Learning Along The Way

Few Facts & Fantastic Fun on Fridays

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Few Facts & Fantastic Fun on Fridays

How’s that for an alliteration?

Few Facts:

I love Fridays.

I was born on a Friday; that 14th century poem says Friday’s Child is Loving and Giving, which makes me happy.

I’m an Enneagram 7, which is called the Enthusiast, which means I am a party waiting to happen and of course,

TGIF

Don’t you love to have fun? I’ve been told Girls just want to have Fun. Makes me glad I’m not a boy (sorry guys)

But seriously, I want to add to my Summer Fun Challenge by using Fridays as the focus of ways to have Fantastic Fun. We can do this without breaking the bank and by learning to show up in little and big ways.

I’ve recognized something you probably know too; creativity wasn’t given much value in public education. It’s hard to assess creativity on a standardized test. I have a soapbox of education topics but I’m not climbing up there right now.

I want to confess my struggle with seeing myself as a Creative.

I can see in the rear view mirror how I’ve been creative my entire life but also was not encouraged in my creative pursuits.

Too much time. Too messy. Too much money for supplies. Too much.

I translated those repeated messages as being creative is not worth it. The story I told myself was creativity is frivolous, expensive, a waste. I’m so thankful for the work of Brene Brown. Her research has given me courage to tell myself a different story.

Here's the thing: logic tells me that if I'm created in the image of God, and God is creative, since I bear the imago dei, I am creative with creativity to share. Click To Tweet

I’ve started a new practice: doing something intentionally creative every day.

Often it’s taking pictures with my wonderful camera on my phone.

I’m showing up as a Creative. When someone comes to our latest place we call home for the first time I’m noticing the comments about color and peacefulness. I realize I am more of a Bohemian creative than I gave myself permission to be.

It’s time for a change.

How about some Fantastic Fun challenges on Fridays?

What about taking 10 minutes to make a card with scrapbook paper? Or coloring for a few moments in a coloring book? Or dancing to your favorite music? Or planting some flowers? Or?

I have a new friend who is a Creative, too. She does amazing fun, easy, creative projects. She also is in the process of developing a way to help the rest of us who don’t slip into creative spaces as easily. I’m looking forward to sharing what she’s up to in a post later this month.

In the meantime, how do you share your creativity? If you don’t consider yourself a creative, what story are you telling yourself about creativity?

I shared my story that I’m re-writing. Join me this month. Share your ideas, your stories. We need each other!

 

Messy Confessions of a Lonely Perfectionist

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It’s not often that I am publicly transparent. There is a small circle who help hold me both accountable and together depending on the issue. But transparent for the world? Yikes!  (I promise I’m not going to say or do anything that will make you feel like I do watching Michael Scott manage The Office. So read on.)

Reading the work of Brene Brown has moved my personal growth forward by leaps and bounds. Her second book, The Gifts of Imperfection jolted me into the hard journey forward out of shame.

I am slow to integrate and apply what I learn. I read that in 2010 when it was published. Sheesh. You think I’d have moved on by now.

The Hubster and I joined her e-course this spring: Living Brave. The course is based on her two latest books: Daring Greatly and Rising Strong.  (The course is more than worth the tuition, compared to the quality of the content.)

Enough back story. Why does this matter?

I learned that I am a Perfectionist. (A therapist told me that years ago but I didn’t believe her because I’m not perfect. I didn’t quite get the concept obviously.)

Being a Perfectionist is a broken way of living causing me to isolate, resulting in loneliness. Here’s the deal: when I am struggling with something I keep it to myself rather than ask for someone to listen to my heart. I tell myself things like I don’t want to be a burden or they don’t have time for me or they don’t need to hear all my issues.

It’s been almost 3 years since we moved to a different region of the state and I found myself needing to build community. I am typically a there for others kind of person; when they need something I make myself available to listen. But I rarely let my guard down to share how hard life is for me. (Ridiculous I know)

Is it pride that makes me a Perfectionist? Probably in part. It goes deeper than that.  As a child and teen any mistake I made was met with harsh ridicule and a command to do better or be better.  Less than an A or being president of every organization I took part in was tantamount to failure.

Hard to be vulnerable under pressure like that. So I developed the habit of “soldiering on”.

Not only is being vulnerable hard, it’s risky. People might not accept me if I have needs. This soldiering thing is a lonely burden. And I’m tired of it.  I want to be free of the mindset of needing to appear like I have all my ducks in a row.

Brene tells me that I need to Dare Greatly. Which is to say, be Vulnerable, which means Risking and Braving and probably Falling and all kinds of messy yuck.

CW_DownloadableQuotes_1

 

I already know the alternative. Loneliness. Isolation. Shame. Living in the land of Not Enough.

Blegh.

Risk Vulnerability or Stay Lonely.

I know I’m not the only one dealing with this dichotomy.  This is messy business but I’m daring to share this confession here.

Breaking the pattern one piece at a time.

 

 

When Enthusiasm is AWOL

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I’d love to think everyone deals with all the same issues that keep me from gaining ground and persevering. But our culture shows us so many examples of beautiful, fit, perfectly tanned & made up people that I feel like I’m the only one who battles with myself.

I’m a great starter.  I gather the needed materials, enthusiasm and spunk and dive in regardless of how impossible something is. My creative activity shelves are great examples. As is my collection of modes of exercise gear. I own lots of great cookbooks along with the appropriate tools to accomplish a variety of culinary delights. I own all the necessary tools to keep my nails healthy and colorful.

None of these things are life changing but I tend to speak of what isn’t instead of embracing what is. If I only focus on the half empty instead of the half full I get bogged down by my perception.

half full?

So how do I deal with myself when my enthusiasm is AWOL (Absent without official leave)?

Well what I know doesn’t motivate me is adding shame onto my distracted behavior. That only serves to suck me down into a vortex of spinning emotionally and nothing gets done.  Not even something fun because I am overcome with guilt because of the shame I heap on myself for not staying the course!  Yuck!

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I captured this from a recent Costco magazine; they featured the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I highly recommend it.  I’ve read two of her four books and am currently reading her most recent Rising Strong which is all about how to get back up from a fall when you’ve dared greatly. I have lots of experience with the falls; embracing my way of doing life and celebrating what is is a little more of a challenge.

Learning who I really am instead of trying to fit into how other people think I should be has been the unfolding adventure of my life.  Embracing who I am and how I work as a catalyst, a starter gives me the freedom to do things with the bursts of enthusiasm that overtake me on regular occasions but not daily.  Being ok with the fact I start and then do something else and then circle back around to what I started earlier is hard when I tell myself negative statements about that distracted work flow.

Many years ago, after lamenting this way I do life, a dear friend shared a terrific book with me that really inspired me to lean into my roles of wife, mother and influencer of lives. The author became one of my favorites as she consistently pointed to God’s Word and spoke of both discipline and grace. Elisabeth Elliot is now rejoicing moment by moment in Jesus’s Presence. I will be eternally grateful for the wisdom she shared. The book I reference is The Shaping of a Christian Family. Nestled within the book is this poem that has encouraged me again and again:

From an old English parsonage down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the doors the quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration: “DOE THE NEXTE THYNGE.”

Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, and guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, doe the nexte thynge.

Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all results, doe the nexte thynge

Looking for Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering, be thy demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
Then, as He beckons thee, doe the nexte thynge.

When I have found myself slipping into the downward internal critic heyday, I am able to stop myself and simply say Do The Next Thing. My enthusiasm sneaks back in when I’ve relaxed and reminded myself of the truth that I’m not in this alone. I have a great high priest who is well acquainted with me and loves me just the same.

Isn’t that a way to put a muzzle on the internal critic? That makes me enthusiastic just thinking about it!

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