Learning Along The Way

Learning to Ask for Help

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Is it easy for you? To ask for help I mean.

It’s not easy for me.

I was brought up with the mindset that you take care of yourself.  It’s great to help others but not great to need help.

Sayings like

“God helps those who help themselves.”

(Not in the Bible. Therefore, not Biblical.)

Or the American West adage: “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps”  were often repeated by adults in my hearing.

ME Calendar SayingSometimes it’s good for me to remember not all sayings are valuable all the time. (although this ME illustration might always be helpful!)

An early memory of what to expect when I was needy: sometime between the ages of 4 and 7 I fell down and skinned both my knees really badly.  My mom was busy dealing with my younger brother (who was 4 years younger than me) and she told me that the Bactine and Band aids were in the bathroom.  I remember thinking two things: I was supposed to take care of stuff myself and my mom liked my brother better. (irrational thinking but an imprint nonetheless)

So each time I have needed the help of others in my life (which have been many) I have to battle the internal dialog telling me the wrong things about the fact that I need help.

Anybody else?  Raise your hand! (Or let me know in the comments.)

Truth is we all need help. And asking others to help invites real connection. If I’m honest with what I am dealing with, my honesty gives you permission to be honest with others, too. That’s a good thing.

So here goes: I need your help.  I actually really want your help.  I’m not just saying this.

I have been working on three different writing projects for awhile now and have come to the place where I want to step forward to complete one.  What a novel concept! Finish what you start? Who would have thought that has value? (heavy sarcasm here)

Here are the 3 projects: a memoir using sea glass as the metaphor; a devotional using gardening as the metaphor; a Bible study of Romans 12.

I want to know what you would like to read. I need to hear from you.

I plan to integrate my blog posts as part of my focus on one writing project.  Your help in getting me to focus will be greatly appreciated.

Here’s how you can help specifically:

1. Take this private survey to help me know what you like to read.  No one but me will see the answers and the results come to me anonymously.

2. Write a comment at the end of this post. Tell me which idea you like best: sea glass; gardening or Bible study.  Again, if you tell me please don’t publish your comment I won’t.

3. Connect with me through email lisa@learningalongtheway.com

4. Leave a comment on the facebook page.

I am thankful for each one of you who read this blog. No matter where you live. Thank you.

I am learning to ask for help. Won’t you take a few minutes?

 

 

3 Vital Statistics Learned (in)RL

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It may be Wednesday but my mind keeps circling around to this past weekend. Does that ever happen for you?
The images and words are floating around like an undercurrent below the surface of the everyday life I’ve led these three days since the weekend. As they have been drifting around in my head, I recognized this morning the thoughts focused on 3 vital statistics that I learned from the (in)RL conference.

1. Time alone with Jesus is a precious commodity

2. Having an authentic community takes intentional investment

3. Being in community is both risky and messy

Let me unpack these a bit.

1. Time alone with Jesus is a precious commodity
I am in the season of post parenting or commonly referred to as ‘the empty nest’. This season is full of possibilities as well as the bittersweet. Letting go of what was must happen in order to be open to whatever may come. Being ok with the unknown happens when you know the One who holds the future. And, like any relationship, it is only as strong and vibrant as the time you invest. I have to get real with Jesus to let Him have influence in my life. The same is true for you.

What time priorities can you re-arrange to make time with Jesus the priority? Notice I didn’t say ‘quiet time’ or ‘Bible study’ only. Those are methods of getting to know Jesus and they are important. I’m talking about inviting Him into your life, your consciousness, within your day. Making Him a time priority.

2. Having an authentic community takes intentional investment
If you’ve stopped by the blog before you know I’m new to the area where we’re currently living. One of the things I saw through the stories of the women interviewed for (in)RL was having an authentic community takes intentional investment. I could continue to whine to my hubster or to Jesus or to longtime friends OR I could be intentional about making investment in this new area. I had that beautifully modeled for me this past Sunday when I went to another church we hadn’t yet visited. I made myself go up to the Welcome Center to introduce myself, telling about my relocation and lack of community. God met me there through the gracious and warm welcome of the woman whose turn it was that day to ‘welcome’ visitors. In my telling a bit of my search for community, she asked for my contact info because she wanted to connect with me to talk more. Later that evening she emailed me and we made a date to walk and get to know each other. Yesterday’s walk and talk was balm to my needy soul.

3. Being in community is both risky and messy
Newsflash: People are broken and messed up! And so are you! There isn’t a place where all the people are emotionally and spiritually mature. Everyone has some type of issue to work through. And we’re all in process. Now that I’ve burst your bubble of plastic-smile-everything’s-fine-Christian-life, what do we do with this information? We have a choice. We can continue to hide our real life from others and pretend we have it altogether or we risk being vulnerable. Being in community is both risky and messy. Hearing what really is going on in someone’s life requires something of you. Investment in their well-being. And that brings on the messy and the risk. You could get burned. Or hurt. The same is true of you sharing your real stuff. You could be rejected or ridiculed or judged or … But the real life you live is vital to God and in His hands can be used for His glory and others’ good.

Gerth_rectangle

This life is hard. Our stories matter. Your story is needed in the community where you are right now. In this community right here. So many of you as readers don’t take the time to connect here. Your thoughts and responses can help others who stop by here too. I see them all before approving them so even in your comment you can ask me not to publish it and I won’t. But connection in community in real life is more important than a comment on a blog.

Where are you investing? Where are you risking being vulnerable?

3 Steps to Be Ready

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I wrote this post 5 years ago before this blog was part of my website. You can check out the original post here (to see what improvements or adjustments I’ve made.)
I often feel I am not ready.

I want to be. I long to be ready at any moment, but I am easily distracted.

I’m distracted by the dishes, the laundry, the dust, the paperwork. I can’t seem to put a routine together because something or someone comes along the Way to change my plans.

Now that we live in a new location, far from friends and family, I can truly say of myself: I can distract myself in a paper bag!

Wait. Watch. Prepare. I want to be available to those in need of a good Word whenever called upon. I study. I pray. I wait. I watch. But still I don’t feel ready.

What gets in your Way of being ready?

What are you getting ready for?
Hume Road Sign

This picture is just a road sign but it struck me and I started thinking about the ways of sharing my faith.

Peter, who walked and talked with Jesus along the Way, tells us to set apart Christ as Lord in our hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence.

Step 1:
We as followers along the Way are to live full of hope as we walk in this world.

We show hope in the Way we struggle, suffer loss, live daily and transparently before others. Jesus is the Way. If we follow His Way we see our paradigm set forth.

The Way is not religion. Religious behavior can distract us from the Way. Religious behavior can get in the way of seeing Jesus. We can think we know how God will act or respond if we just do the right things. Jesus got up in the business of the Pharisees pointing out how they had lost the heart of the Law and only stuck to the Letter of the Law. Jesus shows us the Father, shows us Himself. Jesus didn’t heal the same way or pray the same way or meet people’s needs the same way throughout the gospels. If we watch carefully we’ll see how to follow Him along the Way.

Step 2:
We read His Word to know Him more.
The daily habit of reading God’s Word for even 10 minutes can be a tool that He uses to transform your mind and heart little by little as you present yourself a ‘living sacrifice’. We’re to be more like Jesus tomorrow than we are today. Process.

Step 3:
We spend time together with other Christ-followers to encourage one another to love and good deeds.
Meeting together on Sundays for corporate worship. Having lunch afterward with others. Meeting during the week to study and pray. Sharing chores. Meeting needs. Laughing together. Play dates with children. Serving the community together. So many ways!

This is faith walking. We don’t see Jesus face to face yet, but we have His Word, His promises and His Presence in the Holy Spirit to help and guide us along the Way. We have each other in challenging times, if we are living transparently in our challenges.

Getting ready is a life long pursuit. I think being ready is a process that just means being real with where we are along the Way. Keep setting apart Jesus Christ as Lord in your heart by moving yourself off the throne. Keep faith walking. Keep getting ready and you will be ready.

Join me?

Why is Good Friday Good?

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Four years ago I wrote a post with this title.  You might be interested to look back at it here.

This is still a question that resonates within me; a question that you may wonder about as well. There is so much more to say than what I shared before.

Why is Good Friday Good?  How is the excruciating, violent, prolonged suffering of One man good?  Isn’t it morbid to focus on the blood and gore that Jesus of Nazareth went through?  Isn’t this annual tradition just a little out dated in the era? I am no theologian, or Bible scholar or historian.  I know people who are.  I have listened to them, read their writings and mulled over all the implications on my life, on your life, on all our lives.  I have come to one conclusion.

mattandalliweddingAug2012 138Before Christ got to the Cross there was Love.  Love poured out to His followers in many ways: teaching, compassionate acts, healing, bread and wine, washing filthy feet, and most of all: prayer.

So much love demonstrated to them. For us. To us.

The lyrics from Stuart Townend’s song that I posted four years ago still bring me to tears. How deep the Father’s Love for us, how vast beyond all measure…

Why is Good Friday Good?

Because of Love.

Of willing sacrifice.

Of suffering that I, that you, that we, will never have to endure in eternity future.

We are not without suffering here; the momentary “light affliction” that we go through in this very real 24/7 life we are living presently does have physical, emotional and sometimes spiritual suffering.  But our eternity future has been secured by the extreme suffering Christ endured for us.  We deserve separation from God because we broken, imperfect humans fall short of His holiness and perfection and miss the mark completely. But God…

Because of Love. Because of the willing sacrifice that Jesus Christ offered for our sin payment. Because of all the brutality He endured, His excruciating physical, emotional and spiritual pain.

We are free.

That’s why Good Friday is Good.

No matter how hard it is right this minute to deal with the pain your body is experiencing, Christ knows your pain and loves you in it.

No matter how dark the emotional fog of depression is right this minute, Christ knows your deep emotional pain and loves you in it.

No matter the wayward husband, the wayward child, the addiction, the shame, no matter.

He loves you right in it.

His death on the Cross over 2000 years ago wasn’t just a point in history to be remembered by theologians, Bible scholars and historians.  His death makes all the difference for me. And it can make all the difference for you, too.

It’s still foolishness to those who don’t believe. To those who claim His sacrificial payment by faith in Jesus Christ, there is somber reflection on Good Friday and rejoicing and celebration at the remembrance of His resurrection this Sunday.

The question isn’t why.  The question is Will you let the Love that motivated Good Friday be Good for you too?

Today I am linking up with Faith Barista over here.

 

On Sports Fans and Belonging

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There are two sports teams our family follows; one college and one professional.

orange crush

We sport our colors. Our decals. Our flags. We can get a little animated.  Loud. Dare I say, fanatic about our teams.

But that’s what fans do. They participate.  Support. Cheer. Are faithful regardless of the wins.

Our Florida Gators have survived and advanced to the Final Four of March Madness.  It’s great to be a Florida Gator.

Today is Opening Day for the 2014 MLB Season.  Our SF Giants theme this year: Stronger Together.

You may not like either of our family’s team choices.  That’s ok.  You may have a team or teams you prefer.  That’s ok too. You may not be a sports fan at all. And that is also perfectly fine. (although my instagram, facebook and twitter feed may annoy you in the coming weeks)

Regardless of your sports preference, all fans and the rest of the world have something in common.

A need for belonging.

We’re wired for a sense of community.  Regardless of culture, socio-economic factors, country of origin or gender, we are wired for the need to belong.  We want to belong within a family. We show our desire for belonging  in so many ways: neighborhood gatherings, organizations we join. In ways we serve others. Community activism. Knitting groups. I’m sure we can name a long list to prove this point: we all want and need a sense of belonging.

I used the word “wired”.  I really believe that we are hard-wired to belong and need to connect with others because we are all created in the image of our Maker.  He is in perfect community within the Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  He has made us needing community because we bear His image; regardless of whether we acknowledge His existing Presence or not.

And regardless of our acknowledgement, He reached out to us to bring us into community with Him.  Because of His great love for each one of us.

So we need to seek community.  When we don’t have a sense of community, we can spiral downward and out of control.  It doesn’t take much searching to see the devastating results of extended isolation or rejection from community.  The news stations report the results daily.  On our own without a God-oriented life we can lose our way and get off in the weeds.  But when our sense of belonging is re-calibrated into God-centered community every other aspect of life begins to re-calibrate as well.  We don’t suddenly become a different person, we slowly become a more obvious image bearer.  Christian terms call it Christ-likeness.  We won’t ever become Jesus, but over the course of our with-God life, our community life becomes more about others and less about self.

So whether you are cheering a team on today’s Opening Day or are sad your alma mater’s team didn’t make it to the Final Four or even if sports are off your radar altogether, you are an image bearer. The imago dei.  You belong.

 

Oh and Go Giants!  And Go Gators!

 

If you haven’t yet reconciled all of life into a with God life, I’d love to talk with you more.  All comments are moderated by me before publication so you may contact me here without anyone else seeing your comment first.

 

 

 

 

The Value of Listening

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Listening is underrated.  We want to talk.  About ourselves. Our challenges, successes and joys. But what of listening?

I mean really listening?  Uh huh. What did you say?

Half-hearted attention to the person speaking is not really listening. Neither is being able to parrot back the last phrase of what was just said. (I was really good at that)

Really listening requires an undivided attention to the person speaking.  As a Mom of one I was fully present when he was with me; I had to work full time when he was little so I treasured time and attention with him.  As a stay at home Mom of two I perfected the “listening without paying attention” behavior while my hands and eyes were directed elsewhere.  My youngest caught on and would reach my cheek and ever so gently pull my face toward him.  Smart cookie.

Whatever could be more important than the stories of children?  (I’m sure we can come up with a list. But really?)

I managed to grasp the value of listening by taking a parenting class where the basics of good listening skills were reviewed.

Eye contact.

Focus on speaker, free of distractions

I realized I had developed the skate by and appear as if behaviors.  It hit me: I wasn’t really being present.  I was giving away precious time to other truly less precious things.

I needed to be intentional.  That was in 1997.  I was 40.  A little too late to the party?

photo(70)This is one of my favorite quotes of George Eliot’s.  Illustrated by my favorite whimsical artist, Mary Engelbreit.  This has had a prominent place in my life for a.long.time.

There was hope! I could become a more attentive Mom. And wife. And friend. And teacher.  It’s never too late…

1997 was in the days before smart phones with all the social media connection points. For you history buffs out there.

I was once told I ‘could distract myself in a paper bag’ so that should tell you a bit about how much challenge lay ahead for me to develop the value of listening.  But being intentional, making the same choice again and again and again to focus my eye contact on who was speaking, to free myself (as much as possible) from distraction, to really listen; I began to change my behavior.

Being intentional.

I had the privilege of sitting next to a very intentional woman last evening. And listening to her speak about her life, her writing and her family’s intentional choices of simplicity.  Tsh Oxenreider shared with all of us gathered to listen. Eyes on her, with few distractions. And great value came from that time.  Tsh is very at ease in life; she confessed she doesn’t have all the answers and doesn’t want to lead in that way. She invites others to consider their intentions about family, money, priorities, schooling, travel.  Tsh spoke a bit about her newest book Notes from a Blue Bike and the group of young women (I was the outlier) listening gleaned much.  She also modeled the value of listening as she asked the group open-ended questions about their lives and was attentive to each woman’s response.

The value of listening.  We can glean much from one another.  What we do with what we take away is an intentional choice. Whether you’re a friend, wife, mom, sister, daughter, employee or employer, listening well is an intentional choice.

A step of intention.  Who do you need to value listening to today?

 

 

 

 

What Seems Slow

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What do you remember about hard things you’ve had to go through?

We really don’t remember actual pain.  Our brains protect us from that portion of experience. Thankfully!

We remember hard things differently. They are tiring. Or challenging. Or exhausting. Or wounding.  Most of the time we don’t want to repeat them.

Some things we go through aren’t hard emotionally as much as physically tiring or demanding.  Like parenting toddlers/preschoolers. You wonder if they will ever get out of diapers. Or sleep through the night. Or give up their pacifier. Or not be such a picky eater. Or. Or. Or.

I want to stop for a moment to encourage you: it is not going to stay that way.

Sometimes our memories allow us to look back at hard things with a softened view; a redeemed perspective perhaps.

What seems slow and never ending actually was going by at a regular pace but for some reason we perceived it as long and slow.

grandfather treeThis is a grandfather tree.  In our little family it is THE grandfather tree.  We discovered this tree one morning in 1997 on the walk from the dining hall to childcare at Mt Hermon Family Camp.

Why Grandfather?  As a former elementary teacher, I had (still have, ahem) a lot of children’s books.  We had read a book called the Grandpa Tree.  It’s an actual phenomenon: as a tree grows,  young trees sprout up around it from the cones or seed pods it drops.  A few withstand the harshness of winters and winds sheltered by the older tree.  Those few grow in a circle around the tree.  You can find these in many forests.

circle of redwoods around gfather treeThis is the circle of redwoods surrounding the Grandfather Tree.  I stood within this circle many mornings (and afternoons and evenings) while our youngest enjoyed climbing up and then down into the stump of the Grandfather Tree.  And up and around and jumping off of and climbing up again.  I’d like to remember all those moments as precious but I know reality.  I wasn’t always playful and patient.  I wanted to connect with my friends. Or get a coffee.  Or just be by myself.  Sometimes the slow repeated ritual was lost on me. But not on our son.  He was an active guy. Both in physical as well as imaginative ways.  He wanted me to climb up and get into the trunk too.  To listen and hide.  To imagine we were being chased.  To play hide and seek from his brother.  Lots of action around this Grandfather Tree.

Mt Hermon 1997It’s the growler on the right I’m referring to.

Those days seemed so long and slow and hard as I did toddler/preschooler duty.  What was I in such a rush about anyway?

Those redwood trees didn’t hurry up and grow tall.  They took the right amount of time. God’s time. It may seem long and slow in the moment but that’s just one perspective.

From where I stood this last weekend, back under the circle of redwoods surrounding the Grandfather Tree, that childhood flew by.

current MarkNow we long for time to slow down. To stand still. But it doesn’t. And it won’t for you either. So we are left with the present moments to pay attention and treasure. That is all.  Pay attention.

I looked closely at the Grandfather Tree this past weekend.  I noticed some details I didn’t remember.  It had offered a way into enjoying time there:

natural step upA natural place to step on up to enjoy a seat.  It’s as if many feet had made a way to share the space over many years.  I wondered: How am I inviting others into my life?  Do I make myself available to spend time together?  Am I welcoming?  Comfortable?

Something else I noticed as I studied the Grandfather Tree

new life from withinNot only had it raised up its seedlings into full grown trees, there was still life within the stump.  New growth. Evidence of a continuing purpose and renewal.  That was comforting to me.

Of course it made me wonder: How am I evidencing new life and growth?  Am I seeking to deepen my roots, to reach the necessary source of Life?

If you’re in the season with Littles still underfoot, this may seem whimsical and ridiculous because you are stretched thin from the very real demands of your 24/7 job of Mom.  There is an end to all this.  And trust me, when it comes you won’t be ready for it.  Learn to take littles breaks within your day so that you can develop the habit of being present to them in the moments you’re on duty.  Rest. Breathe. Refresh.

If you’re not yet a mom, use this season to grow deep roots so you’re ready for the demanding times ahead. Whether or not you are ever called upon to be a Mom, we need deep roots to withstand the storms of life.

And, if you’re in the season of looking back, what are you doing to continue to deepen your roots?  To be inviting and sheltering to the youngers around you?

Please share your ideas; we all need encouragement!

Oh and if you’re so inclined, this is the lovely children’s book that we used to read that helped give The Grandfather Tree it’s name!

 

What’s Eating You?

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I love gardening.  I’m not sure what part is my favorite; planning, shopping, digging in the dirt, watching things grow or enjoying the fruits (and veggies) of my labor.

photo(67)These are peas with edible pods.  Looking forward to watching them crawl up the trellis that will be put behind this box this weekend.

I also love when irrigation is free.  We’ve experienced much needed rain recently so these babies have it good right now.

I didn’t go out to visit the garden the past two days because of the rain and the blessing of time with a visiting friend.  But today this is what I discovered

photo(68)And my immediate thought was “What’s eating you?!”

Although I couldn’t see the trails of glistening slime I knew this to be the work of the dreaded garden nemesis: the Snail.

I can deal with weeds (I have learned much about my heart from weeds) I am an organic gardener so pulling instead of spraying is my way. I have dealt with a variety of pests by spraying a non-toxic soap on the leaves of plants.  I have also used marigolds and lady bugs to help with pest prevention with great results.

But snails!  Just ewww!  The best thing I ever did with snails was pay my sons to pick them, put them in a bucket and we took them to a pond where ducks visited.  Ducks love snails.  Isn’t that nice?  I don’t love snails.  I’ve used jar lids of beer (they’re gluttonous so they drink themselves to death) and I’ve also used copper tape with moderate success.  When their slime gets on the tape it actually gives them a mild shock so they back away from the tape.  Both of those you have to keep up with like weeding because the beer will evaporate and the tape will oxidize and lose its effectiveness.  This time it will be copper tape.

A thought occurred to me this morning as I asked the question of my poor peas: it wasn’t just what’s eating them?  What’s been eating me?

This past weekend my hubster and I attended a Family Life conference called The Art of Marriage.  The material was so worthwhile.  We had decided to go in part for the material but the bigger part was to meet new people from church and connect with others whom we had already met.  Good enough reasons to spend a Friday night and the better part of Saturday together and away from home.

When the event was over, the hubster and I took a detour on the way home and stopped by OSH to get a part he needed for a project.  I of course detoured through the garden center.  It’s what I do.

As I wandered through I saw lovely 6 packs of marigolds so I chose two different colors to inter-plant for pest prevention.  While I was wandering I was experiencing growing discontent; the opposite response for me when I see and walk among plants.  I didn’t like how I was feeling but I didn’t know what was up.  As the evening progressed so did my yucky discontented undercurrent.  I talked it through with the hubster and got to vent a bit: none of it was about him or us.  I felt better getting some blegh out.

It remained with me for 4 days.  Souring my days. Preoccupying my thoughts. Discoloring my experiences.  It was eating me.  Like a slimy, good only for ducks snail.

Unmet expectations.

I’d experienced the effects of what was eating me but I hadn’t found it out.  But God…when I had cried out to Him was quick to show me what was going on; like taking a flashlight out to the garden at night and catching the snails in the act!

I had expectations that I hadn’t been aware of and because they weren’t met, I was cranky like a disappointed child.

What are the expectations you have?  They might be for your marriage. Your children’s behavior. Your friendships. Your family members.

Can you name them? Identifying what your expectations are is huge.  Most of us operate from a set of expectations that we aren’t even truly aware of until something doesn’t work.

What do you do with unmet expectations?  That is a great question and one that is a real process question to unpack.  It depends. That is a lame answer I know but it’s true.  I’ve faced the silent monster many times. I’ve handled it well and mostly not so well.  This feeling of being eaten up is awful and hurts me just like it hurts the life of the plants.

This is how it’s worked this time:

I talked with a trusted friend who knows me well and holds my heart and thoughts sacred. My hubster.

I prayed asking the Lord to show me what was up.  He is faithful.

I confessed to Him my hurts and how I was allowing them to poison my thoughts about others.

I admitted my vulnerability to the small group we are a part of; that was the hardest part–risking with near strangers.  But that is the only way to be in real community is by taking risks to be known.

My process is still happening; there isn’t a quick fix for life, sorry to say.  But I know that bringing the issues to the Light is the Best Way of moving forward and learning how to deal with what’s eating me.

What’s eating you?

 

Stumble in the Right Direction

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sand footprints

I had the distinct privilege of talking on the phone this morning with a dear friend and prayer partner.  I call it a distinct privilege on purpose.  It’s always fun to talk with her; we laugh and I cry (I do that easily, ask anyone who knows me well) and we give and receive encouragement.  So why was today’s conversation a “distinct privilege”?

It was distinct: clear, certain, emphatic

She had some very specific clear communication for me as my dear friend.  She knows my heart and she knows my gifts/talents/skills and she knows where I am prone to fall.

She said clearly in response to my awareness of a need I would be skilled and experienced to fill: “that is a mud pit you don’t want to fall into.”

  

Distinct.

When I went on to share a bit about what I’ve been up to since we last spoke, she responded with more: “you are in a good place. You’re stumbling in the right direction.”

That statement caused me to grab a pen and write it on an envelope (the closest piece of paper at hand before I lost the words!)

Stumbling in the right direction.

 

We do stumble at times don’t we?  We want to make a change, or do a creative project, or make a new friend.  But things happen, sometimes out of our control and sometimes because of us.  The change is harder than we thought.  The project doesn’t work.  The person we hoped to be a new friend we discover isn’t really a good fit.

Stumble.

A stumble isn’t a fall.  There is hesitancy.  There is the recognition of fear of falling and of embarrassment.  But the motion of stumbling is usually moving you in the same direction you were originally going.

So stumbling in the right direction implies you were heading the right way in the first place.  Which of course begets the question:

Do you know where you’re heading?

It seems like I have been in the business of answering that question for 7 years!  But the process of coming to an answer has really been the evidence of ‘stumbling in the right direction.’  The fact that this process has taken me 7 years might say different things to different people, but for me the theme of these seven years has been clarity.

I have spent time asking God and family and friends, to help me find clarity. Help me see connections between experiences, talents, skills and gifts.  How best to make use of those connections.  I started a blog. Way back in 2007 when I turned 50!  This is actually my 3rd blog (the other two archives are connected here if you’re curious)

I became a Life Coach in 2009 as a connection of e.t.s.&g. (see above)  I love listening and asking questions of my clients, helping them connect the dots in their lives.

I am speaking to women in mentoring roles and in front of groups as opportunities present themselves.  I really love speaking encouragement to women!

I am writing. Not as much on paper as I have in my head to say but I am writing.  Especially in my journal. 

Through these actions I have gained clarity.  I know why I am here.  (at least at this moment!)

I found clarity in connecting a dot from a long time ago; so long ago, it was almost forgotten.  It is actually a question for all of us:

What is the chief end of man? (think humanity here)

To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

Yeah yeah, grown up Sunday school answer right?  Not at all.

Sit with me here for a moment.

If all of my moments are given as a gift from God, then thanking Him for those moments brings Him glory.  He gets the credit. Not me.  So being thankful for even the hard, yucky stuff we all go through at one point or another, is half of the main purposewe are here.

The other half? It’s

linked to life itself—enjoying God forever.  Not in forever.  Right here.  Right now.  And it’s linked to thankfulness. 

In everything give thanks for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

 

In my stumbling in the right direction, I stumbled upon an old maxim which is bedrock.  The first question in The Westminster Catechism.

Which brings me round to why I said my conversation with my friend this morning was a ‘distinct privilege’.  She is a gift of God to many.  Her friendship and wisdom is refreshing.  We all need people like this in our lives on as regular a basis as we can make time for.  And we all need to thank God for the privilege that true friendship really is. A distinct privilege.

Two things for you to consider:

Where are you heading?  Are you stumbling in the right direction?  Into the arms of a loving God who gives good and perfect gifts?

 

Who are the friends with whom you have the distinct privilege of relating?  How can you encourage them today?

Please share your thoughts; all your comments are moderated so if it’s too private for public reading, let me know and I won’t publish it here.  I’d love to hear from you!

Learning to Be

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When you move, are you the person who empties out all the boxes and hangs things on the walls within the first week?  I love and admire you.

That’s not me.

I have to live in a space arrange and rearrange furniture; slowly figuring out what gets hung where.

That being said we have framed art leaning against the walls in different rooms, waiting for me to make the final decision.  I love my hubster.  He has his own opinions but not so much about things like decor.

Recently while I was away for the weekend with girlfriends he finished a project we had been working on together.
photo(66)So happy with how this turned out!

I have been sorting through and organizing the ‘stuff’ we (think I) thought we (think I) needed to keep when we moved.  I have been coming face to face with the realization that I have some mindset issues that need realigning.  Somewhere along the line I developed the mindset that “things equate memories”.  Giving up ‘things’ has been a challenge to my core.  And yet we shed a lot prior to our move.  I keep reminding myself of that while I see boxes of books we haven’t unpacked and all the boxes of scrapbook materials I haven’t even opened yet.

I am trying a new, gentle approach with myself.  I am going through one box a day and shedding some more.  It’s good to do this so that no one else needs to figure out what was important in the midst of all the knick-knacks and paddy whacks that I have stored!

The joy of going through this process is the freedom that it brings and the treasures that I find.

Here is one such treasure from a file of notes:

The Fruit of the Spirit is Love

Joy is love’s strength

Peace is love’s security

Patience is love’s endurance

Kindness is love’s conduct

Goodness is love’s character

Faithfulness is love’s confidence

Gentleness is love’s humility

Self-control is love’s victory
Against such things there is no law.

You may recognize that someone has taken the passage of Galatians 5:22-23 and written it a little differently.  If this offends your Biblical sensibilities I am sorry.  But I see it as a beautiful way to go deeper into Who lives within us as Christ-followers.

God is Love.  He is so much more but for the sake of conversation (and the length of this blog post) I want to focus on only one of His many perfect attributes.

This step by step, word by word look slows us down, giving us time to think about each attribute of the collective Fruit (evidence) of the Spirit in us.

All these character traits are a part of us.  All the time they are present within us.
I used to look at these characteristics as individual to do lists of self-improvement and a measuring stick of how well I am doing as a Christian. If I was having a bad attitude day I was coming up short of a lot of fruit.  Which gave me fuel for self-condemnation. But that perspective is neither accurate nor helpful. God’s Word also tells us there is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  If He is not condemning me then why am I so hard on myself?

We live this life one moment at a time.  Not one day at a time.  One moment.  In this moment we can choose to speak kindly.  We can choose to be gentle with our own heart.  We can choose to show patience in the face of a repeated mistake because this moment will pass and a new moment with new possibilities follows.  We choose our responses one moment at a time.  Be present to God’s Presence within you.  His fruit will be more and more evident, one moment at a time.

One of my favorite things about this sorting process is coming across treasures like this 3 x 5 card that remind me how far God has brought me and all the grace He has shown me in the process.  How have you seen God at work in your life lately?

 

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