Learning Along The Way

What Comes to Mind When You Hear the Word Brave?

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What comes to mind when you hear the word Brave?

I’m working my way through 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs. In today’s entry she encourages readers to journal about two or three incidents in your life that might be labeled brave.

I recently watched the Disney movie Brave with my 3 year old granddaughter, who also has curly red hair like the main character Merida.

We watched Merida be brave in several ways. She wanted to learn activities traditionally belonging to men like archery. She rode a horse. She fought for her family. None of these brave acts were the same. She was brave in big and little ways.

What about you? Does your definition of brave leave room for little acts of bravery or only big ones?

Sometimes being brave means admitting I have needs. Asking for help was deemed a sign of weakness, a ‘less than’ statement growing up. One of my early memories of having a need was coming into the house after I had fallen down skinning my knees to the point of bleeding (again) and having my mom tell me that the Bactine and bandaids were in the bathroom. I was seven. Now mind you I was a rough and tumble kid. She was probably tired of my superficial wounds. But her response stuck with me.

Childhood memories can become story starters for the way we look at things as an adult. Being brave is admitting the story we're telling ourselves may not be accurate. Click To Tweet

The story I told myself about my depression was not an encouraging one. My inner critic was a nonstop voice of self-recrimination looping through my thoughts. “What’s wrong with you?” was on an infinite loop in my head. I had a hard time focusing. A hard time finding joy. A hard time admitting I needed help.

I’ve been reading 100 Days to Brave. Today Annie wrote of her move from Georgia to Nashville, TN. She shared how hard the move was. A line from the page really resonated with me

I never felt brave. But day after day, I just did the next thing, took the next step, said the next yes.

I used to think that moving was a great adventure, that it was an opportunity to learn new things, meet new friends and have more fun. That was until we moved from our home of 15 years, emptying our nest and relocating all in a couple of months. I had no idea how hard it would be to make a new start in a new area. Nothing was familiar. Finding a grocery store became a chore; finding my way around became more than I wanted to face most days, so I slipped, ever so slowly, down the slope into depression.

It took several months before I admitted I needed help. Thankful for the internet I found a Christian counselor who has helped me work through my depression and other areas of emotional need that I had hidden away.

Maybe that’s you, suffering in silence. Maybe your brave act is to admit you have a need, to tell someone. That is no small act of bravery.

One of my favorite sayings is ‘Awareness is the first step to change’.

Remember what Annie said:

I never felt brave. But day after day, I just did the next thing, took the next step, said the next yes.

She also encourages her readers to think back on your life and journal about two or three moments you or someone else might label brave.

You’re more than welcome to tell me. No one sees the comments until I first read them, so if you want to share, but don’t want your comment posted, you can tell me and it won’t be.

Be brave my friend.

Living Things Grow; Growing Things Change

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Living Things Grow; Growing Things Change

I first heard these words on Christine Caine’s podcast; Coffee with Chris. I was on a walk through our new neighborhood and her words really pierced into me since we had just landed in a new area after 15 years in the same home.  What a challenging season that was. In some ways I am only now lifting my head consistently after almost 3 years.

I had lost the sense of how hard moving was; not just the physical, but emotional move, when leaving friends and family and familiar is involved. I had lived in the same area for almost 30 years! Changing residences always involved the physical hard work of packing and sorting; giving away and throwing away. But this move? It involved the letting go of the home where we raised our sons, the friends and church we had lived among for nearly 2 decades, our pets, and all the familiarity of streets, best coffee shops, outdoor opportunities within a moment of walking out our front door.

Letting go was hard for me. I slipped into the cavern of depression where light peeked in from far above me. Finding a place to rent that fit our simple list: 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, a gas range and a garage was harder than you’d think. What we didn’t realize at the time, because we were strangers to this new area, was our ideal price range was not going to find those creature comforts.  Coming from owning literally 2 times the amount of space to renting for 3 times our mortgage at home made me angry. It still does. But it is what it is.

The anger over less than ideal rentals (we’re now in our second place; a story for another time) wasn’t helping my overall attitude either.  I’ve heard that depression is anger turned inward. I don’t know if that is completely accurate but I knew that I needed to get out of the cavern somehow.  Getting outside and active was a first step. Interject the words I heard on my walk: Living things grow; growing things change.

If I am living then I will be growing AND changing. Those two words are to be expected not rejected. This is not our final home; why do I keep thinking everything needs to be hunky dory all the time? Some might call this magical thinking. In coaching we call it mindset.  Part of my work needed to be in the arena of self-acceptance instead of self-recrimination. A change in mindset.

In letting go I had to acknowledge I was focusing on what wasn’t, instead of being thankful for what is.  That awareness was the first step to real change.  To really lean in I needed to embrace change instead of being mad at it.

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:5-7

I look at these verses and I see the progression, the process of growth. Growth causes change. I don’t want to stay the same. I want to be in the process of letting go and leaning in; of becoming my utmost for His highest.

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In this season of Lent I am doing this very thing, one action at a time.

Where do you find yourself today? Are you in the cavern of depression? Or are you buried under a pile of to dos? Wherever it is you’re not alone. Reach out to someone who can bear witness to where you are and what you’re going through.

You may comment here; it comes to my inbox before going live. If you want to simply connect with me let me know and I won’t publish your comment.

We’re not meant to shoulder this life alone.

The Band-Wagon of Thankfulness

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I don’t like to be thought of as a band-wagoner.  (one who jumps on the band wagon)

But it is the season of thankfulness and many bloggers are encouraging their readers to be thankful.  I want to do the same.  Yet it is a hard season for many.  Even me.

I was thumbing through our local magazine, SLO Journal, and came across the article by Claire Aagaard titled “Living with Grief and Loss During the Holidays”.

This is for me.  Still.  Five years later.

The article is 12 simple tips long.  You can read her full article here.  She gives credit to a book she read by James Miller titled How Will I Get Through the Holidays? (which also sounds good)

These tips are lessons I have been learning in the crucible of life while at the same time experiencing some of the greatest joys that this life has to offer.  How are these two opposites: joy & sorrow, able to coexist and not cancel one another out?

Perspective.

Well, is it half empty or half full?

Tip #9 ‘Search out and Count your Blessings’ from Aagaard’s article reminds me to mention the life transforming book that came to me two years ago: One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

If you haven’t read One Thousand Gifts, you need to.  She poetically tells her journey out of the pit of depression and grief through accepting the challenge of a friend: Count your blessings.  Ann’s story is compelling.  Many agree.  Her website has great resources to encourage your counting. Check it out here.

Focusing on thankfulness is not denial of how hard, difficult, painful, depressing your circumstances really are.  It is simply adjusting the lens of your perspective to have a clear view on all that is also true. Even when you are grieving.

Start counting your reasons to be thankful.  I am.

 

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