mentoring

Who’s in Charge Here?

October 12, 2015 By Lisa Lewis

Who’s in Charge Here?

On the second day of this #write31days series I shared how beneficial being mentored had been for me. Having a mentor speak into my life was literally transformational. I am not the same woman I used to be thanks to the Lord intervening through Peggy’s willingness to speak the Truth in love.

Because of our friendship Peggy earned the right to give me earnest counsel. She saw up close where my heart was turning bitter and gently pointed it out. She helped me consider another way of being and thinking as a wife that I had not seen in my family of origin. We talked about the “S” word and I learned that Biblical submission is not about holding down a woman’s will and making her a doormat to step on. There would be no demeaning of my humanity as it is perceived in the world view of submission.

I was on my second marriage at this point and things weren’t going so well. In fact, this second marriage was starting to have elements of my first marriage. Had I made another tragic mistake? Or could it be the issue was in the common denominator in these two marriages? Oh wait! That would be me! Peggy spoke into my life a very hard truth: I had to stop looking back at the marriage that didn’t last, seek healing and learn to live & grow in the marriage I was in. I was no longer the other guy’s wife and so for this young second marriage to be healthy I would need to do some changing. Hmmm.

Peggy shared a different picture of submission this way: imagine you are standing in the pouring rain without an umbrella. Along comes your husband with an umbrella and invites you to stand under it. You don’t have to but you choose to. The rain represents the full weight of responsibility of life. The umbrella represents a covering that the husband provides; a way of doing life together. Yes you can have your own umbrella and be independent but when you share an umbrella you can learn to walk together more closely. Sometimes it’s awkward and adjusting has to happen. But as the umbrella covers us from the rain, so learning to come under the headship God provides is the covering of submission.

Peggy’s umbrella picture stuck with me. I began asking God to show me how I could love my husband, how I could love God better through practicing acts of submission. What would I gain? What would I lose? Those were questions I began to wrestle with in prayer before God.

It’s a big idea, submission. It’s a perfect concept that has been misused and misunderstood for millennia. I can’t unpack all that I have learned in one sitting. But I want to share with you the beauty and freedom that comes when Biblical submission is lived out. I’m not in charge. God is. He’s really the One sitting in the front seat on the tandem of my life.

I know this topic stirs up lots of thoughts…share them in the comments and let’s open the discussion okay?

Living in Tandem with Others

October 2, 2015 By Lisa Lewis

Do you ever wonder how you would handle (respond) a friend pointing out you’re out of line? I don’t mean a literal line like at the grocery store. I mean when how you’re thinking about something, or acting in response to someone, is out of line with what God has in mind.

When my friend Peggy pointed out my bad attitude toward my husband’s way of leading our family it wasn’t easy to hear. I can imagine it wasn’t easy for her to hear me whining and complaining in the first place! I was often confiding in her about the little things Colin did or didn’t do that were driving me crazy. She listened and then asked me how I was helping the situation. I said things like “well I tell him what’s bugging me- I don’t keep it hidden.” Peggy laughed and then asked, “Do you tell God as often as you tell Colin?” I just stared at her and simply said “No”. Her question didn’t come with criticism or condescension. It was her simple way of planting a seed for me to nurture.

Peggy prayed with and for me. She listened to, laughed with and encouraged me. She watched our baby boy and invited our kindergarten son over to play with her kindergartener. But most importantly, Peggy pointed me to the Truth. She was (and is) a woman of the Word. Peggy didn’t lecture; we didn’t do Bible studies together. She would simply weave God’s Word into our conversations with gentleness and grace. Peggy was like the big sister I never had. We had lots of deep conversations and laughed a ton. She always had Kleenex for me when the waterworks started (which was regularly!). In a word, Peggy was my mentor.

I didn’t ask her to mentor me. I don’t know if she even thought about our relationship in that way originally. But her way of doing life was so helpful for me to witness and her friendship was such a gift that God used Peggy to shape me ever so slowly. Our friendship allowed her to speak of hard things to me; to point me to the Truth in a way that I could both hear and receive.

Proverbs 27:9 says Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

A mentor can be that kind of friend in your life. A friend who hears your heart and points you to Jesus. A friend who counsels you with wisdom and grace as well as humor. Learning to listen to words like these is a part of living in tandem. Webster defines tandem as “a group of two people or things that work together or are associated with each other.” Allowing yourself to be mentored by someone, whether it is in a work setting, spiritual setting or a combination, is a way of living in tandem.

I am a better human being because I have been mentored. We all have many areas to grow and change in life; I’ve had the privilege of several mentors speaking into my life through different seasons. I believe mentoring is helpful, fun and, dare I say, vital, for each of us.

The other side of mentoring is becoming a mentor. But more on that aspect of living in tandem in a future post!

How do you find a mentor? What do you and a mentor do? Should it be formal or casual? Is this a commitment for life? (You might say Yikes!) Sure there are lots of questions but there are just as many answers because there isn’t just one way of having/being a mentor. I’d love to hear some of your questions/concerns about mentoring. Or maybe you have a story to share that can encourage another woman? Please chime in!

Write 31 Days Writing Challenge Day 1

October 1, 2015 By Lisa Lewis

What a challenge to Write 31 Days! A blog post a day for the 31 consecutive days of October. Every.single.day. Yikes! I’m not doing this alone either. There are over 1,000 writers tapping away daily for the next 31 days on many different topics. Nine different theme categories for writers to share their passion for words. My writing category is Inspiration & Faith. The eight other categories allow writers lots of creative space. Please take some time this month to connect with other writers as well. I’ll share the link to where you can check them out at the end of this post.

I write a lot in my head. It’s safe there. No risk. But there’s no growth without change and no stretching without risk so I have to put my fingers to the keyboard and make it happen.

It has taken me several weeks to land on my theme. I considered what I love to talk with people about, figuring that would be an easy way to write. I thought about different ways to approach the one thing I can’t help but do when I’m talking: encouraging people. I love to listen, hearing what’s going on in someone’s life; specifically their spiritual life. I’ve decided to put these two things together. Encouraging and listening. I’m going to write for 31 Days serving up encouragement to step forward in your life in 3 different ways: Getting to Know God; Soul Searching; and Serving Others. My series title? Living in Tandem.

Why that title? Well it’s a long story so I’ll tell you in pieces over the next 31 posts!! Let me start by blaming my friend and mentor Peggy because she pointed out an area of my life that was in dire need of change…my attitude toward my husband. 18 years ago she told me I needed to get on the back of a tandem bike and learn to work out some attitude issues. I thought she was kidding but she persisted. Colin & I borrowed their tandem and rode it around their neighborhood. I was petrified! I couldn’t steer, I couldn’t brake or control the speed! Colin was completely responsible for our very lives!!! My need for control, fears and lack of trust were activated 100% during that short turn around a couple of blocks. Colin had a great time. I mean GREAT TIME!! When we got back to their driveway my heart was nearly jumping out of my throat and he had the giant little kid grin. He loved it and I was petrified. That spoke volumes.

As much as I hated to admit I had such big issues to deal with, I had to agree with Peggy. I needed to work through some big things and the tandem bike was obviously a ‘fun for Colin’ option. We went tandem shopping that day, but it wasn’t until several weeks later, Father’s Day of 1997, that we got our first tandem bicycle. It has become a significant tool God has used to grow & change me and, dare I say, shape me? Learning to live in tandem in all areas of my life has been (and continues to be) a journey of many miles. Over the miles I’ve come to realize this metaphor isn’t simply about marriage. I promise I won’t overwork the metaphor on a daily basis but I am really excited to share what I’ve learned along the Way. Most of all I’m excited to show you how these big ideas are for you too, even if you never get on the back of a literal tandem bicycle!

Obviously I would love to have you not only read my blog series but comment on what you read; letting me and others know how these words have encouraged you. Or maybe how you take issue with what I’ve said. Or perhaps you’ll have feedback on my writing style. I’m not the authority; I’m simply a fellow pilgrim moving through this life hoping to make positive impact on those I encounter. Your feedback will be so helpful!

Will you join me on this ride?

Come back here to get caught up if you miss a post. I’ll be using this as my landing page so each post will have a link to it’s page here and I’ll add it daily. And here’s the link to the main page for Write 31 Days writing challenge where you can find other amazing writers sharing their various passions.

Day 2 Living in Tandem with Others

Day 3 Living in Tandem Requires Movement

Day 4 A Very Special Day

Day 5 A Good Road to Ride

Day 6 When a Soul Needs Quiet

Day 7 When Relationships Hit a Rough Patch

Day 8 The Push & Pull of Being a Control Freak

Day 9 Friday Funday!!

Day 10 What is Enough?

Day 11 The Basic Elements of Living in Tandem

Day 12 Who’s in Charge Here?

Day 13 What’s Your Why?