Learning Along The Way

What Does Being Brave Even Look Like?

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Starting the morning with my familiar things around me gives me a sense of place, routine, comfort.

How about you?

It’s a challenge to get outside my comfort zone to go someplace or do something new.

New-ness can be exciting like when an order from Amazon arrives. But new-ness that requires something from me, that can be scary. If it’s scary then the challenge comes to be brave in the face of my fears and in spite of the pit in my stomach.

That’s never easy. But I can tell you something true: I’ve never been disappointed when I’ve let go of my fears and leaned in toward Jesus.

What does that even look like?

It might be saying yes to spending the weekend with mostly strangers, far away from home, sharing hard parts of your story to show that the surpassing power of overcoming, and growing, and healing, belongs to God and not to us.

In hopes of learning the Way to let go and lean in, after the wonderfully challenging and filling weekend away, yesterday I started reading a devotional book called 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs. The subtitle says Devotions for Unlocking Your Most Courageous Self.

Doesn’t that sound promising?

Annie is sharing from her life and pointing her readers to the One who calls us forward, who gives us the strength and courage to be our authentic self in our circumstances.

Seeing other people be brave makes me want to be brave too. Annie F. Downs

Being authentic, without putting on a false “I’m okay” front, is hard. We fear what people think about us. Will they accept me? Will they reject me? Why does that matter?

It matters because God has created us with a desire for love and belonging. Anything that puts those two desires at risk is scary.

The blank page can be scary for a writer. But if this is the work I am called to do then this is the place I need to be brave. I know God wants me to tell my story so that you can be encouraged to be brave in yours, too.

What is the thing in life that scares you?

Whatever it is that is scary, God has already been there and knows how it’s all going to turn out.

I’m going to keep on this journey, learning to let go of fear and expectation and learning to lean in toward Jesus.

Want to join me on this journey of 100 Days to Brave?

I’d love the companionship!

Will You Join Me in 100 Days to Brave?

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Brave.

A short word for a big concept. I used to think that to be brave meant to never be afraid. I also used to think that bravery was for other people since I had lots of fears.

I’ve learned that neither of those is true.

We are brave when we face a fear and take a step to move through it.

We are brave when we admit that we’re scared and tell a trusted person our truth.

I know a few things about being brave but I also know there is so much more for me to learn.

I’ve decided to challenge myself to continue to work through fear and learn to be brave by reading a devotional book that released last October called

Today is October 1, 2018. If I am disciplined to read and reflect daily I’ll complete this 100 Day journey on Tuesday, January 8, 2019.

Brave people don’t stop hearing the whispers of fear. They hear the whispers but take action anyway. Annie F. Downs 100 Days to Brave devotional

What will it be like to begin the New Year ready to live my most courageous life? What might God do with me if I’m more willing to say Yes when He invites me further up and farther in?

I’d love it if you’d join me on this journey! That would be so fun to have brave companions; maybe we can share thoughts here or elsewhere on social media. You can grab Annie’s book from LifeWay or Amazon or Barnes & Noble and join me in this adventure of 100 Days to Brave.

Let me know if you’re joining me; I want to make this fun!

Is it Possible to Learn to Speak God from Scratch?

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Jonathan Merritt thinks so. In fact he’s written a book to help us consider how possible, and needed, it really is.

Learning to do anything is filled with starts and stops; like a toddler moving from crawling to walking. Yet when we have developed a way of doing something, it’s even more of a challenge to re-learn or to start from scratch. Even that saying is something that has become nearly outmoded; most kitchens are filled with pre-packaged meal ingredients, not the way my two grandmothers fed the family in the middle of the previous century. The way they spoke of God was different then, too. Maybe it’s time to re-think not only too familiar sayings without the proper context; maybe in this era of history we need to take time to re-learn how we speak about God.

Jonathan Merritt’s new book, Learning to Speak God from Scratch, helps me move further on my spiritual journey. The premise of the book is right up front in his well-crafted subtitle: Why Sacred Words are Vanishing—and How We Can Revive Them. One by one, words that have been overused are taken out of their worn context, polished up and seen anew. Story by story, Jonathan unpacks why this change of use, this change of understanding has happened, and suggests how you and I can make intentional choices to become more aware of God-speak and learn to use well the sacred words he shows us.

 

The first third of the book is filled with Jonathan’s setting the stage: helping us capture the sense of urgency, seeing the problems of current use of sacred language, and shedding light on a Way Forward. These six chapters give compelling evidence for the purpose, for the need to learn to speak God from scratch.

Jonathan takes a hard look at words that are familiar to those who speak God regularly, words that are sometimes so familiar we’ve forgotten their weight. He points out that to those who aren’t in regular God conversations, many sacred words have no power, no context and thus little impact in this era. In Jonathan’s words:

But in the midst of our struggles to speak God—struggles that are not unique to our generation—somehow God always finds a way to break through and keep God’s people talking. If God’s people have revived their vocabulary in past eras, surely there is a way to stoke these fires yet again. (Our Divine Linguaphile p. 38)

Reading each chapter led me deeper into recognizing the prevalence in my vernacular of ways I use words without context. This growing awareness was like pre-dawn light; noticing, acknowledging and then suddenly the sun itself appears illuminating the sky. Half-way through the book, Jonathan’s chapter titled Disappointment: Dopamine Roller-Coasters and Palm Branches served as the sunlight exposing a root struggle for me. His words:

Disillusionment is, well, the loss of an illusion. It is what happens when you take a lie–about the world, about yourself, about those you love, about God–and replace it with the truth. Disillusionment occurs when God shatters our fantasies, tears down our idols, dismantles our cardboard cut outs.it is the result of discovering that God does not conform to our expectations but rather exists as a mystery beyond those expectations. (Disappointment: Dopamine Roller-Coasters and Palm Branches. P 109)

Learning to Speak God from Scratch was a gift of learning for me this year. It’s an informative, well-researched book written in an accessible, journalistic style; you can hear Jonathan sharing not only what he learned, but he also shares his heart.

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts as you read this engaging book.

Sabbath Reflections

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Have you ever signed up for being critiqued? You said to yourself, “I want to get better at ______; so I am going to ask others to tell me how I can improve.” Have you done that with someone who is a professional in the area you want to improve?

I get a sick stomach ache when I think about it.

I did that. I attended a Writers’ Bootcamp in 2016 and asked for critique of my writing. I submitted myself to another’s examination and judgment. What I found was not only helpful but encouraging.

That person has included me as part of his launch team for his soon to release book, Learning to Speak God from Scratch.

His work is a thoughtful examination of words that have been deemed sacred in various religious practices and have become words tossed about without the sacrosanct respect said words deserve.

Sabbath is one of those words for me.

I grew up in the ‘Chr-easter’ tradition: parents who attended church as children without developing much faith around the practice of going to church, and who chose to raise their own children with knowledge of the two “important” Christian holidays of Christmas and Easter. I heard the important stories of God and Jesus, but missed the why of value in knowing about them.

Head versus Heart. Religion versus Faith.

I came to faith in Christ at 23 after a lot of searching for love in all the wrong places. I was standing outside at Aztec Center near midnight, sweeping the patio and emptying trash cans; the duties of a night job I had while I was pursuing my teaching credential. I stood silent on a cold February night looking up at the stars and simply asked, “If you’re real God, would you let me know?”

The response was equally silent but immediate: two stars that were parallel and looked liked eyes looking at me, twinkled. And my heart expanded and I believed. That was it.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. The exact date? Nope. But the fact that I asked for a sign and got a response was enough to convince me.

The people I knew who were Christians also practiced a literal religion; do what was spelled out in the Bible and all of life will go well.

I’ve never been very good at following people’s rules; I wonder, what about all the other possible responses? Click To Tweet

Learning to love Sabbath was one of those to-dos.

Where are you with practicing Sabbath?

Is it a burden? A religious convention meant for others to follow? An old-fashioned word that has little meaning in today’s immediate-oriented and production-driven culture?

My learning along the Way has shown me Sabbath is a gift of rest.

I tried to make it a ritual and hated it. I prepped all the meals the day before, I made sure all the clothes were ready for church the next day, I ran myself ragged in order to rest. I wanted Sabbath to be a wonderful practice but how I was approaching it wasn’t working. When I recognized it to be something to help me slow down, to notice God at work and take time to re-create, the meaning of Sabbath was transformed for me.

In my month of Showing Up I am trying to put into practice things I’ve attempted and dropped at various points in life. I invite you to join me in this week’s challenge. I’m going to sort through ideas and stuff to begin getting rid of what doesn’t fit anymore.  What ideas, what stories, what things, don’t work in this season of life?

The stories I tell myself, the items I hang on to, the clothes that I keep for that ‘someday’ are all going to be critiqued and evaluated; looking for what is valued, deemed worthy of keeping and what needs to be given away.

Practicing Sabbath rest has given me room for reflecting on what is important and what is no longer of value for me.

Are you willing to take inventory? Have you already made this a practice in your life? I’d love to hear how practicing Sabbath rest has opened up your awareness.

It’s Simply Tuesday

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Three years ago I had the privilege of being on the launch team for this amazing book

Three years later the principles in Emily’s writing are still sifting through to the bedrock of my soul.

It’s Simply Tuesday.

A regular ordinary day that includes morning habits, errands, laundry, paying bills; you know, normal and ordinary.

 

But these days are precious to me now. Small moment living has become the norm since we are empty-nesters. What I once grieved and rejected, I now see as a beautiful gift, perfectly timed.

I am a slow learner.

When I was 37 I gave birth to our second son. A year and a half prior, we lost a baby at 14 weeks. The world calls that a miscarriage. I called it God’s wake up call.

You see, I had plans for how life would work. I was in charge of my destiny: a second marriage underway, a new home, my dream vehicle in the driveway; now it was time to add to our family. Pregnant in April, plan to take it easy through the summer, baby due at the end of December (tax break!) All moving along as I intended. Until July, 1993.

It was the loss of that baby that took my attention off my self-focus and back on God. Don’t think for a minute God punished me for my selfishness, because that doesn’t line up with His character or His Word. ( For example, Psalm 136:1; Romans 8:1) But I do know that He lovingly shepherds His children and corrects them along the Way (Heb. 12:7) This loss got my attention.

How does this tie in with Tuesdays you ask? He has gently led me along since then, showing me the benefit of quiet, solitude, and contemplation; even when I didn’t appreciate it.

I learned the value of simple moments; of folding laundry as a moment to pray for the feet that fit the socks I matched; of dishes dirtied with sandwich crumbs held by six year-old hands; of a vinyl floor needing to be mopped, yet again, and reminded to be grateful for home.

Children grow, nap times wane and running ragged matched our schedule of lessons, sports, Scouts, Church. Small moments flew without notice; I turned around and the house was full of good wishes for the high school graduate I had given birth to in 1995. Where did the time go?

The temptation to regret, to long for once was, to mourn were all things I chose to walk through. I don’t know how life might have looked over these past five years if I had daily celebrated the beginning of the season of empty-nest; but I do know that in the small moments of my sorrow, God met me with tenderness and compassion that I wouldn’t trade for a billion dollars. Nope. Not a one.

Here’s the point friend: Your small moments are precious; to your soul and to God. He cares about the details. Look for Him in them. Your soul moves at a pace that is nearly imperceptible by our nano-second attention spans. Relax. Celebrate the small. Whether you… Click To Tweet

As we consider together what it means to show up in life, I can’t emphasize enough the importance of being kind to yourself as you practice; whether you’re focusing on work, life or faith, be gracious as you try to connect the dots and make sense of it all.

We all need an encouraging word; please share what gems you’ve discovered along the Way!

Being Selfish Doesn’t Work

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There have been dark times for me in the past 9 years. Loss and the accompanying grief were not easy companions. Their presence was disorienting.

As a result, I’ve been stuck in the slough of despond.

 

Being stuck is a place that a coach can speak into a client’s life. Listening to the favorites, the desires and perhaps forgotten dreams all make for excellent material to construct action steps; steps forward away from being stuck.

Now in the messy middle of sorting through what is important to carry forward and what is not, I’ve learned some things about myself that shine light on the dark places.

SO what I am learning along the Way is that being selfish doesn’t work.

I’ve selfishly hidden in pain; hidden from others who would be generous with encouragement if they only knew. That’s the dark side of me.

On the Light side I’ve been wired for change. I’m a learner and activator with a large dose of restorative, with empathy and relator thrown in. I’m an ENFJ and my DISC profile is I/D. My Enneagram result is 3 =The Achiever or The Performer. I’m an inventory junky!

What difference does all of this information make in day to day life?

All these details helped me get to know how God has wired me. I’ve spent the past 9 years wrestling with the brokenness or downsides of life, looking to Him to heal the places where I’ve worked to cover the internal wounds. He has done His work. I am more fully who He has made me to be.

So now I’m writing and reading my way forward. So many great books! I’m currently looking at a classical work, John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress; a work of allegory written at a time of imprisonment for Bunyan and a much used tool of explication of the Bible.

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It’s valuable to see our story within the Greater Story. Click To Tweet

Why? Because we each have a part to play. An important part to play. When we step into the yoke with Jesus and He bears the weight, we step forward and lean in to keep in step with Him. Our part is to follow along the furrows He chooses for us to plow; the relationships He brings our way, the lives He desires us to impact for Kingdom building, simply by being who we are: God’s man or woman in the circumstances where we currently find ourselves.

Being present to our life circumstances and not looking to the sides of the furrows or off at the green grass not quite in our reach is part of our great work. It is a simple life. We’re the ones who over complicate things.

God has given us Himself, His Spirit and power to live out this life which He has provided. He loves us with a never ending love, He forgives us time and again as we gaze longingly at other things instead of fixing our gaze upon the Only One Who loves us perfectly.

Important Reminders.

Whatever is true, whatever is noble,whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

He sings over us.

He is our shield and defender.

He is our provider and protector. 

I speak Truth to myself to bring my gaze back to Center; back to the One Who loves me best.

Loss was my experience. I recognize each of us experience hard companions differently. When I bear witness to another’s loss now, I am quick to empathize where before I knew none.

What about you? How have you gotten back on track after being disoriented? You might speak light into someone’s dark place by sharing what God has brought you through.

Being selfish doesn’t work.

I’d love to hear what you’ve learned!

Messy Confessions of a Lonely Perfectionist

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It’s not often that I am publicly transparent. There is a small circle who help hold me both accountable and together depending on the issue. But transparent for the world? Yikes!  (I promise I’m not going to say or do anything that will make you feel like I do watching Michael Scott manage The Office. So read on.)

Reading the work of Brene Brown has moved my personal growth forward by leaps and bounds. Her second book, The Gifts of Imperfection jolted me into the hard journey forward out of shame.

I am slow to integrate and apply what I learn. I read that in 2010 when it was published. Sheesh. You think I’d have moved on by now.

The Hubster and I joined her e-course this spring: Living Brave. The course is based on her two latest books: Daring Greatly and Rising Strong.  (The course is more than worth the tuition, compared to the quality of the content.)

Enough back story. Why does this matter?

I learned that I am a Perfectionist. (A therapist told me that years ago but I didn’t believe her because I’m not perfect. I didn’t quite get the concept obviously.)

Being a Perfectionist is a broken way of living causing me to isolate, resulting in loneliness. Here’s the deal: when I am struggling with something I keep it to myself rather than ask for someone to listen to my heart. I tell myself things like I don’t want to be a burden or they don’t have time for me or they don’t need to hear all my issues.

It’s been almost 3 years since we moved to a different region of the state and I found myself needing to build community. I am typically a there for others kind of person; when they need something I make myself available to listen. But I rarely let my guard down to share how hard life is for me. (Ridiculous I know)

Is it pride that makes me a Perfectionist? Probably in part. It goes deeper than that.  As a child and teen any mistake I made was met with harsh ridicule and a command to do better or be better.  Less than an A or being president of every organization I took part in was tantamount to failure.

Hard to be vulnerable under pressure like that. So I developed the habit of “soldiering on”.

Not only is being vulnerable hard, it’s risky. People might not accept me if I have needs. This soldiering thing is a lonely burden. And I’m tired of it.  I want to be free of the mindset of needing to appear like I have all my ducks in a row.

Brene tells me that I need to Dare Greatly. Which is to say, be Vulnerable, which means Risking and Braving and probably Falling and all kinds of messy yuck.

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I already know the alternative. Loneliness. Isolation. Shame. Living in the land of Not Enough.

Blegh.

Risk Vulnerability or Stay Lonely.

I know I’m not the only one dealing with this dichotomy.  This is messy business but I’m daring to share this confession here.

Breaking the pattern one piece at a time.

 

 

Tying Off Threads and Weaving in New

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I mentioned the other day that I have been reading two amazing books. Why are they amazing, you ask?

The words change me.

Writing is a form of communication at it’s simplest form. But when words convey meaning and meaning gets into the heart and soul of the reader, then impact and change can happen.

Margaret Feinberg is that writer.

In two of her books I’ve recently read she has masterfully conveyed meaning that goes deep; deeper than simply reading the stories.  She gets to the heart.

With a tag line “Celebrate more, Regret Less, Stare Down Your Greatest Fears” you might respond with  curiosity at least. But the title itself gives purpose to the tag line.

Fight Back with JOY.

The red balloon on the cover was enough for me. I was curious.

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I have had my share of brokenness to navigate. In this current season my waters are calm but they’re swirling for others. I recognize my part in this season is encourager; the role of Aaron and Hur coming alongside Moses to support him in prayer.

Margaret writes from first person experience of the dreaded diagnosis: Cancer. Her words are raw and purposeful. She shares the journey of truly fighting back with JOY in the midst of an incredibly dark and grueling season.

The beauty of her words floats above the bleak wasteland that must be navigated in the battle with cancer. There is no glossing over the realities; no pretending life is other than. Margaret tells it like it is and yet doesn’t leave us being overwhelmed with sorrow for her. She masterfully shows the struggles of others, not only with cancer, but within the struggles of the human condition. Fight Back with JOY presents tangible acts that bring humor, light and abiding joy into her days. And ours.

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Her words are rays of light piercing the dark cloth covering my heart; the bitterness that has surrounded me for far too long. I’ve written of loss that is not unique to me, yet how we are in any loss is what matters most. I saw in Margaret’s responses how I had allowed this darkness to settle around me; I had accepted this shroud as part of the grief process. The Light shining through the holes in the weave was just enough for me to see the Lies I had accepted as truth.

Oh my goodness. Scripture speaks of not allowing a root of bitterness to take hold lest many be defiled. But let me tell you, apart from Light revealing where those lies have taken hold, I was blind to what I was accepting into my life: the less than and bound up life.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free; Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Jesus invites us to freedom. In fact His entire life, death and resurrection secured us freedom.

 “Come to Me ALL you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

I have been subjected again to a yoke of slavery: the yoke of bitterness toward those who had actively wounded me and those who by their inaction had inflicted wounds. My battlefield was real although not with cancer. Yet I had allowed darkness to shroud the fullness of life that is mine in Christ.

Fight Back with JOY speaks into those places. Margaret shows me tangible options for dealing with the real hurts.

And I am choosing to act. No more sitting under the shroud of shame and bitterness. Not only have I clipped the black threads but they’re tied off! I’m beginning to weave in new, colorful threads of JOY.

Doing unexpected things for people. Singing again. Dancing and twirling when I used to sit still.  Yes twirling.

From these new threads of color and JOY I already see how God has been working in preparation for my response to Him.

JOY is possible. JOY is available. JOY is not simply a feeling but a result; a Way.

Margaret leads out in showing the Way to know God more deeply, to let go of the bitterness that can creep in, to actively Fight Back with JOY.

Don’t you want that in your life?

Watch this preview video of Margaret’s Bible study.

 

Anyone want to join me in this?

Clipping Threads

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I’m reading two books simultaneously; one for an upcoming course and one just because. Both are written in memoir style, masterfully weaving others’ stories with the author’s personal story. Both written by strong, successful women. Both authors have faced hard circumstances in each of their lives; none of which anyone could say, “oh that’s no big deal; why do you think that’s hard?”  I’m personally awed and challenged by their ways of responding to their respective circumstances. They both have deepened in their faith and trust of God as He has worked in and through their lives.

I love seeing how God has been at work in another’s life, redeeming the brokenness that comes from this fallen world. I’m incredibly encouraged to continue stepping forward in my own journey of restoration.  God at work making all things new.

I have allowed shame to be a prevalent thread in my life for far too long. It was woven into my life while in utero, handed to me by different family members in my early years and strengthened by my own resulting poor choices over the years.

It’s time to clip the threads.

God’s been trying to get my attention about this subject for years. Many passages of His Word point out my freedom from shame like Galatians 2:20

 “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

This reminds me that I’m not the same. God is at work in me for His good purposes.

I have played tug of war with God, hanging onto shame, seeing myself as less than for decades.

It’s time to clip the threads.

Christine Caine’s latest book Unashamed has been the latest tool God is using to get my attention. Her story is so worth reading but more importantly she points us to the Truth. We have a choice in how we see ourselves. I have a choice, an action I can take that demonstrates that I am free.

It’s been such a struggle to change my mindset about who I am. Sometimes I think rightly, along the lines of the Truth of God’s Word to me, over me. But sometimes I revert to the familiar worn paths in my head where I speak in ways I would be mad to hear anyone saying to a friend of mine.

It’s not only time to clip the threads. It’s time to put up a sign like Corrie ten Boom spoke of

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God takes our sins – the past, present, and future, and dumps them in the sea and puts up a sign that says NO FISHING ALLOWED. Click To Tweet

So the follow up is no tug of war. No fishing line. Instead I’m making it fun.

I’m picturing my present day self, gray hair and reading glasses on my nose, wagging my finger at my little girl self and saying “that’s not a loving way to talk to yourself!”

This little girl is free of shame!

What about you? Want to learn to live in the freedom Christ offers?

Love of Books: Another Common Thread

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I had the privilege of being a Story Hour reader at a local coffee shop on Thursday. It wasn’t a last minute thing; I knew about it 5 weeks in advance. I was so excited to get to share stories and songs with little people again!

I took myself to the library in our new community, applied for a library card and proceeded to spend  over an hour browsing their extensive collection of picture books. So many beloved stories caught my attention; books I had read to hundreds of children through my teaching career took back to the joy of reading aloud. Titles of Caldecott medalists I collected for my own sons also brought great joy in the memories of snuggles for stories. But I had a theme in mind as a way to choose the books, just in case there were many preschoolers as well as toddlers.

You might think toddlers? Story hour? Not a good mix! But let me say, Try It!

This is our 11 month old grand-daughter enjoying (and copying) the book Ten Tiny Toes.

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Learning to love books starts early. Reading aloud to your littles builds their vocabulary even when they’re not yet saying words.  Language is learned first by hearing. It’s amazing how little ones respond to inflection in your voice, the sing song rhythm of rhyming words, the noises that animals make. Children love to participate!

I am privileged to have the Mother Goose book that was read to me as a toddler; read so frequently that I memorized the pages and rhymes by the time I was 3. My mother loved to tell people that I was reading at 3. Some reading specialists would say impossible. I’ll tell you, we don’t know exactly when a child learns to read. It’s very mysterious. I taught children to “read” for the first 6 years of my career, have tutored children in older grades and worked with adult literacy. Reading skills can be learned at any age. The love of books is different. The love of books begins at home.

I imagine your local library has a terrific selection of picture books and probably even a story hour! Gather some of your mom friends and make a date to give it a try. Pack snacks or a picnic for afterward and go to a park for playtime and conversation with other moms. We need each other. You’ll be tired but you’ll probably be encouraged to keep on sharing stories with your children.

So much benefit from the common thread of learning to love books!

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