Learning Along The Way

Why Should Living in Tandem Matter to You?

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It’s Day 30 of the #write31days challenge. I’ve tried to express the benefits I’ve experienced from learning to live in tandem in relationship with God, my husband and others. I imagine there’s at least one of you who has looked at the theme and thought Why does this matter to me?  I don’t ride a tandem bicycle. I don’t even have a husband.

Why should Living in Tandem matter to you?

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I now realize the most powerful action we can take after responding to God’s invitation to become part of His family, is learning to take the back seat in relation to God. The Biblical term is submission.

God the Father had an amazing plan to redeem the whole world. That plan would only work if the Son would actively participate. Being fully God, Jesus the Son took on the humble form of a human baby. He who had been worshiped by angels became a helpless infant born into the poorest circumstances; a feed trough for animals. Part of this amazing plan, Jesus the Son showed us the Father. Through His life and choices He also showed us how to submit His will to God’s will.  In the ultimate act of submission, Jesus expressed His opinion, His desire several times. But God the Son said not My will but Yours be done as the Son submitted His will to the Father’s will.

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Submission isn’t easy. Jesus showed us that. It requires a sacrifice. We give up our right to our own way to choose to follow Jesus on the Way. Submission brings about a depth in relationship with God the Father that demonstrates respect, love, trust and obedience to His plan for your life.

And in God’s amazing economy He blesses your sacrifices with His Presence, His peace, His love, His power to accomplish the hard things you face.

Like forgiving those who have wounded you.

The way up is the way down. A paradox of submission.

Living in Tandem matters for each one of us. It is simply a metaphor for what God’s Word teaches us.

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Living in Tandem teaches us that the hurried life, the too full calendar, the distracting ourselves to death, do not fill the need, the emptiness that is in the center of our lives. Only God can fill our need. And He doesn’t force Himself in; we need to make the choice to take the back seat and learn from Him.

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Living in Tandem means learning to listen to the One who is in the front seat; the One who knows where you’re headed, knows how to navigate the bumps and hills, knows when to push harder and when to rest. Living in Tandem means you follow and share and do your very important part. But you don’t do more than is yours to do either.

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I want so much to express how different I am than 18 years ago! I want to share this freedom from the lies of do more, be less. That’s how the enemy twists submission.

Grace tells us we are enough. Satan tells us we’ll never be good enough.

In the words of Bob Dylan…You gotta serve somebody…

I pray you’ll choose to get on the Tandem with God.

What’s Your Why?

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Some of the things I spend my time doing daily are have to’s and some are want to’s.  I imagine that is true for you as well.  Figuring out the difference between the have to’s and want to’s as I go through my day can be helpful, but a lot of the time I find myself asking “why am I doing this activity?”

Knowing my Why makes all the difference.  Not just in the short term to help me stay motivated but in the long term to help me FOCUS.

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When I began to learn about how I could be a better wife I discovered the learning wasn’t just for being a wife. I was learning how to be a better person. A better Christ follower.

And learning how to follow Christ is the exact place that the enemy of our souls wants to trip us up. I believe that’s in large part why God’s construct for submission has been so criticized and degraded. Yes, I know and agree there have been MANY abuses of submission. Lots of people have used the concept to control rather than to love & shepherd well.  There has been MUCH hurt: physical, emotional & spiritual, because of the misuse and misunderstanding of Biblical submission.  But God…

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His plan is good. His Word is for our good. People misunderstand, take portions out of context, stripping the Word away from the full counsel of God, and have made submission like profanity.

And it is not!

Now mind you I’ve had years of wrestling with the way I’ve thought about submission because of the cultural era in which I grew from child to woman; as a result of all the mixed and mistaken messages I have gone to God’s Word again and again to look at the good that has come from His headship and the woes that have happened by going my own way.  I’ve asked myself many times why is submission important, and what does the Bible say about it really?

If you are  familiar with Scripture you may think the place to go to get a good understanding about submission is in the Apostle Paul’s letter to Ephesians. It’s the most quoted and taken out of proper context verse on the topic. But that’s not the place I want to begin.  That abused verse isn’t going to help answer the Why.

Instead let’s take a look at Jesus the Son. In the Garden of Gethsemane. In anguish over what was coming, He went to beg His Father for a different Way, a different outcome. He prayed 3 times. And He said this: “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”

“not as I will, but as you will”

This is submission.

Having a conversation with God, expressing His concerns, desires, fears and trusting that the Father’s will for Jesus was better than the Son’s desires for Himself in Christ’s full humanity; that was His Why. And being fully God He had full knowledge of the bigger Why; the redemption of all humanity by His sinless death on the gruesome cross.

In having my own conversation with God, expressing my concerns, desires, fears and trusting that God’s will for me is better than my desires for myself; that’s the Why.

Husbands are called to submit to wives, wives to husbands and all of us to authorities. And we all are to submit to/surrender to/follow Christ.

We have a voice. We have rights. Jesus had both. But God in those circumstances had a different plan with Jesus’s submission. A much bigger plan with hard, horrible circumstances.

I don’t want to gloss over the pain of both the Father and the Son at the crucifixion and run quickly to the outcome on the 3rd Day. It is terribly disrespectful to what Christ endured for each of us to simply say there’s our model. We are not little Jesus’s nor are most called to literally sacrifice life for the good of mankind, but the pain and struggle of submitting one’s will is my FOCUS today.

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Learning biblical truth is not like studying for a test. To have success, you have to train — you have to practice for success. It doesn’t happen in a 10 week Bible study.  Learning is demonstrated by the effect on a life. Following is like submitting. You are not in charge. The Captain is.

And Living in Tandem is a life long journey.

Who’s in Charge Here?

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Who’s in Charge Here?

On the second day of this #write31days series I shared how beneficial being mentored had been for me. Having a mentor speak into my life was literally transformational.  I am not the same woman I used to be thanks to the Lord intervening through Peggy’s willingness to speak the Truth in love.

Because of our friendship Peggy earned the right to give me earnest counsel. She saw up close where my heart was turning bitter and gently pointed it out.  She helped me consider another way of being and thinking as a wife that I had not seen in my family of origin.  We talked about the “S” word and I learned that Biblical submission is not about holding down a woman’s will and making her a doormat to step on.  There would be no demeaning of my humanity as it is perceived in the world view of submission.

I was on my second marriage at this point and things weren’t going so well. In fact, this second marriage was starting to have elements of my first marriage. Had I made another tragic mistake? Or could it be the issue was in the common denominator in these two marriages? Oh wait! That would be me!  Peggy spoke into my life a very hard truth: I had to stop looking back at the marriage that didn’t last, seek healing and learn to live & grow in the marriage I was in. I was no longer the other guy’s wife and so for this young second marriage to be healthy I would need to do some changing. Hmmm.

Peggy shared a different picture of submission this way: imagine you are standing in the pouring rain without an umbrella. Along comes your husband with an umbrella and invites you to stand under it. You don’t have to but you choose to.  The rain represents the full weight of responsibility of life. The umbrella represents a covering that the husband provides; a way of doing life together.  Yes you can have your own umbrella and be independent but when you share an umbrella you can learn to walk together more closely.  Sometimes it’s awkward and adjusting has to happen. But as the umbrella covers us from the rain, so learning to come under the headship God provides is the covering of submission.

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Peggy’s umbrella picture stuck with me. I began asking God to show me how I could love my husband, how I could love God better through practicing acts of submission.  What would I gain? What would I lose? Those were questions I began to wrestle with in prayer before God.

It’s a big idea, submission. It’s a perfect concept that has been misused and misunderstood for millennia. I can’t unpack all that I have learned in one sitting.  But I want to share with you the beauty and freedom that comes when Biblical submission is lived out.  I’m not in charge. God is. He’s really the One sitting in the front seat on the tandem of my life.

I know this topic stirs up lots of thoughts…share them in the comments and let’s open the discussion okay?

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