forgiveness

Why I’m Not Fooling Around Anymore

July 20, 2016 By Lisa Lewis

Confession is good for the soul. I heard that somewhere.

Here it is: I’m not good at forgiveness. I say that but to clarify I mean forgiveness is not something I can do on my own. There are people who have done horrible things to me that I have forgiven. I don’t harbor ill will or bitterness toward them. That forgiveness was not easy but it is complete. Thank you, Jesus for working it out in me.

So what am I confessing then? I am terrible at forgiving the little things. I make myself into a martyr who sacrifices so much for so many with so little recognition or thanks.

Ridiculous.

And you know who suffers most? My husband. The one who has sacrificed so much to make my life, our family’s life, pleasant in so many ways. The one who is Jesus with skin on to me and for me. And my thanks?

Being a nitpicking perfectionist who is never satisfied with anything.

Always more to be done. Always can be done better. My way.

Sheesh.

Well I’m not fooling around anymore.

I’m breaking up with perfectionism.

And unforgiveness.

The result of unforgiveness is a hard heart, a heart that is filled with bitterness, toxic to allowing the life and love of Jesus to flow through me. My unforgiveness is not more powerful than Christ. But my turning to my own way is like drawing the blackout curtains toward the sunlight. The Light still exists and is more powerful; I’ve chosen to block it with my self-focused ways.

I can’t hold my husband captive with unforgiveness and expect to have a love-filled marriage. Click To Tweet

He is not a puppet with me pulling the strings.

Forgiveness breaks the hard shell of a hard heart like a hammer to a walnut.

And I’ve known for a long time that I am a nutcase.

But to get to the point of recognizing my nutty behavior, I begged God to do some serious surgery in my festering heart.

First confession

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Then repentance

Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

Then Hope

And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Then reminder

Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland.

Tomorrow is our 25^th wedding anniversary. And true to our whole lives together, we are doing things differently than others who have achieved this milestone: we’re simply going out to dinner.

It’s like how life was when we were first married. Simple.

We got married behind a bookstore by a justice of the peace because neither of us were walking in a life of faith. Our sons like to say we were married by a shaman because the JoP was a woman and it was a garden behind a New Age Bookstore. No matter. God is in the business of redemption and second chances. A lot of life has transpired in 25 years. Fun. Laughter. Love. Loss. Wounds. Change. Growth. Repeat.

Forgiveness. Keeping short accounts with each other and with God. Being quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry.

By God’s grace and the Spirit’s equipping I will not live with an unforgiving heart any longer.

It’s like when we were first married. Only MUCH BETTER!

Does This Happen to You?

September 30, 2014 By Lisa Lewis

Do you ever feel like you’re falling behind in your day before it really gets started?

You have a reasonable list of things to work through; it’s not over full but getting through to the bottom will keep you busy all day.

And then a curve ball gets thrown your way and you’re just not ready for it.

That happened this morning. I really desire to show the Fruit of the Spirit wherever I go and with whom I interact. Well today I, well, failed miserably.

All before 9 am.

Now mind you I had already had my coffee with Jesus and read Jesus Calling and my daily Scripture reading and my Mornings with Tozer devotional. I had chatted with my hubster. I had taken photos in the garden. It was all glorious.

Then a text came in that jarred my serene countenance and the old self showed up in a big way.

What happened to applying all that I had just encountered? Where did that peace go? How did I so quickly dive head long into the depths of a yucky attitude?

I don’t know is the short answer. I missed the choice point. The place where I got to choose a slow, deliberate, patient response or the quick-tempered off the top of my head reaction. I chose unwisely.

We always have them. Choice Points. My sweet mentor used that phrase so many times to remind me at each encounter God was giving me opportunity to learn discretion, discernment, wisdom. Those characteristics aren’t ones we’re born with; they are earned from making the wise choice time and again.

What happens when we don’t choose wisely? Like this morning? Is the whole day ruined by this one poor choice? Do we just give up and figure we’ll start over tomorrow?

The short answer? NO

Start again. As soon as possible.

Admit your poor choice and ask for forgiveness; first to the Lord, then to the person (or people) who need to hear you ask for forgiveness. You are forgiven because Christ paid for that poor choice already. (that doesn’t mean you get a free pass to sin all the more! see Romans 6:1)

I have no promise that your asking for forgiveness from the one(s) you wronged will turn out great or even ok. But taking the time to admit what happened and ask forgiveness is a demonstration of the inner work of the Spirit of God in your life. Don’t just gloss over what happened as if it didn’t. I know it’s tempting. I’ve done it too. It’s no good because you just end up feeling yucky all day long. So get real as gently and as quickly as possible.

Jesus told us if your eye is clear your whole body will be full of light. Basically, when you know you’re forgiven and you live out that forgiveness, you see life clearly. You see glimpses of God everywhere. (see the bit of rainbow?)

I know sometimes you feel as if you’re all alone shining your light

but God has promised He will never leave you or forget you.

Never. In fact Paul tells us in his second letter to the church at Corinth: “But thanks be to God who always leads us in His triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.”

Even when you choose unwisely.

Forgiveness isn’t to be taken lightly. Our relationship with Christ isn’t to be taken lightly either. He calls us Friends. His grace to us cost Him everything. But accepting His forgiveness and grace brand new can feel like the discovery of new life when it’s not the season

Strawberries in September?

Reminding myself this morning of how vital forgiveness is helped get me back on track with the day. Even when it was temporarily derailed so early.

We are called to live differently in this world. Do the unexpected. Ask for forgiveness.

And be forgiving.

He is always with you, shining Light on your next step toward His home…

This Mother’s Day

May 6, 2013 By Lisa Lewis

What is it about Mother’s Day that was always so painful?

My mother didn’t “get” me.

I wasn’t easy.

I talked a lot.

And then was broken.

Through my brokenness I needed.

She had nothing to give.

Her own brokenness had been pushed away and put away, never to be fully faced but always to be lived out of; embittered, angry, and impatient with anyone who asked of her more than what she was willing to offer.

That was me.

Empty, needy and hurting I wanted her…

comfort, understanding, time, presence.

A skinned knee—“Bactine and Band Aids are in the cupboard”

A hurt and misunderstood heart—“Life’s not fair, get over it.”

A listening ear—“I don’t have time to listen to your whining!”

What a child sees and hears may not be all of the reality that is being lived out. Children lack the skills to see beyond the responses; but the words bore deep into the forming soul.

As I seek deep healing from the One who gave it all, I look back and see her differently:

A wounded heart that had not sought the Master’s touch to heal

A broken girl trying to achieve acceptance in the world

A neglected woman working to earn favor in the workplace

A mother of two broken children: frustrated, without resources, believing lies

As I come to this Mother’s Day, I come with renewed perspective.

Eucharisteo

I give thanks for the dark graces of my childhood

To see them as scars, no longer wounds.

To rejoice in the fellowship of His sufferings, knowing full well that all I walked through He walked with me, although unknown to me at the time.

He touches the places of the deep bore-holes and peace enters in.

I am loved as I am.

I am seen for Whose I am.

I am accepted because He was forsaken.

Because I am learning to see my life through the redeeming work of the Cross, I am able to say what is and truly forgive. How can I not when I have been forgiven all?

She is gone 6 years now. I wish I knew then what I know now. I would take a do-over pass if offered.

I would love to show her grace. I would love to say I’m sorry for all her pain and sorrow. But I can’t.

Don’t let the past dictate your present. Let it go. Forgive.

Receive the gift, the grace given

Give thanks

The result?

Joy

Practical Relationship Tools

March 23, 2013 By Lisa Lewis

I have been privileged to visit in the home of a young family who loves and serves the Lord in an area where He is not known as He is. This lovely plaque hangs in a prominent place, telling in words what their lives show practically.

Second Chances. We serve a God Who is all about forgiveness, repentance and second chances. How wonderful to demonstrate these truths in our relationships.

What would your home be like if you lived by this list?

What would our friendships be like?

Our work relationships? Neighborhoods? Churches?

We can’t live like this in our own strength. We want our way. If we’re wronged we want justice. We want someone to step toward us first.

Who do you need to offer a second chance to? Who do you need to ask for a second chance from? What can you do today?

Seeds of Change

February 14, 2013 By Lisa Lewis

I think in metaphors.

It may be due in part to years of teaching children. Perhaps it’s because this is a way God helps me understand big ideas. In any case this image is one that really speaks to me.

Lent is the season of change. Of letting go. Of opening up. Of embracing.

This morning I read about forgiveness. No big deal. Ha!

Trying to wrap my head around this big idea, the image of a seed came to mind.

Confession is like the seed.

Forgiveness is the soil.

Grace is the rain and sun that causes the plant to sprout and grow.

When I tell someone I know I wronged them and ask for their forgiveness, that is a step toward growth and change for our relationship.

If they accept me and forgive, that is God’s grace at work. I certainly don’t deserve it. I really haven’t earned it. But the result of forgiveness and grace is new life. Renewed love and care.

You hold the seed of change in your hand.

Who is it that you need to hold out the seed to?