Learning Along The Way

Do or Be? That is the Quest

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Do. Be.  An apparent contrast in terms; but is it?

 

I have spent a majority of life in the doing arena.  Get good grades.  Do your best.

Striving for approval, recognition, acceptance.  Our culture places value on achievement.  We are trained up to fit in, act right, look a certain way, have an acceptable spouse with an acceptable career; live in a particular place, drive acceptable cars.  The list goes on.

 

None of these things or goals are necessarily bad unless the motive behind the goal is bad.  Bad motives?  What would those be?  The interpretation of motives depends on your worldview.  By what measuring stick do you compare yourself?

 

With the measuring stick of the world, the list above will be evaluated by what is the biggest and best.  Who determines what is best?  Your peers?  The advertising agencies?  The opinions of your family and friends?  The measuring stick fluctuates with the popular influence of culture.  When have you arrived?  When can you simply relax and enjoy life?  How much is enough?

 

What if you wanted to change the stick, which measures you?

 

Unfortunately many who choose to walk along the Way as a Christ follower bring with them the measuring stick of the world and apply it to how they’re doing as a Christian.  Suddenly without recognizing it, the life of faith takes on the life of the works focused world and relationship with God is sacrificed on the altar of performance: serving on committees, teaching Sunday school, leading a small group, helping with AWANA.  Again, none of these activities is bad unless the motive for doing them is.

 

What if there is a different way?  A way of living simply; a way of enjoying just being without striving for…whatever?  Do or Be. Now that is the Quest.

 

There is a different Way.

 

Slow down.  Get off the merry go round.  Spend time alone with the Lord, in silence.  Write in a journal.  Sit still outdoors.

Listen to the birds.  Focus on one sight or sound.

 

Be still and know…

 

After the Fact

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Mother’s Day has been hard for me.  My mother passed away five years ago this June 26.  But Mother’s Day was hard before she was gone.

 

On her deathbed she blessed my sons, she thanked my husband for his parenting and love.  She spent time alone with my dad and with my brother. And for me?  Not a word. An angry glare in silence.  A glare I had seen many times in my life.  I met that look with the same little girl hopefulness: “ I love you Mom.”  On her deathbed, she turned her face away from me and muttered, “I love you too”.

 

What would possess a mother to reject her child time and again all the way to the end?

 

A lifetime of hurts.  A lifetime of longing for affection and acceptance.  A heart that yearned for simple gentleness that was not given.  That was her legacy to me.

 

In these years of healing since her passing, I have learned I have much for which to thank my mother.

 

She taught me to be introspective.

 

She taught me to be resilient.

 

She modeled a strong exterior and how to be a hard-working woman.

 

She showed me how to suck it up when life was tough.

 

She also taught me what kind of mother I wanted to be.

 

Since her passing I have leaned hard upon the Lord as I learned to trust Him rather than seek my mother’s approval.  In place of performance I receive grace.  I am accepted, as is, no performance necessary.   These are Truths that I have Known in my head but now Know and Experience in my heart as well.

 

I didn’t realize how desperately I was seeking after the wrong acceptance, conditional acceptance.  All the while God was patiently waiting to remind me that He already accepted me and took care of the needed performance on the Cross of Christ.  I’m forgiven and accepted because Jesus was rejected and condemned.  What an exchange!

 

Now that Mother’s Day is past these reflections may seem a little after the fact, but even today I recognized again how deep these wounds go and how God’s love is deeper still.  My prayer is all will come to know how deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure.

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