Learning Along The Way

When is an End Also a Beginning?

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Since October 1 of this year, I have been reading 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs.

When I began the book I thought it would be a walk in the park. I consider myself brave; I’ve faced hard things like all of us. Honestly, I didn’t think working through the devotional would require much of me. But in this simple, straightforward devotional, her writing has challenged and encouraged me to stretch and grow in a way I wasn’t expecting.

Right about the end of November, I began the section Brave Enough to Persevere. At Day 60, the very first verse Annie referenced was one I have spoken to others and to myself countless times:

“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” John 16:33

I love this reminder. When life feels hard or out of control or full of uncertainty I like to remind myself that Jesus has overcome the world. None of what any of us face is unknown to Him nor is any of it out of His control. (It still can feel like it to me, but Truth wins over my feelings every time.)

The next eight days it seemed that Annie kept poking at deeper, harder, more painful places than I had thought I’d be facing, again. And yet, I kept seeing the theme here: like Annie, I’m a 7 on the Enneagram and I do my best to gloss over pain, to reframe it so that it’s tolerable. I have gone around the same mulberry bush too many times to count. Then she started a new section:

Brave Enough to Pursue Healing.

Ouch.

If I am going to finish Annie’s book I am going to have to choose to be brave and face deep wounds for real, not just acknowledging their existence, but actually seeking God’s healing for my whole self.

Back into counseling I went, armed with more courage than I ever thought possible. Thank you Jesus! Shame and disregard were twin themes that I didn’t know had trapped my mind behind bars and yet in two different sessions each one was brought to the Light and seen for what it was, a Lie I had chosen to believe because of repeated stories I told myself. Enough of that trash!

Not only counseling but I am also working with a coach whose specialty is body trauma. I have a new book to read called The Body Keeps Score. And I have my one word for 2019:

God is making all things new. We are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. I’m partnering with Holy Spirit to finish the healing work God began in me almost 38 years ago when He opened the eyes of my heart to my need of Him and His love for me.

So reading 100 Days to Brave has been one of the best things I could have started near the end of the year. I know some of you have been reading it too. I’d love to hear how God has been at work in your mind and heart through this devotional.

If you choose one word to frame your year, I’d love to know. Share here or comment on Instagram. I’d love to know how I can pray for your year.

There are new things stirring for me in this coming year; the end of this book will be the beginning of my new series. I’ll begin sharing it the first full week of 2019 so stay tuned!

In the meantime, Happy New Year!

Why It’s Been Scary Being Silent

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It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve posted here. It’s been a little scary being silent here. I run the risk of offending or you losing interest in my offerings. Although I’ve been writing for school, I’ve also been dabbling with old word patterns, ways of expression I set aside when evaluators lost appreciation for my words.

Here is a sample:

There’s been a quiet settling in my soul

like the hush of snowfall

I’m not certain what is coming

but I know what I’m letting go

productivity equaling my value

driven action to meet others’ expectations

busy-ness to fill the solitude 

 

 

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

 

Holy Days filled with room

Room for baking with dimpled hands and eager ideas

Room for listening, reading, laughing

Room for building

train tracks, towers and relationships

Making room for Holy hush

My hope for you in the next 15 days is a heart full of awareness of those around you and the bravery to make room. Perhaps to face the loss of those who are no longer around your table or the hurt of fractured relationship. We are still on the 100 Days to Brave journey. Whatever it may be, I pray you will face the days with courage.

Which Answer Needs Your Bravery Most?

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This week has posed three different scenarios that required three different answers. A Yes. A No. A Wait.

Which answer needs your bravery most?

Sometimes saying Yes to an opportunity puts me in an internal cyclone of anxiety: what if they don’t like me? What if I don’t speak in a way that aligns with their expectations? What if?

There’s a great response for that ‘What if’ set of questions that quiets the cyclone for me.

God knows what they need. I know God. He cares for me and them. It will be just as it needs to be. I can say a brave Yes trusting God with the details.

Just so you know, I didn’t come into the world with these anxiety settling statements wired into me. On the contrary, I seem to be wired to panic first and settle down second. Ask my sons. On second thought, don’t. You’ll hear more about me than you might care to know! But as I have been learning along the Way, I look at Jesus and His model for facing challenges. There’s no panic. He drew aside to be alone with the Father. He knew His purpose was to glorify the Father in all that He did. No matter what. 

So your brave Yes can follow that same pattern. Look to Jesus. 

What about No? Do you fear saying No to someone or some opportunity means you’ll be missing out? Or offending? Or disappointing someone? 

Photo by Andy Tootell on Unsplash

 

I’ve struggled with saying No, fearing repercussions for my answer. That’s a bit scary if you’ve experienced repercussions in the past that frame how you respond. I have and it’s not fun. Here’s the thing: Jesus didn’t meet everyone’s needs. He didn’t heal everyone. He didn’t dine with everyone. Jesus made choices and some of His answers were No. Gleaning wisdom from Jesus means learning from Him along the Way. Learning when to say Yes and when to say No. I can say a brave No trusting God with the potential for repercussions. 

And what about saying Wait? When your life seems like a Yes is the right answer but you don’t have a clear sense of a green light to move forward; do you say Yes because of circumstances? Or No because you’re not clear? What keeps us from saying I need to wait? I can only speak for me but I’ve said Yes when I knew I was supposed to wait. The biggest example of not saying Wait was pretty regrettable in hind sight.

Photo by Xu Haiwei on Unsplash

I was 26 and engaged to a great Christian guy. He loved Jesus, led Bible studies in his home, had been a summer intern for his home church. When he asked me to marry him in December, I was thrilled! He had even asked my Dad’s permission to marry me. We were meeting with a young pastor and his wife for our pre-marital counseling; during a time of study and prayer with her, I clearly knew I was to push the pause button on wedding planning. I shared with her what I believed. She affirmed my impression. It wasn’t No I’m not supposed to marry him. It was wait. 

I didn’t. I feared my mother’s wrath over all the planning and expense that had already been incurred. Now it was April. The wedding date was July 2. The dress was purchased, fitted and in alteration process. The venue secured. The guest list accounted for. The invitations chosen and at the printers to be able to be addressed and mailed by the 6 week prior appropriate Miss Manners time frame. If I said we need to wait, I also feared what my fiancé would say or think or do. What if he backed out altogether? What would that look like? 

Do you hear my fear of others more than my fear of God?

I will never know what God had in store for following that clear prompting. I do know that our marriage was not the God-centered one I anticipated. We both had family of origin issues to grow away from; we couldn’t learn new ways on our own. He wasn’t a fan of counseling, so we struggled. Each church we tried didn’t measure up to expectations so we didn’t have community. We were married 4 years and decided it must be time to start a family. During my pregnancy he developed a relationship with a co-worker which grew past friendship. When I was four and a half months pregnant, he left our marriage. 

Broken is an understatement. Devastated is closer. 

One compromise of values does not have to ruin a life. But one upon another upon another changes the original course. The question ‘How did we get here?’ is a common response when life altering circumstances present themselves.

I’ve learned to be brave and say Wait since then. I haven’t always done that perfectly either even after such life altering circumstances. But God.

My two favorite words in Scripture. But God. They are paired in lots of places. Here are just a few:

But God will never forget the needy; the hope of the afflicted will never perish. (Ps. 9:18)

but God has surely listened and has heard my prayer. (Ps.66:19)

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Ps. 73:26

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

Jesus didn’t say Yes to everyone’s need, but He did die for everyone.  

but God raised him from the dead on the third day and caused him to be seen. (Acts 10:40)

You and I can learn to say a brave Yes or a brave No. We can even learn to say a brave Wait. We can learn to let go of fears and expectations as we learn to trust the One who holds this all together. He is worth the risk you face. He is faithful.

 

Why is Being Brave Such a Challenge?

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Fifty days have passed since I started this journey. When I considered doing this I honestly thought: 100 Days to Brave would be a cake walk for me; I’ve had to learn to be brave through so many hardships already, how hard could it be?

Like a lot of things I’ve walked through, I continue to be surprised by things that catch my breath and not always in a good way at first.

Why is being brave such a challenge?

My Hubster told our little boys “you can’t be brave unless you face fear.” I thought that was a beautiful thing to say to teach them to be strong men. He did a great job. They are both strong & brave men; living their lives in new cities with new circumstances; contributing to the world in the roles they fill. I’m a proud & blessed Momma. But their brave challenges have not been my brave challenges. I have my own and honestly they’re not easy for me to walk through.

Annie’s book is pressing in on relationships and how they call us to be brave. Like Annie, I’m an Enneagram 7 who doesn’t like pain, who likes to reframe hard things to minimize the pain, distracting myself from hurt, and often walking away from discomfort without leaning into the painful communication that working through hard things requires.

I know that might surprise you since I write about growing and changing and letting go of expectations; learning along the Way to lean into the yoke that Jesus has uniquely fit for each of us. Yet I am challenged.

It’s hard to let go of hurt and cast my cares on Jesus. Why? Because when I’ve been hurt, I want  others to know, to experience at least a piece of the pain I feel. It’s not rational. It’s emotional. Those are two different parts of me. Learning to bring them together to one cohesive unit within me is the challenge and I choose to be brave. 

Five years have passed since we left the part of California I had lived for 29 years. Five years is long enough to have gotten involved in a new community, made new friends and moved forward in life. It’s more than a little embarrassing to recognize I’ve been like Lot’s wife looking over my shoulder instead of keeping my face forward. The move was hard and painful for me. It seemed some of the people I had spent so much life with simply forgot me.  In the trying to move forward, I was also mourning what was no longer; there was a still small voice whispering “worship”. I turned to Spotify to a Hillsong Worship playlist I’ve listened to countless times. Comforting. Familiar. Yet this time I heard with new ears:

In the crushing, in the pressing, You are making New Wine.

In the soil I now surrender, you are breaking new ground.

So I yield to you into Your careful hand and I trust You I don’t need to understand.

Make me a vessel, make me an offering, make me whatever You want me to be.

I came here with nothing but all You have given me; Jesus bring New Wine out of me.

Tears flowed. It is not easy for me to let go of something. And I can be unpleasant in the process. Ask my Husbter. Poor man. He’s a saint. These words from Hillsong could not be more personal. I felt Holy Spirit telling me the crushing, the pressing was for my good, but most of all that God would be seen in me as others watched me navigate these waters. He would receive the glory in my choice to let go of disappointment.

Cuz where there is new wine there is new power; 

there is new freedom and the kingdom is here 

I lay down my old flames to carry your new fire today.

You see in every letting go we have a choice: to cling to hurt, to let bitterness take hold or to hold out open hands, fingers spread so that what’s in them falls through like water pouring over our fingers, washing them so that nothing of selfish thoughts are left, only an openness to what God has ahead.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

It’s a laying down of the old ways, the ‘old flames’ to carry the new fire we are being offered. He won’t force us. It’s His offering to us out of what He has already done.

This my dear friend is why being brave is such a challenge. We only see what we know. Sometimes we think that is all there is. And if we don’t get what we thought we needed or deserved, then we are disappointed. There’s nothing wrong with disappointments. Its what we do with the disappointments that makes the difference. Do we re-hash them, making them stronger in our minds, in the emotional place where disappointment can turn to resentment then into bitterness? Or is there a different, better Way?

Let go, lean in. It’s more than my hashtag. It is a gracious invitation from the One who has walked the path of truly letting go; who offers the invitation to learn from Him, who offers us rest for our souls.

Make me a vessel, make me an offering. 

Jesus bring new wine out of me.

I know this place. It can feel lonely. But here’s the thing: you are never truly alone if you’ve claimed the offering Jesus made on your behalf; Holy Spirit walks within you giving you what you NEED.  But even then, sometimes we need another to bear witness to this hard part of our journey. As I coach others in spiritual formation, I have been given the privilege of holding open the Sacred Space of listening, the seeking of God’s wisdom together and the gift of presence. It’s a beautiful process.

If you’re walking through a challenging time and want to learn to walk more closely with the One who loves you well, message me.

Where there is New Wine there is new freedom. And the Kingdom is here.

Don’t we want that?

Enjoy listening to New Wine

Learning to Brave the Church

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I’ve been reading 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs since October 1. I mentioned I was going to do this and invited any of you who wanted to learn to be brave alongside me to read along and I’d post my thoughts periodically. Today I’m learning to be brave in this life with God in His Church.

Today is Day 46. Her topic is being brave to engage in your local church.

I have much to say about life in a local church; much that I’ve read in scripture as well as have experienced. Annie said something that resonates with me:

“Brave people are willing to stay plugged in, even when things get hard.”

I haven’t been in a church yet where relationships weren’t hard. People. People can be hard. I know. I’m one of them.

Here’s the thing: each of us has a list of expectations of how circumstances “should” play out; how relationships “should” work; if I behave a certain way, like sharing my heart, you’re “supposed to” take care of my heart and not talk about me to other people as a “prayer request”. If I invest my time in developing our friendship, you “should” reciprocate. If you don’t meet my expectations, I’m hurt and disappointed.

Any of this sound familiar? It’s painfully familiar to me. Learning to see my expectations for what they are: potential for disappointments when they go unmet; potential for heartbreaks when I’ve risked developing relationship that turned out to be only surface kindness and not actual heart connection, has been a big part of my journey of learning along the Way. 

Jesus didn’t come to fulfill my expectations for how my life is supposed to play out (life according to Lisa). He came to redeem my broken thinking and acting; to renew my mind that I may more fully show Him to the world as I navigate risking relationships in a new church community. He came that we might have life and have it abundantly.

Abundant life isn’t lived in isolation. We don’t attend church to check a box and say we’ve accomplished the Jesus points for the week. If you and I are truly following Christ, we ARE the Church, a significant part of the Body of Christ who has been designed as God’s workmanship to do good works that were determined before the beginning of time. We are God’s poetry. 

A poem doesn’t have to behave a certain way to be appreciated. A poem is a work of creative art as it is. In a book of poetry, each one is valuable and unique; one might tell a story, one might paint a picture. In any case, a poem is valuable simply by being. 

So are you. No doing necessary to be loved by God. No doing to earn favor from God or others. Just be you.

So how do we learn to deal with learning to be a creative work of our loving Creator God who has value in simply being and still learn to interact with all those other poems in the same book we call Church?

We learn to be brave.

It’s brave to risk letting go of expectations that others interact with me in a prescribed way and lean in to the Way God has made me, allowing each of them to be who God has made them to be.

Here’s another part of this beautiful book of poetry: God has given us guidance in three forms: His Word, the model of His Son Jesus and Himself in the Person of Holy Spirit who indwells those who claim the Name of Jesus.

If we look at the guidance God has provided for navigating this life, we see in His Word He has provided encouragement, patterns to follow and even how to handle conflict as His followers. That’s amazing!

The second form of guidance is looking at Jesus. He lived his 30+ years dealing with conflict. How did He handle it? Get into the Word to find out. Was He free from conflict? Hardly! Yet He shows us how to be kind in the face of criticism, how to draw good boundaries, how to care for your soul. We have a beautiful Guide. Do we look to Him?

 

The third form of guidance is, in my humble opinion, the most extravagant form of guidance: God Himself has set up residence inside us! Wait, what? The God who spoke all this Creation into being, who hovered and protected before the Creation began, the God who raised Jesus from the dead, has chosen to live in you?! In me?! 

How can we not be brave?

Life with people is challenging. But God in His infinite wisdom (and divine sense of humor) designed that we would learn to live life in community to show Him to the world.

Church is how that is best done. 

So yes, there are disappointments when we have expectations of how people are “supposed to” behave. Guess what? Our expectations may even line up with the guidance God’s Word gives us and yet a real group of people may not live out the expectations as they’re conveyed. How do we deal with that?

Give our heart hurts to God. He tells us to cast ALL our Cares upon Him because He cares for us.

It’s kind of like He knew we wouldn’t get it right and would need guidance in how to deal with hurt too. Hmmm.

Learning along the Way is just that: living life, coming up against something that either does or doesn’t line up with what we knew at that point and then recognizing we need help to grow further. One of the places to get help is found in authentic community with other Christ-followers who are willing to risk being brave to live out what they are learning along the Way.

I’m telling you what I’m learning, and inviting you to learn along with me. A virtual community of sorts.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about investing in relationships even when they’re hard and hurtful. God has a lot to say about how to live this life with Him. Let’s learn along the Way together!

Are You Too Busy to Count?

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I’ve been reading 100 Days to Brave and sharing some of my reflections here, but I’m curious for those who have been reading along too:

Are you too busy leaning in to being brave to count where we are?

Just this week we’ve achieved 31 days; I know this because we started October 1 and Wednesday is October 31, Halloween. We’re a third of the way to unlocking our most courageous selves!

Just two quick questions for you to reflect upon;

What area(s) of your life have you seen that you’re already brave?

 

What is keeping you from taking a brave step in an area that you know you need to lean into?

 

 If you want to let me know I’d love to hear your answers!

If this is your first time dropping by, welcome!

I’d love to have you join in the community to receive encouragement and have some laughs (sometimes) but most of all to consider how your story and my story connect to God’s story!

Do You Have a Dream that Died?

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I didn’t write last week. I had the chance to be present with these sweet faces.

I hope you weren’t too disappointed you didn’t hear from me on Monday.

I’ve still been reading Annie F. Downs devotional 100 Days to Brave. It’s been good and it’s been challenging.

But honestly, I got derailed on Day 28 when Annie titled the entry “Mourn Dreams that Have Died”.

I got derailed and it’s been hard to get back on track. She asked “What dead dream do you need to mourn?”

I’ve had dreams die. And when they did, I thought I was supposed to just acknowledge the loss as an ‘Oh Well that didn’t turn out as I hoped’ kind of way, trusting it wasn’t God’s plan for me. I read Annie’s words as if I had written them in my journal and she copied them into her devotional. 

To recognize it is ok to mourn the death of a dream, like the death of someone dear, was revolutionary. I have told myself hard things like “Don’t be a baby! Things don’t always work the way you want them to. Grow up!”

And while those are true statements, Annie was inviting me into a space of mourning, a space of acknowledging my loss and disappointment before I moved on. And she tells me that is a brave thing to do.

This derailed my train of thoughts generally moving on toward the future. I spent some ‘think time’ combined with some ‘feel time’ admitting I had suffered a loss; was hurt and disappointed by the death of a dream.

My dream of having a forever home for our family died when we moved away for my husband’s work. We lived in a beautiful house for 15 years: the place where our kids grew up and would eventually bring friends home from college; someday that special someone; then grandkids and family holidays with lots of traditions in a Hallmark cards kind of way. That dream died and I didn’t do well in mourning the loss.

I’m not sure why it’s hard to admit; maybe because I tell myself I’m not supposed to be disappointed with God’s plan. That kind of story doesn’t line up with people whose stories are in scripture. Abraham and Sarah were disappointed with God’s timing; Jonah was disappointed with God’s call to go to Nineveh, Job was disappointed with the circumstances of his life (death of his children, loss of his wealth should have been enough, but boils, too?) Even Jesus begged God for a different way out of the Garden. 

It’s okay to be disappointed. It’s not okay to make your own way out or succumb to bitterness when your way didn’t work. I’ve struggled these past five years because I haven’t honestly mourned the death of that dream of a forever home.

And Jesus? Well He asked for another way if possible, but if not, He wanted God’s way most of all. He struggled in extreme agony over what He knew lay ahead, yet He chose to trust God’s plan.

It can be the same for us. We can be disappointed and can mourn the loss of our dreams. Mourning gives space to be honest with ourselves and most of all with God.

I loved what Annie said at the end of her entry

“But when you look them (the dreams) in the face, head-on, and let them go, you will see how God’s plan for your life, although different from what you expected, is a beautiful story of its own that you never could have dreamed up for yourself.”

Have you had a dream that died? Have you made time to mourn it’s death?

Who Does God Say You Are?

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In 100 Days to Brave Annie F. Downs shared a story of a friend who was newly employed at a bank. Her first day was filled with the task of counting money.

Why? To learn to know the real thing. Once you handle the real thing you can tell counterfeit from real.

We need to know what is True about us in order to live a brave life.

How do we know what is True?

We have a guide book with lots of loving encouragement and promises. Truth to know and live out.

I received this beautiful card last year at a retreat I attended in the redwoods of California. Being in that place is a big enough reminder of God’s goodness yet this takeaway has reminded me of God’s love and care on many occasions in the year since.

This list is from ONE place in scripture: Ephesians 1.

Annie mentioned several more places to be reminded. If you are curious, start mining the Word to find the nuggets you need for your own reminding of God’s love for you, of His faithfulness to you, of His provision of courage you need to live a brave life.

Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved…

Why is Faith Such a Mystery?

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The sun is shining, birds are twittering in the yard, taking baths in the bubbler. It’s peaceful here. Quiet. Room for my soul to breathe. Life is good.

Why am I sad?

The sadness isn’t a bad thing. It’s not something I need to push away, cover up, muscle through. I’m learning to be brave and feel the sadness.

There isn’t anything wrong with my faith. This is something God is teaching me. Some days we have more heavy feelings than others. Perhaps like the tides, there is an ebb and flow in the expression of feelings.

God made us with feelings. Feelings are amoral. I’ve learned that the value of my feelings is in taking them to God.

Learning to brave the uncomfortable feelings, the ones that can overwhelm me sometimes; to have courage to sit in the sadness for a time, letting the tears flow; crying and praying for others whose lives are hard right now; feeling the feelings, connects me with what God is doing in their lives.

My feelings are not a waste of time, or a weakness, or shameful. They are a good gift from a good, good Father.

He invites me to be with Him no matter the circumstance and that includes when I don’t understand why I am sad on such a beautiful day. He invites me to learn from Him, to watch how He walked through His time here and how He wants to show me the unforced rhythms of grace. 

This life of faith is a mystery to me. I don’t always understand and I often can’t see what is really happening. I don’t know why faith is such a mystery but I ask anyway. I’ve learned to ask for eyes to see. I’ve learned to ask for ears to hear.

And I’m amazed when He gifts me with evidence of things not seen: His Presence, His work in the lives of others, His Word coming alive to me as I ponder.

God wants to grow your faith too. 

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen

If you’re struggling with feelings like me today, take a brave step and ask for more faith. Ask expectantly and keep on the look out for how He grows your faith.

I can assure you of two mysterious things: He will and it will not be as you expect.

What Is Your Brave Step?

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It’s Monday. 

What does this day hold for you? What are you looking forward to being a part of? What are you dreading?

Asking these questions can be prayerful moments if we invite God into the questions.

I was so struck by seeing this planter in the garden of the chapel where I had privilege to encourage women in the Way as they walk with Jesus.

 

Chosen Women, Choosing Wisely

I’ve seen their faces daily in my mind’s eye; reminded of their stories, their prayer requests. Seeing and hearing them has spurred me on in my own brave steps.

How about you?

Whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

What is your brave step today?

It doesn’t have to be a huge leap, unless that is what God is calling you to. Your brave step may simply be making breakfast for others who don’t see that Jesus is making that meal through you.

Or maybe your brave step is speaking Truth to power at work. Or perhaps your brave step is writing a letter, the old-fashioned way, to bless and encourage someone you’ve not spoken to in awhile.

Whatever your brave step is, know this

Whatever God has asked, He will accompany you to complete. You can move forward in confidence since His ability will equip you. The time is now to pursue all that the Lord has for you! Priscilla Shirer

I’m honored to pray for you in your next brave step. Let me know how it goes!

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