Learning Along The Way

What’s Keeping Your Head Down, Girlfriend?

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Saturday I created a writer’s retreat for myself.

The Hubster was in Chicago visiting our son, so instead of being Eeyore and saying ‘Woe is me I am all alone” I planned to use the day for writing and reading.

I went to the store ahead of time, got some healthy and not so healthy snacks, veggies for soup, and came home for the weekend.

Intentional alone time to be quiet, to listen, and to capture the thoughts that percolated to the top.

I have to say it was a successful day!

But like so many things I do, I was focused with my head down, and I almost missed this:

I was stunned that I had been so consumed with what I was doing, my head down, focused on what I thought was most important at the time, that this almost escaped my view.

So I watched. He got my attention.

It was a glorious sunset. God painted the sky and I watched the colors shift with the changing light.

My perspective remained the same; He shifted the world as if to remind me that what I can see is not all there is.

I wonder, what else might I be missing when my head is down, focused on what I deem important in the moment? When daily routines require attention, do I miss the wave of a neighbor while I sweep? Or the flutter of a butterfly around the flowers?

There have been times when I’ve been “too busy” to reach out to a friend when the Spirit prompts me, only later to learn she was grieving and feeling alone at the time when I didn’t lift my head from my work.

This begs the question: Whose time is it anyway? My time? My way? My work?

I sigh, realizing I missed an opportunity to be God’s gift of encouragement to another.

I share this to help us both remember our time isn’t really ours; time is gift God gives us to steward for His glory and others’ good.

Teach us to number our days that we might present to You a heart of wisdom. 

Daily we have opportunities to be about the Father’s business. There is a lot of need for good to be done. But the question is, are we doing instead of being? Are we so focused on the work that we forget the relational components?

I know there are seasons when quiet moments to simply be still are few and far between. I know it can feel like the noise from all the needs is making you feel under so much pressure that your ears might bleed. I’ve been in that place. But God. My two favorite words in scripture. But God invites us to be still and know that He is God. We are not.

If we listen to the invitation, take the risk and press pause, tune our ears to His voice of love, acceptance, Presence, we just might be renewed. We just might be filled up to be poured out for the good of others. We can’t keep pouring out without being filled up again.

What’s keeping your head down, girlfriend?

Does lifting your head sound impossible? Do you see only obstacles instead of opportunities? Do you need options?

I’m a trained listener, a person who journeys with others who need and want a guide as they learn along the Way.

Curious to know more? I’d love to hear from you.

 

Who Does God Say You Are?

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In 100 Days to Brave Annie F. Downs shared a story of a friend who was newly employed at a bank. Her first day was filled with the task of counting money.

Why? To learn to know the real thing. Once you handle the real thing you can tell counterfeit from real.

We need to know what is True about us in order to live a brave life.

How do we know what is True?

We have a guide book with lots of loving encouragement and promises. Truth to know and live out.

I received this beautiful card last year at a retreat I attended in the redwoods of California. Being in that place is a big enough reminder of God’s goodness yet this takeaway has reminded me of God’s love and care on many occasions in the year since.

This list is from ONE place in scripture: Ephesians 1.

Annie mentioned several more places to be reminded. If you are curious, start mining the Word to find the nuggets you need for your own reminding of God’s love for you, of His faithfulness to you, of His provision of courage you need to live a brave life.

Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved…

Why? to What? Asking Different Questions Matters

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I’m a curious person by nature. I remember getting in trouble for asking, “Why?” 

I still ask a lot of questions. How about you? See? Another question!

Now I get to ask questions in my work. As a coach, I listen, ask questions of my clients, and help them discover their next action step in work, life & faith. It’s the best career for a curious person.

So here’s my question for you: What was a recent brave thing you did?

Was it getting out of bed this morning to face a daunting to do list? Was it dealing with a difficult person at work? Or facing the fact that your parent is declining quicker than anyone was ready for?

Being brave doesn’t just mean dealing with BIG struggles. Being brave can come in quiet ways, too.

My most recent brave thing happened today.

Today is my birthday. You might think, ‘How did you have to be brave on your birthday?’ It starts with a memory.

When I was little I used to announce a countdown to my birthday, beginning two months ahead of the big day! I wanted to make sure EVERYONE knew my birthday was coming and just how old I was going to be. My Mom would make whatever flavor of birthday cake I wanted, even if I wanted two flavors. One year, my 9th birthday, she made a layer cake with one layer of chocolate and one layer of banana cake with whipped cream and fresh banana slices in between with chocolate frosting all around. That was amazing, and obviously memorable. 

I suspect she went out of her way that year because we had just moved to a new part of town and I was in a new school. My birthday comes only a month into the school year and as a new student, I hadn’t made friends to ask to a party. Sad. So my Mom went out of her way to make our family time special.

Even as I write this I’m tearing up because I realize how the past 11 birthdays have not been the same since my Mom & Dad died. I guess I try to be brave and cover over the sadness so I’m not a downer, but in reality, I miss them. 

We had a crazy, complicated, and dysfunctional family. But it was my family. I’ve supported the livelihoods of several counselors through the years (other brave stories) as I’ve worked through family of origin stuff, but they were still my family, and in spite of the crazy, I love them.

My brave act today was smiling through the sadness. 

I’m so fortunate to have a wonderful husband who took the day off so we could drive to the coast and walk on the beach. I am so fortunate to have two amazing sons who both called to wish me a Happy Birthday. I am so fortunate to have loving cousins who sent me cards and SO MANY LOVING FRIENDS who mailed cards, texted, or commented on social media, sharing loving thoughts. Such a great birthday!

I still ask the questions of God though.

Why?

Why did they have to die so young? Why was life so complicated? Why so much pain?

All the questions of a curious person.

I saw this planter at the retreat center I visited last weekend.

It’s on a beautiful prayer path with a sign post that poses a new Way to be brave:

Instead of asking Why in the face of pain, move to asking, What? 

What do you want to do through this situation? What can I learn? What can bring you glory in these hard circumstances?

Being brave may be a private act of trust; looking to God in spite of the sadness we face and placing our hope in the One who redeems all things, which includes our sadness.

What brave act have you experienced or witnessed? As Annie says in her book, 100 Days to Brave

When we see brave out in the world, it inspires us.

Share what inspires you. It just may help someone else to be brave, too.

It’s Simply Tuesday

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Three years ago I had the privilege of being on the launch team for this amazing book

Three years later the principles in Emily’s writing are still sifting through to the bedrock of my soul.

It’s Simply Tuesday.

A regular ordinary day that includes morning habits, errands, laundry, paying bills; you know, normal and ordinary.

 

But these days are precious to me now. Small moment living has become the norm since we are empty-nesters. What I once grieved and rejected, I now see as a beautiful gift, perfectly timed.

I am a slow learner.

When I was 37 I gave birth to our second son. A year and a half prior, we lost a baby at 14 weeks. The world calls that a miscarriage. I called it God’s wake up call.

You see, I had plans for how life would work. I was in charge of my destiny: a second marriage underway, a new home, my dream vehicle in the driveway; now it was time to add to our family. Pregnant in April, plan to take it easy through the summer, baby due at the end of December (tax break!) All moving along as I intended. Until July, 1993.

It was the loss of that baby that took my attention off my self-focus and back on God. Don’t think for a minute God punished me for my selfishness, because that doesn’t line up with His character or His Word. ( For example, Psalm 136:1; Romans 8:1) But I do know that He lovingly shepherds His children and corrects them along the Way (Heb. 12:7) This loss got my attention.

How does this tie in with Tuesdays you ask? He has gently led me along since then, showing me the benefit of quiet, solitude, and contemplation; even when I didn’t appreciate it.

I learned the value of simple moments; of folding laundry as a moment to pray for the feet that fit the socks I matched; of dishes dirtied with sandwich crumbs held by six year-old hands; of a vinyl floor needing to be mopped, yet again, and reminded to be grateful for home.

Children grow, nap times wane and running ragged matched our schedule of lessons, sports, Scouts, Church. Small moments flew without notice; I turned around and the house was full of good wishes for the high school graduate I had given birth to in 1995. Where did the time go?

The temptation to regret, to long for once was, to mourn were all things I chose to walk through. I don’t know how life might have looked over these past five years if I had daily celebrated the beginning of the season of empty-nest; but I do know that in the small moments of my sorrow, God met me with tenderness and compassion that I wouldn’t trade for a billion dollars. Nope. Not a one.

Here’s the point friend: Your small moments are precious; to your soul and to God. He cares about the details. Look for Him in them. Your soul moves at a pace that is nearly imperceptible by our nano-second attention spans. Relax. Celebrate the small. Whether you… Click To Tweet

As we consider together what it means to show up in life, I can’t emphasize enough the importance of being kind to yourself as you practice; whether you’re focusing on work, life or faith, be gracious as you try to connect the dots and make sense of it all.

We all need an encouraging word; please share what gems you’ve discovered along the Way!

What 10 Essentials Will Reduce Your Stress Level?

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Is it possible to pare down your daily preparation to only 10 essentials?

Do you believe that 10 Essential items will reduce stress?

Not only is it possible, it happens. Read on. My list and rationale may intrigue you.

School is starting again in the US. How does that affect you? Are you a parent breathing a sigh of relief? Thankful for the teachers taking the baton of your children’s education; keeping them busy for 6.5 hours Monday – Friday until next June?

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(photo: Rebecca Pierce via http://unsplash)

Or are you someone who is inconvenienced by traffic in your neighborhood with  parents dropping off or picking up at school?

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(photo: Sarah Gundersen via http://unsplash)

Praying for those professionals who commit their careers to educating the littles and impacting the future is an essential. They need prayers of many. I know. I was one of them.

I still frame my year with August as the beginning, gearing up with new routines, readying for a new schedule and habits. How about you? What are you looking forward to as the present season of summer wanes and autumn comes upon us? How are you preparing for the next part of your journey?

A photo by Samantha Sophia. unsplash.com/photos/NaWKMlp3tVs

(photo: Samantha Sophia via http://unsplash)

Preparation comes in big and little ways. When our boys were little we had a “launch pad” for each of them near the front door; their place for backpacks filled with completed homework, their sharing item and lunch. It was the easy way for them to learn to prepare for the day.

By the time they were in middle school they had developed the personal habit of planning ahead. Being in Scouts helped a lot, too.

This is the official list of 10 Essentials to Be Prepared as a Boy Scout. Maybe you haven’t heard of this list before; our home had two Scouts and a Scoutmaster so the 10 Essentials became a natural way to pack for any trip, short or long. Their many weekend trips shaped great habits of preparing for their journeys.

Map and Compass

Sun Protection

Extra Clothing

Flashlight

First-Aid Kit

Matches and Fire-starters

Pocketknife

Trail Food

Filled Water Bottle

Rain Gear

You may not be packing to go on a hike every day, but I believe there are 10 Essentials that will help us be prepared daily for what comes our way. I submit that preparation reduces stress levels.

I created my 10 essentials list by counting physical and spiritual items. These may already be a part of your daily preparation list. Perhaps you have others.

Here’s my list:

Lighting a 3 wick candle and saying good morning to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

Time in silence with God

Coffee with half and half

Reading a one page devotional (Jesus Calling or My Utmost for His Highest or both)

Praying for my husband, my family, and my day ( a good time to pray for those teachers!)

Lip Gloss for my Smile

Wallet & Keys

Sunglasses

Water bottle

Phone

The first 5 items on my list can take as little as 15 minutes in the morning and up to an hour if I have the time. The time I invest packing the first 5 items impacts the rest of my day. All day. The second 5 items might feel like obvious inclusions, yet daily I hear people say: “I don’t have my id”, or “where are my sunglasses?”,  or “I forgot my phone in the car”. Those items seem to elude their daily packing.

Having all 10 items reduces my stress. No matter what else happens, taking time early to remind myself of God’s Presence and sovereignty helps me throughout the day.

The final item on my 10 Essentials list may induce stress but that’s a different story! We’ve become a connected culture and a phone is a part of how life works now.

What items are on your daily essentials list? How do you reduce stress daily?

Bearing Up Under the Weight

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My heart is heavy for many families.

Right now the news is filled with reports of gun violence—again.

Our nation’s collective memory is short when it comes to gun violence. Columbine. 1999.  Wait—Kent State. 1970. Wait—John F. Kennedy. 1963 Wait—Abraham Lincoln. 1865.

Guns kill. That’s what they’re made for. Animals. People.

Do we remember which is which anymore?

A mere month ago 49 people were killed in Orlando. 49 families lost someone they loved.

The parents of the children gunned down at Sandy Hook Elementary are still grieving their loss. You may have forgotten how long ago (or recent) that horrific event took place. (2012) None of them have forgotten.

Now in a mere 48 hours 7 more people have senselessly been gunned down. Execution style or sniper. Does it really matter?

My heart is heavy for the families. I know what it feels like to lose someone in a moment at the end of the barrel of a gun.

My Dad turned his own gun on himself in 2008, shattering our family and his body simultaneously.

Is it the gun’s fault? Hardly. It’s an inanimate object. A gun becomes a weapon when wielded toward a target; whether animal or person.

We argue for rights. The arguments are heated. The answers, the solutions are vague, uncertain. Perhaps we have come too far down this path for a peaceful resolution. Perhaps we are not done with hearing another report of shots fired, of lives lost, of families shattered.

How do we bear up under the weight of all this loss? How do we have a civilized conversation about guns in light of all this violence? What about deeper issues of mental health or hopelessness or racial and religious divides?

Our country is assailed by gun violence. If someone lives different or looks different or believes a different doctrine than someone with a gun there is a chance they’ll be gunned down.

Are you kidding me? When will all this madness end?

We are broken. Individually. Brokenness is the human condition. Collectively we are apparently spinning out of control. How does one person bear up under the weight?

There is One Person waiting to hear from each of us.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

(James 4:8)

In this world you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world.

(John 16:33)

Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.

(Matthew 11:28-29)

When Jesus saw his friends grieving the loss of their brother, He didn’t lecture. He wept. Then He prayed.

A good model for how to bear up under the weight of grief. Not platitudes. Practical.

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Prayer is my chance to bring my heavy heart to the only One who can shoulder this heavy weight. Looking at Jesus and how He was present in His friends’ grief, silent and empathetic without platitudes or promises, helps me to know how I may bear up under this heavy weight of grief.

Jesus is not the poster boy for the NRA or the Republican Party. Or ANY party.

He is God.

Draw near to Him.

Why Seeking Clarity is Like Hunting Unicorns

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I’m ending an eight year search for something illusive and perhaps mythical—clarity for my next season of life. The search began when Deep Grief bullied its way into my life. I’ve written about that here; no need to dwell there. Today’s focus: learning along the Way.

Clarity isn’t a thing to pursue, a place to arrive or a point on your calendar. There aren’t six steps to accomplish or a course to take with a certificate of completion.

Clarity searched for in those ways harkens to looking for unicorns.

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Clarity dawns when taking an action step. The steps look different for all of us; moving forward, trying something new, remain the critical factors.

In 2008 I began the illusive search for clarity. I made a rapid and unplanned exit from my position as teacher and co-director at SLO Classical Academy.  Disorientation and lots of questions overwhelmed me. My search for clarity took a circuitous route; listening to two voices of therapy and coaching helped uncover common threads in my life that I clung to in my disorientation. I used those threads to begin a new garment for the new season.

After two years of pursuit I gained certification as a life coach. This accomplishment didn’t usher in the clarity I sought.

I sought purpose; not something simply to keep me busy in the impending empty-nest season. I battled internal gremlins voicing lack of worthiness for my out of the box choice career choice. Yet as I worked with clients, common phrases began to surface; phrases affirming the presence I offer them and the gift of listening well.

I love working with people as they seek next steps in their journeys.  Inner life questions of purpose and calling can feel mysterious. Learning to ‘let your life speak’ as Parker Palmer so eloquently writes, allows search and discovery of common threads woven through your life.

Seeking clarity is not the same.

forest(photo cred:https://unsplash.com/@samscrim )

We’re promised light for the next step; a lamp unto our feet and a light to our path. We will hear a quiet whisper that tells us this is the way walk in it.  But clarity is a modern construct and remains illusive like the hunt for unicorns.

I spent years seeking clarity; crying out to God for discernment, not wanting to waste the precious time I have left here. No beacon illumined my path; no voice from on high spoke light into my darkness.  Had I missed a memo? Was my faith fractured?

Clarity showed itself as I took one step at a time. Clarity revealed itself as I climbed steep paths, looking back to see the evident clues along the Way.  Clarity continues to show up as I take a step of faith on undefined paths following the Leader as He calls me forward.

Clarity is not impossible or imaginary like hunting unicorns.  But similar to the mythical unicorn, clarity is not a thing to be achieved; it reveals itself rather than submitting to a dogged pursuit.

In what area of your life have you been hunting for clarity?

Purpose? Career? Relationship?

I’d love to help make your search shorter.

Staying on the Path of Letting Go

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Lent is a process of confession and repentance.

Yesterday I confessed my struggle with discontent and my resulting focus on what isn’t.

What I didn’t write about was the glorious results of confession and repentance.

After a good cry with Jesus I went on a couple of errands that needed to be done by the end of the business day.

I saw this:

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I shared it on Instagram as soon as I saw it.  What a gift.

Today I have spent the day encouraging others. Through spoken words, through hugs, through emails, so many ways. Encouragement extended to even the sweet lady who checked my groceries at Smart & Final.

I’m a nice enough person but truly I know it was the Holy Spirit working through me. I know my “fake it till you make it” and this day was not it.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me and I will listen to you.  You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

God’s plans for me on a daily basis include encouraging people with His love and His Word.

When I saw this sign last summer I knew I would need to be reminded.

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There would be days like yesterday when I would be tempted to get down on myself or take in hard things that could distract me from my path.

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I believe it is valuable to acknowledge the hard places, the suffering we experience when there is loss of any kind. Being misunderstood, over looked, rejected or forgotten; those are all things Jesus knows. He knows how hard and hurtful those experiences are. There is a sweet Mystery that transpires when we do endure suffering; we share in the fellowship of His sufferings.

In Paul’s letter to the Philippians he expresses this Mystery this way:

But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, 9 and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, 10 that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; 11 in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

We all have hard things. I won’t compare my things to yours; that diminishes each of our experiences. God is not surprised by what we are going through. He is sovereign over all. But in His great mercy, He helps us grow and change, little by little, to become more like His Son.

When I confessed my discontent God forgave me and showered the gracious gift of awareness and eyes to see a beautiful sunset and then He chose to work through me today to encourage others in His name.

12 Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. 13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Learning to let go and lean in.

Learning to Cultivate Beauty in Unexpected Places

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This beauty has been slowly showing it’s leaves as winter is leaving our area; squeezing through and into a very crowded planter. It’s right by the front door where we live; since May. I haven’t seen this plant before. It’s been too hot and dry or too cold. But the much needed rain helped this hidden perennial take the risk to shoot forth its leaves and today, it’s first blossom.

Interesting: for months I didn’t know it was even alive. Now it’s a thriving beauty in a tight space. As I’ve been reflecting on this beginning season of Lent, I’ve been considering of what I have let go and where I need to lean in.

A measure of letting go for me is stuff.  If I have a lot of paper clutter, I am hanging on to unresolved issues of time, emotion or money. I recently started sorting through a file to give away, file away or recycle my too many cute paper products!  In the sorting I came across this reflection from several years ago…long before our big move.

What does one come to when all conversations seem to lead to argument?  No gracious benefit of the doubt, no overlooking a misspoken phrase, word or tone. When one realizes that all seems lost, does one persevere to the end, hope against hope?  Or does one take the coward’s way out and leave?

Better still and a higher road, the path of daily sacrifice of self: it matters not whether there was accuracy or right tone; do not justify oneself.

Give way sincerely without guile.

Allow the other’s interpretation to be accurate and do not defend one’s position. 

Give that to God who justifies

Keep submitting oneself to Him who judges justly.

Forgive quickly, sincerely, knowing that Truth wins in the End. One may not see it fulfilled here in this part of life eternal. but one day Truth does completely win.

Make allowances for the loved one; Give grace were none is seen. Be a peacemaker not a peace breaker Remember He keeps one’s heart in perfect peace whose mind is fixed on Him.

So Lord, I submit myself to your refinement I am far too stubborn and stiff-necked. These circumstances are meant for my growth and change.

Forgive me for resisting Your ways. They are right and the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.

Change me.

He has in many ways and yet I am not done yet. That’s why I love this season. I am reminded of what has gone before, what still needs confession and repentance and where I may lean in and look for growth in unexpected places.

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. For I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18-19

The cyclamen (the plant in the photo above)  is often treated like a hot house flower. You might see them out for Christmas or now for Valentine’s Day. But it is truly a hardy plant. It can look like it’s dead during extreme weather, but it has learned to bloom in tight, unexpected places.

I want to lean in and cultivate beauty in the unexpected places in my life. My marriage was that place many years ago. God saw and changed me. Thankfully.

Where is that unexpected place for you?

Why Should Living in Tandem Matter to You?

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It’s Day 30 of the #write31days challenge. I’ve tried to express the benefits I’ve experienced from learning to live in tandem in relationship with God, my husband and others. I imagine there’s at least one of you who has looked at the theme and thought Why does this matter to me?  I don’t ride a tandem bicycle. I don’t even have a husband.

Why should Living in Tandem matter to you?

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I now realize the most powerful action we can take after responding to God’s invitation to become part of His family, is learning to take the back seat in relation to God. The Biblical term is submission.

God the Father had an amazing plan to redeem the whole world. That plan would only work if the Son would actively participate. Being fully God, Jesus the Son took on the humble form of a human baby. He who had been worshiped by angels became a helpless infant born into the poorest circumstances; a feed trough for animals. Part of this amazing plan, Jesus the Son showed us the Father. Through His life and choices He also showed us how to submit His will to God’s will.  In the ultimate act of submission, Jesus expressed His opinion, His desire several times. But God the Son said not My will but Yours be done as the Son submitted His will to the Father’s will.

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Submission isn’t easy. Jesus showed us that. It requires a sacrifice. We give up our right to our own way to choose to follow Jesus on the Way. Submission brings about a depth in relationship with God the Father that demonstrates respect, love, trust and obedience to His plan for your life.

And in God’s amazing economy He blesses your sacrifices with His Presence, His peace, His love, His power to accomplish the hard things you face.

Like forgiving those who have wounded you.

The way up is the way down. A paradox of submission.

Living in Tandem matters for each one of us. It is simply a metaphor for what God’s Word teaches us.

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Living in Tandem teaches us that the hurried life, the too full calendar, the distracting ourselves to death, do not fill the need, the emptiness that is in the center of our lives. Only God can fill our need. And He doesn’t force Himself in; we need to make the choice to take the back seat and learn from Him.

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Living in Tandem means learning to listen to the One who is in the front seat; the One who knows where you’re headed, knows how to navigate the bumps and hills, knows when to push harder and when to rest. Living in Tandem means you follow and share and do your very important part. But you don’t do more than is yours to do either.

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I want so much to express how different I am than 18 years ago! I want to share this freedom from the lies of do more, be less. That’s how the enemy twists submission.

Grace tells us we are enough. Satan tells us we’ll never be good enough.

In the words of Bob Dylan…You gotta serve somebody…

I pray you’ll choose to get on the Tandem with God.

Follow Me…

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