This weekend sitting out in creation at our campsite listening to birds and the far off voices of people playing volleyball was a new venue for me to write.

It was a first time.

This was a big first for me; family campout with no kids.  It’s weird to think this is what life is going to be like not all that long from now.  Weird.

Our eldest is now joyfully married to a beautiful woman and they live out of state.  14 hours away.  Our youngest is a senior in high school and looking at schools across the country. 3000 miles away.  Is it something I said?  Naw, I’d like to think it was something we did: raised them to be independent thinking men!  However the end result doesn’t keep me from looking back…

Why is it that we don’t appreciate what we have and long for what we don’t have?  What is it in our nature that keeps us from being grateful or content?

I tried so many times to convince myself to be okay with the changing seasons; no more nursing babies, no more toddlers, kids in school and not at home, no more driving the Mom taxi because they have their licenses, no more family laundry; well maybe I won’t miss that one!

Not sure why each change has brought sadness, but it has.  I am happy to see the new stage for my sons, proud of the growth and accomplishments that come with each new stage, but the leaving behind is what seemed to be the issue for me every time.

I know I’m not the only mom who misses the little faces that now sport whiskers; although the whiskered faces are so handsome and manly and the way things “should be”.  Some women can’t wait to get the kids grown and out of the house so they can have their time back: time with their husband and time for themselves.  But that’s not me.

This mom wrote a great post last year that grabbed my heart: finding joy

I also know that I am not the first person to keep looking back at what was; Scripture is full of stories of people who looked back instead of being okay in the present.  

I can think of some pretty significant ones: Lot’s wife who couldn’t leave Sodom and Gomorrah without longing for her home & life there; the Israelites at the shore of the Red Sea; that same group complaining out in the desert wanting to return to the slavery of Egypt instead of moving forward into the Promised Land.  In the face of pretty big things God did or promised to do, people have wanted to return to what they knew instead of looking forward and trusting God for what was yet to be.

What about today?  Can I look ahead with trust to the unknown of what lies ahead?  Is it possible to be okay with not knowing if this is the last time?