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3 Common Traps that Hold us Back

February 11, 2015 By Lisa Lewis

 

It has been far too long since I’ve written…

ever start a long overdue letter or email with that phrase?

You may have thought to write many times but just haven’t sat down to actually follow through.

That’s been me.  Here.  And other places too.

I’ve been wrestling and waiting…with myself mostly and for what exactly?  I’m not sure.

But I decided I wanted to get some of this out of my head and onto the page.

I’ve been wrestling the thoughts of ‘not good enough’ and ‘you don’t matter’ for several months now.  And I was actually getting ready to give into those lies.

But God had a different plan.

I listened to the IF:Gathering this weekend. And I was reminded why I write. Why I can’t help but write.

For far too long you and I have allowed three traps to catch hold of us and hinder us from being all that we truly are in this with God life. We compare, we criticize and we compartmentalize.

Trap #1: We Compare

We look out at the world and then look at ourselves.  Most of the time we believe we’re not enough. Not good enough. Not smart enough, or talented enough or cute enough or…fill in the blank.  The world doesn’t love you.  It doesn’t love me. The world gives messages through media that reinforce our doubts and fears.  So what’s a girl to do?

love

Instead of compare, LOVE. Allow love to come into your heart. The world doesn’t love you but God does.  He knows your faults, limitations and loves you because you’re you.  Not in spite of those things but because of them.  The hard work is to believe God.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

I call you Friend.

You are My Beloved.

Let those seep into the cracks of your broken heart; You are LOVED as you are. No need to compare.

Trap #2: We Criticize

I know we’re unique people but in talking with many women I have heard similar patterns that match up with my own thoughts and this second trap is common.  We criticize ourselves and others.  We tear down with hurtful words; sometimes only we hear them as we speak to our own thoughts. But the result is the same…not good enough. We get caught up in the critical trap and suddenly lash out and start using our words to tear down others too. Maybe to make ourselves feel better? Maybe to “help” someone grow? Neither reason fits with how God sees our words.

A harsh word stirs up anger…but a gentle answer turns away wrath.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in setting of silver.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice.

street love gift session 3 

Instead of being caught in the Trap of Criticism, look for the good in the imperfection of life.

Trap #3 We Compartmentalize

Too often I find myself saying the words “if only” or “should” “ought” or “must”. I put myself and my circumstances into a box.  It’s often the box labeled Perfectionism. All these words keep me from taking action. Keep me on the sidelines rather than actively in the game of Life.  And while I’m compartmentalizing myself I do the same to others; putting them in a box of my own design.  Too old. Too young. Too … (fill in the blank)  And again, this trap is just that; a way of hindering my with -God life from being all that He offers me.

For freedom has Christ set us free; stand firm therefore and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

IMG_3015

At the end of the IF Gathering we were asked what our next step of faith is.

Mine is to step forward with Courage…sharing gifts that He gives daily.

So in this step of courage, what Trap do you find yourself caught by most often?  What step will you take to keep from being caught in the trap next time?

 

Filed Under: Encouragement, Hope, Personal, Thankfulness Tagged With: comparison, compartmentalizing, criticism, freedom, gifts, God, IF Gathering, traps

Stumble in the Right Direction

March 4, 2014 By Lisa Lewis

sand footprints

I had the distinct privilege of talking on the phone this morning with a dear friend and prayer partner.  I call it a distinct privilege on purpose.  It’s always fun to talk with her; we laugh and I cry (I do that easily, ask anyone who knows me well) and we give and receive encouragement.  So why was today’s conversation a “distinct privilege”?

It was distinct: clear, certain, emphatic

She had some very specific clear communication for me as my dear friend.  She knows my heart and she knows my gifts/talents/skills and she knows where I am prone to fall.

She said clearly in response to my awareness of a need I would be skilled and experienced to fill: “that is a mud pit you don’t want to fall into.”

  

Distinct.

When I went on to share a bit about what I’ve been up to since we last spoke, she responded with more: “you are in a good place. You’re stumbling in the right direction.”

That statement caused me to grab a pen and write it on an envelope (the closest piece of paper at hand before I lost the words!)

Stumbling in the right direction.

 

We do stumble at times don’t we?  We want to make a change, or do a creative project, or make a new friend.  But things happen, sometimes out of our control and sometimes because of us.  The change is harder than we thought.  The project doesn’t work.  The person we hoped to be a new friend we discover isn’t really a good fit.

Stumble.

A stumble isn’t a fall.  There is hesitancy.  There is the recognition of fear of falling and of embarrassment.  But the motion of stumbling is usually moving you in the same direction you were originally going.

So stumbling in the right direction implies you were heading the right way in the first place.  Which of course begets the question:

Do you know where you’re heading?

It seems like I have been in the business of answering that question for 7 years!  But the process of coming to an answer has really been the evidence of ‘stumbling in the right direction.’  The fact that this process has taken me 7 years might say different things to different people, but for me the theme of these seven years has been clarity.

I have spent time asking God and family and friends, to help me find clarity. Help me see connections between experiences, talents, skills and gifts.  How best to make use of those connections.  I started a blog. Way back in 2007 when I turned 50!  This is actually my 3rd blog (the other two archives are connected here if you’re curious)

I became a Life Coach in 2009 as a connection of e.t.s.&g. (see above)  I love listening and asking questions of my clients, helping them connect the dots in their lives.

I am speaking to women in mentoring roles and in front of groups as opportunities present themselves.  I really love speaking encouragement to women!

I am writing. Not as much on paper as I have in my head to say but I am writing.  Especially in my journal. 

Through these actions I have gained clarity.  I know why I am here.  (at least at this moment!)

I found clarity in connecting a dot from a long time ago; so long ago, it was almost forgotten.  It is actually a question for all of us:

What is the chief end of man? (think humanity here)

To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

Yeah yeah, grown up Sunday school answer right?  Not at all.

Sit with me here for a moment.

If all of my moments are given as a gift from God, then thanking Him for those moments brings Him glory.  He gets the credit. Not me.  So being thankful for even the hard, yucky stuff we all go through at one point or another, is half of the main purposewe are here.

The other half? It’s

linked to life itself—enjoying God forever.  Not in forever.  Right here.  Right now.  And it’s linked to thankfulness. 

In everything give thanks for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

 

In my stumbling in the right direction, I stumbled upon an old maxim which is bedrock.  The first question in The Westminster Catechism.

Which brings me round to why I said my conversation with my friend this morning was a ‘distinct privilege’.  She is a gift of God to many.  Her friendship and wisdom is refreshing.  We all need people like this in our lives on as regular a basis as we can make time for.  And we all need to thank God for the privilege that true friendship really is. A distinct privilege.

Two things for you to consider:

Where are you heading?  Are you stumbling in the right direction?  Into the arms of a loving God who gives good and perfect gifts?

 

Who are the friends with whom you have the distinct privilege of relating?  How can you encourage them today?

Please share your thoughts; all your comments are moderated so if it’s too private for public reading, let me know and I won’t publish it here.  I’d love to hear from you!

Filed Under: Coaching, Encouragement, Personal, Thankfulness Tagged With: coaching, friendship, gifts, God, stumble, thankful, Westminster Catechism

Meet Lisa…

I am a native California girl married to my best friend, Colin; we currently live and work in the Silicon Valley. I am privileged to be mom to two fantastic grown sons, mom-in-law to a wonderful daughter, and recent Mimi to a grand-daughter! On any given Saturday, you can see my hubster and I out on our tandem bike somewhere, enjoying the beauty of creation! Read More…

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