Learning Along The Way

Why? to What? Asking Different Questions Matters

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I’m a curious person by nature. I remember getting in trouble for asking, “Why?” 

I still ask a lot of questions. How about you? See? Another question!

Now I get to ask questions in my work. As a coach, I listen, ask questions of my clients, and help them discover their next action step in work, life & faith. It’s the best career for a curious person.

So here’s my question for you: What was a recent brave thing you did?

Was it getting out of bed this morning to face a daunting to do list? Was it dealing with a difficult person at work? Or facing the fact that your parent is declining quicker than anyone was ready for?

Being brave doesn’t just mean dealing with BIG struggles. Being brave can come in quiet ways, too.

My most recent brave thing happened today.

Today is my birthday. You might think, ‘How did you have to be brave on your birthday?’ It starts with a memory.

When I was little I used to announce a countdown to my birthday, beginning two months ahead of the big day! I wanted to make sure EVERYONE knew my birthday was coming and just how old I was going to be. My Mom would make whatever flavor of birthday cake I wanted, even if I wanted two flavors. One year, my 9th birthday, she made a layer cake with one layer of chocolate and one layer of banana cake with whipped cream and fresh banana slices in between with chocolate frosting all around. That was amazing, and obviously memorable. 

I suspect she went out of her way that year because we had just moved to a new part of town and I was in a new school. My birthday comes only a month into the school year and as a new student, I hadn’t made friends to ask to a party. Sad. So my Mom went out of her way to make our family time special.

Even as I write this I’m tearing up because I realize how the past 11 birthdays have not been the same since my Mom & Dad died. I guess I try to be brave and cover over the sadness so I’m not a downer, but in reality, I miss them. 

We had a crazy, complicated, and dysfunctional family. But it was my family. I’ve supported the livelihoods of several counselors through the years (other brave stories) as I’ve worked through family of origin stuff, but they were still my family, and in spite of the crazy, I love them.

My brave act today was smiling through the sadness. 

I’m so fortunate to have a wonderful husband who took the day off so we could drive to the coast and walk on the beach. I am so fortunate to have two amazing sons who both called to wish me a Happy Birthday. I am so fortunate to have loving cousins who sent me cards and SO MANY LOVING FRIENDS who mailed cards, texted, or commented on social media, sharing loving thoughts. Such a great birthday!

I still ask the questions of God though.

Why?

Why did they have to die so young? Why was life so complicated? Why so much pain?

All the questions of a curious person.

I saw this planter at the retreat center I visited last weekend.

It’s on a beautiful prayer path with a sign post that poses a new Way to be brave:

Instead of asking Why in the face of pain, move to asking, What? 

What do you want to do through this situation? What can I learn? What can bring you glory in these hard circumstances?

Being brave may be a private act of trust; looking to God in spite of the sadness we face and placing our hope in the One who redeems all things, which includes our sadness.

What brave act have you experienced or witnessed? As Annie says in her book, 100 Days to Brave

When we see brave out in the world, it inspires us.

Share what inspires you. It just may help someone else to be brave, too.

What 3 Things are on Your Thankful List Today?

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Last week on Thursday I was with our son & family; going to the Library with our grand-daughter, playing and simply enjoying time as an extended family.

So thankful.

 

Today I’m back in the Bay Area, meeting a young friend for coffee and encouragement, and attending a writing/planning event for creative entrepreneurs, which I guess I am.

But in the in betweens? There have been thoughts of you, dear reader. I’ve thought about what your life is like today, what you’re able to pay attention to, what the time is revealing, if you’re feeling hurried and behind, or relaxed and care-free.

You see, I pray for you. Even if we haven’t met and I don’t know your face in a crowded room, God knows and sees and cares. I don’t need to know the details you want prayer for; God knows.

So I’m curious, what are three things on your Thankful List today?

Why 3? I love 3 because it reminds me of God who exists in 3: Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Three is also a short list which is do-able right? I also know that once you slow to count three things or experiences or people that you are thankful for, the chances are you’ll go past three!

Let’s keep showing up each day; developing the habit of thankfulness and paying attention to the Presence that is eternally with us.

Thankful Thursdays

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I’ve been reading a pre-release copy of a friend’s new book and its gotten me thinking about words we use without giving them much thought or the weight they deserve. I’ll be writing more about the book itself later; for today the word I’ve been pondering is

I don’t know about you but if I pay attention during my day I have so many things to be thankful for. Most of the time they’re not things; a driver who waves me to go first in a parking lot, the smile of a stranger, the singing of birds in early morning light.

Practicing thankfulness isn’t hard if we’ve learned to slow down and pay attention in our moments.

That’s the hard thing isn’t it? We get so busy with our to-do lists we forget to look around at what’s happening when all goes smoothly. We don’t have a problem noticing when something isn’t going our way; or maybe that’s just me?

In any case, I’m challenging myself this month to show up in areas I’ve taken for granted.

Practicing thankfulness is one.

I spent the day today with our 3 year-old grand-daughter. We went to her local library to participate in the summer family events offered each week; both free and fun. I said YES to both of those. We had a fabulous time doing a red, white & blue craft, looking for books, participating in the Creation Station and attending the outdoor story hour with puppet show. Every step of the way I was present, enjoying following her lead, joining in with the play and picking books to read at home. She is a creative child with a fabulous imagination. She told stories in the car on the way home that had us both laughing. What’s not to be thankful for?

I don’t spend all my days with children anymore; between my education career, years of being an SAHM, and a homeschooling mom, I grew accustomed to all the joy & laughter children bring. I hadn’t realized how much I miss regular time with children. Spending time with the Grands is double fun; in a not so distant way, they are part of me.

Thankful.

In the 55 days I’m not visiting the Grands, I have a long list of thankful items too. I’ve discovered God loves to give me love gifts; reminders of His watching, considerate love for me. These love gifts often come in two very personal forms: hummingbirds and random hearts in nature. I’ve written about hummingbirds in the past; the sweet, tender mercy of God brings tears to my eyes when I recount the many times He has gifted me with eyes to see His abiding love for me.

Here along the trail

 or here in the sand

Years ago I was challenged to count the gifts after reading Ann Voskamp’s great book One Thousand Gifts. Give thanks is plopped in the middle of a list of to-dos that Paul penned to the church in Thessalonica. Here’s a part of that list:

Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I love to think about ways to give thanks, to express gratitude for the many gifts I’ve been given; especially the gifts I didn’t call gifts when they arrived. Click To Tweet

As a coach I’ve worked a lot on my own growth mindset; working to see possibilities, rather than allowing the weight of hard things to bring me down.

I’ve learned the best method is to admit something is hard, acknowledge the challenge to grow through the hard stuff, and look for the potential benefits from walking through the hard times.

The most important aspect? Talk to a trusted person who listens without trying to fix what’s wrong.

I have learned to give thanks for little things that I used to gloss over. I’ve learned to capture photos of light through trees, random hearts discovered in nature, and most of all learning to speak words of thanks out loud to anyone who has gifted me in some way.

How have you learned to give thanks? How do you practice thankfulness?

Join me on Thursdays this month to capture a thankful. Use the hashtag #ThankfulThursday . We can count together! Who knows, maybe we’ll grow into thankful people?!

It’s Simply Tuesday

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Three years ago I had the privilege of being on the launch team for this amazing book

Three years later the principles in Emily’s writing are still sifting through to the bedrock of my soul.

It’s Simply Tuesday.

A regular ordinary day that includes morning habits, errands, laundry, paying bills; you know, normal and ordinary.

 

But these days are precious to me now. Small moment living has become the norm since we are empty-nesters. What I once grieved and rejected, I now see as a beautiful gift, perfectly timed.

I am a slow learner.

When I was 37 I gave birth to our second son. A year and a half prior, we lost a baby at 14 weeks. The world calls that a miscarriage. I called it God’s wake up call.

You see, I had plans for how life would work. I was in charge of my destiny: a second marriage underway, a new home, my dream vehicle in the driveway; now it was time to add to our family. Pregnant in April, plan to take it easy through the summer, baby due at the end of December (tax break!) All moving along as I intended. Until July, 1993.

It was the loss of that baby that took my attention off my self-focus and back on God. Don’t think for a minute God punished me for my selfishness, because that doesn’t line up with His character or His Word. ( For example, Psalm 136:1; Romans 8:1) But I do know that He lovingly shepherds His children and corrects them along the Way (Heb. 12:7) This loss got my attention.

How does this tie in with Tuesdays you ask? He has gently led me along since then, showing me the benefit of quiet, solitude, and contemplation; even when I didn’t appreciate it.

I learned the value of simple moments; of folding laundry as a moment to pray for the feet that fit the socks I matched; of dishes dirtied with sandwich crumbs held by six year-old hands; of a vinyl floor needing to be mopped, yet again, and reminded to be grateful for home.

Children grow, nap times wane and running ragged matched our schedule of lessons, sports, Scouts, Church. Small moments flew without notice; I turned around and the house was full of good wishes for the high school graduate I had given birth to in 1995. Where did the time go?

The temptation to regret, to long for once was, to mourn were all things I chose to walk through. I don’t know how life might have looked over these past five years if I had daily celebrated the beginning of the season of empty-nest; but I do know that in the small moments of my sorrow, God met me with tenderness and compassion that I wouldn’t trade for a billion dollars. Nope. Not a one.

Here’s the point friend: Your small moments are precious; to your soul and to God. He cares about the details. Look for Him in them. Your soul moves at a pace that is nearly imperceptible by our nano-second attention spans. Relax. Celebrate the small. Whether you… Click To Tweet

As we consider together what it means to show up in life, I can’t emphasize enough the importance of being kind to yourself as you practice; whether you’re focusing on work, life or faith, be gracious as you try to connect the dots and make sense of it all.

We all need an encouraging word; please share what gems you’ve discovered along the Way!

Summer Fun!

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I’ve been quiet on the blog for quite awhile. I’m such a word nerd; I love using quiet and quite in the same sentence. They gave me fits as a student, but I digress.

There was a protracted season of my life that was very hard (think grief, loss, ugly crying) whose good intent was to develop stillness. Like a child on a time out chair or one who has a secret, I didn’t sit still well. The season necessarily was extended until the stillness settled down, seeping into my soul. This became my way of being. A beautiful gift that was uninvited, undeserved and definitely rejected before being accepted.

I grew so enamored with the stillness that I withdrew from people in order to be quiet, to read, pray, and reflect. But like the Dead Sea which is dead because there is no outflow of water, I was stagnating in my own stillness. Not a pretty picture.

I sought outlets to serve; places to encourage, engage, uplift. There were glimmers of response but nothing shone bright enough to hold my attention. I was used to being alone now, had I lost how to be with people? Not this extrovert! I had lost my sense of place. I got quiet outside of myself because I began to believe a lie: I was not needed. My age & stage was sidelining me. Somehow I began to believe I was to grow content with looking at life in the review mirror rather than out ahead through the forward facing windshield.

I tell you these things that have made me sigh for months to set the stage for why I’m speaking up now.

As I’ve turned my face forward I’ve realized that I have a lot of ideas. I have a lot of connection points I’ve seen through this season, connections that are meant for others, not just me. I’m eager to share, to encourage, to point out resources, to create!

My raison d’être will be revealed through my words. I want you to be a part of the fun of discovery!

Here are my plans for the next 31 days.

Share

Have fun

Observe the World

Write Daily

Unpack big ideas

Post fun and engaging stuff here.

In other words: SHOW UP

 

I invite you to engage here and all the Social Media places. We’re going to have fun learning along the Way.

Be the Change You Want to See

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Not too long ago there were two boys living in our house.

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In a blink of an eye they’re both men living lives of purpose making a difference in their part of the world.

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Time feels relative right?

Our parenting style grew as they did: from teaching & correction, to guidance, to launch & let go. My own upbringing was rough; I purposed to do this parenting thing with intention, hoping for better results. Many voices influenced our thinking but this one stands out:

 

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Mahatma Ghandi: a man of peace. He advocated political and societal change. Ghandi didn’t have the same faith practice I do, but no matter. He believed humanity could change and live respectfully in peace.

That may sound grandiose or fall flat to your ears. I get it. Perhaps your life is hard in this season and you can barely rub two coins together. Or maybe you’re fighting a physical battle that takes all your focus and energy to stay upright. Changing the world is not on your radar now or maybe ever.

Is being responsible for changing the world really what Ghandi meant? Did he want all people to become social activists? What if his thought was for personal, internal change? For you and me to simply be people of integrity, who show kindness to everyone, who care for those less able to care for themselves? Perhaps his words are a call to simple living right where we are, regardless of our means or motivation to change the world?

Each of our sons went through a season of living outside their integrity. We watched and prayed but did not pry. We didn’t lecture or wag our fingers. We knew they would come back to themselves…eventually. Watching and waiting aren’t easy skills in parenting; they’re skills that belong to the Father. We trusted our sons to the Father’s heart for them. In the waiting we grew to love and trust God more. We also grew to love and pray for our sons in deeper ways as well.

We trusted these young men to come back to center in their own time because we trusted God and knew they developed appreciation for Ghandi’s words, thanks to the influence of their great AP English teacher, Eldra Avery. Living outside their integrity wouldn’t allow them to be the change they wanted to see in the world.

 

Be the change you want to see in the world. Mahatma Ghandi Click To Tweet

Change begins with one. For me, change was my parenting. We made conscious decisions that steered our family in a different direction than the one I was raised in. Others might not catch what you’re doing. It doesn’t matter. That you live out the change you want to bring to your part of the world is the important point.

I call this let go and lean in. Let go of the broken ways and lean in to the Arms waiting to hold and help you grow and change. In that leaning you just might learn more about your part here.

What change will you be?

 

Common Threads: Reflections on Being a Grandma

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The passing of time is such a mysterious and yet measurable occurrence. We can watch the second hand on a clock or the counter on a timer and see the passing of time. We often lose sight of the effect of time until a milestone occurs. Then we pay attention to the passing of time.

Birthdays are the annual milestone measuring the passing of time. Today mark’s the first birthday of our grand-daughter Norah. Where has this year gone?

I’m reflecting on the fact that I’ve been a Grandma for a year now. I’ve only been with her 5 times in this year unfortunately. That’s the sad side effect of living in another state. 5 times of visiting in one year is more than many people have opportunity to travel; I am extremely grateful. And of course there is the beauty of technology. Thank you Apple engineers for FaceTime.

This morning I’ve also been thinking about the value of having a Grandma.

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(great eating habits don’t you think?)

My Gramma was from Texas. She loved to sing. One of her favorites was “The Yellow Rose of Texas”. She taught me names of flowers, how to take care of a garden and see God at work in His creation. Gramma taught me to sew, refinish and repurpose furniture, and value making gifts rather than buying them.  When I stayed the night we watched TV shows like Gunsmoke and Rawhide. Gramma also made me memorize the 50 States and their Capitol cities. We played cards and she scratched my back. She was the greatest positive influence on my life. She prayed for me daily.

When I came to faith at 23 (after too many years of foolish choices) I made a trip to visit my Gramma so I could tell her of my life change.  She had tears in her eyes and simply quoted Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way she should go (and in keeping with her individual gift or bent) and when she is old she won’t depart from it. (Amplified version and my gender adapted)

As a new believer I’d never heard that verse before. I hadn’t really paid close attention to all my Gramma was doing all those years. But in hindsight I know she rose earlier than everyone else every time I slept over. I wonder if that was her quiet time with the Lord?

 

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My beautiful mother was a terrific Nana to our sons. She read to them, sang funny songs, took them on trips, provided LEGOS by the thousands and taught them how to speak Spanish and play King’s Corners.  Both boys (men) have great stories to tell about times with Nana. I can’t do the stories justice because she wasn’t my Grandma.

Now it’s my turn.

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I want to be that kind of Grammy for Norah. I’m already praying she’ll make much better choices than I did. She has amazing parents who actively love Jesus and His Word. She’ll see and hear and know what loving God with your whole life looks like. I’m thanking God for all His provisions for her today.

A grandma’s influence can be felt through generations.

What fond memories do you have of time spent with your own Grandma?  What did you call her? I’d love to hear!

 

Letting Go of the Land of Not Enough

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I’m feeling small today. Like Alice who drank a potion and became small, I am feeling small in my own life. And I don’t like it.

You see I dared to put myself out there in two different arenas: one in a corporate way and the other in ministry. And in both arenas I have fallen. As if I am too small to be of value or to be heard.

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So like Alice, I have fallen down, down into an unfortunate locale; I call it The Land of Not Enough.  In this Land every where I turn I see reminders, signs that say What Isn’t:  You don’t have a real job, Lisa. You are too old to be of value. You used to be…  No one cares about your experiences.  You are a has been.  Not relevant.

I just want to stop and say this hurts.

These reminders of What Isn’t touch up against the message I have lived under most of my life: your value is in what you produce/achieve. The rut in my brain is deep with that repeated familiar thought. So the Land of Not Enough has a familiar feel like an old pair of shoes…and it’s time to throw them away!

Have you felt like this? In the Land of Not Enough? Sometimes it feels like the Land of Not Enough is where we live All. The. Time.  The signs are all around us: you need to buy this to be relevant. You need to own this car, live in this area, shop at these stores. Your kids need to be in this school or this activity or you need to parent in this way…

In the Land of Not Enough I see evidences of What Isn’t, but I don’t see a single Truth about What Is.  I can focus on all of What Isn’t or I can hunt for the Truth of What Is and speak it to myself.  Author Ann Voskamp writes about her journey out of depression in her bestseller One Thousand Gifts.  (Depression is a real medical term for a serious condition but what I also think of as The Land of Not Enough. It helps me gain perspective on my struggle)   Ann learned the exceedingly abundant practice of counting the Gifts that are daily given; the practice of looking at What Is, and ultimately Who Is.

One of the pastors at the church we left when we moved to this new area spoke of the important difference between a gaze and a glance.  When we gaze at something we are focusing our attention on it.  When we glance at something we briefly acknowledge it’s existence. He said we often gaze at our circumstances and glance at God. How much better for us to gaze at God and glance at our circumstances.

In the Land of Not Enough I have to hunt for What Is and focus on What Is instead of gazing at the signs in The Land of Not Enough; the reminders that litter the sides of the rut my mind travels.

Romans 12:1-2 reminds me of What Is true.

I urge you therefore brethren by the mercies of God to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God which is your spiritual service of worship.

And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

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This is the path I am training my mind to walk when the signs come up from the Land of Not Enough. I don’t have to gaze at those signs even if they are true. They are NOT ALL of What Is. I am learning to let go of the worn out familiar and lean in toward the Land of More Than Enough because of Christ in me, the hope of glory.

What are you letting go of in this season of your life?

What a Difference a Preposition Makes!

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True confession: I am not easy with gratitude. I have a hard time saying Thank You to a compliment. Not only that, I’ve struggled to express gratitude. Not to others, but to God.

Living in and with emotional chaos for decades I criticized places in Scripture that were commands; dismissing their relevance to me because, well, ‘that was then and this is now’. I sat over Scripture rather than coming under it.  I lived as if I had a better understanding, a better awareness of when Scripture applied to my life was found wanting.  I was the one who was wanting, but my rebellious nature thought I was smarter, more modern, without need.

Ha!

God has been exceedingly patient with me. He has demonstrated love by pursuing my wayward heart; showing up in big and little ways, reminding me of His love, His Presence. He has changed me by His love.  I have been transformed by His Spirit.

Slowly.

I believe God and His Words of life. But I still struggle with applying them daily.

In everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

If this is God’s will for me in Christ Jesus, I have a lot of work to do. Being thankful has been very challenging to learn because of my tendency to keep my eyes on my circumstances. Anyone else?

How can we be thankful when chaos reigns in life?

I had confused two prepositions. ‘For’ and ‘In’.  His Word doesn’t say give thanks for everything.  It says In everything.

I can thank Him for Him.  God doesn’t change. In spite of difficult family relationships. In spite of broken relationships. In spite of disappointments, unmet expectations, losses.

I am learning to say Thank You to God for little things. In those little things I become aware of His Presence again. My perspective shifts and the former focus fades…

“When all of a sudden, 

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me.”

I love these words from How He Loves by Jesus Culture:

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This week, fix your eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of your faith.  Not your circumstances. Jesus.

Thankfulness flows.

Can Fiction Save Your Sanity?

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Once there was a little girl with a bright, inquisitive mind who possessed a passion for consuming the written word. She read good books, books beyond her years. She often searched for the meaning of an unknown word in the library-sized dictionary her mother purchased for just such occasions. Her understanding of words grew and so did her vocabulary; it was one area she received affirmation from her mother, from whom an encouraging word was rarely heard.

From all appearances the little girl’s world was lovely; she had her own room with a full size canopy bed, matching furniture, and her very own bookshelf filled with her familiar friends —books.

At 9 she was the possessor of her very own library card; a ticket to freedom and imagination. Trips to the library were regular, but she had always finished her books sooner than the trip to seek new ones, which left her to develop a habit of re-reading one of the favorites. Books were safe. They provided a way of escape from the chaos of her home life. She would go to her room to lose herself in a book as often as opportunity provided.  This little one had to find a way out from the tension, the turmoil of parents whose lives were stretched too thin with tempers to prove it. Her only brother was often the cause of chaos at home; born too soon in an era without knowledge or resources to aid families with difficult children; his special needs were not visibly obvious so his outbursts and behaviors were often shamed. Teachers mis-understood him, family mis-understood him and he was often considered a “problem”. So sad…

It was during these years of childhood she learned to “go away” in her imagination; carrying the characters and dialogue, settings and events of books as internal comfort within the external chaos. Her imagination saved her…

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A great-aunt wisely sent the little girl a very special series of books. Special because her middle name and the main character’s name are the same. Special because they were all hard-back, grown up looking books with beautiful book jackets. These books were published the year her mother was born and that made them OLD.

Anne’s story was intriguing to the little girl from the first pages. Set in a part of the world and a time in history she was not familiar with, the little girl wanted to know where Prince Edward Island was, if it was a real place. She ran downstairs to search the family encyclopedia; P.E.Island was real and was located off the coast of the Canadian province of Nova Scotia. If Prince Edward Island was real, then Anne could be real too!

It didn’t take long for the little Anne to fall madly in love with Anne Shirley. She wished her hair was a lovely auburn, she grew her brown hair long to be able to braid it. She painted on her play house door “Green Gables”.  Little Anne was caught up in the beauty and freedom of imagination.

“Isn’t it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive—it’s such an interesting world. It wouldn’t be half so interesting if we knew all about everything, would it? There’d be no scope for imagination then, would there?”

Scope for imagination. Kindred spirits. Love for Octobers.

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Ah what would I have done without the Great White Way or imagining the possibility of a bosom friend like Diana?

I am so thankful that my Great-Aunt Mildred sent me those precious books at a time in life that was so challenging.

If you have not read Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery, I highly recommend it.  To quote another great author:

“No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally – and often far more – worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.” C.S.Lewis

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