Learning Along The Way

Why is Faith Such a Mystery?

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The sun is shining, birds are twittering in the yard, taking baths in the bubbler. It’s peaceful here. Quiet. Room for my soul to breathe. Life is good.

Why am I sad?

The sadness isn’t a bad thing. It’s not something I need to push away, cover up, muscle through. I’m learning to be brave and feel the sadness.

There isn’t anything wrong with my faith. This is something God is teaching me. Some days we have more heavy feelings than others. Perhaps like the tides, there is an ebb and flow in the expression of feelings.

God made us with feelings. Feelings are amoral. I’ve learned that the value of my feelings is in taking them to God.

Learning to brave the uncomfortable feelings, the ones that can overwhelm me sometimes; to have courage to sit in the sadness for a time, letting the tears flow; crying and praying for others whose lives are hard right now; feeling the feelings, connects me with what God is doing in their lives.

My feelings are not a waste of time, or a weakness, or shameful. They are a good gift from a good, good Father.

He invites me to be with Him no matter the circumstance and that includes when I don’t understand why I am sad on such a beautiful day. He invites me to learn from Him, to watch how He walked through His time here and how He wants to show me the unforced rhythms of grace. 

This life of faith is a mystery to me. I don’t always understand and I often can’t see what is really happening. I don’t know why faith is such a mystery but I ask anyway. I’ve learned to ask for eyes to see. I’ve learned to ask for ears to hear.

And I’m amazed when He gifts me with evidence of things not seen: His Presence, His work in the lives of others, His Word coming alive to me as I ponder.

God wants to grow your faith too. 

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen

If you’re struggling with feelings like me today, take a brave step and ask for more faith. Ask expectantly and keep on the look out for how He grows your faith.

I can assure you of two mysterious things: He will and it will not be as you expect.

Why? to What? Asking Different Questions Matters

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I’m a curious person by nature. I remember getting in trouble for asking, “Why?” 

I still ask a lot of questions. How about you? See? Another question!

Now I get to ask questions in my work. As a coach, I listen, ask questions of my clients, and help them discover their next action step in work, life & faith. It’s the best career for a curious person.

So here’s my question for you: What was a recent brave thing you did?

Was it getting out of bed this morning to face a daunting to do list? Was it dealing with a difficult person at work? Or facing the fact that your parent is declining quicker than anyone was ready for?

Being brave doesn’t just mean dealing with BIG struggles. Being brave can come in quiet ways, too.

My most recent brave thing happened today.

Today is my birthday. You might think, ‘How did you have to be brave on your birthday?’ It starts with a memory.

When I was little I used to announce a countdown to my birthday, beginning two months ahead of the big day! I wanted to make sure EVERYONE knew my birthday was coming and just how old I was going to be. My Mom would make whatever flavor of birthday cake I wanted, even if I wanted two flavors. One year, my 9th birthday, she made a layer cake with one layer of chocolate and one layer of banana cake with whipped cream and fresh banana slices in between with chocolate frosting all around. That was amazing, and obviously memorable. 

I suspect she went out of her way that year because we had just moved to a new part of town and I was in a new school. My birthday comes only a month into the school year and as a new student, I hadn’t made friends to ask to a party. Sad. So my Mom went out of her way to make our family time special.

Even as I write this I’m tearing up because I realize how the past 11 birthdays have not been the same since my Mom & Dad died. I guess I try to be brave and cover over the sadness so I’m not a downer, but in reality, I miss them. 

We had a crazy, complicated, and dysfunctional family. But it was my family. I’ve supported the livelihoods of several counselors through the years (other brave stories) as I’ve worked through family of origin stuff, but they were still my family, and in spite of the crazy, I love them.

My brave act today was smiling through the sadness. 

I’m so fortunate to have a wonderful husband who took the day off so we could drive to the coast and walk on the beach. I am so fortunate to have two amazing sons who both called to wish me a Happy Birthday. I am so fortunate to have loving cousins who sent me cards and SO MANY LOVING FRIENDS who mailed cards, texted, or commented on social media, sharing loving thoughts. Such a great birthday!

I still ask the questions of God though.

Why?

Why did they have to die so young? Why was life so complicated? Why so much pain?

All the questions of a curious person.

I saw this planter at the retreat center I visited last weekend.

It’s on a beautiful prayer path with a sign post that poses a new Way to be brave:

Instead of asking Why in the face of pain, move to asking, What? 

What do you want to do through this situation? What can I learn? What can bring you glory in these hard circumstances?

Being brave may be a private act of trust; looking to God in spite of the sadness we face and placing our hope in the One who redeems all things, which includes our sadness.

What brave act have you experienced or witnessed? As Annie says in her book, 100 Days to Brave

When we see brave out in the world, it inspires us.

Share what inspires you. It just may help someone else to be brave, too.

First Time/Last Time

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This weekend sitting out in creation at our campsite listening to birds and the far off voices of people playing volleyball was a new venue for me to write.

It was a first time.

This was a big first for me; family campout with no kids.  It’s weird to think this is what life is going to be like not all that long from now.  Weird.

Our eldest is now joyfully married to a beautiful woman and they live out of state.  14 hours away.  Our youngest is a senior in high school and looking at schools across the country. 3000 miles away.  Is it something I said?  Naw, I’d like to think it was something we did: raised them to be independent thinking men!  However the end result doesn’t keep me from looking back…

Why is it that we don’t appreciate what we have and long for what we don’t have?  What is it in our nature that keeps us from being grateful or content?

I tried so many times to convince myself to be okay with the changing seasons; no more nursing babies, no more toddlers, kids in school and not at home, no more driving the Mom taxi because they have their licenses, no more family laundry; well maybe I won’t miss that one!

Not sure why each change has brought sadness, but it has.  I am happy to see the new stage for my sons, proud of the growth and accomplishments that come with each new stage, but the leaving behind is what seemed to be the issue for me every time.

I know I’m not the only mom who misses the little faces that now sport whiskers; although the whiskered faces are so handsome and manly and the way things “should be”.  Some women can’t wait to get the kids grown and out of the house so they can have their time back: time with their husband and time for themselves.  But that’s not me.

This mom wrote a great post last year that grabbed my heart: finding joy

I also know that I am not the first person to keep looking back at what was; Scripture is full of stories of people who looked back instead of being okay in the present.  

I can think of some pretty significant ones: Lot’s wife who couldn’t leave Sodom and Gomorrah without longing for her home & life there; the Israelites at the shore of the Red Sea; that same group complaining out in the desert wanting to return to the slavery of Egypt instead of moving forward into the Promised Land.  In the face of pretty big things God did or promised to do, people have wanted to return to what they knew instead of looking forward and trusting God for what was yet to be.

What about today?  Can I look ahead with trust to the unknown of what lies ahead?  Is it possible to be okay with not knowing if this is the last time?

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