Learning Along The Way

Deep Breath

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photo(57)This is a view of San Luis Obispo this past Saturday as my husband and I walked across the Jennifer St. Bridge to meet a friend for dinner; our last dinner as residents of SLO.

*sigh*

The SLO life has been my life for 28 years.  That exceeds many people’s lives (including my two sons).

Since then we have moved.  I wrote about this process a couple of posts ago, but my focus now is not what is behind but what is ahead.

God promises and He comes through.  The prophet Isaiah told of things to come:

“I will lead the blind by a way they do not know,
In paths they do not know I will guide them.
I will make darkness into light before them
And rugged places into plains.
These are the things I will do,
And I will not leave them undone.”

Some will tell you this prophecy is for the nation of Israel but when I read what Jesus promised and I look at what Paul also says in 2 Corinthians 4:6

I think God is telling us He will make things new in us and through us.

But I can get in the way; I can hinder the work of God in my life.  I have done it many times over many years. *ouch*

This time I said Yes. Our gracious, merciful God has done big things!

My dear husband has been the humble servant of his family for 2 decades (and change).  He has taken jobs that allowed us the stability of one home as the boys grew; but his career path really needed to lead out of SLO and far beyond.  We tried the long distance commuting life for a time a couple of years ago but that wasn’t good; too tiring and draining rather than life giving.  He was patient; not demanding his own way or that his needs be met. His leadership is gentle.  He is truly a humble man.  I am blessed.

Yesterday he started here in a dream job for an engineer.photo(58)God saw my husband’s humble way and provided this opportunity out of the blue.  He wasn’t looking for them; they found him.  He was ready.  He was thrilled.

And because God has been at work in me to let go and say yes to whatever He has for us we are now living in a new area.  Which is big and crowded and different.

Guess what?

God is bigger.  And right here with me.  And He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  God is trustworthy.

If you read this and think “I could never do that” you’re right.  I didn’t do it either.  All I did was say I am willing.  And I begged God to do the rest.

The adventure with God continues.  Want to come along?  Let me know what God is doing in your part of the world!

 

How Do You Measure Change?

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A week ago I was in a different state. Not state of mind, although that is true too, but state in this country. All the way across the country from where I live. A day of flights, layovers and missed shuttle later and I was in a hotel with over 700 women gathering for what turned out to be an amazing 3 day conference:  She Speaks.  There were fabulous speakers, Lysa TerKeurst, Michael Hyatt, Holley Gerth, to give you an idea, and so much learning that I am still processing it all a week later!

Which brings me to the question, How do you measure change?  How do you recognize when something is different when it seems change happens subtly?

The change you’re experiencing may come in seconds like a set of waves at the edge of the ocean.

You may be caught off guard, the change comes and you get wet since you weren’t paying attention.

Or change may happen so slowly that you’re not sure what’s different, you just know something is.

Keep an eye on the shape of this creek…

There is a difference of a week between these two shots. Intense power redirected the path of this creek that leads into the vastness of the ocean. In.one.week.

The week before the creek was winding its way to its goal. Now it is a straighter path.

A week ago I was eager. Now I am reflective. I am full of learning and now slowly processing the impact of change.

How do you measure change? How do you know it’s happened?

Hezekiah on his sick bed cried out to God for more time on this earth; God heard and answered through the prophet Isaiah that Hezekiah would have 15 more years of life.  How was that change measured?  The shadow of the sun went back up the stairs 10 steps. (read the story here)

The change was measurable.  It was recorded for us to read.

How are your changes measured? Through your memory only? Or do you record change for reflection, for your family, for the future generations to look back on?

How are you capturing the changes in your life?

New Life from…Pond Scum?

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Ever had one of those days when you long to be involved in something more, something grand, and instead your day is filled with laundry, or diapers, or emails? I have come to the realization that the something more is at hand, always.

“It has always seemed to me. ever since early childhood, amid all the commonplaces of life, I was very near to a kingdom of ideal beauty. Between it and me hung only a thin veil. I could never draw it quite aside, but sometimes a wind fluttered it and I caught a glimpse of the enchanting realms beyond-only a glimpse-but those glimpses have always made life worthwhile.”(Anne of Green Gables, L.M. Montgomery)

This quote from one of my all time favorite book series says it perfectly.  This morning was one of those glimpses for me. This may not look like much of a glimpse of ideal beauty; it’s pond scum!  But look closely and you may just be able to see the joy that I glimpsed…Those tiny green dots are evidence of hope.  It’s not gross.  With the proper perspective one may see…New life from the pond scum.

Some days I feel like pond scum.  I have been irritable, impatient, demanding my own way and generally no fun to be with.  Slimy and gross. And yet, the One who has redeemed my soul from the pit chooses to work through my scum to bring new life.  And while He does so He abundantly blesses beyond all we can think or imagine. In fact, if you look closely at the photo on the lower left side there are two, yes TWO, heart shaped rocks just sitting there for us to see.  Love gifts just laying around for those who have eyes to see.  For us to glimpse the enchanting realms beyond.

God loves us, people!  He gave up everything to come here, become like us and then pay for our souls with His own life.  How great the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure…

I gladly offer my pond scummy self up to Him to bring forth new life for His glory and others good.

How about you?

Whirlwind of Self-imposed Change

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I’ve been promising to tell you what is happening in the lives of our family but each time I start to write something else changes!  Words have been hard to bring out of me; lots are floating around inside like a baby in utero tumbling and growing, waiting to be born.

The theme: Change

Here are some images and accompanying thoughts…

All this is in storage.

Not getting exercise going up and down these 15 times a day.

This is not my view daily.

I don’t sit outside, looking at and listening to this either.

 

 

And this sweet guy needs a new forever home.

 

We’re on an adventure of stepping out of our comfort zone and into what is unknown to us but totally known to God.  He knows the plans He has for us, He declares, plans for welfare and not calamity to give us a future and a hope!  This is big time Trust with a capital T.

More to come I promise!  And not in a month from now either…

In the meantime, if you think of me, us, please thank God for His guiding and directing!

This Mother’s Day

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What is it about Mother’s Day that was always so painful?

 

My mother didn’t “get” me. 

I wasn’t easy. 

I talked a lot. 

And then was broken.

Through my brokenness I needed.

She had nothing to give.

Her own brokenness had been pushed away and put away, never to be fully faced but always to be lived out of; embittered, angry, and impatient with anyone who asked of her more than what she was willing to offer.

That was me.

Empty, needy and hurting I wanted her…

comfort, understanding, time, presence.

A skinned knee—“Bactine and Band Aids are in the cupboard”

A hurt and misunderstood heart—“Life’s not fair, get over it.”

A listening ear—“I don’t have time to listen to your whining!”

What a child sees and hears may not be all of the reality that is being lived out.  Children lack the skills to see beyond the responses; but the words bore deep into the forming soul.

As I seek deep healing from the One who gave it all, I look back and see her differently:

A wounded heart that had not sought the Master’s touch to heal

A broken girl trying to achieve acceptance in the world

A neglected woman working to earn favor in the workplace

A mother of two broken children: frustrated, without resources, believing lies

As I come to this Mother’s Day, I come with renewed perspective.

Eucharisteo

I give thanks for the dark graces of my childhood

To see them as scars, no longer wounds.

To rejoice in the fellowship of His sufferings, knowing full well that all I walked through He walked with me, although unknown to me at the time.

He touches the places of the deep bore-holes and peace enters in.

I am loved as I am.

I am seen for Whose I am.

I am accepted because He was forsaken.

Because I am learning to see my life through the redeeming work of the Cross, I am able to say what is and truly forgive.  How can I not when I have been forgiven all?

She is gone 6 years now.  I wish I knew then what I know now.  I would take a do-over pass if offered.

I would love to show her grace.  I would love to say I’m sorry for all her pain and sorrow.  But I can’t.

Don’t let the past dictate your present.  Let it go.  Forgive.

Receive the gift, the grace given

Give thanks

The result?

Joy

Payoff for Sacrificed Sleep

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Some mornings I wake up early and I’m not happy about it.  But this particular morning I woke early, got dressed and jetted outside. This was my morning view.

And as if this wasn’t enough of a payoff for lost sleep, I was blessed with another image I’ll share below.  But I have to tell you about it before I show you.

A few years ago I read a terrific book by Mark Batterson, titled Wild Goose Chase.  I won’t give it away but suffice it to say the title is the English translation of the Celtic term for the Holy Spirit: An Geadh-Glas.  The book truly is a tool the Wild Goose used to open the eyes of my heart in new ways to see His work in and through me.  Read it.

This pond above is at a local retreat facility where I had the privilege of spending the weekend speaking to a fabulous community of women.  They chose Col. 3:12-17  for their key verses and I had the task of sharing about God and His transforming work.  Even the process of getting to the retreat was evidence of God at work: our one car had to be in the shop and I was without transportation.  One of the lovely women from my own church community graciously offered me their car for the trip. God is in the details people.

The photo above was taken Sunday morning, after my offerings of 4 talks centered on the chosen passage.  What a gift this early morning was.  How does this tie into Batterson’s book. you ask?  In his book he encourages, well challenges, Christ followers to trust God in bigger ways.  For me the immediate trust was what He wanted me to say of my life’s brokenness to demonstrate His transformation power to these women.

It was hard to walk back through dark places.  It was emotionally painful for me.  But it was what God called me to.

When the sun rose on Sunday morning I was up.  And when I went outside, seeing the sight above, I heard an unusual bird calling.  And I looked over and saw…

A Canadian goose and her gander.  They had stopped off on their way back north.  I wept.  Following the Wild Goose this weekend, women were encouraged in Christ’s work in their lives.  I was humbled to have been a part.

I want to follow this Wild Goose wherever He leads!

 



 

A Week of … Interior Work

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As I come to quiet

I feel … inferior

What makes me hide?

What makes me think trying harder will make me better; more lovable; more worthy?

 

A week after the Resurrection celebration

I am fearful like the first disciples

I light my candle

nestled in the protection of the glass jar

etched with FAITH

 

FAITH keeps the light inside

from going out

FAITH in Christ’s finished work

FAITH in Christ’s work being born out in me

FAITH in Christ’s continuing work in me, in others

FAITH in the Truth He’s coming back for me

 

Practical Relationship Tools

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I have been privileged to visit in the home of a young family who loves and serves the Lord in an area where He is not known as He is. This lovely plaque hangs in a prominent place, telling in words what their lives show practically.

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Second Chances. We serve a God Who is all about forgiveness, repentance and second chances. How wonderful to demonstrate these truths in our relationships.

What would your home be like if you lived by this list?

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What would our friendships be like?

Our work relationships? Neighborhoods? Churches?

We can’t live like this in our own strength. We want our way. If we’re wronged we want justice. We want someone to step toward us first.

Who do you need to offer a second chance to? Who do you need to ask for a second chance from? What can you do today?

Perspectives

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I looked out the hotel window this morning to see this view. The mountains are magnificent. Yes down in the foreground are brown trees, railroad tracks, interstate 15 and a parking lot.

But just look at the mountains! Where I live we have mountains. But they’re not this tall nor covered in snow!

Seeing all the distractions in the foreground could definitely distract from the resplendent beauty; if you let it.

This picture is rather like life isn’t it? All the laundry, dishes, chores, work outside of the home, can easily distract us from the resplendent beauty of the relationships around us. We are wearied by all the doing and going. We miss the chance to sit with our friend, or child or spouse and simply BE together.

When I saw this vista these words came to mind:

I hope you will “look to the mountains and know where your help comes from”

I’m praying for you this week!

Short List

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This is week 5 of my Lent devotional experience. It has been good and hard at the same time.

This week’s theme focus is on something that I have been working on for years (and am still learning to be at ease with)

Intercessory Prayer.

That may sound like something for monks and nuns but it’s not really.

To intercede simply means to go before a judge on behalf of another. In this case it means that we go before God’s throne and pray for others and not just our own needs.

Imagine what your life would be like if you weren’t focused only on yourself.

Praying for the needs of others helps me in so many ways: I am learning to develop the sense that Paul wrote to us in his letter to the Philippians: ” do not think of your needs only but consider the needs of others, think of others more importantly than yourself”. I also gain greater perspective on my own life by thinking about and considering others’ needs; my own problems sometimes simply don’t occupy my mind when I am thinking about the needs of others and the difficulties others are facing.

Years ago I heard a speaker use this illustration: imagine that we carry a backpack of our problems and were asked to lay the pack down in the center of the room to let go of them for awhile. She then said imagine going to the pile of backpacks and choosing one that wasn’t your own, a surprising thing would happen. We would see the problems of others as larger than our own and we would want our own familiar load back again. The speaker further challenged us to be looking to the needs of others as a way to change our perspective on the load we carry.

Probably because I have battled the poor me syndrome for as long as I can remember this illustration was a good one for me. Someone else might not have gotten anything out of it. But I did. And I have tried to live with this perspective since then.

It is such a privilege to be asked to pray for someone. I imagine walking into the Throne room and sitting down with Jesus and telling Him about my friend or someone I heard about and what they are facing and asking Him to help them know that He is with them in this hard time, asking Him to strengthen them as they need, asking Him to comfort them in their loss. Interceding for others is what Jesus does ALL the TIME. Why not join Him?

 

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