Learning Along The Way

What’s Keeping Your Head Down, Girlfriend?

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Saturday I created a writer’s retreat for myself.

The Hubster was in Chicago visiting our son, so instead of being Eeyore and saying ‘Woe is me I am all alone” I planned to use the day for writing and reading.

I went to the store ahead of time, got some healthy and not so healthy snacks, veggies for soup, and came home for the weekend.

Intentional alone time to be quiet, to listen, and to capture the thoughts that percolated to the top.

I have to say it was a successful day!

But like so many things I do, I was focused with my head down, and I almost missed this:

I was stunned that I had been so consumed with what I was doing, my head down, focused on what I thought was most important at the time, that this almost escaped my view.

So I watched. He got my attention.

It was a glorious sunset. God painted the sky and I watched the colors shift with the changing light.

My perspective remained the same; He shifted the world as if to remind me that what I can see is not all there is.

I wonder, what else might I be missing when my head is down, focused on what I deem important in the moment? When daily routines require attention, do I miss the wave of a neighbor while I sweep? Or the flutter of a butterfly around the flowers?

There have been times when I’ve been “too busy” to reach out to a friend when the Spirit prompts me, only later to learn she was grieving and feeling alone at the time when I didn’t lift my head from my work.

This begs the question: Whose time is it anyway? My time? My way? My work?

I sigh, realizing I missed an opportunity to be God’s gift of encouragement to another.

I share this to help us both remember our time isn’t really ours; time is gift God gives us to steward for His glory and others’ good.

Teach us to number our days that we might present to You a heart of wisdom. 

Daily we have opportunities to be about the Father’s business. There is a lot of need for good to be done. But the question is, are we doing instead of being? Are we so focused on the work that we forget the relational components?

I know there are seasons when quiet moments to simply be still are few and far between. I know it can feel like the noise from all the needs is making you feel under so much pressure that your ears might bleed. I’ve been in that place. But God. My two favorite words in scripture. But God invites us to be still and know that He is God. We are not.

If we listen to the invitation, take the risk and press pause, tune our ears to His voice of love, acceptance, Presence, we just might be renewed. We just might be filled up to be poured out for the good of others. We can’t keep pouring out without being filled up again.

What’s keeping your head down, girlfriend?

Does lifting your head sound impossible? Do you see only obstacles instead of opportunities? Do you need options?

I’m a trained listener, a person who journeys with others who need and want a guide as they learn along the Way.

Curious to know more? I’d love to hear from you.

 

The Value of Listening

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Listening is underrated.  We want to talk.  About ourselves. Our challenges, successes and joys. But what of listening?

I mean really listening?  Uh huh. What did you say?

Half-hearted attention to the person speaking is not really listening. Neither is being able to parrot back the last phrase of what was just said. (I was really good at that)

Really listening requires an undivided attention to the person speaking.  As a Mom of one I was fully present when he was with me; I had to work full time when he was little so I treasured time and attention with him.  As a stay at home Mom of two I perfected the “listening without paying attention” behavior while my hands and eyes were directed elsewhere.  My youngest caught on and would reach my cheek and ever so gently pull my face toward him.  Smart cookie.

Whatever could be more important than the stories of children?  (I’m sure we can come up with a list. But really?)

I managed to grasp the value of listening by taking a parenting class where the basics of good listening skills were reviewed.

Eye contact.

Focus on speaker, free of distractions

I realized I had developed the skate by and appear as if behaviors.  It hit me: I wasn’t really being present.  I was giving away precious time to other truly less precious things.

I needed to be intentional.  That was in 1997.  I was 40.  A little too late to the party?

photo(70)This is one of my favorite quotes of George Eliot’s.  Illustrated by my favorite whimsical artist, Mary Engelbreit.  This has had a prominent place in my life for a.long.time.

There was hope! I could become a more attentive Mom. And wife. And friend. And teacher.  It’s never too late…

1997 was in the days before smart phones with all the social media connection points. For you history buffs out there.

I was once told I ‘could distract myself in a paper bag’ so that should tell you a bit about how much challenge lay ahead for me to develop the value of listening.  But being intentional, making the same choice again and again and again to focus my eye contact on who was speaking, to free myself (as much as possible) from distraction, to really listen; I began to change my behavior.

Being intentional.

I had the privilege of sitting next to a very intentional woman last evening. And listening to her speak about her life, her writing and her family’s intentional choices of simplicity.  Tsh Oxenreider shared with all of us gathered to listen. Eyes on her, with few distractions. And great value came from that time.  Tsh is very at ease in life; she confessed she doesn’t have all the answers and doesn’t want to lead in that way. She invites others to consider their intentions about family, money, priorities, schooling, travel.  Tsh spoke a bit about her newest book Notes from a Blue Bike and the group of young women (I was the outlier) listening gleaned much.  She also modeled the value of listening as she asked the group open-ended questions about their lives and was attentive to each woman’s response.

The value of listening.  We can glean much from one another.  What we do with what we take away is an intentional choice. Whether you’re a friend, wife, mom, sister, daughter, employee or employer, listening well is an intentional choice.

A step of intention.  Who do you need to value listening to today?

 

 

 

 

Learning to Listen

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This lovely sunflower is a volunteer in my garden.  That means I didn’t plant it.  Sometimes volunteers come from the naturalizing of plants.  Sometimes they come from birds.  And sometimes a volunteer shows up from long dormant seeds that have finally received enough water to sprout the life hidden within.

How seeds come to life in unlikely places is such a mystery!  All the conditions for growth have to be there for the seed to be successful.   Sometimes the conditions look lush and it makes perfect sense a plant would sprout. Sometimes the conditions look harsh and it’s amazing a seed would even sprout not to mention take root and flourish!  I do some preparation for my garden but really I am a neglectful gardener.  When I see a volunteer thriving in my yard I’m thrilled!  That new life in an unlikely place makes me think of a picture from my  life.

My adult life looked pretty straightforward: finish college, earn a teaching credential, start teaching, get married, start a family.  Pretty standard stuff.  But the path wasn’t  straight and easy.  I came around a bend and a Big Boulder blocked my path.  There was no where to go!  I sat down, overwhelmed by this roadblock in my otherwise perfect life.  I sank into despair.  As an untrained listener, I thought whatever happened next was on me to figure out.

I spent a lot of time trying to see how to get over this Boulder right in front of me.  I tried the climbing technique of “bouldering”: finding hand holds and foot holds to scale the side of it; I tried working my way around it; I even tried chipping away at it, all in hopes of breaking it down to continue on the path I thought my life should be on.  I made some headway and climbed up almost to the top ready to jump over onto the other side when my foot slipped and I slid down a different side, crashing to the bottom, ending not on the path, but off in the weeds!  I was a mess!  Trying to make something happen on my own without seeking help landed me in a heap and back into despair!

It was after this second detour that I finally caught a clue; I can’t navigate the path of my life without guidance.  I needed to seek  wisdom, learn to listen and apply wisdom to my life.  I submitted myself to the One who transplanted the seed of my life and began in me the process of sprouting, growing and bringing forth new life.

Learning to listen to the Voice is a process.  I thought there was a to do list to work through that would equal great growth;  “I’ve done my chores now bless me Father” kind of relationship.  It was a starting place for sure.  But God calls us forth to so much more from so much less.  He wants each of us to simply be with Him.  Learning to listen to His voice whisper in the wind, speak in the hush of snowfall, or call over the ocean waves crashing on the shore has taken lots of practice.  Other than the Word, the most powerful little book that has been a tool of listening for me is Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence.  Learning to listen to and be with God was Brother Lawrence’s greatest aim.  Whether peeling potatoes in the kitchen or doing daily chores or in times of prayer with the brethren, Brother Lawrence developed the habit of listening to the One Who is always present.

We can too.  There are so many challenges to listening in our information saturated culture with the “entertain me now” mindset; the challenge to push back against the noise to find even a moment of silence and solitude can be more of a battle than a challenge!  If you are in this process of learning to listen, I’d love to share in this challenge with you. We need to be in community with others who, like Brother Lawrence, desire to be “present to the Presence”.

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