Parenting

What Seems Slow

March 18, 2014 By Lisa Lewis

What do you remember about hard things you’ve had to go through?

We really don’t remember actual pain. Our brains protect us from that portion of experience. Thankfully!

We remember hard things differently. They are tiring. Or challenging. Or exhausting. Or wounding. Most of the time we don’t want to repeat them.

Some things we go through aren’t hard emotionally as much as physically tiring or demanding. Like parenting toddlers/preschoolers. You wonder if they will ever get out of diapers. Or sleep through the night. Or give up their pacifier. Or not be such a picky eater. Or. Or. Or.

I want to stop for a moment to encourage you: it is not going to stay that way.

Sometimes our memories allow us to look back at hard things with a softened view; a redeemed perspective perhaps.

What seems slow and never ending actually was going by at a regular pace but for some reason we perceived it as long and slow.

This is a grandfather tree. In our little family it is THE grandfather tree. We discovered this tree one morning in 1997 on the walk from the dining hall to childcare at Mt Hermon Family Camp.

Why Grandfather? As a former elementary teacher, I had (still have, ahem) a lot of children’s books. We had read a book called the Grandpa Tree. It’s an actual phenomenon: as a tree grows, young trees sprout up around it from the cones or seed pods it drops. A few withstand the harshness of winters and winds sheltered by the older tree. Those few grow in a circle around the tree. You can find these in many forests.

This is the circle of redwoods surrounding the Grandfather Tree. I stood within this circle many mornings (and afternoons and evenings) while our youngest enjoyed climbing up and then down into the stump of the Grandfather Tree. And up and around and jumping off of and climbing up again. I’d like to remember all those moments as precious but I know reality. I wasn’t always playful and patient. I wanted to connect with my friends. Or get a coffee. Or just be by myself. Sometimes the slow repeated ritual was lost on me. But not on our son. He was an active guy. Both in physical as well as imaginative ways. He wanted me to climb up and get into the trunk too. To listen and hide. To imagine we were being chased. To play hide and seek from his brother. Lots of action around this Grandfather Tree.

It’s the growler on the right I’m referring to.

Those days seemed so long and slow and hard as I did toddler/preschooler duty. What was I in such a rush about anyway?

Those redwood trees didn’t hurry up and grow tall. They took the right amount of time. God’s time. It may seem long and slow in the moment but that’s just one perspective.

From where I stood this last weekend, back under the circle of redwoods surrounding the Grandfather Tree, that childhood flew by.

Now we long for time to slow down. To stand still. But it doesn’t. And it won’t for you either. So we are left with the present moments to pay attention and treasure. That is all. Pay attention.

I looked closely at the Grandfather Tree this past weekend. I noticed some details I didn’t remember. It had offered a way into enjoying time there:

A natural place to step on up to enjoy a seat. It’s as if many feet had made a way to share the space over many years. I wondered: How am I inviting others into my life? Do I make myself available to spend time together? Am I welcoming? Comfortable?

Something else I noticed as I studied the Grandfather Tree

Not only had it raised up its seedlings into full grown trees, there was still life within the stump. New growth. Evidence of a continuing purpose and renewal. That was comforting to me.

Of course it made me wonder: How am I evidencing new life and growth? Am I seeking to deepen my roots, to reach the necessary source of Life?

If you’re in the season with Littles still underfoot, this may seem whimsical and ridiculous because you are stretched thin from the very real demands of your 24/7 job of Mom. There is an end to all this. And trust me, when it comes you won’t be ready for it. Learn to take littles breaks within your day so that you can develop the habit of being present to them in the moments you’re on duty. Rest. Breathe. Refresh.

If you’re not yet a mom, use this season to grow deep roots so you’re ready for the demanding times ahead. Whether or not you are ever called upon to be a Mom, we need deep roots to withstand the storms of life.

And, if you’re in the season of looking back, what are you doing to continue to deepen your roots? To be inviting and sheltering to the youngers around you?

Please share your ideas; we all need encouragement!

Oh and if you’re so inclined, this is the lovely children’s book that we used to read that helped give The Grandfather Tree it’s name!

What is Essential?

September 13, 2013 By Lisa Lewis

Our college freshman texted and asked for a care package with a batch of our family’s chocolate chip cookies. What a sweet request! (no pun intended) There was one problem: I didn’t have anything I needed to bake them for him. All of my kitchen is packed in boxes while we are in transition!

Three weeks have passed since his sweet request. What self-respecting mother waits three weeks to send her son cookies?!

Battling discouragement because of our self-inflicted nomadic life style, I determined to send him homemade cookies. I set off to buy the ingredients, the basic tools and bake a batch of cookies. How hard could that be? I’ve baked them at least once a month for 14 years for heaven’s sake!

No recipe. No baking utensils. No ingredients. I was up for the challenge.

You might simply use the Toll House Cookie recipe on the back of the chocolate chip bag. That’s straightforward. But he wanted our family recipe. Which is in a box, within a box, in a storage unit. So I had to shop from memory.

There’s a story about the recipe (aren’t family recipes like that?). Years ago our oldest son took a cooking class and was challenged to make a significant change to said Toll House recipe and see if the results were edible. He did and they were and continue to be. We call the recipe Matthew’s Chocolate Chip Cookies. No other cookies will do in our house.

Do you have a recipe memorized? I wasn’t sure if I did. But I was bound and determined to give it my best.

Here’s how they turned out. They don’t look like they normally do.

Was it the missing ingredient? (compared with Toll House I left out one thing!)

Or was it the missing gas oven and Pampered Chef stoneware and cookie scoop?

Or was it more than one thing?

What’s the excuse?

We sacrificed our Vegan diet to taste test before mailing.

Texture was different but flavor was yummy.

I mailed them today; the jury is still out on how they really turned out.

I almost let the discouragement and frustration with my circumstances keep me from making every effort to bless someone I love dearly.

Does that happen to you? Do you let one thing keep you from taking the step to bless someone?

Your house isn’t as clean as you’d like it so you don’t invite the new neighbor over for coffee.

You’re too busy to bake for your family so it’s store bought again.

I was faced with the question: what is essential? Will my son stop loving me if the cookies aren’t like he expected them?

Maybe.

Hopefully not.

What is essential in the big scheme of life? (I like to ask myself this question to keep me from spinning out of control)

How you answer that question may be different for you than me, but knowing what is essential is the journey of the spiritual life. I know of these two sisters who initially had different answers to the question of what is essential.

True confession: I am like Martha. I try to be like Mary. Really I do. But I get worried and bothered by so many things…

Like whether or not I have the right tools to bake a batch of cookies. It was enough to make me cry. Then I heard Jesus’s words in my ear…

Lisa, Lisa, you are worried and bothered about so many things, but only one thing is important… slow down and be with Jesus. That stopped me in my tracks. Being with Jesus is my answer to what is essential. Being with Him first makes all the rest of the stuff get in the proper place; after Jesus.

Letting go of what I think is essential and taking on what Jesus knows is essential is a daily transformation. A challenge for sure. But so worth the effort!

Oh and about those cookies. What do you think is one ingredient that can be left out and they’ll still turn out ok? Let me know your answer in the comments!

So Much Life Happens

July 19, 2013 By Lisa Lewis

Some seasons of life feel like they drag on. Remember how long summer vacation was when you were a kid? It’s still the same length of time between school ending and starting again but as an adult it flies by now.

Perhaps you’re looking forward to a big event like your wedding. The waiting can seem endless.

As a Mom living in the diaper stage, potty training can’t come soon enough! Or some of you are anxiously awaiting your kids start of school so you can have time to yourself again.

Just know that it all flies by and then…memories.

SO much Life happens in relatively short periods of time that you can forget to slow down and reflect. Appreciate. Rejoice.

I am so thankful for photographs that capture moments and stimulate memories. I slowed down this morning to look back at the happenings in the lives of our family in this past year.

College graduation.

2 1/2 months later, a wedding.

Senior Portrait for the final year of high school.

Blink!

The Senior year has come to an end and his Tennis coach is thanking him for a great 3 years as his team manager.

Where did that time go?

Then that celebration day came.too.quickly.

And then off on the adventure of this 18 year life time…Europe for 3 1/2 weeks.

Envy is a sin. I need forgiveness.

What I need daily is what you need. Time to reflect. To take stock. To say Thank You.I come here twice a week for just those things. Solitude. Listening. Reflection.

The result for me is Peace.

I am grateful for the life that happened this past year. Joy and sadness blended together. Real life. Fast and fleeting.

I am grateful for photos that remind me. Friends that walked with me. Family that supports me.

And most of all my Lord Who loves me perfectly.

Breaking the Silence

June 20, 2013 By Lisa Lewis

I want to begin with an apology. I’m sorry I haven’t written. I’m sure you’ve wondered what’s been going on and why you haven’t heard from me. Well, like most lives, mine got full and something had to be set – aside for a time. I unfortunately chose my writing. But there has been so much going on to write about that I have to get started again!

A significant season has come to an end in my life. It wasn’t sudden; I saw the signs of the change coming. But it has ended. I exhale and realize that all I focused my life on for 25 years has shifted. The season of parenting has come to an end. *sniff*

No one has died; but my two chicks have grown to adults and have flown from the nest. And that is how it should be. But there is a temptation to sadness in looking back over their childhood and youthful years and remembering all the hurts or left undones. I don’t know about you but I must choose to see all the goods and well dones too. My tendencies are toward the not enough rather than good enough.

But as I look at the men I have had the distinct privilege of raising the only thing I do see is the goodness of God. He loves well. He has grown these little boys into strong, capable, compassionate men in spite of my meddling in His work. I am left with the knowledge that God built them to be who they are; my dear husband and I were the stewards, the caretakers of them for a time. Now we have given them back. We still have opportunity to influence through prayer and the giving of occasional sought out advice but they are done being parented.

So now what do I do with myself?

Ideas? I have some but I’d love to hear yours!

Life Lessons: Learning in the Classroom of Mom

May 8, 2013 By Lisa Lewis

Have you ever stopped to take inventory of what you life lessons you’ve learned from your Mom? I don’t mean the lessons where she told you “I want you to know how to do this”. I mean the lessons that were “caught” not “taught”.

I have. They are many. I confess I am not as good at them as she was in doing them. But I learned from her the most important value.

Invest in people.

My Mom was an Educator. She taught English and Journalism and Leadership. She inspired students to go to college; to step out of their comfort zones; to dare to go beyond what they thought they could do.

She invested in her colleagues in the same way. She gave without asking for any favors in return. When she was in charge as a high school principal she made sure others had opportunities to step forward in their careers.

She invested. I watched. I learned.

She built up her teaching staff through involvement in site and district wide professional development. Life long learning was something she modeled and preached.

She invested. I watched. I learned.

My Mom loved her friends. She invested herself in life long friendships. This particular group were friends in college. They laughed. They cried. They traveled. They remained friends to the end. The three of this group who remain all came alongside me during my time of grief.

She invested. I watched. I hope I have learned.

My Mom LOVED her grandsons. She invested in them. Every. opportunity. she. had. She read to them. She played with them. She encouraged their imaginations. She fostered their creativity. She taught them about far away places. She took them there. She inspired them to be great men.

She invested. I watched. I was blessed.

In the desire for balance in all things, I would be remiss if I did not account for the life lessons my Mom showed me. I learned to push past my fears and hardships to take steps forward in ways many others have not been encouraged to do in their own lives. I definitely would not be the woman I am without the influence of my Mother. God knew what He was about in the design of this woman who was my Mother. He knew what I needed to be able to grow and change; to learn to be my utmost for His highest.

I am still learning in the classroom of Mom.

What about you? What is one life lesson you’ve caught from your Mom?

Practical Relationship Tools

March 23, 2013 By Lisa Lewis

I have been privileged to visit in the home of a young family who loves and serves the Lord in an area where He is not known as He is. This lovely plaque hangs in a prominent place, telling in words what their lives show practically.

Second Chances. We serve a God Who is all about forgiveness, repentance and second chances. How wonderful to demonstrate these truths in our relationships.

What would your home be like if you lived by this list?

What would our friendships be like?

Our work relationships? Neighborhoods? Churches?

We can’t live like this in our own strength. We want our way. If we’re wronged we want justice. We want someone to step toward us first.

Who do you need to offer a second chance to? Who do you need to ask for a second chance from? What can you do today?

Reflections on the Cost of Being Frugal

March 16, 2013 By Lisa Lewis

This past week of Lent has been very challenging for me. Not because the theme has been frugality. But in thinking of all the ways my husband and I have battled the culture and its influences for over 20 years in this specific area has really caused me to see what some of the costs have been to live a frugal life style.

And the hard part is the battle of resentment toward others. For being misunderstood. For not seeing the value in the long run and ridiculing us for our choices. For whining at me to “aw come on just this once” in trying to get me to go against my DH and his leadership.

It is not easy to see my black heart. In fact it sickens me. Oh how I need saving from myself!

Yes, we have chosen again and again to be like salmon. Going upstream against the current of culture. Making quiet sacrifices for the benefit of our sons and those who are less fortunate than ourselves. I am not talking about these sacrifices for any one of you who read this to think “Wow what a super Christian Lisa is!” or even for you to think I am tooting my own horn and then say “How dare she point out all that she has done!” Nope. I am simply counting the cost of a frugal life.

I have died daily. I want nice, brand new clothes. From Nordstrom or Dillards or Bloomingdales. I want to remodel the bathrooms and use expensive materials and not do the work myself. Actually I want to buy a bigger house already done up to the nines with acreage so I can have horses. I want a new car every three years with all the bells and whistles. I want. I want. I want.

Blegh!

I retired early from teaching; 1993 was the last year I was full time employed in a school district. At that time I laid down my identity as a teacher to take up the identity of a stay at home mom. Going from two professional salaries to one caused some upheaval for me. Ask my DH. He’s a saint to have stayed committed to me and this marriage.

This one was just 4 and 1/2 years old when I left teaching. His smiles and fun loving personality made being at home and helping in his classroom at school a joy!

During his next two years there was a baby to come who went on ahead to wait for us and then this one joined our family.

Two sons. So blessed.

Lots of work, folding, cleaning, reading, singing, camping, changing, growing, praying, learning, repeat.

The sacrifices of stuff compared to the time I had with them was the cost of a frugal life.

As I was folding the socks today and praying for the feet of the one still at home, it hit me.

The cost of a frugal life has been spent on the character of these two men. I was struck by the realization.

And then struck by my own pettiness in holding onto the hurts from being misunderstood for our choices. The cost of a frugal life has been real. It has been external. It has been temporal.

The money, career, prestige, and stuff will burn. Who these men are toward God, His people and each other is eternal.

All I can do is say Thank You Lord for using what was hard for me to do without to in turn benefit others in ways I may never know.

First Time/Last Time

September 17, 2012 By Lisa Lewis

This weekend sitting out in creation at our campsite listening to birds and the far off voices of people playing volleyball was a new venue for me to write.

It was a first time.

This was a big first for me; family campout with no kids. It’s weird to think this is what life is going to be like not all that long from now. Weird.

Our eldest is now joyfully married to a beautiful woman and they live out of state. 14 hours away. Our youngest is a senior in high school and looking at schools across the country. 3000 miles away. Is it something I said? Naw, I’d like to think it was something we did: raised them to be independent thinking men! However the end result doesn’t keep me from looking back…

Why is it that we don’t appreciate what we have and long for what we don’t have? What is it in our nature that keeps us from being grateful or content?

I tried so many times to convince myself to be okay with the changing seasons; no more nursing babies, no more toddlers, kids in school and not at home, no more driving the Mom taxi because they have their licenses, no more family laundry; well maybe I won’t miss that one!

Not sure why each change has brought sadness, but it has. I am happy to see the new stage for my sons, proud of the growth and accomplishments that come with each new stage, but the leaving behind is what seemed to be the issue for me every time.

I know I’m not the only mom who misses the little faces that now sport whiskers; although the whiskered faces are so handsome and manly and the way things “should be”. Some women can’t wait to get the kids grown and out of the house so they can have their time back: time with their husband and time for themselves. But that’s not me.

This mom wrote a great post last year that grabbed my heart: finding joy

I also know that I am not the first person to keep looking back at what was; Scripture is full of stories of people who looked back instead of being okay in the present.

I can think of some pretty significant ones: Lot’s wife who couldn’t leave Sodom and Gomorrah without longing for her home & life there; the Israelites at the shore of the Red Sea; that same group complaining out in the desert wanting to return to the slavery of Egypt instead of moving forward into the Promised Land. In the face of pretty big things God did or promised to do, people have wanted to return to what they knew instead of looking forward and trusting God for what was yet to be.

What about today? Can I look ahead with trust to the unknown of what lies ahead? Is it possible to be okay with not knowing if this is the last time?

Using Time

September 7, 2012 By Lisa Lewis

Had a really sweet time encouraging Moms yesterday at the MOPS group at B.F.C.C. in Alameda. If you are in their area and need a Moms group, this is a new group so it would be easy to get plugged in.

What is MOPS? If you’re not familiar check them out here. If your season right now is a mom of preschoolers then get plugged into MOPS in your area. Don’t have one? Look into starting one!

Maybe you’re not in the season of having littles at home. That’s not where I am anymore! In fact I shared this photo of my newly married son reminding me and encouraging them that time is a fleeting thing!

Before you know it, the kids are grown up and out on their own! Where did the time go? How was that time with him spent?

It’s so good to be reminded to make the most of our time (Eph 5:16). But what does that look like in each season of life? Are we supposed to be busy doing anything and everything that constitutes good works? (Eph 2:10) Are we to be filling our time to the brim with well doing? (Gal 6:9) Is doing doing doing what constitutes a life well lived?

No. Not if all the doing squeezes out time for relationship. You see, what matters are the things that last for eternity. What are those things?

Souls.

So what matters most is your soul, your family members’, your friends’, your neighbors’, the homeless, the unborn, the disenfranchised, those of other countries and cultures. People matter most.

What matters most is relationships. Jesus modeled this for us as He walked here. Time with the Father alone. Time with others quietly. Time with others serving/working. Time intentionally spent developing relationships. Grace filled relationships.

Think about the two sisters Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42) . Are you worried and bothered by so many things? Or are you choosing the better part that will not be taken away from you?

I am not saying doing good things should be abandoned so that you can sit alone in silence: unless you are doing too many good things and you have no unobligated time to sit alone in silence for even 5 minutes!

Intentional time alone with God; intentional time with family, with friends, and then out to the world. Making the most of your time looks differently in each season. What does your time look like today? Where can adjust to make that time intentional?