning humility, expressing kindness sincerely, and looking to one another’s needs have been life lessons we have learned along the Way.

I am awed by what God has done through our marriage.  Our sons are real people with real choices who know real acceptance by both their heavenly and earthly Fathers.  They have great relationships with Colin and each other; of which I am amazed. These are results out of my hands people. I joke about holding up a sign that reads: Don’t Go This Way! and yet young people seek us out, asking for time with us to learn how to walk this life. Humbled is not a big enough word to express my feelings when a young woman asks me to meet for coffee. Tears of thankfulness to our good God stream down my cheeks as I write this.

There are at least a couple dozen reasons why this marriage should have crashed and burned at various points over these couple dozen years.

But God.

He has intervened again and again, saving, sanctifying, guiding and directing us back toward one another and upward to Him.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

3 Ways Both/And, Now & Not Yet are True

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I am not equipped for this task but I am both stirred and compelled to write.  I look up and out and seek wisdom…

It’s been a week since the world learned of the martyrdom of the 21 Coptic Christians on the Libyan shore of the Mediterranean Sea.

They did not recant their faith in Christ. They did not beg for human mercy; instead they prayed a simple, honest prayer:” Jesus help me.”

As a mother, I cry for their families who have lost a son. As a wife, I cry for the women who lost their life partner, the other half of themselves. I cry for the children who have lost their daddy. I cry for their church who have lost friends.

I cry.

ISIS might have thought they were sending death threats around the world with this new level of atrocity. Church, don’t waste this message. It is both an atrocity of global proportions and a reminder of what our real purpose is here in this day that we live.

#1 Both/And. This world is filled with atrocities that can overwhelm or motivate.

Please God, let this be a stirring up of Your people to pray. To stand firm in our faith and trust in You.

News travels faster now than it did when Dietrich Bonhoeffer was martyred for his faith in Jesus Christ. His penned words to the church at a time when Hitler was causing atrocities, speak out now in fresh ways in the 21st century:

“The messengers of Jesus will be hated to the end of time. They will be blamed for all the division, which rend cities and homes. Jesus and his disciples will be condemned on all sides for undermining family life, and for leading the nation astray; they will be called crazy fanatics and disturbers of the peace. The disciples will be sorely tempted to desert their Lord. But the end is also near, and they must hold on and persevere until it comes. Only he will be blessed who remains loyal to Jesus and his word until the end.”

― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

This is both disturbing and encouraging.

Most of us as North American Christians have made choices to live out our faith as insulated, entitled people. Ouch! How can I make such a claim? I’m one of you/them. We may generously give of our material wealth but do we also generously give of the time we’ve been given? Do we radically demonstrate love of those who disagree with our beliefs or do we judge them and ostrasize them from our communities? Do we spend the time we have been given on our selfish, simple lives?

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What if we took our faith seriously and used the time we have here to pray? What if we live the words we believe: Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid for the Lord your God is with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. What if we were both appalled by the persecution of other Christians and compelled to pray for the persecutors, not that they would be sent to Hell but that they would come to know the risen Christ?

When I heard the news of the #21martyrs the Holy Spirit compelled me to open my Bible to Revelation 20:4 where it says:

And I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded because of the testimony of Jesus and because of the word of God…

What we see now was prophesied 2000 years ago. I thank God that He exists outside of our limited 24/7 time continuum.

 #2 His words to us tell us that His kingdom is both now and not yet.

Theologians refer to this as Inaugurated Eschatology.

God saw all this happen before He created. He made a provision for humanity at the Fall. He came in human form to show us the Father, to show us how we can now live the life we’ve been given and He has given us Himself in the third person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit to guide, strengthen and remind us of what His Word says so that…

We may partner with Him in the work that is before each of us. The work? Intercession. Prayer. It is not the only thing you can do, it is the best thing you can do!

We can pray. Pray for endurance and perseverance not just for ourselves but for other believers around the globe.

Oswald Chambers spoke most of what we read as My Utmost for His Highest. His wife transcribed his talks and we have their combined work to encourage us. He said:

“Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen…Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe our hero is going to be conquered…”

Do you know how this story, the One True Story, ends?

What we see is not all that there is. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

We are here to love radically. To pray fervently. To stay close to Jesus, the Author and Perfector of our faith. To persevere until He comes.

 #3 These Truths are examples of the now and not yet. He is both here by His Spirit, the Comforter, and not yet returned as He has promised.

“Therefore do not throw away your confidence which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what was promised. For yet in a very little while, He who is coming will come and will not delay.”

Here’s one thing we can do.  Let us join today in praying for the global persecuted Church. Please watch this video.

21 Martyrs

 

 

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