Learning Along The Way

Reflections on the Cost of Being Frugal

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This past week of Lent has been very challenging for me.  Not because the theme has been frugality.  But in thinking of all the ways my husband and I have battled the culture and its influences for over 20 years in this specific area has really caused me to see what some of the costs have been to live a frugal life style.

And the hard part is the battle of resentment toward others. For being misunderstood.  For not seeing the value in the long run and ridiculing us for our choices.  For whining at me to “aw come on just this once” in trying to get me to go against my DH and his leadership.

It is not easy to see my black heart.  In fact it sickens me.  Oh how I need saving from myself!

Yes, we have chosen again and again to be like salmon. Going upstream against the current of culture. Making quiet sacrifices for the benefit of our sons and those who are less fortunate than ourselves.  I am not talking about these sacrifices for any one of you who read this to think “Wow what a super Christian Lisa is!” or even for you to think I am tooting my own horn and then say “How dare she point out all that she has done!”  Nope.  I am simply counting the cost of a frugal life.

I have died daily.  I want nice, brand new clothes. From Nordstrom or Dillards or Bloomingdales.  I want to remodel the bathrooms and use expensive materials and not do the work myself.  Actually I want to buy a bigger house already done up to the nines with acreage so I can have horses.  I want a new car every three years with all the bells and whistles.  I want. I want. I want.

Blegh!

I retired early from teaching; 1993 was the last year I was full time employed in a school district.  At that time I laid down my identity as a teacher to take up the identity of a stay at home mom.  Going from two professional salaries to one caused some upheaval for me.  Ask my DH.  He’s a saint to have stayed committed to me and this marriage.

This one was just 4 and 1/2 years old when I left teaching.  His smiles and fun loving personality made being at home and helping in his classroom at school a joy!

During his next two years there was a baby to come who went on ahead to wait for us and then this one joined our family.

Two sons.  So blessed.

Lots of work, folding, cleaning, reading, singing, camping, changing, growing, praying, learning, repeat.

The sacrifices of stuff compared to the time I had with them was the cost of a frugal life.

 

As I was folding the socks today and praying for the feet of the one still at home, it hit me.

The cost of a frugal life has been spent on the character of these two men.  I was struck by the realization.

And then struck by my own pettiness in holding onto the hurts from being misunderstood for our choices.  The cost of a frugal life has been real.  It has been external.  It has been temporal.

The money, career, prestige, and stuff will burn.  Who these men are toward God, His people and each other is eternal.

All I can do is say Thank You Lord for using what was hard for me to do without to in turn benefit others in ways I may never know.

Cycling By

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This week of Lent has been hard; further confirming how I need a Savior.

I am lazy.  I look for ways out of doing what is hard.  I rationalize.  I excuse.  I want what is easy and comfortable.

This photo above was taken in 2011 when my dear husband (DH) and I took a two week trip to France for our 20th wedding anniversary.  Looks fun doesn’t it?

It was and is fun to ride a bicycle.

I reminded myself of that this week as I made myself ride my bike to work and back each day.  6 miles round trip.  Mostly flat and about 22 minutes (slow cycling!)

I pushed myself both for the exercise and for the practice of frugality which has been the theme this week of Lent.  Spend less/ give generously.

I love giving!  But I also love my comforts.  Driving 3 miles to work takes 7 minutes.  Do the math: it takes 3 times as long for me to ride as to drive.  But what is time except a non-renewable resource given to us to steward?

So I challenged myself to get on my own bike and get going.

I am happy to say I followed through.  Not a huge financial savings fuel wise but a big step in the right direction for me to use this bike for my transportation as I was doing in the fall before the time change and colder, wetter weather.

No excuses left but laziness and poor time management.

And you?  What have you been learning about yourself as you are going through this season of Lent?

Sunday Celebrations: Wonderful Wedding!

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This weekend my husband and I drove 6 hours south to attend a young friend’s wedding.  This was the backdrop for their ceremony.  Outdoors, among God’s wonderful handiwork of oaks, sage and grasses.

He was the center of the wedding.  I pray He remains center of their marriage.

Marriage is God’s thing, our Pastor Tim says at each wedding I have heard him officiate.  This was not one of his ceremonies.  The pastor who was there invited each person to recognize this wedding, this marriage, was not just about two people; it was (and is) about the community of life in Christ.

A wedding is a celebration of the beginning of a marriage.  We all have a responsibility to the newly wed couple.

To celebrate with them on their wedding day.  And so much more.

To pray for them.

To intentionally invest in their developing relationship when things get tough by pointing them to Christ and back to each other.

To laugh with them, cry with them as the years go by.

To help them find answers to big questions.

To pray for them (yes I mentioned that before but we can’t ever pray too much!)

To eat cake with them on their wedding day (isn’t it beautiful?)  (The cake topper was designed by my friend Lisa Leonard.  You can find it and more lovelies on her site.)

To toast them.

To love them as Christ loves us and help them love each other in the same manner.

Weddings are joyful beginnings.

Marriages are meant to be joyful marathons.

Stronger daily.  Trusting more.  Yielding more.

Weddings remind those of us who are married why we said yes to our spouse in the first place!

And why we’d say yes again.

We’re reminded to pray for each other more.

Seek wise counsel when we are trying to answer life’s big questions.

Rely on one another more.

Support one another more.

Have fun together…more!

I love weddings.  They are so hope-full!

Been to a wedding lately?

 

Return to Me

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I love this quote, this card.  It was given to me by a dear young friend who graciously said this “had my name on it”.

She sees me this way.  An honest person.

This season of Lent I am being confronted by my lack of honesty.

I face the easier things to confess and change and turn a blind eye to the deeper issues of my heart.

This early morning I saw a plea for me to get honest.  All the Way.

See if you can see it too:

“Yet even now, ” declares the Lord, “Return to Me with all your heart, and with fasting, weeping and mourning; and rend your heart and not your garments.”

I rend my garments when I make external changes that I see need to be made: changing my habits ‘to be healthier’, reading more, writing more, making time to be with people.

I do these things.

I.

Yet…

“even now, Return to Me with ALL YOUR HEART.”

With actions that demonstrate to Him my sincerity, my willingness to be humble and accept that I believe the lie that I am in charge of my life.

It’s not important what others think about me.  It’s important what God thinks about me.

“rend your heart and not your garments.”

Inward change is not my work.  My work is calling it like it is.

“Now return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness and relenting of evil.”

This is what I receive in return for admitting what is and agreeing with God about it all. Not a bad exchange, eh?

Return to Me.

He’s calling you too…

Sunday Celebrations (Part 2)

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Sundays during Lent are times to remember.  Remember and Celebrate the gift of salvation achieved through Christ’s sacrifice and miracle of Resurrection.  So in my blogging today I am completing what was begun last week: the story of a new life direction.

In my post here we began following an imaginary creek; my story answering the really great question ‘Why “Learning Along the Way” is my business name’.  It’s time to share the rest of the story.

For the ten years from 1997 to 2007 I was a busy momma.  Privileged to be a stay at home Mom, raising two sons, homeschooling, volunteering, gardening, canning, attending sporting events, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, music lessons, AWANA and all the things one might imagine fills the life of a wife and mother.  Whew!  I’m tired reading this partial list!  It was a full ten years but not just full with time commitments.  It was a period of life full of learning, full of love as I watched two boys grow to men, and full of loss as I learned to let go.

In 2007 tragedy struck my life.  My mom became suddenly ill, was hospitalized and within two weeks passed away.  Nine months later, my dad committed suicide.  It was at this junction that the apple cart of my life was overturned.  I have written of this season before,  so I won’t take the time now but would love for you to have the full perspective if you’re interested.

After these big losses and forced letting go, I began working with a counselor for healing past hurts and a Life Coach for personal growth.  Two crucial, yet opposite, aspects of life being worked on simultaneously: looking back and looking forward.  It was an intense year and a half, but oh so fruitful.  Out of this time came the realization that a new chapter of my life was beginning.

I knew I didn’t want to simply “put my life back together”.  I wanted God to be the One to put my life together.  The apple cart filled with what He wanted in it.  I prayed.  I sought wise counsel.

I loved the process of being coached. It was action oriented and so uplifting!  I began coursework to become a life coach myself.  In one of the courses we were to come up with a name for our business as well as what we wanted to have as a niche, a corner of the coaching market if you will.  Those were big ideas!

I wanted my business to accurately reflect me.  I wanted my clients to get to know a little about their coach.  I recognized that my business was going to be best represented by what I am most passionate about: learning; learning how to live my life following Jesus and giving Him the credit, the glory.  Hence, Learning along the Way.  His Way.

We can live our life doing all we can to have safety and security.  We can be honest and moral people.  But are we living our life following?  Or living our life carefully to not make bad decisions or mistakes?  To manage damage control when carefully scripted lives unravel without reason?

The focus of ‘being in control’ is a very common focus for women.  There are lots of reasons for that desire; I won’t explore them now. But recognizing the desire and how it affects all of life is a step toward changing, learning along the Way.

I would love to talk with you about making those changes in your life; to coach you through transformation as you learn and grow in Christ.  It would be a holy privilege.

Won’t you take that next step in your journey?  Click over here to contact me.  The first session is complimentary!  What’s there to lose?

 

Of Water & Wheels: Reflections on Solitude

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Saturday is a day of looking back, reflecting on the week just ended.  It also is a day to look ahead to the coming week; to take stock of what was and what will be.

In the middle of both I find myself looking at what is.  I am like water.

In what way?  Left to my own devices, I seek my lowest level.  Like water.  It always will run downhill.

I mentioned this week that I am easily distracted.  Actually I distract myself.  Pondering and practicing the discipline of Solitude this week I have seen my habits in a new light, rather like a flood light into a dark room.  Revealing what was formerly tolerable in a dim light to be frayed and worn under bright light.  My habits of starting and not finishing, of having too many things vying for top priority, of saying Yes too many times and having little or “no time” to be alone.

Blegh.

I learned this week that although too much action can be the enemy of Solitude, when practiced at the discipline, one can experience Solitude while busy.  Richard Foster said it this way: “Solitude is more a state of mind and heart than it is a place.  There is a solitude of the heart that can be maintained at all times.”

Look at how two sisters made choices. When presented with a dinner guest, one got busy, the other sat with the guest.  One resented all the work, the other sat peacefully in the guest’s Presence.  Given that much information likely our Western minds would jump to the side of the busy sister who is taking care of the needs of the guest.  Ironically, that’s not where Jesus sided.  He chided the busy sister with these words: “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered by so many things; but Mary has chosen the better part and that will not be taken away from her.”  Mary’s priority was being with Jesus.  Martha’s priority was doing stuff.  Both are necessary.  But Mary has chosen the better part…

Being with Jesus prepares us to be with others.  Solitude in His Presence is refreshing to our souls; like what water is supposed to be to our bodies.

Yet we must take care of life and work.  We must be active.  In reading the Windows of the Soul by Ken Gire I encountered an idea that made perfect sense to me.

Be the still axis.

A wheel can spin wildly fast; going downhill like water, the revolutions are hard to count.  But at the center is the immovable axis which keeps the wheel able to do what it’s intended to do.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh suggests we strive “to be the still axis within the revolving wheel of relationships, obligations and activities.” 

Don’t do away with action; Be the still axis.

Looking at Solitude this week has been a blessing.  I have seen some of my habits for what they are: water going downhill.

I have also seen the possibility of learning to be still at the center even when there are many things to attend to.

I love this summary again by Anne Morrow Lindbergh: “The problem is not entirely in finding the room of one’s own, the time alone, difficult and necessary as that is.  The problem is more how to still the soul in the midst of its activities.”

What have you learned this first week of Lent?

 

Seeds of Change

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I think in metaphors.

It may be due in part to years of teaching children.  Perhaps it’s because this is a way God helps me understand big ideas.  In any case this image is one that really speaks to me.

Lent is the season of change.  Of letting go. Of opening up. Of embracing.

This morning I read about forgiveness.  No big deal.  Ha!

Trying to wrap my head around this big idea, the image of a seed came to mind.

Confession is like the seed.

Forgiveness is the soil.

Grace is the rain and sun that causes the plant to sprout and grow.

When I tell someone I know I wronged them and ask for their forgiveness, that is a step toward growth and change for our relationship.

If they accept me and forgive, that is God’s grace at work.  I certainly don’t deserve it.  I really haven’t earned it.  But the result of forgiveness and grace is new life. Renewed love and care.

You hold the seed of change in your hand.

Who is it that you need to hold out the seed to?

Why Lent?

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I have a confession: I am undisciplined.

I look at DIY blogs and Pinterest, and Facebook and tell myself not so nice things about how I take care of our home, or time, or…

I have no shortage of ideas of what to do or how to do them!

What I lack is discipline. Follow through. Commitment. Perseverance.

Truth be told, some of those words make me cringe, like a bright light being shone into dark places, revealing what was hidden.

Why Lent?

For this very purpose: confessing what is out of whack and doing something about it.

For nearly two millennia Christ followers have been emulating what Christ must have gone through in the 40 days in the wilderness during the period of time prior to the celebration of the Resurrection.

The remembrance of that time period begins today.

You may not have grown up in a faith practice where the season of Lent was even considered.  You can learn more about the history and faith practices around Lent here.

But I will tell you this, slowing down, considering honestly who you are and where you are compared to who and where you’d like to be in your personal growth and spiritual formation is always valuable.

Doing something about what you see is even more valuable.

So for the season of Lent this year, I am going to be journeying publicly, here, daily writing.  Yep. Daily. Writing. Here.

Working on the discipline I lack and sharing the process.  Being in the work not just in my head.  Sharing my process as I learn along the Way.  My hope is that you benefit from my journey; that you are encouraged in your own spiritual formation practices and that you’d share some of what you’re growing through with me.

What would you do?

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Two days ago, the 3rd Sunday in January, was Sanctity of Life Sunday.  Our pastor challenged us to think beyond the focus of Roe v. Wade to see the how the sanctity of human life is being threatened in so many areas in our culture and the world.  We as Christ followers have the call to champion the needs of these who may not be able to defend themselves:

  • the unborn
  • orphans
  • the exploited and impoverished
  • those with special needs
  • the elderly

His Sunday message can be heard here.

Today, through Twitter I learned of someone who recently took a personal risk to defend the defenseless.  His story is quick and to the point and definitely worth linking to:

http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/story?section=news/local&id=8959527

Heartwarming for sure.

But my question to you is personal: What would you do?

From this point on, we will have opportunities to champion the rights of those who are not able.

You may not be in a season where you have the time to be a volunteer or in a place financially to add another donation to your list of giving, but you are able to pray.

Ask the Lord to lay a need on your heart: what breaks your heart that breaks the heart of God?

Then begin to do what we as Christ followers are given to do: pray.

Pray for opportunity

Pray for physical protection

Pray for financial support

Pray for people who can serve

Pray. It’s not “the only thing” you can do.

It’s the primary thing to do.

Dr. King & Tuning Forks

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Midway through the school year, the year of fifth grade, I came running in the house from playing outside after school to find my mother seated at the table, television on and tears streaming down her face.

She couldn’t speak, just pointed to the TV when I asked what was wrong.  There I saw the news: Martin Luther King Jr was shot on the balcony of his hotel.  This was a horrible tragedy.  My mother, the English teacher in a multi-racial school, was very clear with us that all people are created equal.  She valued and espoused the ideals Dr. King spoke. His famous “I have a Dream speech”, spoken on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in August 1963, was a speech my mom referenced in her English classes alongside President Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

MLK Jr.’s death was a tuning fork in our family.  Why a tuning fork? A tuning fork uses resonance to find the common tone in a piano, a guitar, as well as the human voice; thus allowing pitches to be matched to the common resonant frequency.  How was his death a tuning fork?

The resonant frequency was loss; my mother’s only brother was killed in Vietnam in Dec 1967;  only 4 months earlier.  The sudden loss of my uncle tore my family apart; grandparents, aunt, cousins, mom, all losing a very significant person in a tragic way.  Now the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr resonated in our family at a far deeper level than just a piece on the nightly news.

I remember standing there staring at the TV, and then in a childlike innocence, going to my mom and patting her on the back, again and again.

How do we offer comfort at a time of deep loss?  Jesus modeled this well: He wept.  He didn’t say ‘don’t worry everything’s going to be okay’; He didn’t say ‘why are you crying?’  ‘Don’t you have faith?’  No.  He wept with His friends who were suffering the loss of their loved brother Lazarus.

We can do well to follow that precious, simple model.  Be with those who are suffering.  Weep with them.  Sit silently with them.  Hug them.

Then in their rebuilding process, listen to them speak their memories.  Laugh when they laugh.  Help them honor the memories.  Do something alongside them to commemorate their loved one’s life in some way.

This national holiday was established to honor the memory of Dr Martin Luther King Jr but also to commemorate his life through service.  Serve your family, your neighbors, your community.  Just don’t focus on yourself.  His life was spent in the betterment of others.  We would do well to follow suit.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

 

 

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