Learning Along The Way

Sound Advice

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One thing I have appreciated with the digital age is the freedom of choice of what I listen to; commercial radio is a thing of the past for me. As an avid learner I find listening to podcasts my go-to when driving; where I live a trip of 3 miles can take forty-five minutes depending on the time of day, so I make sure my favorites are downloaded daily!

I use Stitcher for my podcasts; it was recommended to me, it’s free and it’s super easy to use. Podcasts are awesome because you can find topics you love, topics you don’t know a lot about, ones focused on humor, or storytelling like old-time serial radio shows when television didn’t exist (which pre-dates me, by the way) I thought it might be fun to share some of my favorite podcasts with you on Saturdays; I’d love to have some recommendations from you as well!

My list is long; thankfully they don’t all update daily, otherwise I’d be woefully behind. I have favorite podcasts for leadership development, life as a creative entrepreneur, faith-focused podcasts, parenting, being a woman in this era and more.

My go to podcast lately is Typology by Ian Cron.

Ian interviews friends, who are also famous people, discussing life through the lens of the Enneagram. Have you heard much about the Enneagram? If not this is a great intro to the tool.

I became certified as an Enneagram coach this year so I am happy to be listening to interviews of different people sharing how knowing their Ennea core type has benefitted their work, relationships, and faith. Ian’s interviews aren’t always what I consider other-focused but he is an Ennea 4, so it makes sense.

I’ve mentioned I’m an Enneagram 7; I’ll unpack the amazing tool it has been for my emotional and spiritual well-being in another post, but suffice it to say, learning more about the Enneagram through listening to Typology podcast has been a lot of fun.

What podcast is keeping you smiling, thinking or thriving?

More “Sound Advice” I want to share is from one of my playlists on Spotify.

If you’re not using Spotify that’s ok, we can still be friends! If you are, did you know you can share playlists with your friends? I created one that I call Arena Anthems . It was actually an assignment when I was working through a semester of Daring Greatly with Brene Brown. The songs I have put on the playlist are ones that remind me to get back up when hard things have been thrown at me when I’ve been in the arena, daring greatly.

Do you know that reference? It comes from a speech given by Theodore Roosevelt, at the Sorbonne, Paris, France in 1910. For your edification, here is the quoted portion from his speech.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. 

Reading this again reminds me that my everyday work may include facing the hard things of life, getting out into ‘the arena’, which for me is offering my words to ‘the worthy cause’ of encouragement and trusting that I will be understood and accepted by a few. But those few who do hear and understand are the ones for whom my offering is intended.

Very esoteric I realize. Every once in a while I like to wax philosophical. The songs on my playlist are not all philosophical or faith-based, but all encourage me to continue, remind me to keep showing up no matter the outcome.

Life is hard sometimes; we can feel overwhelmed and under supported. Music has a way of helping bridge the gap that hurt inflicts; music can give support to be courageous in the face of hard things.

What music do you like to listen to when you need to get back up and help you

 

 

 

 

Messy Confessions of a Lonely Perfectionist

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It’s not often that I am publicly transparent. There is a small circle who help hold me both accountable and together depending on the issue. But transparent for the world? Yikes!  (I promise I’m not going to say or do anything that will make you feel like I do watching Michael Scott manage The Office. So read on.)

Reading the work of Brene Brown has moved my personal growth forward by leaps and bounds. Her second book, The Gifts of Imperfection jolted me into the hard journey forward out of shame.

I am slow to integrate and apply what I learn. I read that in 2010 when it was published. Sheesh. You think I’d have moved on by now.

The Hubster and I joined her e-course this spring: Living Brave. The course is based on her two latest books: Daring Greatly and Rising Strong.  (The course is more than worth the tuition, compared to the quality of the content.)

Enough back story. Why does this matter?

I learned that I am a Perfectionist. (A therapist told me that years ago but I didn’t believe her because I’m not perfect. I didn’t quite get the concept obviously.)

Being a Perfectionist is a broken way of living causing me to isolate, resulting in loneliness. Here’s the deal: when I am struggling with something I keep it to myself rather than ask for someone to listen to my heart. I tell myself things like I don’t want to be a burden or they don’t have time for me or they don’t need to hear all my issues.

It’s been almost 3 years since we moved to a different region of the state and I found myself needing to build community. I am typically a there for others kind of person; when they need something I make myself available to listen. But I rarely let my guard down to share how hard life is for me. (Ridiculous I know)

Is it pride that makes me a Perfectionist? Probably in part. It goes deeper than that.  As a child and teen any mistake I made was met with harsh ridicule and a command to do better or be better.  Less than an A or being president of every organization I took part in was tantamount to failure.

Hard to be vulnerable under pressure like that. So I developed the habit of “soldiering on”.

Not only is being vulnerable hard, it’s risky. People might not accept me if I have needs. This soldiering thing is a lonely burden. And I’m tired of it.  I want to be free of the mindset of needing to appear like I have all my ducks in a row.

Brene tells me that I need to Dare Greatly. Which is to say, be Vulnerable, which means Risking and Braving and probably Falling and all kinds of messy yuck.

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I already know the alternative. Loneliness. Isolation. Shame. Living in the land of Not Enough.

Blegh.

Risk Vulnerability or Stay Lonely.

I know I’m not the only one dealing with this dichotomy.  This is messy business but I’m daring to share this confession here.

Breaking the pattern one piece at a time.

 

 

When Enthusiasm is AWOL

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I’d love to think everyone deals with all the same issues that keep me from gaining ground and persevering. But our culture shows us so many examples of beautiful, fit, perfectly tanned & made up people that I feel like I’m the only one who battles with myself.

I’m a great starter.  I gather the needed materials, enthusiasm and spunk and dive in regardless of how impossible something is. My creative activity shelves are great examples. As is my collection of modes of exercise gear. I own lots of great cookbooks along with the appropriate tools to accomplish a variety of culinary delights. I own all the necessary tools to keep my nails healthy and colorful.

None of these things are life changing but I tend to speak of what isn’t instead of embracing what is. If I only focus on the half empty instead of the half full I get bogged down by my perception.

half full?

So how do I deal with myself when my enthusiasm is AWOL (Absent without official leave)?

Well what I know doesn’t motivate me is adding shame onto my distracted behavior. That only serves to suck me down into a vortex of spinning emotionally and nothing gets done.  Not even something fun because I am overcome with guilt because of the shame I heap on myself for not staying the course!  Yuck!

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I captured this from a recent Costco magazine; they featured the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I highly recommend it.  I’ve read two of her four books and am currently reading her most recent Rising Strong which is all about how to get back up from a fall when you’ve dared greatly. I have lots of experience with the falls; embracing my way of doing life and celebrating what is is a little more of a challenge.

Learning who I really am instead of trying to fit into how other people think I should be has been the unfolding adventure of my life.  Embracing who I am and how I work as a catalyst, a starter gives me the freedom to do things with the bursts of enthusiasm that overtake me on regular occasions but not daily.  Being ok with the fact I start and then do something else and then circle back around to what I started earlier is hard when I tell myself negative statements about that distracted work flow.

Many years ago, after lamenting this way I do life, a dear friend shared a terrific book with me that really inspired me to lean into my roles of wife, mother and influencer of lives. The author became one of my favorites as she consistently pointed to God’s Word and spoke of both discipline and grace. Elisabeth Elliot is now rejoicing moment by moment in Jesus’s Presence. I will be eternally grateful for the wisdom she shared. The book I reference is The Shaping of a Christian Family. Nestled within the book is this poem that has encouraged me again and again:

From an old English parsonage down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the doors the quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration: “DOE THE NEXTE THYNGE.”

Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, and guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, doe the nexte thynge.

Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all results, doe the nexte thynge

Looking for Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering, be thy demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
Then, as He beckons thee, doe the nexte thynge.

When I have found myself slipping into the downward internal critic heyday, I am able to stop myself and simply say Do The Next Thing. My enthusiasm sneaks back in when I’ve relaxed and reminded myself of the truth that I’m not in this alone. I have a great high priest who is well acquainted with me and loves me just the same.

Isn’t that a way to put a muzzle on the internal critic? That makes me enthusiastic just thinking about it!

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