Learning Along The Way

A Letter to My 25 year-old Self

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I spent time with a young friend online the other day, listening to her words and hearing her heart: the things that are bringing her joy and those that weigh her down. Singleness is filled with so many possibilities, life directions, places to live, all of it. I remember well that season of life. When I look back to my own single life, I don’t do so longingly; it’s more with the eyes of ‘if only’.

Since ‘if only’ and ‘what if?’ are not helpful in taking action in life, I’m learning to let the ‘if only’ statements go, to lean in to ‘what is’ and the results of choices of that season. No one has perfect knowledge except God alone, so we begin taking steps of faith, trusting He will do what only He can do, causing it all to work together for good, for those who love Him, and He has called according to His good purposes.

I think what I’d want to say to my 25-year-old, single self if I could write a letter with three decades of life lived; looking over the path I’ve traveled.

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(photo: green chameleon via unsplash)

Oh, sweet woman, 

You are good and beautiful in the eyes of the only one who really matters. Don’t let the imperfect image of God that you see in M be the way you see God. Jesus doesn’t judge you. Remember the Woman at the Well? Or the Woman caught in adultery? No judgment.

Jesus doesn’t compare the condition of your physical body to any others He has created. You are uniquely beautiful as you are. He’s given you gifts and talents in a combination that no one else in His creation has ever had, nor ever will. Let that rest on you sweet girl. 

Get close to Him. He alone will sustain you in the years to come. No man will be able to hold your heart, heal your broken places or fulfill your little girl dreams. Only Jesus. He is enough. In fact, they need to learn to lean in with Jesus themselves. However, that my dear is not your job. Let God be God. Remember what Jesus said to Peter when he asked about John? “What’s that to you? You follow Me.” Stop being impetuous like Peter and grow in your faith as Peter did. 

Get outside regularly in His creation. You know you’ve always loved the beach; He put that appreciation in your heart. Not all His girls care about nature the way you do. Don’t lose sight of how you are filled up with awareness of God when you walk in the mountains or by the sea or through your garden. He is with you, present to your thoughts and longings and caring for you deeply. Look to Jesus.

Walking with Jesus doesn’t make the pain go away or magically keep bad things from happening. In fact, He told us to remember we will have hard things in this world. But the good news? He has overcome all the bad things and has the power to help us through them. One.Step.At.A.Time.

You’ll need to remember that dear one. There will be a lot of unknowns coming your way. Your marriage will fall apart. M will leave you with your unborn son. Your theology will be faulty but Jesus doesn’t falter. He will walk beside you as you continue to take feeble steps toward Him. Keep walking. There are no unknowns to God. He’ll give you just enough Light for the next step. You and your baby will be ok. You’ll be loved by some amazing emissaries of His love. 

Let go of the expectations of others that keep you from looking honestly and humbly at who you are. Those expectations keep you from accepting how you’re made. You are here for purposes much bigger than the small potatoes that some people want you to believe. Let go of the lies that you’ve been told that you are not enough. Or the lies that you are too big or ask too much of people. You are enough in Him. Let it be.

Remember two things: Love God and Love Others. That’s it.

Oh, how I wish I had had all this wisdom at the ripe old age of 25. This is why I am passionate about being available to speak into young women’s lives. Not because I have all the answers. No. But I know the One who does. I am confident in His love for each one of us. Just as we are. In the messy middle of our journey toward the Father heart of God. Click To Tweet

Do you have someone speaking into your life? Are you willing to be honest and risk the vulnerability that sharing your heart brings? Don’t miss the opportunity of sharing your story and hearing another’s story. You might just see how your two stories fit into God’s big story together.

Common Threads in this Grand Adventure

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A house was being built in my backyard. To my 5 year old way of seeing, it was giant. A real door with two real windows faced front; a real shingled roof, four wood sided walls and two more windows enclosed the house. But the best part? An entire wall with a green chalkboard for me to play school.
My dad’s dad built this for me. Me. He used all reclaimed materials from other torn down construction. It even had a beautiful hardwood floor. Grandfather loved to make things and he made them with excellence. I still remember walking into the finished playhouse as the grown ups called it. At 5 the height of the ceiling was so far away I felt the immensity of the single room. The strong smell of fresh paint and resurfaced floor boards was somehow comforting. But gazing at the wall of chalkboard was what inspired awe. The brand new white chalk lying in the tray beckoned me. All the ideas of what I could do seemed to wash over me all at once.
I grabbed hold of my Grandfather around his knees and hugged him so hard he swayed a little from the force. I told him thank you and then ran in the house, into my bedroom. I imagine my Grandfather and Dad were standing there bewildered but it made sense when a moment later I came running back out with an armful of stuffed animals.
Grandfather opened the playhouse door, held it wide and said, “School is in session!”

How did he know?

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(an Easter photo circa 1961)

I spent hours teaching my students their ABCs and singing songs to them; acting out what I had learned in Kindergarten each day. I used that chalkboard to write my letters, ever so slowly, so my students could see how they were made; writing numbers the same, slow way; turning to ask if they could see alright. I was sharing what I was learning along the way.

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(chalkboards + me = magnetic attraction; 1962)

So much can be said of the sweet knowing of the man who was my Grandfather. I’ll save that for another time.

It’s fun to reflect on this wonderful memory and to see the common thread that has run through my life these 53 years later. I have consistently loved learning. I have consistently loved sharing what I’ve learned (not always appreciated or graciously delivered; but I digress) Best of all, I have my grandparents’ chalkboard hanging in our tiny house.

We all have threads woven into the fabric of our being; evidence of our unique make up. Sometimes we lose sight of those threads that have been a part of us since our personality started to show itself. When we lose sight of the common threads that make us who we are, we can often lose our way.

Is that you today? Have you lost a sense of who you are? What makes you, You?

Life can be so full of doing for others that we get distracted from the threads that are life giving to us. I want to be clear; I don’t think this life is all about figuring out what we each need and want. But I do think our journey here is for a purpose. Gaining a sense of that purpose can be found in the common threads woven through our lives.

How can you gain that sense of purpose, a sense of self, if you don’t know where you lost it?

Great question! You go adventuring! Exploring! Excavating!

In the coming few days I’m going to share a new resource that can help you in this adventure of re-discovery and connection.

You don’t want to miss out!  If you haven’t already subscribed to my blog, please do that now so you’ll stay in the know for the next step in this Grand Adventure!

Opportunities to Connect

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I was privileged to participate in an amazing life-focusing experience recently.  I participated in a group that read and discussed the book you see pictured above.  This is my copy of this marvelous book by Kim Avery titled, Uniquely You:Discover Your Life Purpose.  Notice the cover is bent and worn.  Proof that I’ve opened it more than once!

I’ll tell you what, this book has been a fantastic, easy to read, and transformational tool that God has used in my life. No exaggeration.  I would love all my friends and their friends and their friends’ friends to be able to read and interact with other women about this book. It’s that good. Really. That good.

Listen to these questions Kim asks:

  • Do you feel overworked, overwhelmed and unfulfilled?
  • Do you ever wonder if you are missing out on God’s best?
  • Do you know and live out the purpose God has for YOU?

I asked Kim if I could offer a book group using Uniquely You.  She said Yes!  I’m so excited to be able to offer YOU a group!  There are a couple of different opportunities to connect.  I am offering two group options during the month of May:

Each group will meet all 5 Fridays for one hour either

  • 1) in the mid-morning at my office, or
  • 2) at noon PST on the phone through my bridge line (you can be anywhere!)

This book is easily read and discussed in a small group of about 5.  It will take you a personal time commitment of 10 minutes a day each week.  The book is written to be read in a 4 week format.  I want to offer the discussion group for 5 weeks to give enough discussion and processing time.  At the end of the book, you will have the option of a personal coaching session with me to allow you time for “What’s Next” after all you learn about yourself during our group time and through your individual reading times.

Interested?  Want to know particulars?

Leave a comment below; email me through my website; message me on Facebook; direct message me through Twitter, or simply call me!

You need to act quickly because of both limits of space (5 in a group) and time (to order the books!)

Depending on the number of women interested, I am considering offering the group again during the summer.  If your schedule prevents you from participating in either of these two times in May let me know.

Perspectives

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I looked out the hotel window this morning to see this view. The mountains are magnificent. Yes down in the foreground are brown trees, railroad tracks, interstate 15 and a parking lot.

But just look at the mountains! Where I live we have mountains. But they’re not this tall nor covered in snow!

Seeing all the distractions in the foreground could definitely distract from the resplendent beauty; if you let it.

This picture is rather like life isn’t it? All the laundry, dishes, chores, work outside of the home, can easily distract us from the resplendent beauty of the relationships around us. We are wearied by all the doing and going. We miss the chance to sit with our friend, or child or spouse and simply BE together.

When I saw this vista these words came to mind:

I hope you will “look to the mountains and know where your help comes from”

I’m praying for you this week!

Sharpen Your Focus

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“If any of you lacks wisdom let him ask of God…”

“Lord I need clarity.  I’m not sure where I need to focus my writing.”

You might be surprised what an honest prayer for wisdom brings.

Had coffee this morning with the small group of women whom I meet with monthly. We don’t get together to just have coffee and talk about anything and everything; our focus is to encourage each another in our writing and speaking endeavors.  Each month a different woman is the focus of our time together; we listen, give specific feedback, challenge and/or encourage as needed.  We’ve each benefited in various ways through the six or seven times we’ve met and one of those benefits for me has been the honesty.

I came today and simply stated my need for clarity and focus.  Because it is a serious matter for me my emotions are right on the surface, so I teared up in sharing my need.  (I actually do that a lot; anyone who spends more than 30 minutes with me can attest to that! I am very empathetic, but I digress)

What I received was not a chorus of “oh but you are…” or “that must feel awful…” Instead I was asked good open-ended questions that helped me articulate my thoughts.  I received very specific ideas for my writing topics and specific feedback /encouragement for moving forward.

And now I am armed and encouraged to take the next step!

This, my friends is exactly what a focus group can do for you.  Your focus group might be for parenting.  Or organizing your home.  Or exercise.  Or the education of your children.  But having a small community where you can sharpen your focus, where you can be honest and you are heard and cared for, is essential for personal growth and change.

Want to know more?  Invite me for coffee!

Of Fountains and Questions

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This fountain is lovely, in a lovely setting, surrounded by flowers and grasses. 

It looks great. 

But something is wrong.  Do you know what it is?

The water is stagnant.  See it in the bottom?  Greenish- brown and gross.

The fountain is off so the water isn’t moving.  The fountain looks good from far away but it’s not serving it’s real purpose: moving water and making a lovely noise.

I wonder if you’re feeling a little like this fountain?

Do you feel disconnected from the Source?  Not sure you’re doing what you’re supposed to be here for?  Do you desire to bring beauty to your environment and make a lovely noise but aren’t there yet?

Those are questions whose answers can be changed. 

We’re here for a purpose bigger than ourselves.  Figuring out what that purpose is can be the joy and mystery of life.

For this fountain to go from gross to lovely takes getting connected to the Source.

Is that what you need too?  That’s what I’m here for: not to preach, but to help process. 

Let’s connect…

To Teach is to Touch a Life Forever

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Some of you who have known me for awhile already are familiar with my history. But for those who don’t, I have spent more than half my life teaching. I have worked with children, youth and adults in a variety of settings from traditional classrooms to garages to auditoriums. I love to teach!

What I have discovered in working with my coach Kathy is that my passion is really to give the tools to learn so that my students, regardless of age, can continue the learning process on their own. Giving away a passion for learning and growing is not an easy task. But if only one student was inspired in each year’s work, it would have been worth it to me.

The funny thing is, although I am no longer a classroom teacher, I find myself still teaching! I guess it is because I am an eager learning and I want to share whatever new things I have come across. When I am enthusiastic about something it is nearly impossible for me to keep my enthusiasm to myself. I’m not sure if that is bad; you’d have to ask my family what it is like living with me: “Hey you guys! Guess what I just read?!”

Your passion may not be for learning and teaching what you learn. You do have passion about something though. You may be busy today with small children and can’t think much past their daily schedule of needs, or you may be going into a season of change and you don’t know what is ahead. Either way, somewhere inside you is some element of creative passion. I know that is true because each of us is created in the image of God and He is the source of creativity and passion!

I really encourage you to carve out some time to sit in solitude asking your Maker what your passion is if you are disconnected from the awareness of how you are wired. He knows the plans He has for you…

Some of you are really living out your passions right now and you inspire me! I really believe we are intended to share our gifts and talents with one another for both blessing and challenge. How do we get started though? What can you do today to take a step toward living out your passion? I would love to talk with you about what I have been learning (there I go again!) that can help you get the tools you need to learn about your passion.

Follow Me…

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