Learning Along The Way

Learning to Laugh

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I don’t know about you but sometimes I get the wrong impression about what life is “supposed to look like” as a Christ follower. Some Christians five being a Christian a bad name. All serious business and definitely no room for laughter.

That’s not the Jesus I have come to love in Scripture.

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Please don’t get me wrong here; there is plenty to be serious about in the world.  People are homeless. Hungry. Escaping horrible situations in their homelands. There are devastating Earthquakes. Floods. Diseases. Children are being abused. Trafficked. If I continue writing the list which is longer still, I will have to get up from the computer and find the Kleenex.

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Jesus knew how to take things seriously, too. He was serious about eternal life, about showing us the Father, about healing, about spiritual growth, about taking the Good News to the ends of the earth and making disciples. And much more.

He also knew how to have fun and rest and cook and live life.  If you think I’m making this up, I’m not. Read John’s gospel account.

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I think in the fulness of God, Jesus shows us how to live a balanced life. The center point in the balance is having God at the center of our lives. Recognizing I am not the center point of my life has been part of my learning journey. Seeing God at the center, on the throne, on the front seat of the tandem, has brought me such freedom.

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I’m learning to laugh again.

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What’s in a Metaphor?

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Eighteen years ago when my mentor recommended that I try riding a tandem with my husband I had no idea the breadth of what adventure was ahead.

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I began the journey petrified to be on a bike without my own brakes and steering (or way to see!). I struggled with the lack of control!

I still deal with the residual affects of years of asserting myself into every situation as the one who “knew it all”. That is not pretty. Also, it lacks a Christ-like characteristic…

Humility

I will be the first to tell you the bike started as the focus but God used this bike and the process of learning to let go of control as one of the biggest tools in the process of my sanctification. And I’m still in process by the way.

So what’s in this metaphor of a tandem bike? Of Living in Tandem with others? With God?

Well I’ve learned to see things from quite a few different perspectives.

But God…

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Has shown me one ride at a time, one day at a time, no, one MOMENT at a time that I am not the One in control. That role belongs to Him only.

But God…

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Has given me many opportunities to learn to follow Him by listening and letting go.

Letting go is hard.

But God…

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Has given me Himself instead of the physical and emotional things I have hung onto out of fear.

But God…

Has given me a relationship with my husband that has grown into a friendship of epic proportions.

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Colin at Apple

And I know I wouldn’t be the woman He has grown me into today if I’d said

“I could NEVER do that!” The metaphor of a tandem bike has changed my perspectives.

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What are you saying No to God about today? What shift does your perspective need to take?

Moving Forward is by Being Still

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It’s Day 26 of #write31days and as I have reflected daily on really what I’ve learned from the #LivinginTandem metaphor is a paradox;

We move forward by being still.

Yesterday when I spent some time listening to God through the reading of His Word, I heard a refrain I’ve heard and ignored before:

Be Still.  Be Still.

In all my focus on to do lists and thinking I have to keep doing, keep accomplishing, the result is always stress & anxiety. The refrain is

Not Enough.  Not Enough. Like this glass that is half empty.

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Or is it half full?

But God whispers again

Be Still and know 

So I sit to listen again to the heart of Paul’s letters…

Grace

Peace

Christ is all and in all

Christ in you the hope of glory

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And I see. I hear.

Lay aside the old way.  Be renewed. Put on the new self. (Col. 3:12-17)

Daily be transformed by the renewing of my mind. (Romans 12:2)

By the mercies of God. (Romans 12:1)

Moving forward is by Being Still.

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Being still seems counter intuitive to being productive. But God consistently gives me wisdom, strength, encouragement to share, and most of all, the peace of His Presence when I have set aside my demanding to do list to sit quietly with His Word open and my heart ready to listen.

Laying aside old ways, being renewed day by day and putting on the new self as Paul defines in Col. 3:12-17 is a process, not a one time event. We are complex beings with many facets. We are created in the image of God you know. So this journey, this living in tandem with God is full of ups and downs, hills and valleys. But the best news? You’re never alone.

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Saturday’s Soul Food

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Our community group had homework this week.  I wasn’t there that evening (I was attending an event in San Luis Obispo), but the Hubster went and he took the homework commitment seriously (he’s a first born by the way).

In Gary Thomas’ book Sacred Pathways, he identifies nine different ways individuals typically find connection with God. Each way is explained more thoroughly in his book but here is a brief list with identifying characteristics. Connecting with God is a form of worship.

Naturalists. Loving God Outdoors

Sensates. Loving God with the Senses (music, art, cooking, etc)

Ritualists. Loving God through ritual and symbol

Ascetics. Loving God in solitude and simplicity

Activists. Loving God through confrontation

Caregivers. Loving God by loving others

Enthusiasts. Loving God with mystery and celebration

Contemplatives. Loving God through adoration

Intellectuals. Loving God with the mind

Thomas provides the thought and explanation that we will have a preferred way of connecting with God; loving God, that we typically gravitate toward. Each one is an aspect of worship. Developing your awareness to your preferred way of connection is good because then you can readily seek that out when you are potentially feeling disconnected from God.

The challenge for us in our community group was to be intentional to either connect with God this week in our preferred way or to make effort to connect with God in a different way than we might typically.

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The good news for me? The Hubster wanted to try to connect with God differently which also happened to be in the way I typically experience His Presence; outdoors.

So our Saturday afternoon included a picnic and a hike in an area he had seen on a bike ride and thought I’d appreciate.

He was spot on.

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It was quiet. We saw no other humans. We walked in silence, listening to the birds and the oak leaves crunch under our feet.

We stopped on the trail to examine this particular tree…

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It looked dead. But there were these pods at the ends of some of the branches.  I said I think it is some kind of nut tree. So of course, I pulled one off and peeled it apart.

Chestnut.

It’s fall alright. Even though the temperature is still low 80s here, the chestnut trees know what they’re supposed to do at this time of year.

Being outdoors and witnessing seasons; being reminded that change is a part of God’s plan for us here on earth was food for my soul.

The jury’s still out whether the Hubster found connecting with God outdoors satisfying.

 

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How do you like to feed your soul?

Friday Funday!

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I’ll be spending time this morning with friends for coffee and chatting. My hope is to be an ambassador for the Kingdom and for the glory of the King.

He is slowly changing my perspective on time I spend with people. It’s not all about me or all about fun.

But in the midst of being with friends, fun is a good thing to have. Jesus had lots of fun. That’s why He was accused of being a drunkard and a party animal.  He did turn water into wine for His first miracle you know.

So here are some fun images for your Friday.  I hope they at least make you smile!

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A sweet loved on Lion who might secretly be an artist when no one is looking.

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A budding musician next to the Hubster and the Baboo. 21 years later the musician has his own baboo and the pictured babe is away at college. Time flies. Oh and the Hubster no longer has the long hair…

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This is a must for your kitchen if you like spicy food. Go buy it now. Add it to everything savory. You’ll thank me for this recommendation.

Rest for Your Soul

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I shared this photo yesterday with the women of Alameda MOPS. I was privileged to bring them a few words of encouragement for a very busy season; early motherhood.

Preparing to share about Embracing Rest meant I needed to slow down in my own life and make space for spiritual rest and renewal.

Learning to know when to work hard and when to let up and rest is a big part of living in tandem with God.

When Jesus commissioned his 12 disciples to go out and teach, He also went out to teach. Jesus invited all who heard to come to Him;

“Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

The yoke is meant for close connection and for training. It is also how a stronger helps the weaker to accomplish the task. When oxen were yoked together they were paired by strength; a weaker one was put in the yoke alongside a stronger, more experienced ox.

I like how Eugene Peterson says it in The Message: “Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with Me and work with Me–watch how I do it. learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Jesus knows how physically and spiritually tired we can be. And He offers us a different Way.

If we keep company with Him, we’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

And we will find rest for our souls.

Living in Tandem Isn’t Flashy

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It’s Day 21 of #write31days and I feel a bit like I’m on a long distance bike ride.  It’s not always cute like this picture; it’s just what you do. Just keep pedaling.

It’s rather like living in tandem.

Oswald Chambers wrote of Living in Tandem too. He often wrote about discipleship and discipline.  Being a learner and demonstrating what you’ve learned. He phrased it this way:

“We do not need the grace of God to withstand crises—human nature and pride are sufficient for us to face the stress and strain magnificently.

But it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours of every day as a saint, going through drudgery, and living an ordinary, unnoticed, and ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus.”

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I’ve read and re-read this book. My thoughts and way of living have been shaped by Oswald’s devotional thoughts. Can you see how many times I’ve been impacted by these particular words?

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We can all be good at starting something. But it’s been said that the life of a Christ follower is more like a marathon than a sprint. Eugene Peterson wrote a book whose title also speaks to Living in Tandem:  A Long Obedience in the Same Direction. His writing encouraged me years ago to recognize that the change I desired to see in myself is promised but not on my timeline. Change comes by God and in His timing; which is always perfect but outside our 24/7 time frame!

Life is so very daily you see. We sometimes lose perspective. If we’re doing this all in our own strength we are likely to also lose heart along with perspective.

Learning to live in tandem with the One who made you takes time and perseverance.  When the following words first stood out to me it was 1998.

“We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people—and this is not learned in five minutes.”

God is Present and is willing to give you strength to keep moving forward through this day and toward His heart. It’s not flashy but it’s more than enough.

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From where does our help come? It comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. 

A Change in Perception

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As a life coach I’ve had the privilege of learning about the power of perception. Our minds are amazing creations. So complex, so creative, so essential, so powerful.

As we perceive something, (see, interpret, etc.) our perception influences our way of thinking. If we form a thought once there is an imprint. But if we repeat that thought our brain creates a pathway of connection. And the more we think that thought the stronger the pathway. This forms our mindset.

A mindset frames how we respond to any situation in which we find ourselves.  The amazing thing is we don’t even realize we’re responding from this place because our brain chooses the reinforced pathways. It’s like taking the easy, familiar way home. You just do it without thinking.

You’ve heard of fixating on something right? It’s all you can think about?  The thing you’re fixating upon and the way you’re thinking about it (positive or negative) is also a way of reinforcing your thought pattern, your mindset. Or if you attended school at some point in your life, you had to memorize some list of facts. Math facts or grammar rules or state capitols. To memorize is the process of creating those reinforced pathways in our brain.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It’s in that place we are strengthening our mind set about any number of things: a person, an attitude toward something like broccoli or more widespread like social mores. If something has been hard, or traumatic what we tell ourselves about the experience is also part of establishing our mindset.

Now here’s the best part of all this great scientific neurological information: God’s Word already speaks to this! What?! Yes indeed.

In Paul’s letter to the Romans he contrasts what we focus our minds upon in this way: 8:5-6

“For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.”

In the margin of my Bible I wrote the question What is my mindset?

If you struggle like I do to think rightly about yourself, God’s Word speaks to this too!

“Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

I can’t fully capture in words the freedom that has come to me and continues to unfold because of stopping the crazy thinking I heard and holding each statement up against that list.

Like what you ask? A thing I heard a lot growing up: “This is all your fault!” What I have told myself: “I am is not good enough”. So I developed a warped mindset about myself and have lived out of perfectionism and performance for approval for decades. Decades. And in the places I haven’t achieved my desired result? I tell myself things I would NEVER speak toward another human being. I know I’m not alone.

When I catch myself going down that familiar mental abuse path, I am quicker now to put up a Stop Sign on my thought path and hold up that thought to the list:

Is this true?

Is this a noble thought?

Is this accurate?

Is this a pure thought? Would I be comfortable sharing it with the world on social media?

Is this a lovely way to view myself? Or someone else?

Is this an admirable character trait?

Is this excellent or worthy of praise?

I don’t have to go through the entire list to see that my negative self talk doesn’t line up. I want to think God’s thoughts for others, but as Jesus rightly said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.”

If I leave my perception of myself as it has been, then I am out of line with God’s thoughts about me and others. This awareness has come slowly and so is the internal change. But it’s so much better now than when I first started on this path of living in tandem.

The power of Christ within His followers is life giving. We can change the way we think, the way we respond. I know this is true because God has done great things re-tooling my mindset over the years of looking into His Word, of asking for His help and healing, of being “transformed by the renewing of my mind.” (Romans 12:2)

If you find yourself responding to a new circumstance in a way you don’t want to that’s the place to plant a Stop Sign for your brain. You can create a new pathway to think.

Think on these things…

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When Enthusiasm is AWOL

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I’d love to think everyone deals with all the same issues that keep me from gaining ground and persevering. But our culture shows us so many examples of beautiful, fit, perfectly tanned & made up people that I feel like I’m the only one who battles with myself.

I’m a great starter.  I gather the needed materials, enthusiasm and spunk and dive in regardless of how impossible something is. My creative activity shelves are great examples. As is my collection of modes of exercise gear. I own lots of great cookbooks along with the appropriate tools to accomplish a variety of culinary delights. I own all the necessary tools to keep my nails healthy and colorful.

None of these things are life changing but I tend to speak of what isn’t instead of embracing what is. If I only focus on the half empty instead of the half full I get bogged down by my perception.

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So how do I deal with myself when my enthusiasm is AWOL (Absent without official leave)?

Well what I know doesn’t motivate me is adding shame onto my distracted behavior. That only serves to suck me down into a vortex of spinning emotionally and nothing gets done.  Not even something fun because I am overcome with guilt because of the shame I heap on myself for not staying the course!  Yuck!

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I captured this from a recent Costco magazine; they featured the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I highly recommend it.  I’ve read two of her four books and am currently reading her most recent Rising Strong which is all about how to get back up from a fall when you’ve dared greatly. I have lots of experience with the falls; embracing my way of doing life and celebrating what is is a little more of a challenge.

Learning who I really am instead of trying to fit into how other people think I should be has been the unfolding adventure of my life.  Embracing who I am and how I work as a catalyst, a starter gives me the freedom to do things with the bursts of enthusiasm that overtake me on regular occasions but not daily.  Being ok with the fact I start and then do something else and then circle back around to what I started earlier is hard when I tell myself negative statements about that distracted work flow.

Many years ago, after lamenting this way I do life, a dear friend shared a terrific book with me that really inspired me to lean into my roles of wife, mother and influencer of lives. The author became one of my favorites as she consistently pointed to God’s Word and spoke of both discipline and grace. Elisabeth Elliot is now rejoicing moment by moment in Jesus’s Presence. I will be eternally grateful for the wisdom she shared. The book I reference is The Shaping of a Christian Family. Nestled within the book is this poem that has encouraged me again and again:

From an old English parsonage down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the doors the quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration: “DOE THE NEXTE THYNGE.”

Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, and guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, doe the nexte thynge.

Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all results, doe the nexte thynge

Looking for Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering, be thy demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
Then, as He beckons thee, doe the nexte thynge.

When I have found myself slipping into the downward internal critic heyday, I am able to stop myself and simply say Do The Next Thing. My enthusiasm sneaks back in when I’ve relaxed and reminded myself of the truth that I’m not in this alone. I have a great high priest who is well acquainted with me and loves me just the same.

Isn’t that a way to put a muzzle on the internal critic? That makes me enthusiastic just thinking about it!

Embracing Rest

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I like slow mornings. I have learned that though after years of setting my alarm to get up in the dark before my family so that I could

Be still and know…

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Now that I don’t have to get up early to get ahead of the morning rush, I can sit in stillness & quiet and be filled.

The need for filling is the same though. My soul needs to know and experience the Presence of God as much now as then. The filling has different uses in this season.

As a mom of littles I was desperate for a sense of peace in the middle of tears, diapering, sibling squabbles, meals that were objected to, misplaced special friends at bedtime. I was exhausted from all the giving of myself. What I thought I needed was more sleep, which of course was interrupted almost nightly by someone.

I shared my frustrations and exhaustion with a group of moms at the park one day. One seasoned mom who had been invited by another quietly asked if she might share an idea that might help.  Since I was desperate I quickly said yes please.

She said “Imagine you are a cup and each one of your family is a straw in your cup. Picture adding a straw for every responsibility outside your family: work outside your home, volunteering in the community, at church, extended family, etc.  Not all the straws need to draw from your cup daily but some do. And when all the straws need to draw from you at once what will happen?”  It was easy to imagine the cup being drained dry. I felt it. A lot.

You have to be filled up before you can be helpful to others.

But how?

The answer looks differently for each of us and will look different in various, changing seasons.  The first and foremost way though is to start with agreeing that you have a need for rest.

Embracing Rest instead of believing you can be all things to all people in your own strength is the key to finding the best ways of filling your soul.

For many years the most I could do was a variety of little things throughout the days. I love to listen to music of all kinds but it took a comment from my mother to point out that I wasn’t sharing my love for music with my littles. She asked “Why don’t you have music on all day anymore? Your kids would probably love it!” Her question gave me an idea. I started playing music that was upbeat when we needed to get ready to head out for the day and when we did our chores. When it was a quieter time of day I played music of classical composers that I enjoy. Little by little the music had a comforting affect on all of us.

When my littles were transitioning out of naps I still needed a break so we instituted rest time which everyone needs. I put a digital clock in the bedroom and on a 3 x 5 card wrote the numbers of the time that rest would be over. When the numbers matched, they could get up. Calling it nap time to a 3 year old was disastrous. Calling it rest time and giving him the power to know when it was over was money. And ironically he usually fell asleep amid the books on his bed! And of course I got the much needed quiet as well!

I had to learn how to get my cup filled up at the beginning of the day too. For years I had set an alarm to get up early enough to avoid rushing around in the morning to get out the door for work. I hate having to rush. But I had stopped doing that when I began the role of stay at home mom thinking I had all the time in the world and could make my own schedule. Ha! It took me too long to recognize needing more sleep wasn’t the only way to rest.

When I began to set my alarm to get up before my family it was a huge shock to my system. So I adjusted slowly by getting up just a few minutes before their waking pattern so I could get a cup of coffee and read a short devotional.

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These are the three that have filled me up over the years. Such great inspiration and Word focused encouragement for the day is found in each of these. I didn’t read all three of them each day… I’ve just lived a lot of years!

Those few moments each morning were just enough to remember that I wasn’t on my own in this job of being Momma. Learning to go to the Source of wisdom & strength daily was filling enough. God multiplied my feeble coming on those sleepy mornings. He changed my priorities from selfish to self care. If He did that for me I am confident He will do that for you…if you ask.

And I am a different woman; embracing rest He offers moment by moment has been key to living in tandem with Him.

Follow Me…

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