Learning Along The Way

A Handful of Hope for (forced) Homeschooling Parents

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It’s time for a reset of focus for this blog. I’ve been quiet here for a long time in part because I’ve been discerning why I have not been writing about learning. The lightbulb went on for me yesterday; realizing I have knowledge and resources that parents who find themselves homeschooling their children for the first time, and not by choice, might want and need.

The reset now is to focus on learning. All learning, not just spiritual learning. Life in the time of COVID-19 causes many to be together at home with short notice. That has caused stress for many families; how are we going to get through this? We can be grateful for the internet for access to resources. There are so many great sites to find activities to “keep your kids busy”.

I am offering a different angle: learning together with your children.

Here’s the thing: many of you are products of the public school system. I am too. I am also a veteran public school teacher so I know what I’m talking about here. Teachers are amazing at what they do! Limited supplies to share with 20-35 students in elementary classrooms; mandatory curriculum to align with standardized tests that don’t pay attention to the real learning needs of the real students they see in their classrooms; additional required responsibilities beyond teaching and preparing to teach without additional pay; these issues and more exist across this country. And now they are adapting all their lessons to be delivered remotely and overseen by parents who are not used to spending this much time with their own children. YIKES!!!

How can we make the most of these circumstances? Here’s a handful of hope, 5 tips to try:

  1. Plan something to look forward to when the required schoolwork is completed. By completed I mean to your child’s teacher’s standards, not just finished.
  2. Give a 5 minute break for every 25 minutes of focused work. This is called the pomodoro method. It keeps everyone motivated to get tasks done in a timely, non-dawdling manner. For the youngest of the school age children, I suggest adapting it to 20 minutes with a 10 minute break; this aligns with their developmental readiness to focus.
  3. Use at least one of the breaks to do something silly like trying to get a spoon to stick to the end of your nose, or learning how to blow bubbles with bubble gum or something fun or silly you remember from your own childhood and want to pass on to your littles.
  4. Get outside as often as possible. Look outside if the weather doesn’t permit going outside. There is brain science behind this need.
  5. Plan your days into Five Ds: discipleship studies; discipline studies; discretionary studies; down time; and dinner time. I adapted the work of Sally Clarkson author of Educating the Wholehearted Child which was a seminal construct for me when I found myself homeschooling our then eight year old way back in 1997. Ancient history I know. Somethings don’t change; they are adapted.

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These are unprecedented times; I realize you have grown to expect certain types of posts here and I value and appreciate your support. I want to assure you I will be writing about faith as well as other things as I continue learning along the Way. Consider riding this out with me.

What Does Being Brave Even Look Like?

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Starting the morning with my familiar things around me gives me a sense of place, routine, comfort.

How about you?

It’s a challenge to get outside my comfort zone to go someplace or do something new.

New-ness can be exciting like when an order from Amazon arrives. But new-ness that requires something from me, that can be scary. If it’s scary then the challenge comes to be brave in the face of my fears and in spite of the pit in my stomach.

That’s never easy. But I can tell you something true: I’ve never been disappointed when I’ve let go of my fears and leaned in toward Jesus.

What does that even look like?

It might be saying yes to spending the weekend with mostly strangers, far away from home, sharing hard parts of your story to show that the surpassing power of overcoming, and growing, and healing, belongs to God and not to us.

In hopes of learning the Way to let go and lean in, after the wonderfully challenging and filling weekend away, yesterday I started reading a devotional book called 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs. The subtitle says Devotions for Unlocking Your Most Courageous Self.

Doesn’t that sound promising?

Annie is sharing from her life and pointing her readers to the One who calls us forward, who gives us the strength and courage to be our authentic self in our circumstances.

Seeing other people be brave makes me want to be brave too. Annie F. Downs

Being authentic, without putting on a false “I’m okay” front, is hard. We fear what people think about us. Will they accept me? Will they reject me? Why does that matter?

It matters because God has created us with a desire for love and belonging. Anything that puts those two desires at risk is scary.

The blank page can be scary for a writer. But if this is the work I am called to do then this is the place I need to be brave. I know God wants me to tell my story so that you can be encouraged to be brave in yours, too.

What is the thing in life that scares you?

Whatever it is that is scary, God has already been there and knows how it’s all going to turn out.

I’m going to keep on this journey, learning to let go of fear and expectation and learning to lean in toward Jesus.

Want to join me on this journey of 100 Days to Brave?

I’d love the companionship!

A Letter to My 25 year-old Self

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I spent time with a young friend online the other day, listening to her words and hearing her heart: the things that are bringing her joy and those that weigh her down. Singleness is filled with so many possibilities, life directions, places to live, all of it. I remember well that season of life. When I look back to my own single life, I don’t do so longingly; it’s more with the eyes of ‘if only’.

Since ‘if only’ and ‘what if?’ are not helpful in taking action in life, I’m learning to let the ‘if only’ statements go, to lean in to ‘what is’ and the results of choices of that season. No one has perfect knowledge except God alone, so we begin taking steps of faith, trusting He will do what only He can do, causing it all to work together for good, for those who love Him, and He has called according to His good purposes.

I think what I’d want to say to my 25-year-old, single self if I could write a letter with three decades of life lived; looking over the path I’ve traveled.

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(photo: green chameleon via unsplash)

Oh, sweet woman, 

You are good and beautiful in the eyes of the only one who really matters. Don’t let the imperfect image of God that you see in M be the way you see God. Jesus doesn’t judge you. Remember the Woman at the Well? Or the Woman caught in adultery? No judgment.

Jesus doesn’t compare the condition of your physical body to any others He has created. You are uniquely beautiful as you are. He’s given you gifts and talents in a combination that no one else in His creation has ever had, nor ever will. Let that rest on you sweet girl. 

Get close to Him. He alone will sustain you in the years to come. No man will be able to hold your heart, heal your broken places or fulfill your little girl dreams. Only Jesus. He is enough. In fact, they need to learn to lean in with Jesus themselves. However, that my dear is not your job. Let God be God. Remember what Jesus said to Peter when he asked about John? “What’s that to you? You follow Me.” Stop being impetuous like Peter and grow in your faith as Peter did. 

Get outside regularly in His creation. You know you’ve always loved the beach; He put that appreciation in your heart. Not all His girls care about nature the way you do. Don’t lose sight of how you are filled up with awareness of God when you walk in the mountains or by the sea or through your garden. He is with you, present to your thoughts and longings and caring for you deeply. Look to Jesus.

Walking with Jesus doesn’t make the pain go away or magically keep bad things from happening. In fact, He told us to remember we will have hard things in this world. But the good news? He has overcome all the bad things and has the power to help us through them. One.Step.At.A.Time.

You’ll need to remember that dear one. There will be a lot of unknowns coming your way. Your marriage will fall apart. M will leave you with your unborn son. Your theology will be faulty but Jesus doesn’t falter. He will walk beside you as you continue to take feeble steps toward Him. Keep walking. There are no unknowns to God. He’ll give you just enough Light for the next step. You and your baby will be ok. You’ll be loved by some amazing emissaries of His love. 

Let go of the expectations of others that keep you from looking honestly and humbly at who you are. Those expectations keep you from accepting how you’re made. You are here for purposes much bigger than the small potatoes that some people want you to believe. Let go of the lies that you’ve been told that you are not enough. Or the lies that you are too big or ask too much of people. You are enough in Him. Let it be.

Remember two things: Love God and Love Others. That’s it.

Oh, how I wish I had had all this wisdom at the ripe old age of 25. This is why I am passionate about being available to speak into young women’s lives. Not because I have all the answers. No. But I know the One who does. I am confident in His love for each one of us. Just as we are. In the messy middle of our journey toward the Father heart of God. Click To Tweet

Do you have someone speaking into your life? Are you willing to be honest and risk the vulnerability that sharing your heart brings? Don’t miss the opportunity of sharing your story and hearing another’s story. You might just see how your two stories fit into God’s big story together.

Who’s in Charge Here?

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Who’s in Charge Here?

On the second day of this #write31days series I shared how beneficial being mentored had been for me. Having a mentor speak into my life was literally transformational.  I am not the same woman I used to be thanks to the Lord intervening through Peggy’s willingness to speak the Truth in love.

Because of our friendship Peggy earned the right to give me earnest counsel. She saw up close where my heart was turning bitter and gently pointed it out.  She helped me consider another way of being and thinking as a wife that I had not seen in my family of origin.  We talked about the “S” word and I learned that Biblical submission is not about holding down a woman’s will and making her a doormat to step on.  There would be no demeaning of my humanity as it is perceived in the world view of submission.

I was on my second marriage at this point and things weren’t going so well. In fact, this second marriage was starting to have elements of my first marriage. Had I made another tragic mistake? Or could it be the issue was in the common denominator in these two marriages? Oh wait! That would be me!  Peggy spoke into my life a very hard truth: I had to stop looking back at the marriage that didn’t last, seek healing and learn to live & grow in the marriage I was in. I was no longer the other guy’s wife and so for this young second marriage to be healthy I would need to do some changing. Hmmm.

Peggy shared a different picture of submission this way: imagine you are standing in the pouring rain without an umbrella. Along comes your husband with an umbrella and invites you to stand under it. You don’t have to but you choose to.  The rain represents the full weight of responsibility of life. The umbrella represents a covering that the husband provides; a way of doing life together.  Yes you can have your own umbrella and be independent but when you share an umbrella you can learn to walk together more closely.  Sometimes it’s awkward and adjusting has to happen. But as the umbrella covers us from the rain, so learning to come under the headship God provides is the covering of submission.

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Peggy’s umbrella picture stuck with me. I began asking God to show me how I could love my husband, how I could love God better through practicing acts of submission.  What would I gain? What would I lose? Those were questions I began to wrestle with in prayer before God.

It’s a big idea, submission. It’s a perfect concept that has been misused and misunderstood for millennia. I can’t unpack all that I have learned in one sitting.  But I want to share with you the beauty and freedom that comes when Biblical submission is lived out.  I’m not in charge. God is. He’s really the One sitting in the front seat on the tandem of my life.

I know this topic stirs up lots of thoughts…share them in the comments and let’s open the discussion okay?

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Living in Tandem with Others

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Do you ever wonder how you would handle (respond) a friend pointing out you’re out of line? I don’t mean a literal line like at the grocery store. I mean when how you’re thinking about something, or acting in response to someone, is out of line with what God has in mind.

When my friend Peggy pointed out my bad attitude toward my husband’s way of leading our family it wasn’t easy to hear.  I can imagine it wasn’t easy for her to hear me whining and complaining in the first place!  I was often confiding in her about the little things Colin did or didn’t do that were driving me crazy.  She listened and then asked me how I was helping the situation. I said things like “well I tell him what’s bugging me- I don’t keep it hidden.” Peggy laughed and then asked, “Do you tell God as often as you tell Colin?”  I just stared at her and simply said “No”.  Her question didn’t come with criticism or condescension. It was her simple way of planting a seed for me to nurture.

Peggy prayed with and for me. She listened to, laughed with and encouraged me. She watched our baby boy and invited our kindergarten son over to play with her kindergartener. But most importantly, Peggy pointed me to the Truth.  She was (and is) a woman of the Word.  Peggy didn’t lecture; we didn’t do Bible studies together. She would simply weave God’s Word into our conversations with gentleness and grace. Peggy was like the big sister I never had. We had lots of deep conversations and laughed a ton. She always had Kleenex for me when the waterworks started (which was regularly!). In a word, Peggy was my mentor.

I didn’t ask her to mentor me. I don’t know if she even thought about our relationship in that way originally.  But her way of doing life was so helpful for me to witness and her friendship was such a gift that God used Peggy to shape me ever so slowly.  Our friendship allowed her to speak of hard things to me; to point me to the Truth in a way that I could both hear and receive.

Proverbs 27:9 says Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

A mentor can be that kind of friend in your life. A friend who hears your heart and points you to Jesus. A friend who counsels you with wisdom and grace as well as humor. Learning to listen to words like these is a part of living in tandem. Webster defines tandem as “a group of two people or things that work together or are associated with each other.” Allowing yourself to be mentored by someone, whether it is in a work setting, spiritual setting or a combination, is a way of living in tandem.

I am a better human being because I have been mentored. We all have many areas to grow and change in life; I’ve had the privilege of several mentors speaking into my life through different seasons.  I believe mentoring is helpful, fun and, dare I say, vital, for each of us.

The other side of mentoring is becoming a mentor.  But more on that aspect of living in tandem in a future post!

How do you find a mentor? What do you and a mentor do? Should it be formal or casual? Is this a commitment for life?  (You might say Yikes!) Sure there are lots of questions but there are just as many answers because there isn’t just one way of having/being a mentor.  I’d love to hear some of your questions/concerns about mentoring.  Or maybe you have a story to share that can encourage another woman?  Please chime in!

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