Learning Along The Way

Rhythm of Life

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When I asked my husband, who is a trained percussionist, this question: How important is rhythm to being a percussionist? He looked at me with this quizzical expression, but he humored me and responded seriously, “Rhythm is essential.  You can’t be a successful percussionist without a good sense of rhythm.”  I pressed a little further: Can rhythm be learned or is it innate?  He said, “No one gets all the variations of rhythm without practice.  Rhythm takes practice.”

Rhythm provides the structure to music that all else in the piece is built upon.  Interestingly, what is true of music is true of our lives.

Our pastor uses the phrase, “Rhythm of life”.  I’ve pondered the meaning and implications of that phrase for awhile now.

Rhythms can vary.  Just like seasons.  But even in the repeating of the seasons there is rhythm and it is comforting to our souls.

Rhythm to your day, the regular habits of thought and action that turn your mind and heart toward God are what the phrase is about I think.

It’s a pattern but not a rigid pattern; not a legalistic way of going about your day. Although there are those individuals who are very disciplined and their structure does not vary even to the minute.  That’s not what I am talking about here.

Rhythm of life is more about the big ideas, elements, that fill your days.

Ironically we often move through our day driven by the clock, the external keeper of  rhythm rather than by an internal intention or rhythm.  Time and again I hear people say things like: ‘I just don’t know where the time goes’ or ‘I don’t have time for …’

We are all given 24 hours to steward.  What we do with the time is up to us.  Of course there are fixed and variable elements in our lives that must be attended to: people, work, sleep, food; but it is often the intangible elements that give us pause when they’re missing: time with God, creativity in some form, mental rest.

If you are feeling out of sorts or driven by the clock without a break, I encourage you to make an assessment of your days.  Write down how you spent your time at the end of the day.  Do that for three days.  Look at what fills your time.  Now comes the hard part.

Change.

If there are things in your day that don’t have to be there: tv watching, internet surfing, excessive texting or tweeting, excessive time on the phone; make some changes.  To make rhythm adjustments change has to happen.  To make room for the intangibles some tangibles have to go.

In Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus he tells them about change.  “These former ways of living, don’t work for you any longer.  Put those off.  Instead, put these on.” (the Message)

What are “these” that Paul was referring to?  What are the things on your list that don’t work for you any longer?

 

First Time/Last Time

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This weekend sitting out in creation at our campsite listening to birds and the far off voices of people playing volleyball was a new venue for me to write.

It was a first time.

This was a big first for me; family campout with no kids.  It’s weird to think this is what life is going to be like not all that long from now.  Weird.

Our eldest is now joyfully married to a beautiful woman and they live out of state.  14 hours away.  Our youngest is a senior in high school and looking at schools across the country. 3000 miles away.  Is it something I said?  Naw, I’d like to think it was something we did: raised them to be independent thinking men!  However the end result doesn’t keep me from looking back…

Why is it that we don’t appreciate what we have and long for what we don’t have?  What is it in our nature that keeps us from being grateful or content?

I tried so many times to convince myself to be okay with the changing seasons; no more nursing babies, no more toddlers, kids in school and not at home, no more driving the Mom taxi because they have their licenses, no more family laundry; well maybe I won’t miss that one!

Not sure why each change has brought sadness, but it has.  I am happy to see the new stage for my sons, proud of the growth and accomplishments that come with each new stage, but the leaving behind is what seemed to be the issue for me every time.

I know I’m not the only mom who misses the little faces that now sport whiskers; although the whiskered faces are so handsome and manly and the way things “should be”.  Some women can’t wait to get the kids grown and out of the house so they can have their time back: time with their husband and time for themselves.  But that’s not me.

This mom wrote a great post last year that grabbed my heart: finding joy

I also know that I am not the first person to keep looking back at what was; Scripture is full of stories of people who looked back instead of being okay in the present.  

I can think of some pretty significant ones: Lot’s wife who couldn’t leave Sodom and Gomorrah without longing for her home & life there; the Israelites at the shore of the Red Sea; that same group complaining out in the desert wanting to return to the slavery of Egypt instead of moving forward into the Promised Land.  In the face of pretty big things God did or promised to do, people have wanted to return to what they knew instead of looking forward and trusting God for what was yet to be.

What about today?  Can I look ahead with trust to the unknown of what lies ahead?  Is it possible to be okay with not knowing if this is the last time?

Perspective

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Ever have one of those days when you want somebody to feel sorry for you?

Yesterday I was ready to have a pity party.  I thought about sending out invitations so others could join in.  It wasn’t a particularly bad day or anything, I was just feeling sorry for myself.  It was hot (90 degrees) and I had to ride my bike home (3 miles).
The distance on the hot day was almost enough to keep me from getting on the bike to go home.  But I am really trying to honor my commitment to myself; I am attempting to be a serious bicycle commuter.  I have to remind myself of the benefits: exercise, saving money, getting to be outdoors, getting stronger as a cyclist…there are lots of benefits, really.

Back to my pity party (it’s all about me you know!) So there I was, time to go home from work and reminding myself of the benefits and the fact that no one in my family would be available to pick me up anyway.  I got on the bike and rode 4 blocks to the Jennifer Street Bridge, which spans the railroad tracks I need to cross to get home.  The bridge has switchback ramps that allow bikes to be ridden over but you have to be careful at the turns, watching out for others coming from the opposite direction.  

As I neared the bottom on the other side, I could see two women chatting so I slowed down even more.  By the time I made the last turn they had finished their conversation and started out on their runs down the lovely running/cycling trail.  They weren’t together; one had started out ahead of the other woman at a faster pace.

The second woman was the one who caught my attention.

She was starting out on her run too, but a little more slowly.  She was an amp runner.  Her leg was fitted with the same state of the art device as the runner from South Africa, Oscar Pistorius,  who ran in the Olympics.

As I was coming alongside to pass her on my bike, I wanted to say something, acknowledging her presence on the trail, but just saying Hi seemed not enough considering the effort she was putting out.  So instead I called out “You go girl!” with a thumbs up.

It was 90 degrees in the middle of the day and she was going on her run.  Suddenly my pity party came to a screeching halt.  I was blessed with perspective at that moment.  All of my whining and complaining looked so foolish in a blink of an eye.  I was glad I hadn’t sent out invitations to my pity party after all.

I love how quietly God will draw my attention away from my minor issues to give me eyes to see someone with real issues.  But she wasn’t feeling sorry for herself.  She was cheerful and working to overcome challenge in spite of the weather and physical limitations.  She called out to me, “have a nice day”, and I thought, how dare I not have a nice day?

Perspective.  What challenge is in your day today?  One piece of encouragement that I have gleaned from Scripture is that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  This part of God’s Word reminds me that the Creator of the Universe, Who spoke things into existence, lives in me and through His strength I am able to do all things.  Including riding my bike 3 miles in 90 degree heat!

I don’t know that sweet woman’s spiritual condition, but her countenance was full of joy and her actions were full of perseverance and determination.  Seeing her running did not make me feel sorry for her at all.  Actually I was quite inspired to do what I can physically and at the same time humbled for my ungrateful attitude.

Perspective is everything.  When you want to have a pity party, wait to send out the invitations.  Gain some perspective instead.

A Season of Focused Rest

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My last blog post was June 28, the day after our eldest’s 24th birthday.  I have missed writing my blog but it was necessary for this season.  This has been a summer of milestones.  No, a year of milestones.

It began with a surprise engagement last December.  A call for our son from a church in Utah to be their Youth Pastor.  Then his graduation from Biola in May.  A beautiful wedding in August.  The blessing of a new family being miraculously formed in front of our eyes.  What a privilege to witness the vows, the promises made by our son and his chosen one.

Then came the move to their new life two weeks later.

Milestones of grace.  Of answered prayer.

Celebrations of life.  Of what is.

Do we look at our life as the to do list, as the guide for our day?

Do we allow the Tyranny of the Urgent to steal the life from our days?

Or do we look at all that represents life and allow ourselves to be still with God right in the middle of all that goes on in a day?

Are we driven or at rest?

Distracted or intentional?

I chose to stop coaching, stop writing and speaking during this season of summer.  Through this final season with our son at home.  That was my call from God.  To be at rest with Him to celebrate what is.

It has been a blessed and renewing season.  I have much to be thankful for and much that was learned and refined during this season of focused rest.  It has been a sweet Communion.

And now that season has ended and a new one begins.

I am looking forward to what will be ahead but focusing on staying present to His Presence.  Continuing to practice resting before Him Who holds all things together.

How about you?  What has been, what is and what are you looking forward to?

Let’s walk together into this new season, learning along the Way.

Resilient (or How Does My Garden Grow?)

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I had the most amazing gardening experience ever!  If you’re not into gardening, that’s ok, it wasn’t super technical but there is a great story so bear with me.

 

A week ago our son graduated from Biola University.  We don’t live in the LA area so attending his graduation meant traveling down a day ahead.  Since we were going to be down there anyway we had made plans to be gone the whole long holiday weekend.

 

We left on Friday afternoon.  If you’re a mom you know how much preparation goes into getting ready to leave; for me it includes surveying the garden for potential issues that might need attending to before leaving.  All was in order so we were good to go.

 

It was a wonderful graduation; made this Momma very proud!  But I digress; the event is not the focus of the gardening experience!

 

After returning home four days later, I went out to survey the garden.  I found one of the giant sunflowers lying down in the middle of the cantaloupe and watermelon plants.  It hadn’t been uprooted so I knew I could stake it up and it would be okay.  That’s not the amazing part.  I’m getting there.

 

I wish I had thought to capture this with a photo.  While it was lying there on its side for 3 -4 days, the head of the sunflower, not yet in bloom, had turned itself upward toward the sun.  The stalk of the sunflower had to twist itself around in order to face upward.  When I staked the plant up it was crooked and the head was facing the wall behind the plant.  This would be a gardening experiment for sure.

One week later, this is what the plant looked like:

 

 

I have gleaned a lot of metaphors from this gardening experience.  As another experiment, I’d like to hear from you!

What life lessons do you recognize from my amazing gardening experience?

I’ll share mine tomorrow!

Do or Be? That is the Quest

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Do. Be.  An apparent contrast in terms; but is it?

 

I have spent a majority of life in the doing arena.  Get good grades.  Do your best.

Striving for approval, recognition, acceptance.  Our culture places value on achievement.  We are trained up to fit in, act right, look a certain way, have an acceptable spouse with an acceptable career; live in a particular place, drive acceptable cars.  The list goes on.

 

None of these things or goals are necessarily bad unless the motive behind the goal is bad.  Bad motives?  What would those be?  The interpretation of motives depends on your worldview.  By what measuring stick do you compare yourself?

 

With the measuring stick of the world, the list above will be evaluated by what is the biggest and best.  Who determines what is best?  Your peers?  The advertising agencies?  The opinions of your family and friends?  The measuring stick fluctuates with the popular influence of culture.  When have you arrived?  When can you simply relax and enjoy life?  How much is enough?

 

What if you wanted to change the stick, which measures you?

 

Unfortunately many who choose to walk along the Way as a Christ follower bring with them the measuring stick of the world and apply it to how they’re doing as a Christian.  Suddenly without recognizing it, the life of faith takes on the life of the works focused world and relationship with God is sacrificed on the altar of performance: serving on committees, teaching Sunday school, leading a small group, helping with AWANA.  Again, none of these activities is bad unless the motive for doing them is.

 

What if there is a different way?  A way of living simply; a way of enjoying just being without striving for…whatever?  Do or Be. Now that is the Quest.

 

There is a different Way.

 

Slow down.  Get off the merry go round.  Spend time alone with the Lord, in silence.  Write in a journal.  Sit still outdoors.

Listen to the birds.  Focus on one sight or sound.

 

Be still and know…

 

Grace to Learn

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What is it about learning that takes so long for some and goes so quickly for others? I’ve studied learning theories for years; the variables are endless. In the final analysis, it boils down to one common statement: learning is unique to each individual. Parents know this as they watch their children learn to feed themselves, walk and talk. No one goes through learning in exactly the same way. Wise parents give their children room to try, practice and make mistakes, knowing that the missteps are tools in learning what does work.
Interestingly some of us lose sight of this truth, developing unrealistic expectations of ourselves that we apply to all aspects of our lives. I’ve been spending the past year learning about mindset and it’s affect on our actions. I have also been at work changing mine (mindset) in several areas; one of which is how fast (or slowly) I learn something and what I tell myself in the process.  This actually relates in a big way to why I have been silent in the blogosphere for this past year. Without diving into too much detail, I have spent a great deal of time attempting to learn how to develop my own website using lots of tools and support services available. Notice I said “attempting”. In this process I learned several things: html code is full of details; I have an unrealistic mindset of how quickly I can learn and apply new knowledge; I don’t give myself much grace.
I don’t know if you struggle with an unrealistic mindset/expectation, but I’ll tell you what, it’s a burden! How I think affects how I act. No one “sees” my thoughts but they do see my actions and re-actions. I am hard on myself when I can’t do something quickly and correctly. I have said many unkind things to myself that I WOULD NEVER say to another human being. This internal dialogue leaks out in ways I had not seen until I started to learn about Mindset. Anybody else like that? Where does a negative mindset come from? I have recognized that knowing how I formed a negative, unrealistic mindset is not as valuable as knowing how to change my mindset. I’ve also learned I can’t change my mindset without encouragement and accountability.

Knowing where I am (in this case a negative, unrealistic mindset) and where I want to be (speaking grace to myself when I can’t do something quickly/correctly) has been a big part of my learning along the Way this year.  People close to me know that when I have learned something I think is worth sharing I am ready to burst with excitement to share!  I’ve decided to use my blogging as a venue to share what I’ve been learning, ever hopeful that it will be a benefit to others.  As you see me writing more, I’d love to hear from you.  Or if you are the quiet, vicarious learner just subscribe to my RSS feed.  Either way, I’d appreciate knowing if what I have learned is making a difference for others.

New Year, New Decade, Not so New Goals

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The new year is three days old and I have heard and read countless references to resolutions, inspirations to lose weight and the challenges for both the coming year and the new decade. All of them can be a little daunting that’s certain, but I have decided on a way around being overwhelmed! Rather than making a long list of new resolves to tax my brain to remember, I am going to focus on one overarching goal.

Be my best self possible.

You’ve heard “be yourself, you’re the only one qualified” or the Army’s slogan “be all that you can be” so my goal is not so new. But it feels a little less like a to do list that I may mess up on right away! Instead it feels like a good “to be” which I have learned is exactly what I am supposed “to do” is to simply BE.

So as this year gets going and you are thinking about things you want to add or subtract, share them please! I would love to be inspired by what you are up to and I’d love to know what you are learning to add or subtract!

Who are Weary and Heavy Laden

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It’s been too long since my last post. But it is time to break the silence.

I feel a little like a story told of Mahatma Gandhi. A young mother came to him seeking help with her son. She asked him simply if he could tell the boy to stop eating sugar, that it was bad for him. Gandhi pondered her request for a moment and asked her to come back in three weeks with her son. The mother thought this an odd request but did as the wise teacher had told her to do. When the time had passed she returned with her son to hear what the wise teacher would say to her son. Gandhi simply said to the boy, “do not eat sugar it is bad for your health.” The mother was confused and asked him, “Why did we wait three weeks to hear you say such a simple statement?” Gandhi replied, “ I could not speak a truth that I was not practicing myself. I had to learn to live without sugar before I could tell your son to live without sugar.”

 

The next part of my post comes out of what I had to learn; I needed to practice before I had wisdom to share. We know we live very busy, full lives. Some of you are working in and outside your homes, caring for children, caring for aging parents, dealing with unemployment or the potential for unemployment. How can we continue on the paths of the incredibly busy lives we have without crashing and burning out? Stated simply: We can’t keep going at the pace we are without disaster.

 

That’s a pretty bleak assessment I realize but hear me out. There are things that can be done to avoid disaster, but you have to be intentional about your choices and actions. If you have already looked at life and seen there are no changes that can be made to lighten the current load then the next step is to look back at the road map and see where your rest stops are.

 

That may be a strange analogy but if you can imagine your life as a journey and you are traveling on a superhighway, going at a fast pace with little or no stops, you know you are going to get road weary and need a break. That’s what the rest stops are for. Don’t just keep going, stop and take a much-needed break.

highway traffic

Jesus is calling to us while we are rushing along with all the burdens of the family calendar and needs on our shoulders. He is standing quietly as the road sign we speed past saying, “Stop in here. I will take your burdens and give you a much needed break.” Problem is, we keep driving and say to ourselves, “I don’t have time to stop! There is so much to do! Time is short! These things need to get done!” With this mindset we are headed for disaster.

 

Our rest stops need to happen. They need to be regular and frequent. We are fools to think we can go long periods of time without refreshment and relief. We suffer unnecessarily because we think we can travel a little bit farther without a break.

 

Enough for now. Think about your current circumstances. When was the last time you really took a break?


Funny the Way it is

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I heard a clip of a song on the radio yesterday morning taking my teenage son to school (8th grade with 4.5 days left but who’s counting?) It caught my attention when the line …”a soldier’s last breath and a baby’s being born” played. With a little research I found some info on it. The title of the song is the title of this post. It’s by the Dave Matthews Band. Don’t know enough about them to link up here with a clear conscience but this particular song intrigues me.

The song is all about the contrasts that are simultaneously occurring in the world. When we think about the perspective we have on a situation don’t we assume everyone else has the same perspective? When we come across someone whose perspective is drastically different than ours we can get very upset. Isn’t our perspective right? Thinking about the ideas in this song made me think of the poem Six Men of Indostan. It’s a story of six blind men and an elephant. Do you know that one? It’s a great illustration of perspective.

Here’s my version: 6 blind men were walking and talking together. They came upon an elephant. Each man reached the elephant at a different point because of their position on the road. One of the men found the tail of the elephant, another the trunk, another a tusk, another a leg, another an ear, and the last man the elephant’s side. Each man described the elephant from his perspective, asserting that what they could feel is what an elephant is like: a rope, a snake, a spear, a tree, a fan, and a wall.

elephant

(photo credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/9_9hzZVjV8s )
So my point? How each of us views the world is due in large part to our perspective. Do we look at circumstances through the lens of our own perspective or do we view the world through the lens of God’s perspective: GRACE? There are so many things going on in the world right now that are tragic or that we disagree strongly with or that we are ready to argue with people about; asserting that our perspective as the right one.

The only right perspective is God’s perspective. He wants NONE to perish but all to come to repentance. If we are looking to Jesus as the author and perfecter of our faith then we will notice He was not angry with those living a life of sin. (Apart from God’s Ways) Nope. Jesus was angry with the Religious people who were making it difficult for people to come to God. Now there’s a stop you in your tracks thought: am I one of the self-righteous defenders of the Law of God not willing to show Love to those who need it but instead am really ready to judge them for their choices?

So as we go along the Way, let’s examine our perspectives. Are we looking at the choices people make and judging them as if We are God? Or are we looking at them with the winsomeness of Christ and showing them grace (undeserved favor) in the middle of choices we disagree with?

Funny the way it is….

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