I didn’t write last week. I had the chance to be present with these sweet faces.
I hope you weren’t too disappointed you didn’t hear from me on Monday.
I’ve still been reading Annie F. Downs devotional 100 Days to Brave. It’s been good and it’s been challenging.
But honestly, I got derailed on Day 28 when Annie titled the entry “Mourn Dreams that Have Died”.
I got derailed and it’s been hard to get back on track. She asked “What dead dream do you need to mourn?”
I’ve had dreams die. And when they did, I thought I was supposed to just acknowledge the loss as an ‘Oh Well that didn’t turn out as I hoped’ kind of way, trusting it wasn’t God’s plan for me. I read Annie’s words as if I had written them in my journal and she copied them into her devotional.
To recognize it is ok to mourn the death of a dream, like the death of someone dear, was revolutionary. I have told myself hard things like “Don’t be a baby! Things don’t always work the way you want them to. Grow up!”
And while those are true statements, Annie was inviting me into a space of mourning, a space of acknowledging my loss and disappointment before I moved on. And she tells me that is a brave thing to do.
This derailed my train of thoughts generally moving on toward the future. I spent some ‘think time’ combined with some ‘feel time’ admitting I had suffered a loss; was hurt and disappointed by the death of a dream.
My dream of having a forever home for our family died when we moved away for my husband’s work. We lived in a beautiful house for 15 years: the place where our kids grew up and would eventually bring friends home from college; someday that special someone; then grandkids and family holidays with lots of traditions in a Hallmark cards kind of way. That dream died and I didn’t do well in mourning the loss.
I’m not sure why it’s hard to admit; maybe because I tell myself I’m not supposed to be disappointed with God’s plan. That kind of story doesn’t line up with people whose stories are in scripture. Abraham and Sarah were disappointed with God’s timing; Jonah was disappointed with God’s call to go to Nineveh, Job was disappointed with the circumstances of his life (death of his children, loss of his wealth should have been enough, but boils, too?) Even Jesus begged God for a different way out of the Garden.
It’s okay to be disappointed. It’s not okay to make your own way out or succumb to bitterness when your way didn’t work. I’ve struggled these past five years because I haven’t honestly mourned the death of that dream of a forever home.
And Jesus? Well He asked for another way if possible, but if not, He wanted God’s way most of all. He struggled in extreme agony over what He knew lay ahead, yet He chose to trust God’s plan.
It can be the same for us. We can be disappointed and can mourn the loss of our dreams. Mourning gives space to be honest with ourselves and most of all with God.
I loved what Annie said at the end of her entry
“But when you look them (the dreams) in the face, head-on, and let them go, you will see how God’s plan for your life, although different from what you expected, is a beautiful story of its own that you never could have dreamed up for yourself.”
Have you had a dream that died? Have you made time to mourn it’s death?
Hi Lisa, oh, how this all resonated with me!
You know that I have had dreams that have died. And sitting with the grief, as with a dark but good Companion, has been an important part of the process. It is true that we have been taught by our culture (both in and out of the church) to be afraid of feeling negative feelings, and so we try to run from them, or deny them. But God created us in His own image, with a full palette of feelings that are meant to be experienced. (I love the two passages in the O.T. where we are told God’s heart was grieved, and in the N.T. where we are admonished not to grieve the Holy Spirit) I believe allowing ourselves to feel our emotions, like grief, is a means of expanding our souls. With each loss, I have again surrendered, with the trust that the story He is writing for me is bigger and better than the one I would write for myself. But surrendering does not mean less grief. I think it means more, because your heart is rended and opens wide in the process. Grieving our losses, whether a person, a place, a dream, or a relationship, attests to its value and importance. To grieve the valuable thing, as we let go and trust God in the face of the great loss, not minimizing it, but magnifying Him, that is faith. And we know Emmanuel is with us, our Man of sorrows, who is well-acquainted with grief.
Much love. Great post.
Tammy my dear friend,
Your words express so beautifully the value of entering into grief and not pushing it away or distracting oneself from it. To feel is to be human isn’t it? Our theology of suffering is revealed when we give way to the waves that could overwhelm us, yet learning to trust in the dark truly is faith, isn’t it?
Thank you so much for sharing your heart and thoughts here. You are a gift to me and so many. Much love my friend.