Learning Along The Way

Being Selfish Doesn’t Work

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There have been dark times for me in the past 9 years. Loss and the accompanying grief were not easy companions. Their presence was disorienting.

As a result, I’ve been stuck in the slough of despond.

 

Being stuck is a place that a coach can speak into a client’s life. Listening to the favorites, the desires and perhaps forgotten dreams all make for excellent material to construct action steps; steps forward away from being stuck.

Now in the messy middle of sorting through what is important to carry forward and what is not, I’ve learned some things about myself that shine light on the dark places.

SO what I am learning along the Way is that being selfish doesn’t work.

I’ve selfishly hidden in pain; hidden from others who would be generous with encouragement if they only knew. That’s the dark side of me.

On the Light side I’ve been wired for change. I’m a learner and activator with a large dose of restorative, with empathy and relator thrown in. I’m an ENFJ and my DISC profile is I/D. My Enneagram result is 3 =The Achiever or The Performer. I’m an inventory junky!

What difference does all of this information make in day to day life?

All these details helped me get to know how God has wired me. I’ve spent the past 9 years wrestling with the brokenness or downsides of life, looking to Him to heal the places where I’ve worked to cover the internal wounds. He has done His work. I am more fully who He has made me to be.

So now I’m writing and reading my way forward. So many great books! I’m currently looking at a classical work, John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress; a work of allegory written at a time of imprisonment for Bunyan and a much used tool of explication of the Bible.

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It’s valuable to see our story within the Greater Story. Click To Tweet

Why? Because we each have a part to play. An important part to play. When we step into the yoke with Jesus and He bears the weight, we step forward and lean in to keep in step with Him. Our part is to follow along the furrows He chooses for us to plow; the relationships He brings our way, the lives He desires us to impact for Kingdom building, simply by being who we are: God’s man or woman in the circumstances where we currently find ourselves.

Being present to our life circumstances and not looking to the sides of the furrows or off at the green grass not quite in our reach is part of our great work. It is a simple life. We’re the ones who over complicate things.

God has given us Himself, His Spirit and power to live out this life which He has provided. He loves us with a never ending love, He forgives us time and again as we gaze longingly at other things instead of fixing our gaze upon the Only One Who loves us perfectly.

Important Reminders.

Whatever is true, whatever is noble,whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

He sings over us.

He is our shield and defender.

He is our provider and protector. 

I speak Truth to myself to bring my gaze back to Center; back to the One Who loves me best.

Loss was my experience. I recognize each of us experience hard companions differently. When I bear witness to another’s loss now, I am quick to empathize where before I knew none.

What about you? How have you gotten back on track after being disoriented? You might speak light into someone’s dark place by sharing what God has brought you through.

Being selfish doesn’t work.

I’d love to hear what you’ve learned!

Learning to Ask for Help

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Is it easy for you? To ask for help I mean.

It’s not easy for me.

I was brought up with the mindset that you take care of yourself.  It’s great to help others but not great to need help.

Sayings like

“God helps those who help themselves.”

(Not in the Bible. Therefore, not Biblical.)

Or the American West adage: “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps”  were often repeated by adults in my hearing.

ME Calendar SayingSometimes it’s good for me to remember not all sayings are valuable all the time. (although this ME illustration might always be helpful!)

An early memory of what to expect when I was needy: sometime between the ages of 4 and 7 I fell down and skinned both my knees really badly.  My mom was busy dealing with my younger brother (who was 4 years younger than me) and she told me that the Bactine and Band aids were in the bathroom.  I remember thinking two things: I was supposed to take care of stuff myself and my mom liked my brother better. (irrational thinking but an imprint nonetheless)

So each time I have needed the help of others in my life (which have been many) I have to battle the internal dialog telling me the wrong things about the fact that I need help.

Anybody else?  Raise your hand! (Or let me know in the comments.)

Truth is we all need help. And asking others to help invites real connection. If I’m honest with what I am dealing with, my honesty gives you permission to be honest with others, too. That’s a good thing.

So here goes: I need your help.  I actually really want your help.  I’m not just saying this.

I have been working on three different writing projects for awhile now and have come to the place where I want to step forward to complete one.  What a novel concept! Finish what you start? Who would have thought that has value? (heavy sarcasm here)

Here are the 3 projects: a memoir using sea glass as the metaphor; a devotional using gardening as the metaphor; a Bible study of Romans 12.

I want to know what you would like to read. I need to hear from you.

I plan to integrate my blog posts as part of my focus on one writing project.  Your help in getting me to focus will be greatly appreciated.

Here’s how you can help specifically:

1. Take this private survey to help me know what you like to read.  No one but me will see the answers and the results come to me anonymously.

2. Write a comment at the end of this post. Tell me which idea you like best: sea glass; gardening or Bible study.  Again, if you tell me please don’t publish your comment I won’t.

3. Connect with me through email lisa@learningalongtheway.com

4. Leave a comment on the facebook page.

I am thankful for each one of you who read this blog. No matter where you live. Thank you.

I am learning to ask for help. Won’t you take a few minutes?

 

 

30 Days of Giving #18: Write

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Gloucester Cathedral doorThe new and old are coming together in me.  It’s not been easy letting go…

I ran the risk of losing something that held value. Like forgetting the person who gave me what I’ve held since childhood; a trinket that has no value other than the memory.

Leaving a place that is full of the memories of life; roads driven, paths walked, beaches strolled.

Tank Farm Road July

 

Islay Park Bridge

 

Avila inletLeaving is hard.  It’s important to acknowledge the pain of loss, the difficulty of change.

But don’t stop there. That’s called being stuck.  Or if knowing change is hard keeps us from making changes, that is fear.  Fear of the unknown can keep us from growing.  From fully living the one life we’ve been given.

In facing the hard and chipping away at it a little at a time the process of change can be manageable.  Loss is still painful.  Change is still hard but little by little, bite-size even, changes can be handled.

In the big move there were 1000 decisions at least.  I didn’t count them but I know there were hundreds for sure!  What to keep. What to give. What to sell. What to donate. What to store.

Books were hardest for me.  Some valuable for their age and condition. Some valuable for the laughter they brought. Some valuable for the markings made in the reading.  We have 6 boxes of books left.  I have unpacked one.  My journals.

My life on paper from the ripe old age of 13 to present day.  I don’t read through them on a regular basis. I don’t need to. I know what season of life each journal cover holds close.  I glance at the cover and remember. Ah yes. High School.  Another? Early motherhood.  Yet another?  A book of deep grief.

Collections of quotes, song lyrics, poems read and copied, poems written by hand and heart. Prayers cried through. Praise recorded. Deep wounds brought to Light for healing.

The old and new coming together in me.

I write.  The following is from a class I am taking currently:

I write because I have this sense of responsibility. 

I write because I was given stories by elders who are now gone; there are those behind me who see faces in scrapbooks but those lives are meaningless without the stories.

I write because I was given the oral traditions of our family and must pass them on to the next generations whether they stop to read them or not

I write because I hold my hand back into the past to hold its hand while reaching forward into the future to grasp its hand; as if I am the connecting conduit from past to future.

I write because I have a burning passion to allow the telling of the dark parts their freedom from hiding that they can be revealed and healed in the Light

I write because there is a holy nudge gently prodding the stories, the words, the phrases out of my head through my heart

I write because I need to

I write because it helps me to think aloud onto paper

I write to process

I write to be free

I write to record my personal Old Testament; to record the faithfulness of God at work in my life and my family’s lives.

my current journalMy current journal’s cover. It will remind me of this year of The Big Move. No one may ever care to read what’s held close by this cover but I must write.

I’m a writer. It’s how I process life and am able to offer myself to others.

What are your thoughts about writing?

 

 

 

Lessons Learned

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I am really enjoying reading other writers’ work.  Blogs, books, ebooks, even tweets! I have had a steady diet of dead people’s writing for many years and they continue to influence my thoughts but lately I am really energized by current work.

For example, Jeff Goins.  I first learned of Jeff’s work through Michael Hyatt (another writer I am influenced by).  I read a couple of Jeff’s posts and subscribed to his blog via email.  That’s a great way to stay connected with writers you enjoy (you can subscribe to my blog that way too! hint, hint)

Since I just wrote about Journeys, I was excited to read Jeff’s email; he posted about journeys that day as well.  And I wasn’t disappointed!

He does this so well I want you to benefit from his work.  The following is excerpted from Jeff Goins’ email to his subscribers on Monday, Sept.30

10 lessons we learn from journeys

Journeys are important — both physical ones as well as figurative ones. They help remind us that we are not done yet, that life itself is a trip that we can make the most of or completely miss the point.

So here are 10 brief lessons I learned from my trip. Maybe they’ll help you on whatever journey you’re taking:

  1. No journey is perfect. Take one, anyway. You will grow regardless.
  2. The destination is never quite what we expect. But without one, we wander aimlessly. So having a final arrival point is important if for no other reason than it gets you started.
  3. Only when we let go of what we think we deserve can we really enjoy what we have.
  4. Inspiration is everywhere. You just need eyes to see it. Yes, even in cornfields.
  5. The hard part isn’t getting from point A to B. It’s paying attention to what’s around you before you miss it.
  6. A journey is less meaningful when traveled alone. We need community to make the most of all experiences, even if that means finding it along the way.
  7. Art helps us process. A good book or great record not only helps pass the time; it gives language to an experience you might otherwise not be able to describe.
  8. Gratitude makes any experience better. It’s easy to want to be home or some place else but we have no control over that. Turns out all we can control is our attitude. So why not be thankful?
  9. The best journeys have a purpose. But expect to be surprised and even see that purpose change.
  10. If you accomplish nothing, see nothing, even feel nothing, take heart. Whether you realize it or not, you’ve changed. And this is reason enough to continue traveling.  Also you can click over to his site and subscribe to his blog.

I am doing my own reflecting on our journeys of this summer and fall (as the season has now changed).

What about you?  How are Jeff’s lessons similar to your experiences?  How are they different?

Why Lent?

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I have a confession: I am undisciplined.

I look at DIY blogs and Pinterest, and Facebook and tell myself not so nice things about how I take care of our home, or time, or…

I have no shortage of ideas of what to do or how to do them!

What I lack is discipline. Follow through. Commitment. Perseverance.

Truth be told, some of those words make me cringe, like a bright light being shone into dark places, revealing what was hidden.

Why Lent?

For this very purpose: confessing what is out of whack and doing something about it.

For nearly two millennia Christ followers have been emulating what Christ must have gone through in the 40 days in the wilderness during the period of time prior to the celebration of the Resurrection.

The remembrance of that time period begins today.

You may not have grown up in a faith practice where the season of Lent was even considered.  You can learn more about the history and faith practices around Lent here.

But I will tell you this, slowing down, considering honestly who you are and where you are compared to who and where you’d like to be in your personal growth and spiritual formation is always valuable.

Doing something about what you see is even more valuable.

So for the season of Lent this year, I am going to be journeying publicly, here, daily writing.  Yep. Daily. Writing. Here.

Working on the discipline I lack and sharing the process.  Being in the work not just in my head.  Sharing my process as I learn along the Way.  My hope is that you benefit from my journey; that you are encouraged in your own spiritual formation practices and that you’d share some of what you’re growing through with me.

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