Learning Along The Way

Learning to Cultivate Beauty in Unexpected Places

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This beauty has been slowly showing it’s leaves as winter is leaving our area; squeezing through and into a very crowded planter. It’s right by the front door where we live; since May. I haven’t seen this plant before. It’s been too hot and dry or too cold. But the much needed rain helped this hidden perennial take the risk to shoot forth its leaves and today, it’s first blossom.

Interesting: for months I didn’t know it was even alive. Now it’s a thriving beauty in a tight space. As I’ve been reflecting on this beginning season of Lent, I’ve been considering of what I have let go and where I need to lean in.

A measure of letting go for me is stuff.  If I have a lot of paper clutter, I am hanging on to unresolved issues of time, emotion or money. I recently started sorting through a file to give away, file away or recycle my too many cute paper products!  In the sorting I came across this reflection from several years ago…long before our big move.

What does one come to when all conversations seem to lead to argument?  No gracious benefit of the doubt, no overlooking a misspoken phrase, word or tone. When one realizes that all seems lost, does one persevere to the end, hope against hope?  Or does one take the coward’s way out and leave?

Better still and a higher road, the path of daily sacrifice of self: it matters not whether there was accuracy or right tone; do not justify oneself.

Give way sincerely without guile.

Allow the other’s interpretation to be accurate and do not defend one’s position. 

Give that to God who justifies

Keep submitting oneself to Him who judges justly.

Forgive quickly, sincerely, knowing that Truth wins in the End. One may not see it fulfilled here in this part of life eternal. but one day Truth does completely win.

Make allowances for the loved one; Give grace were none is seen. Be a peacemaker not a peace breaker Remember He keeps one’s heart in perfect peace whose mind is fixed on Him.

So Lord, I submit myself to your refinement I am far too stubborn and stiff-necked. These circumstances are meant for my growth and change.

Forgive me for resisting Your ways. They are right and the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.

Change me.

He has in many ways and yet I am not done yet. That’s why I love this season. I am reminded of what has gone before, what still needs confession and repentance and where I may lean in and look for growth in unexpected places.

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. For I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18-19

The cyclamen (the plant in the photo above)  is often treated like a hot house flower. You might see them out for Christmas or now for Valentine’s Day. But it is truly a hardy plant. It can look like it’s dead during extreme weather, but it has learned to bloom in tight, unexpected places.

I want to lean in and cultivate beauty in the unexpected places in my life. My marriage was that place many years ago. God saw and changed me. Thankfully.

Where is that unexpected place for you?

Trust Building

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Yesterday when I was writing I had a bunch of thoughts running through my head about the topic of building trust. But I didn’t have a lot of time to capture those ideas.

Today as I sit here with lots of time and face a blank screen, I can’t seem to corral the thoughts that were running around yesterday!  It could be the difference in locations. Yesterday I was sitting at our kitchen table in complete silence. Today because of our sharing a car and morning, midday and evening obligations I am using a Starbucks as my writing place. Can you say DISTRACTION???

Not the most ideal setting but here goes. Picking up from yesterday…

Trust is like a muscle. It has to be used to grow. And it has to be strained to get stronger.

Some of you may be like me, with under used trust. We put our trust in what we can do with our hands and minds.

One of the hardest ways for me to trust God has been in the little things; I’ve had my responsibilities: schedules, homework, my work and housework and, and, and…why would I bother God with all of those things?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on you own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path.

Unpack this verse a bit with me.

We’re told to Trust in the Lord.  How?  With ALL our heart (not part, not distracted, ALL)

What else? Don’t lean on, rely on, depend on your own understanding.  Why not? I don’t have the whole picture. I don’t see the longview, don’t know the results, don’t know the implications…God who is all knowing and all powerful does.

What else? In ALL your ways ACKNOWLEDGE (recognize He’s there, thank Him, talk with Him) and He will make straight your path.

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Trust is developed through experience with someone. How do we learn to trust God?

No Sunday School answers please.

How do we learn to trust God?

In hard places. In hard circumstances. We don’t need trust when life is easy. When things are going smoothly we don’t see our needs.

Perhaps that is why James said Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith(trust) produces endurance…

It’s not easy to trust when it hurts, when we are being strained and stretched. There are so many places in God’s Word that He encourages us to trust Him, to come to Him, to seek Him. He is faithful. He is all knowing. He is all powerful. He is full of mercy and grace.

He is trustworthy.

Go ahead, exercise the muscle of trust.

What’s Your Why?

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Some of the things I spend my time doing daily are have to’s and some are want to’s.  I imagine that is true for you as well.  Figuring out the difference between the have to’s and want to’s as I go through my day can be helpful, but a lot of the time I find myself asking “why am I doing this activity?”

Knowing my Why makes all the difference.  Not just in the short term to help me stay motivated but in the long term to help me FOCUS.

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When I began to learn about how I could be a better wife I discovered the learning wasn’t just for being a wife. I was learning how to be a better person. A better Christ follower.

And learning how to follow Christ is the exact place that the enemy of our souls wants to trip us up. I believe that’s in large part why God’s construct for submission has been so criticized and degraded. Yes, I know and agree there have been MANY abuses of submission. Lots of people have used the concept to control rather than to love & shepherd well.  There has been MUCH hurt: physical, emotional & spiritual, because of the misuse and misunderstanding of Biblical submission.  But God…

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His plan is good. His Word is for our good. People misunderstand, take portions out of context, stripping the Word away from the full counsel of God, and have made submission like profanity.

And it is not!

Now mind you I’ve had years of wrestling with the way I’ve thought about submission because of the cultural era in which I grew from child to woman; as a result of all the mixed and mistaken messages I have gone to God’s Word again and again to look at the good that has come from His headship and the woes that have happened by going my own way.  I’ve asked myself many times why is submission important, and what does the Bible say about it really?

If you are  familiar with Scripture you may think the place to go to get a good understanding about submission is in the Apostle Paul’s letter to Ephesians. It’s the most quoted and taken out of proper context verse on the topic. But that’s not the place I want to begin.  That abused verse isn’t going to help answer the Why.

Instead let’s take a look at Jesus the Son. In the Garden of Gethsemane. In anguish over what was coming, He went to beg His Father for a different Way, a different outcome. He prayed 3 times. And He said this: “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”

“not as I will, but as you will”

This is submission.

Having a conversation with God, expressing His concerns, desires, fears and trusting that the Father’s will for Jesus was better than the Son’s desires for Himself in Christ’s full humanity; that was His Why. And being fully God He had full knowledge of the bigger Why; the redemption of all humanity by His sinless death on the gruesome cross.

In having my own conversation with God, expressing my concerns, desires, fears and trusting that God’s will for me is better than my desires for myself; that’s the Why.

Husbands are called to submit to wives, wives to husbands and all of us to authorities. And we all are to submit to/surrender to/follow Christ.

We have a voice. We have rights. Jesus had both. But God in those circumstances had a different plan with Jesus’s submission. A much bigger plan with hard, horrible circumstances.

I don’t want to gloss over the pain of both the Father and the Son at the crucifixion and run quickly to the outcome on the 3rd Day. It is terribly disrespectful to what Christ endured for each of us to simply say there’s our model. We are not little Jesus’s nor are most called to literally sacrifice life for the good of mankind, but the pain and struggle of submitting one’s will is my FOCUS today.

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Learning biblical truth is not like studying for a test. To have success, you have to train — you have to practice for success. It doesn’t happen in a 10 week Bible study.  Learning is demonstrated by the effect on a life. Following is like submitting. You are not in charge. The Captain is.

And Living in Tandem is a life long journey.

A Couple Dozen Reasons

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Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter and SnapChat didn’t exist 24 years ago. Neither did the internet for that matter.  And frankly, I’m glad.  My life to that point had been a series of fender benders, speeding tickets and finally a train wreck; all of them culminating at this day, our wedding day. July 20, 1991.

Colin was not to blame for any of those earlier events. In fact he turned out to be the Knight in Shining Armor sent by the King of the realm unbeknownst to this Ragamuffin.  The Wise King knew exactly what it would take to win back this bruised, broken and unlikely heroine.  Because He causes all things to work together for our good, this is a tale of redemption and healing; a story we all want to have woven into our own lives.

One doesn’t expect a story to end well that has a rough beginning. Many tales that begin badly end worse. But God has had a different plan for me that I often couldn’t see or hang on to.  Yet He continues to persevere in working ALL of my life’s circumstances for His good purposes.  IMG_6655I certainly don’t deserve His mercy. But because of Who God is, mercy and grace is what He has poured out on me. On us. Three kids became a family 24 years ago today. In homemade clothes, with the help of family and friends, we began simply. Making a commitment we didn’t really understand but have remained faithful to. Raising not one, but eventually two sons, both now men. Good men. God’s abundant grace poured down.

Two cats, three dogs and one goldfish were all members of our family. There were the two rats, two anoles and one snake that had their stays but they weren’t really an integral part of the family. Raising people and animals gives one a perspective of the importance and difficulty of sacrifice; a small inkling of what God has done for each one of us.

Letting go of old hurts, choosing the path of forgiveness over bitterness have been gentle nudges from God through Colin and our sons.  It seems time and again, I’ve been the one to need the most shaping, the most re-working on an emotional and spiritual level; the loves of my life have been some of God’s shaping tools. Reading and studying His Word, growing up together, learning humility, expressing kindness sincerely, and looking to one another’s needs have been life lessons we have learned along the Way.

I am awed by what God has done through our marriage.  Our sons are real people with real choices who know real acceptance by both their heavenly and earthly Fathers.  They have great relationships with Colin and each other; of which I am amazed. These are results out of my hands people. I joke about holding up a sign that reads: Don’t Go This Way! and yet young people seek us out, asking for time with us to learn how to walk this life. Humbled is not a big enough word to express my feelings when a young woman asks me to meet for coffee. Tears of thankfulness to our good God stream down my cheeks as I write this.

There are at least a couple dozen reasons why this marriage should have crashed and burned at various points over these couple dozen years.

But God.

He has intervened again and again, saving, sanctifying, guiding and directing us back toward one another and upward to Him.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Learning to See

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Have you ever seen a new litter of kittens? Or puppies? Minutes or hours new? They have something in common; their eyes are fused shut.  They don’t open for quite some time after birth; little ones move slowly and you can tell their uncertainty in their surroundings by their tiny whimpers or mews.

A newborn child is born seeing although it has limited sight at first.  According to my dear hubster, our second son was born with one eye open and a wary expression on his face as if asking “who are you and why did you make me leave that warm place?”

Sight is a gift. A sense that may come perfectly formed in humans or in some cases not formed at all. There are also in between cases like me.  It was discovered that I had severe myopia when I started school.  I’m not sure what my parents thought about my squinting behavior before then but at the end of my kindergarten year I received my first pair of glasses. Learning to see with glasses meant I didn’t have to sit close to the TV or in the front row to see the chalkboard.

SDZoo 1965Who knew that our fashions of the 60s would be so trendy in the millennial teens? (My Mom, little brother and me, 1965)

It was not the greatest time in history to be wearing glasses since not all that many children wore glasses when I was in elementary school. And those that did were teased big time. Oh well.

My parents sacrificed a lot for me as a teenager. I had braces and contacts at the end of my freshman year in high school. Learning to see with contacts was an adventure. Wind and sand were not my friends at the beach. Learning to surf meant no contacts which also meant no seeing. That and not balancing well shortened my surfer girl persona.

As an adult, I lost contacts waterskiing because I just couldn’t imagine hanging out in the ocean 100 feet behind the boat and not knowing when a shark was close by. Not too many sharks in Mission Bay near San Diego but between the coast and Catalina Island? Who knows?

Seeing is a gift that we most often take for granted. For years after the technology became available my Mom encouraged me to have Lasik treatment done.  I was a big chicken. I didn’t want to be a statistic. I had kids to raise and what would I do? But in January, 2011 I decided I would have the procedure. I was scared for sure.  Looking back on that day the most significant moment that stands out to me happened at the check in desk.

The receptionist was going through the post op with my husband when a woman in the waiting area came up to me. She laid her hand on my arm and told me how happy she was to be able to give her daughter the gift of sight.  Random? Perhaps. But I also was finally doing what my Mom had encouraged me to do for so long and was able to afford it as a gift; part of my Mom’s estate.

The surgery was a success and I have lived two years without glasses for the first time since I was 6. Learning to see without aid was a re-training of my brain.

Learning to see ourselves as God sees us is a re-training of our brain as well.  Paul tells us in his letter to the church in Rome “do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”  Being changed from the inside out is instantaneous for some but for others is a process: a long, slow, learning to see.

Beth Moore wrote in her study Breaking Free: “You are not defined by anything that happened to you or anything you have done.  You are defined by who you are in Christ.”  Do you know who you are in Christ?

“…until the truths of our pasts converge with the truths of God’s Word, we will never be whole.” (from Breaking Free)

Learning to see.

Oceano sunset

 

Reflections of 2013

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20131110-065456.jpg2013 is coming to a close.

I am relieved. It has been a year of dramatic changes. There is always change taking place whether we see it or not; our children grow over night; the plants and seasons change without our notice. But some changes are very perceptible and measurable.  Those are the ones that I’d like to slow down!

As I reflect on this year (which is what I have the habit of doing on Dec 31 every year) I am amazed at all that God has brought me through.  I am grateful for His provision, protection and most of all Presence.

He has taught me much this year about relying on Him when all around me is changing.  Psalm 46 begins and ends with the reminder that God is our refuge and stronghold. Just before the end of the Psalm is the often quoted, “be still and know that I am God”.  How can we be still when there is so much doing that needs to be done?

This is a big part of what God has shown me this year: how to ‘be still’ while still moving. Now if that isn’t an oxymoron I don’t know what is! Yet it is a Truth that is worth reflecting upon as this year ends and a new one starts.

When you look at the surface of a large body of water ( I am most familiar with the Pacific Ocean but you insert the image that fits for you) there are waves that change in height and frequency depending on the wind. Storms stir up the activity on the surface and being on the water can be rough and dangerous.

Below the surface, into deep water, there is only a gentle motion, almost unnoticeable. The current is present but the motion can be described as nearly still.  As I have pondered the mystery of how to be still and still doing, the Lord brought this image to mind: go below the surface of the busy-ness of life, into the depths with Me.  He is a very present help, a refuge, our strength, a stronghold, a deliverer; His Word is full of the images that remind us of His Presence in spite of the outer turmoil.

Sometimes the turmoil was overwhelming and I didn’t handle it all very well. I could beat myself up over it. I could lament and stay stuck in ‘my woe is me’ attitude. Or, as I learned through the study of His Word, I could see myself rightly as He sees me.  I practiced time alone with Him, with His Word, in His creation, walking and talking with Him alone. Learning from Him along the Way.  These sacrifices of “my time” were gifts He gave back to me in volume.

We can say, ‘I’m too busy to be still’ or ‘I have too many demands on me to make time for myself like that’ and keep rushing ahead without peace. We wonder what the Bible means when it says things like ‘You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is fixed on You because he trusts in You.’ How is that supposed to happen? That must be for someone else that has time to sit around and read and pray. “I don’t have that luxury in my life.”

We can repeat the same pattern of thought and behavior that gets us back to being stuck, or we can choose to go forward thinking differently about ourselves and our circumstances, thinking God’s thoughts.

Oswald Chambers reflected on Isaiah 52:12: “He will keep watch so that we will not be tripped up again by the same failures, as would undoubtedly happen if He were not our ‘rear guard’. And God’s hand reaches back to the past, settling all the claims against our conscience.”

As this year closes, I am grateful for this knowledge and for the opportunities He gave me to practice and apply these Truths in my life.  And now He calls us forward to grow and change. Not to stay the same. We as Christ followers are to be about the business of becoming more Christ-like not about the business of shoring up “the way I am” or “the way I’ve always done things”. There is more to do, grow and change.

I am making plans for this new year. I reflect on what has passed this year and reach forward into the new.  God is already there, reaching His hand back to me to lead me forward. He wants to do the same for you. Will you take His hand?

What is one area you are planning to make changes in this coming year?

 

Be Transformed!

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Romans 12:1-2 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

 

What is the one thing that keeps you from stepping out toward the big dream you have?

What if that one thing was removed from your path?  Would you step forward?  Or would you find one more thing that’s keeping you from taking that step?

 

As I have listened to women talk about their dreams of what is still ahead in life there is often a sadness; a focus on “if only”.  Sometimes that ‘if only’ is tied to an event in the past.  Sometimes that ‘if only’ is attached to an expected outcome.  Both are rocks in the path that cause them to stumble.

 

We do not live in the past.  We do not know the future.  We live in the gift of this moment; the present.

 

The events of our past may legitimately be terrible experiences.  We may have scars to prove it.  If we stay focused on the ‘if only’ we are clinging to a false sense of reality and denying the sovereignty of God.  Boom.  That’s harsh but true.  How do we let go of the past?

 

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

 

I’m not saying pretend that bad things didn’t or won’t happen.  I’m saying put the true bad things in the Hands of the One who saw and has the power to redeem.  And then LET GO.

 

Clinging to the past keeps us from having open hands to the present.

 

What if your issue is looking ahead and anticipating the bad things, the stumbling blocks that could be or might be in your path?  The opposite side of hanging on to the past is worry about the unknowns of the future.  What do you do if you’re plagued with worry?

 

The answer is still the same: Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

 

Renewal comes from God.  His Word is life, truth, light to our path.  Get in It.

 

Well-intentioned, faithful women (I include me in this) have stumbled again and again in similar ways.  What keeps us from simply being renewed? From simply doing the work of verse memory? From living out what we say we believe?  From trust that God will come through?

 

Mindset. 

 

It’s the familiar path your thoughts take when you are faced with something new.

 

Stop for a minute and think about how you talk to yourself (either aloud or in your head)

 

Are you loving and encouraging in the face of mistakes or unknowns?  Or are your words harsh, critical and demeaning?  Do you say things to yourself you would NEVER say to a friend or a child?  If your mindset is a negative one, you set yourself up for discouragement and setbacks time and again.

 

The work of changing your mindset needs external support.  Talking out your dreams and aspirations and facing the real or perceived rocks in your path can help you in the work of transformation.  That’s what I do.  As a Christian Life Coach my role in my clients’ lives is to listen and ask questions; questions that help each client clarify what is their next step to take.  I have the distinct privilege of sitting with a woman, prayerfully listening for God’s wisdom for that woman and asking the question that causes them to ponder below the surface of the everyday.

 

“Knowing what is right is like deep water in the heart; a wise person draws from the well within.” (Proverbs 20:5 The Message)

 

Let go of the past.  Look forward with joyful anticipation.  Live in the present.

 

Sound too good to be true?  Let’s talk.

Sunflower Life Lesson #2–Develop Strong Roots

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When I first talked about the amazing gardening experience, I briefly mentioned that, although the sunflower was lying down among its neighbors the cantaloupe and watermelon plants, it was not uprooted.  The sunflower was already 5 feet tall when it fell.  That means there was a deep, strong root system already in place so that the plant didn’t die when this trauma hit.

 

What life lesson is here for us?  Develop Strong Roots.

 

The question is: How does one do that exactly?

 

If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you already know that I have weathered some really difficult seasons. I would guess you have too since life is not easy!  It’s funny that we think it should be; if we do all the right things then the result will be a good healthy life, great kids, a spouse who treasures us, a house with a white picket fence and a garden without weeds or gophers.  Ideal perhaps, but not reality.

 

How do we develop strength to withstand trauma that comes out of nowhere?

 

Develop Strong Roots.

 

Strong Roots take time, nourishing soil and water.

 

Time—a regular habit of spending time reading, hearing, and thinking about God’s Word.  Investing in your soul takes your time.

 

Nourishing soil—Jesus taught about soil. The soil of our heart can be nourished by praying for God’s work in our lives; memorizing Scripture; humbly surrendering to growth and change that He leads us to make that results in a changed heart more like His.

 

Water—Jesus told the Samaritan Woman “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”  Jesus is the Gift of God Himself to each of us.  He lived the life we should live, died the death we deserve, and was raised from the dead so that we may have hope knowing that our physical death has no lasting victory. His Spirit will live in you, to strengthen, guide and empower you when you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved;  for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.

 

Life Lesson #2: Develop Strong Roots to be able to be lifted up by the Master Gardener when the difficulties of life knock you down.

“ Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord. “For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit.”

Know that I am praying for you, dear reader: that you call on the name of the Lord; that you nourish the soil of your heart in Him.

 

The Work of Training

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Here you see the result of training.  Not the act of training, the result of it.

 

The person who did the training had tools, time and energy that had to be used to get to this point in the growing season.  It was a lot of work and will continue to be a lot of work.  Some days are more demanding than others, but truly, year round there is work that needs to be done to maintain healthy strong life in the vines.

 

I see all of life through the lens of a garden.  It’s just the way God’s made me.

 

What season is your life in right now?  A season of rest?  Of lying dormant with no evidence of life? An active season of preparation?  A season of waiting?  The thing about seasons: they change.  But do we?

 

Any season you find yourself has its joys and challenges.  That is what is consistently true of life.  The training and preparation we go through before we’re called upon to bear fruit is so important.  Summer is a season of balance: watering, weeding, dead heading, maintenance, and waiting for the plants to bear.  Some days it looks like nothing is happening.  But the efforts will pay off.

 

Reading, studying, and memorizing God’s Word is much like the balance of gardening in the summer.  Sometimes no one sees or knows of your efforts but God Himself.

 

What are you in training for?   Does it frustrate you that no one sees your efforts?  Or are you like these vines, showing the evidence of training?

 

What if you’re not sure?  What if you’re feeling a longing to get busy and make a change in your life? Ready to get your hands dirty but don’t know what step to take?

Let’s talk! I’ll listen.

 

 

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